SDN, choose my future (seriously)

[tomfooleries]

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I am very seriously apologetic for writing this. I expect no one to read it. It does make me feel better to post though, in case I find that someone responds positively.

I had hoped to avoid this post. But alas, we are here.

Let me think for a moment... I want to make sure I get all this down.

Okay. I'm 25. I'm a male (that intro was feminine, was it not?) I'm a feminine male. I'll be 26 in January. I studied psych as an undergrad at a liberal arts school in CT. Good school, graduated with a 3.9 in psych, and overall. I'm on the psych brochure (woot! pretty girls, married or otherwise, pm me for link), little research as undergrad - 2 presentations related to social psych.

I stumbled into ABA therapy after school. Despite exhaustion, I loved it. Switched speeds after one year and took up more school shadowing, social skills groups, adaptive sports programs, etc. I also took the GRE at this time (1280, 740v) and applied to super competitive ph.d. programs. Realized I needed a lot more research experience and no one was impressed with my grades alone (no interviews).

I picked up and left family and friends (1500 miles) and took a job as an RA at a large academic center in the south. First year was horrible, did heavy recruiting (from an inappropriate population) for a multi-disciplinary team as one of 15 sites creating a standard of care for autism. No training, long hours, no room for growth, PI hated me. I did, however, have exposure to a lot of sub-specialty physicians and did get to shadow/work closely with quite a few. And I found that I liked it. We had a great dev pediatrician, child psychiatrist, and neurogeneticist. Got to see very closely what it is they do. I made some nice contacts and recently switched to another study (former PI a co-PI here, but not involved), also a repository, looking at genetic causes. More involved in the psych realm now, getting training for research-reliability on highest regarded measures for diagnosis of autism, some cognitive tests, etc. I am definitely happy when interacting with the kids and doing the assessment.

I plan on taking the GRE again, and I think I'd like to apply to clinical psych programs with a neuropsych track. I also visited a state school in CT a couple weeks ago re: their post-bac, and I think I'd have a decent chance at getting in. Cool program because they don't have a linkage program, so seem to take about half (4/8) of their students into the med school upon completion of pre-reqs. They do want you to succeed; you are taking classes with undergrads and they expect around a 3.8 gpa/31 mcat for entrance. I haven't shadowed a neuropsych though (no one here that I know) or very many specialties in medicine that I think I might like (i.e. anesthesiologist, general surgeon, etc.) I could see myself as a child psychiatrist or dev pediatrician too.

I am 100k in debt from undergrad. Post-bac + med school (both in-state, if I moved home) would put me another 150k in debt, I imagine. Either course of action would take 9 years. I feel like something is lacking in clinical psych for me; I like academia and I'd definitely practice. I think I'm attracted to neuropsych because I really enjoy assessment and I like the expertise/additional body of knowledge they have. I yearn for that, and I think that's why I am interested in medicine. I can see myself dedicating my life to either, though neither stands out to me (I wish I could shadow more). And since time is ticking, I feel like I need to make this decision now! At 26, I'm afraid I'll be paying off loans well into my 40s (maybe 50) with either route I take, and I also envision myself having a family someday (albeit single, now). I truly do not know what to do next. Should I work longer, get some publications under my belt and/or shadow more physicians (maybe do a formal "shadowing course," probably. But again, knowing how much I'm in debt, how long these routes take, and how hard I've worked just to get the exposure I have gotten here, I feel I need to make a decision this year.

Please make my decision for me? I am so lost. I wish I was 22. Then I'd feel okay about pursuing more shadowing, working towards publications, getting reliable on all assessments in psych, networking more, etc. But I am not! I know you'll recommend I take more time, but with my age, debt, length of either course... I can't! Not to mention I'm not exactly chipper to be this far from friends and family, in a super competitive environment for 2nd year, with little to show for it. I will be much happier once I'm in grad school and working towards something again, for sure. While I'm applying to cl psych and post-bac this year though, I'm afraid I'd jump on opp. to get a ph.d. in clinical if accepted, despite whether or not it was the right decision. I'm tired of feeling like a loser! I'm also deathly afraid of going into post-bac for 2 years (despite a good track record and some confidence, at least more than in most other areas of life, in my ability to do rigorous coursework) to find that I can't get into med school; rather, not THE in-state school that would make medicine appealing and still an option, given my economic situation.

HEEELLLPPPP!!!

♥

I'm a male. And I'm straight (not that it matters). But I love you for reading that and responding.

Bye!

 

[deleted176373]

Actually, being straight does matter in this case... USUHS, Med School (or military clin psych - but the med school is easier to get into!) It is what will make the most sense to get out from the hole you are in... Do you have 11 years to spare? You could be nearly out of debt before you get your M.D. if you play it tight to the vest. USUHS will PAY you 50k a year to go to med school, no med school costs... only catch... is the military owns you for 6 years after med school.

You might not like the military, if you don't then this isn't an option... but if you thought you might like the military, you might be surprised by the opportunity.

Mark

 

[psychmama]

Hi. I understand that you're at a crossroads and trying to make some decisions about your future. What I'm not sure about is why you sound so panicked and unsure of yourself. Since i don't know you, it's hard to tell if this is actually how you feel or if you're just a person who tends toward the overdramatic presentation. At any rate, you sound like you've got some great experience and some interesting opportunities. Frankly, I don't think being 25 puts you "over the hill" or anything -- there are a lot of students on SDN considerably older than you are. I also get the sense that you actually know an awful lot about what you like, what interests you, populations you want to work with, etc. And there's a lot of info on this forum about neurospsych, as well as the pros and cons of a phd in psych vs. med school. I'm sure there are some people on here who can give you more specific advice. My advice is more basic: I think you should calm down and trust the smarts that obviously have gotten you this far. You'll figure this out. No one can really make the decision for you (but you knew that already, right?). 😉 best of luck!

 

[deleted176373]

Psychmama, you know at 30 it's all over with... you can't change careers after that... Oops, I think we both did.. 🙂

 

[psy86]

I think no thread has made me love both psychmama and Jon Snow more than this one has.

OP, you know we're not going to tell you what to do with your life. Maybe it would help to address that issue with an objective third party in real life.

 

[psychmama]

Neural efficiency does peak at 25 or so. It is all downhill to a dirty grave after that.

Always the harbinger of cheerful optimism, eh Jon?

 

[AryaStark]

I love Jon Snow just for having the name Jon Snow. We're username siblings.

 

[tomfooleries]

Actually, being straight does matter in this case... USUHS, Med School (or military clin psych - but the med school is easier to get into!) It is what will make the most sense to get out from the hole you are in... Do you have 11 years to spare? You could be nearly out of debt before you get your M.D. if you play it tight to the vest. USUHS will PAY you 50k a year to go to med school, no med school costs... only catch... is the military owns you for 6 years after med school.

You might not like the military, if you don't then this isn't an option... but if you thought you might like the military, you might be surprised by the opportunity.

Mark

Thanks for the input. I've definitely considered this option. I have always had an interest in the military, but only to the extent that I think the challenge of boot camp would be fun. I don't think military medicine is for me.

Neural efficiency does peak at 25 or so. It is all downhill to a dirty grave after that.

I didn't mean to be disrespectful to any career-changers or late bloomers. I do feel a bit behind on schedule to be making these decisions though, mostly because of my debt from undergrad. I am exceptionally nervous at this point, too, because I am still 1500 miles from home and would like to have a destination in mind for next September as soon as possible. While I do feel I have learned a lot in my current setting of work, I am anxious to move forward and take the next step. As more time passes, I find myself questioning my ability to not only succeed in graduate school, but to just get in.

Hi. I understand that you're at a crossroads and trying to make some decisions about your future. What I'm not sure about is why you sound so panicked and unsure of yourself. Since i don't know you, it's hard to tell if this is actually how you feel or if you're just a person who tends toward the overdramatic presentation. At any rate, you sound like you've got some great experience and some interesting opportunities. Frankly, I don't think being 25 puts you "over the hill" or anything -- there are a lot of students on SDN considerably older than you are. I also get the sense that you actually know an awful lot about what you like, what interests you, populations you want to work with, etc. And there's a lot of info on this forum about neurospsych, as well as the pros and cons of a phd in psych vs. med school. I'm sure there are some people on here who can give you more specific advice. My advice is more basic: I think you should calm down and trust the smarts that obviously have gotten you this far. You'll figure this out. No one can really make the decision for you (but you knew that already, right?). 😉 best of luck!

I really appreciate your couragement, psychmama. I have annoyed all my friends and family members - unbiased and biased - with my anxiety about the future. This was more of a "steam of consciousness," rant-type post more than anything else; I definitely am in panick mode (and have been for some time), but that is usual for my personality. I am likely making this decision bigger than it has to be; or rather, fretting over it to such an extent that I'm just doing more harm than good. Point surely taken though, and thanks again for your kind words.

 

[tomfooleries]

Can I rephrase my question? If you were me, given the above information, what would you do? What would be your next step? You wouldn't "jump," would you?!

 

[psy86]

Can I rephrase my question? If you were me, given the above information, what would you do? What would be your next step? You wouldn't "jump," would you?!

I think it would be wise to decide whether to pursue medicine or psychology before committing to either type of program. It seems to me that that decision could be made while completing the second (?) year of your RA position this year through shadowing after hours. Maybe some counseling would be helpful in clarifying your goals, particularly if your friends and family are getting annoyed.

 

[deleted176373]

Thanks for the input. I've definitely considered this option.

I have always had an interest in the military, but only to the extent that I think the challenge of boot camp would be fun.

I don't think military medicine is for me.

That's an interesting answer... BTW Boot Camp for Doctors (or doctors to be) is not real boot camp, it's more like a watered down boot camp experience for the pampered. It's really a joke to be honest... Having gone through "real" bootcamp, they are nothing alike, and my "real" bootcamp was in the USAF which is MUCH easier than most.

Boot camp for doctors is different by service too... some are "rougher" than others. The Army probably is the "most difficult", Navy gave me a wonderful view of the water in Newport, R.I. but my room didn't have AC. The USAF COTS program had maid service, air conditioning, and wireless internet in the rooms... YES, I AM SERIOUS!

Now of the 5 weeks I was there, we only had to stay in the dorms on the first weekend. The rest of the time, we got to go out, have fun and relax. So believe me, USAF enlisted boot camp was MUCH more difficult and that in itself should speak volumes.

I am sure you have your reasons why military medicine is not for you. I wish you the best of luck figuring it all out.

Mark

PS - You're not old, not even close. I didn't even start my BA until I was 38.