A Brief Essay on the Mental Battle
I can relate to how you are all feeling. I am 28, and a lot of people, whether they think it or have the courage to say it out loud, respond to my medical school ambition with: "You know that is going to be really hard!"
Most of the time people are just immediately reacting, and worried that you will not get to enjoy life or things will be hard for you. Even people who seem discouraging or angry, which I have experienced, often have that reasoning behind their reaction. It is really rare someone is negative just to be a jerk, and even then, that reaction may be coming from their own insecurities or things that they are going through right now.
But the thing is, I have, like all of us, gone through a lot! And I cannot honestly include grauduate school application, which is what this is, despite all our fancy "med school" terminology and acronyms, it is ultimately a grad program, into my categorization of "**** that's hard".
So when someone, including my own inner voice, says "You know that's going to be hard!" I, usually not aloud, answer with, "Have a seat, I'll buy you a drink and tell you a story that'll make you crap your pants."
We all have our version of that story: an illness, an accident, a death, a tragedy, becoming a parent, a relationship...maybe for some of us it was just a matter of waking up each day and deciding to keep trying. Whatever it was, or is, you have to ask yourself: Is this really harder than THAT? Mentally, it is possible that it is, but when it comes down to it, if it is really what you want, would you trade going through that other thing a second time over this?
If it is your dream, and your motive is of pure origin, and you believe you have something, however small, to give to medicine, then why not keep trying?
If you care enough to be on this forum full of kind and intelligent people, and you are honest enough to admit your fears and worries, and self-reflective enough to wonder if you are doing the right things, then, at least in my humble experience, you have something to give, and however hard, I would not want you to give up.
KRS (drbeat14)