I went into EM because I hate people, I despise medicine, and I really don't ever plan on making someone healthier - ever. I want to make other consulting services do all of the work for me, I get scared whenever someone really sick comes in becuase I don't know what to do. In fact, I usually don't even bother working up my "patients," I just find the first thing that is wrong with them and call the closest consultant I can think of (with my limited knowledge base) to run down to the ED and fix them for me. Sometimes I even make things up on the phone to get them down faster, like "This patient needs to be seen right away before I tube them and make their neuro exam impossible," or "This patient has toe pain, and needs to be admitted to your service because they are REALLY diabetic." My favorite thing to do is to pretend like I'm actually looking up labs on the computer and make them wait - sometimes in the room, sometimes in the waiting room, and, if I'm having a really good day, I may even get the ED put on divert so nobody else comes in. These fancy people come into the ED wearing their white coats and speaking jibber jabber to me like I know what they are really saying. Truthfully, I just fire away a few labs, write down what the computer says, and nod my head with them so they think I know what I'm doing. After all, I'm just an ER doc, right? That is me, McFattypants, Doctor Fatty McFattypants, M.D.