Should I Fell Bad!

[CYNTO]

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I will be leaving (about 7 hrs away) for my P1 class next week, and will be leaving my husband and two kids ( 3 & 5 yrs of age). Although my spouse told me he'll take care of them, but I still am worried about
leaving my loved one's behind for school.

 

[moolman]

Yes, you should FEEL bad. You're their mother. I know you are doing it to give them a better life but people say that all the time, it still doesn't make it right. Probably they can't go with you for whatever reason, husband can't get a job in your school area, etc, etc, but you make do and live with your kids, even if you have to go thousands of dollars in debt and borrow more money. They are 3 and 5 they need their mom. 😱

It's like the same with the people who put their kids in day care. Day care providers are no substitution for parents, no matter how small part of the day it is.

 

[benzene]

I understand how you feel I may have to leave my daughter with my husband to care for her, although I know he will take good care of her I can't help but feel horrible but in looking at our situation she'll will be in better hands at home with her dad because I will be so busy with school I may not be able to pick her up from school and I don't want to take that chance anyways hang in there and keep looking forward hopefully it's only temporary

 

[pharwanabe]

I will be leaving (about 7 hrs away) for my P1 class next week, and will be leaving my husband and two kids ( 3 & 5 yrs of age). Although my spouse told me he'll take care of them, but I still am worried about
leaving my loved one's behind for school.

i think its ok to feel bad but i guess you can drive down over weekends and stuff. if you are doing it for them, to give them better life. everyone has to make sacrifices, maybe its easier for me to say since im not married or have kids but thre are tons of people out there waitin to get in and you have the opportunity to make something of ur self so. go for it. 4 years and you can be with the for the rest of your life you want to ahha.

 

[Sparda29]

Why can't they come with you to school?

 

[tootoo30]

Yeah I went through that transition when I decided to join the Army, my son was only three at the time so I was literally an emotional rollercoaster. I would be glad at times that I was trying to make a better life for him, but as soon as I hear his voice on the phone, I was back to missing him like crazy. Just stay focused on the end result. I kept a lot of pictures close by so I could always reflect back to why I'm actually away from my son and the things he will be able to accomplish due to my sacrifices.

HTH

 

[UES Girl]

Yes, you should FEEL bad. You're their mother. I know you are doing it to give them a better life but people say that all the time, it still doesn't make it right. Probably they can't go with you for whatever reason, husband can't get a job in your school area, etc, etc, but you make do and live with your kids, even if you have to go thousands of dollars in debt and borrow more money. They are 3 and 5 they need their mom. 😱

It's like the same with the people who put their kids in day care. Day care providers are no substitution for parents, no matter how small part of the day it is.

Jesus Christ, let's not go into this judgemental lecturing moral BS,
shall we ? She clearly already feels horrible and doesn't need any additional stress for herself. It wouldn't hurt occasionally, if people actually thought about the impact of what they say on this forum before they start typing away.

You commented, moved on and went ahead with your day. She might read this, feel devastated and change her mind about going to pharmacy school. 👎


As for author of this thread, I would say : as bad and devastating it is, it is just something that has to be done. I was like 7 when my mom moved to US to seek a better life for us. My dad abandoned me, so I was raised by distant relatives and moved from household to household. I didn't see my mom for about 8 years, but we talked on the phone every day for almost an hour.

I can say despite not being raised by a regular family I turned out much better than some of my peers. Even though my childhood was rocky and I didn't get much parental care, I excelled in school so much, I attended 3 different schools simultaneously - regular school in the morning, musical in the afternoon studying music, and an art school at night. So just because you may not be able to give your kids much attention for several years, doesn't mean they are going to turn out bad.

 

[medicalCPA]

It is only natural to feel bad. Although it goes without saying, remember to talk to your children, because they listen (even though you may not think so).

 

[OleMiss2012]

I tend to somewhat agree with moolman. Kids that age need their mommy and won't be able to understand why mommy left. It's an abstract concept for them and they won't get it. All they'll really understand is that mommy left. I think kids should come first and formost! Your children should be your first priority IMO. What you want should be secondary. Good parents make sacrifices for their children by putting their kids first.

IMO, you should not break up the "family unit".

Yeah, you should feel bad.

Now, if they come with you...that's a different story.

I know that's not what you were wanting to hear, but that's how I feel about it and I'm not going to sugar coat it.

 

[UES Girl]

I tend to somewhat agree with moolman. Kids that age need their mommy and won't be able to understand why mommy left. It's an abstract concept for them and they won't get it. All they'll really understand is that mommy left. I think kids should come first and formost! Your children should be your first priority IMO. What you want should be secondary. Good parents make sacrifices for their children by putting their kids first.

IMO, you should not break up the "family unit".

Yeah, you should feel bad.

Now, if they come with you...that's a different story.

I know that's not what you were wanting to hear, but that's how I feel about it and I'm not going to sugar coat it.

I am just wondering, what exactly do you and Moolman suggest ? Perhaps, the rest of her family is unable to move this instant with her due to a number of reasons. Are you guys suggesting she should drop out of pharmacy school to be with her kids immediately ?

 

[ffpickle]

It's going to a financial and logistic pain, but have them visit you with their father every few weekends. They should leave 4pm Fri and go back home 4pm Sun. Once every few weekends, you return the favor by taking out 14 hours of travel time. Plan ahead (in terms of your studying and school) for this. You study better when you arrange things in your schedule which are important to you and you know you have to fit in. Spend the holidays (Thanksgiving, Labor Day, Christmas break, Reading Week, and any free time you have in the summer with them at home. The summer is a great time if everyone is free of committments). Schedule 10-20 min for conversation with everyone at home, each day. Use a webcam so they can see you. I think kids are much more resilient than we realize. Soon they will be in school, and this experience may help them achieve a sense of self at a very early age. They will likely grow up to be independent and mature. It sucks to say it, but it really is one of those things they will appreciate when they're older. You are doing the right thing, and this might actually be harder on you than them, but that is just my opinion.

 

[tealish]

Wow. Good thing Cheburashka was here defending. Honestly, there is no correct or incorrect answer in your situation. (but there are definitely some wrong responses in this thread)

Whether you choose to stay home with your kids or go away for school - neither is more right than the other. You're doing it for the good of your family and that's all that should matter. Whichever you feel is best for you, your kids and your husband, is the choice you should make.

p.s. sometimes it's wise to stay away from the Internet when dealing sensitive matters because people tend to have less of a conscience online.

 

[OleMiss2012]

I am just wondering, what exactly do you and Moolman suggest ? Perhaps, the rest of her family is unable to move this instant with her due to a number of reasons. Are you guys suggesting she should drop out of pharmacy school to be with her kids immediately ?

I don't know what Moolman suggestas...I know what I'd do if I had to move away from my small children and husband (I wouldn't!). I would have gone to Pharmacy School before having kids, or I'd wait until they were grown (or at least older) and then go if there was no way for them to come with me.

That's just me. I don't' think moving away like that is fair to her kids.

 

[naseuy]

It is okay to feel bad. Just remember, you're doing it for your children.

 

[OleMiss2012]

... Good thing Cheburashka was here defending.

p.s. sometimes it's wise to stay away from the Internet when dealing sensitive matters because people tend to have less of a conscience online.

First of all, there's nothing to defend. I'm simply voicing my opinion of the situation. Although it may not be the "popular" opinion.

I do have a conscience tealish. I don't understand why you think I don't have one. Why should I feel bad for voicing how I feel? I just think kids should come first. Apparently, not everybody agrees with that. If the original poster didn't want to hear different opinions, then you're right, she shouldn't have posted. Remember, opinions are like *******s...everybody has one.

 

[tealish]

First of all, there's nothing to defend. I'm simply voicing my opinion of the situation. Although it may not be the "popular" opinion.

I do have a conscience tealish. I don't understand why you think I don't have one. Why should I feel bad for voicing how I feel? I just think kids should come first. Apparently, not everybody agrees with that. If the original poster didn't want to hear different opinions, then you're right, she shouldn't have posted. Remember, opinions are like *******s...everybody has one.

I actually wasn't referring to you, but to the people who responded "YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD!!!!". You're entitled to your opinion and it's one that I respect if you read my original post.

*Edit - nevermind, I went back to read your post and you actually did say 'you should feel bad'. I guess my main issue is how you seem to have predetermined ideas on what a "good mother" means. Basically, you're saying: going to school = abandoning your kids, putting your own wants ahead of their needs. How do you know the poster isn't going to school for her children? I'm betting she probably is.

It's great that you voiced your opinion, but sometimes a little tactfulness and understanding goes a long way.

 

[UES Girl]

First of all, there's nothing to defend. I'm simply voicing my opinion of the situation. Although it may not be the "popular" opinion.

I do have a conscience tealish. I don't understand why you think I don't have one. Why should I feel bad for voicing how I feel? I just think kids should come first. Apparently, not everybody agrees with that. If the original poster didn't want to hear different opinions, then you're right, she shouldn't have posted. Remember, opinions are like *******s...everybody has one.

Although I see your rational, I think there is some serious flaws with it:

1. If she decided to wait, how long exactly should she wait ? If she waits 5 years for example, the kids are still going to be young and require her attention. If she waits 10 years, the kids are going to be teenages and some of the teenagers these days have problems waaaaaaay crazier than kids. I am talking drugs, alcohol, unprotected sex, suicide attempts and you have to keep in mind teenagers from your typical american family face these kinds of problems, not just somebody who grew up in the ghetto.

My point is "leaving your kids" now is not going to be any better than "leaving your kids later" scenario. There simply is no right time. So, why not do it now ?

2. She can't really reverse back time and go to pharmacy school prior to having kids. She has to deal with the situation she has now. And she is accepted to go to pharmacy school now. With pharmacy schools getting more competitive each year, there is no guarantee she will be a competitive applicant in a few years. Also in a few years she might feel differently about going to school and give up on her dreams. A close friend of mine has a relative who was accepted to attend UCSF med school in her twenties. At that point she already had kids ( just like the author) and decided to wait for the same reasons you suggested. End result: she is now in her 50's working as a "customer service representative" making barely above minimum wage. She could have been A DOCTOR with education from UCSF and she does what now ?



Also, you are right, everyone has a right to express their opinion on this forum, but I still think we have to be conscious about people's feelings while posting online. This does not apply to you so much as to people who scream : " You should feel bad".

 

[Sparda29]

The only thing you should feel bad about is not being able to spell "feel" correctly,

 

[monsterbrain]

To the OP: This will be very hard for everyone, no doubt. Certainly you thought through all aspects of this decision many months ago. Keep in mind that none of the pros/cons have changed (most likely); you are just getting nervous and rethinking the entire decision because it's almost time to leave. Think back and recall why you and your family made the decision, and that might help reassure you as the time to leave gets closer.

You know you will call those babies nearly everday (if not everyday). With today's technology, you can get online and talk to them face to face. If dad is a big supporter, you know he will tell those babies what a good thing you are doing, how much you miss/love them, and how proud he is of you. You are NOT abandoning them!! You can always put pharmacy school on hold if after the 1st semester you find the situation is not ideal. Right?? Chin up, momma 🙂.

 

[tealish]

The only thing you should feel bad about is not being able to spell "feel" correctly,

It would be nice that while you're assuming the position of grammar nazi, to at least end your sentence with a period like this one.

 

[OleMiss2012]

Although I see your rational, I think there is some serious flaws with it:

1. If she decided to wait, how long exactly should she wait ? If she waits 5 years for example, the kids are still going to be young and require her attention. If she waits 10 years, the kids are going to be teenages and some of the teenagers these days have problems waaaaaaay crazier than kids. I am talking drugs, alcohol, unprotected sex, suicide attempts and you have to keep in mind teenagers from your typical american family face these kinds of problems, not just somebody who grew up in the ghetto.

My point is "leaving your kids" now is not going to be any better than "leaving your kids later" scenario. There simply is no right time. So, why not do it now ?

2. She can't really reverse back time and go to pharmacy school prior to having kids. She has to deal with the situation she has now. And she is accepted to go to pharmacy school now. With pharmacy schools getting more competitive each year, there is no guarantee she will be a competitive applicant in a few years. Also in a few years she might feel differently about going to school and give up on her dreams. A close friend of mine has a relative who was accepted to attend UCSF med school in her twenties. At that point she already had kids ( just like the author) and decided to wait for the same reasons you suggested. End result: she is now in her 50's working as a "customer service representative" making barely above minimum wage. She could have been A DOCTOR with education from UCSF and she does what now ?

For your first point: Wait until the kids are grown. (I know, read on)

For your second point: If you want it bad enough...Doesn't sound like your friend's relative wanted it bad enough. If it really was her dream, then she gave up too easily. If in a few years the original poster feels differently about going to school to be a Pharmacist, then that really wasn't her dream was it? You NEVER give up if it's something you want bad enough.

 

[UES Girl]

It would be nice that while you're assuming the position of grammar nazi, to at least end your sentence with a period like this one.

I think I just fell of my chair right now. Sparda, I love you and love your posts to death( I'm being just a tiny bit sarcastic) but grammar nazi is the worst role to be on the web simply because everyone can dissect your posts as well.

 

[OleMiss2012]

it Would Be Nice That While You're Assuming The Position Of Grammar Nazi, To At Least End Your Sentence With A Period Like This One.

Lol. ^5

 

[HaleyRX]

When I was 5, my mom was one of the managers of our Wal-Mart. She worked crazy hours. My little sister was 1. My dad would take care of us most of the time, and if he had to work sometimes I would have to hang out at the snack bar for a few hours.
The point is, that I suffered through the years because my parents had crazy work schedules. And yet, I never really benefitted. My mom once took a $1/hr raise to work 10-7 instead of 8-5. (When she had an office job and I was 12 or so). So she got an extra $40/week to blow on junk (we were pretty comfortable already, the extra money didn't really matter) and I had to deal with being the last kid picked up from school by a different relative every day and microwaving up leftovers for me and my younger sister.
IF my mother had done that to do something extraordinary, like go to pharmacy school, IF she had done that because she had a goal and she was following through, I would've understood. I would've had a better life, she would've had a better life, and it would've been worth it.
I think that you are making the best choice for your family. Long distance relationships are hard, and I can't imagine having one with my kids (if I had any, which I don't yet) but you are doing the right thing. You aren't being selfish. You are going to give your kids a better life, and they will be grateful for it. I work hard so that my kids will have the life I haven't had. As a pharmacist my work schedule will be crazy too, but my kids will have opportunities I didn't, and I feel that they will appreciate that.

 

[monsterbrain]

It would be nice that while you're assuming the position of grammar nazi, to at least end your sentence with a period like this one.

 

[naseuy]

If it takes a few hard years in exchange for having the rest of your years financial stability and sufficient free time to spend with your family, I think it is a fair trade.

 

[mustang sally]

I can understand why you feel bad. I am moving halfway across country in a few weeks to attend pharmacy school also. My husband and child are coming with me and I still second guess my decision every day, although for different reasons than you. Right now, we have okay jobs. When I am in school, we will most likely be poor and have to deal with a decrease in our standard of living. My son is in school and being uprooted, while my husband has no new job lined up.

So yes, I think everyone's situation is stressful, but in different ways. I think you have worked hard to get this far, and like another poster said, you have probably analyzed and reanalyzed your situation every which way already. So I think you should go. It is okay to feel bad but go anyways. If things really end up going to heck in a handbasket, you can always reasess the situation after a semester or P1 year.

 

[PharmDream10]

I will be leaving (about 7 hrs away) for my P1 class next week, and will be leaving my husband and two kids ( 3 & 5 yrs of age). Although my spouse told me he'll take care of them, but I still am worried about
leaving my loved one's behind for school.

It is a choice only you can make. However, I couldn't do it.

 

[PharmApp2008]

If you decide not to go then I will say it is likely that you won't be going in the future. From what I have seen and experienced myself, it definately gets harder and harder to go back as time goes on. I would advise you to take the first step and just get yourself to the school and start the program. If it is possible, try to have your family come later to join you. I don't believe there is any difference in you leaving your kids and you taking your kids but having your husband be away from them. At least you care, many parents move away from their kids and just start new lives (after a divorce, etc). You should be proud and your kids will be proud of you when they get older.

 

[Princess87]

My parents had me just a little while before both of them went to pharmacy school. I was raised mostly by my grandmother and, although we were less than 7 hours away from my parents, I didn't get to spend the time with them that I imagine most kids do- I assume because of the huge workload that pharmacy had even then.

Anyways, fast forward roughly 20 years and I am so appreciative for their decision. I never had to worry about money during my childhood, had access to great education, and had parents that each opened up community pharmacies which gave them flexible hours to be with me and, as I grew older, allowed me to see that this is a path that I would probably really enjoy paving for myself.

So I guess this is all to say that you should probably trust your intuition. You're a mother, and everyone knows that mothers never put themselves first (as much as they sometimes should), so although I don't know you I have confidence that your decision is in the best interest of those you love. A lot of times it's more difficult to work towards a long-term solution than it is a short-term one.

 

[Sparda29]

It would be nice that while you're assuming the position of grammar nazi, to at least end your sentence with a period like this one.

Hmmm, well that blows. I knew that I would mess that up somehow.

 

[monsterbrain]

Oh Sparda, you are such a good sport!

 

[Sparda29]

lol, I was staring at the screen for 30 seconds before pressing submit to check for any spelling mistakes and of course I miss the punctuation mark.

 

[OleMiss2012]

lol, I was staring at the screen for 30 seconds before pressing submit to check for any spelling mistakes and of course I miss the punctuation mark.

Remember, this is the same individual who decided to sniff a petri dish full of Streptococcus with the lid off and then got sick for three weeks. Then, they found out the instructor meant to sniff it with the lid still on.

I agree, you are a good sport. You sound like you'd be fun to hang out with Sparda!

 

[pharmpilot]

There's another future advantage for your children besides having the perks that job as a pharmacist can bring. Your kids will be watching you go to school and study. It might just influence how they approach their school work when they start school. After all, kids are masterful imitators. Your approach to studying will influence them more than all the well intentioned lectures anyone ever gave.

 

[laimyours]

Think of all the children without loving parents! Just because you aren't going to see them as much during school doesn't mean you're a bad parent or your kids are going to be messed up. There are still weekends, breaks, and summer. I was raised by a single mother. She had no college education and had to work extra just to make enough money to support us. She worked 50+ hours a week. I use to spend the entire summer with my grandparents because there was no one to watch me while my mom worked. Trust me, I didn't come out any worse than kids who had a stay at home mother and a father. When they are older they won't even remember the time away from you, they will remember the time spent with you. I have so many great memories of my mother, and having fun with my grandparents, I don't even remember the months I went without seeing her! And when you are done with school you will have a good, flexible job so that you have even more time with your children. 😀

 

[cdhoward]

I don't know if this story adds up or not...

In a different post by the OP, she claims her kids are 6 & 3 yrs old. I know that could be a typo (5 or 6?) for the age of the oldest child, but something else just doesn't seem right either....

She posts a thread with a topic destined to get a ton of feedback, only to not have said a simple thank you for your support or thanks for your thoughts. Not even a single word out of the OP since this thread was posted over 48 hours ago.

Just doesn't seem right to me, IMHO. I mean could this be a troll who has been planting seeds with seemingly honest posts and then BAM, the troll hits the homerun pitch to set off a debate on a known hotbed topic just to get people's feathers ruffled.

 

[moolman]

cheburashka,
Kids come first, there's never a justification to leave your children, even to pursue a pharmacy career that will monetarily benefit them in the future. Even if someone offered you a million dollars to live away from your childred for a year, it's not justified.

Once parents stop being selfish and put their kids first, the world would be a better place. In your situation, do you honestly not believe you would of been better off if your Mom stayed with you and was not raised by relatives. Yes, I know your Mom did it to benefit the future but still, look at the overall picture.

Hey, they are your kids so you do what you want, leave them in daycare all day long while you work and justify it by saying that you are putting a roof over their heads. Let them grow up only seeing their parents face in the evenings. Why do you think so many kids are messed up these days.

I guess I've been brain washed by listening to Dr. Laura on the radio. She always advocates putting the kids number one, such as if parents get divorced, she states that they should not remarry until the kid is 18 because a new husband or wife, takes away from the kids. It's not their fault you got divorced so why should they suffer. She even goes as far as to say that if you have young kids and are a woman, not to get remarried because sometimes, guys who are willing to marry women that have young kids and don't have kids of their own turn out to be pedophiles. Even if this was true in only one instance, that's good enough reason for me.

Good luck

 

[moolman]

Sorry to say but when you start saying that kids aren't better off with having a stay at home parent is just redicoulous. Yeah, not having a parent around is better. People have to do what they have to do, obviously your mom had to work to support you as a single parent but you can't justify that not having a stay at home parent is not better.

Having a stay at home parent is better plain and simple.

There are life circumstances that won't allow it but doesn't still change anything.

Your line of reasoning should follow that since their are kids that don't have loving parents, why should anybody love their children, they still seem to turn out okay... haha...

I'm sure you didn't turn out any worst than kids that had stay at home parents but I'm willing to bet they had a more fulfilling childhood because of the all that time spent with their parents, like you state, you have good memories of things you did with your mom, those kids have even more good memories and isn't that what you wish any kid to have, more good memories.

Think of all the children without loving parents! Just because you aren't going to see them as much during school doesn't mean you're a bad parent or your kids are going to be messed up. There are still weekends, breaks, and summer. I was raised by a single mother. She had no college education and had to work extra just to make enough money to support us. She worked 50+ hours a week. I use to spend the entire summer with my grandparents because there was no one to watch me while my mom worked. Trust me, I didn't come out any worse than kids who had a stay at home mother and a father. When they are older they won't even remember the time away from you, they will remember the time spent with you. I have so many great memories of my mother, and having fun with my grandparents, I don't even remember the months I went without seeing her! And when you are done with school you will have a good, flexible job so that you have even more time with your children. 😀

 

[tealish]

I don't know if this story adds up or not...

In a different post by the OP, she claims her kids are 6 & 3 yrs old. I know that could be a typo (5 or 6?) for the age of the oldest child, but something else just doesn't seem right either....

She posts a thread with a topic destined to get a ton of feedback, only to not have said a simple thank you for your support or thanks for your thoughts. Not even a single word out of the OP since this thread was posted over 48 hours ago.

Just doesn't seem right to me, IMHO. I mean could this be a troll who has been planting seeds with seemingly honest posts and then BAM, the troll hits the homerun pitch to set off a debate on a known hotbed topic just to get people's feathers ruffled.

It doesn't matter whether she's a "troll" or not. If it sparks an important discussion that could benefit others in a similar situation, then troll away. I'll also give her the benefit of the doubt - typos happen. Checking a forum no more than once a week also happens.

 

[medicalCPA]

moolman,
My grandfather had diabetes. When he was diagnosed, he was instructed by his doctor to restrict the amount of sugar and starch in his diet. Where I'm from, a lot of our food is high in starch. His friends - who also had diabetes - would visit and tell him, "Eat X. I ate it and nothing happened to me." His reply? "Look at my children. They are too young to be without a father." Those friends of his died young. My grandpa lived until he was 89.

Having the foresight to do what is necessary so that your kids have a better future, THAT is putting your kids first in the finest sense. And that is what the OP is doing.



...I don't envy your wife.

 

[monsterbrain]

Once parents stop being selfish and put their kids first, the world would be a better place.

Moolman, do you have children? I have found that those who DON'T have children are, ironically, often the most critical when it comes to parenting. There is much, much more that goes into parenting than just being there!

Oh, and before you attack me, my children are teenagers and I did sacrifice my career for them when they were little. I was extremely fortunate that my husband made enough money so we could do this. Not every woman/family can be in this same situation.

 

[Sparda29]

Is it possible for the OP to take her kids with her, or the family moves to the city where the school is?

 

[PharmApp2008]

My mom went to college when I was in high school and my dad went to college at the same time as me. I had a good childhood but it was somewhat of a struggle with my family. We would have had it easier for longer if my parents would have gone back sooner. It will be hard any tiime you chose to do this but if you do it now you will have more years of flexibility and financial freedom.

 

[moolman]

No offense but what your grandfather did has nothing to do with putting your children first and this topic. What we're talking about is doing something that takes away from your children but that may benefit them in the long run. How does eating healthy food take anything away from his children? Eating healthy food does nothing to harm or take away from his kids and he should want to eat healthy anyway. Besides that not eating healthy really isn't a sacrafice, no matter how much good unhealthy food is around the house. 🙂

My philosophy is very simple. Children first, no matter what. They didn't ask to be brought into this world, so they actually deserve all priority. Some parents don't feel that way and that's the sad part.

It's your kids and you do what's right, I never said anything about not staying home with your kids was bad if circumstances didn't permit.

People do what they got to do for the future and my point is, you can justify it a million ways in your mind but it still doesn't make it right. Plain and Simple.

You may not envy my wife but I don't envy your children. I put their needs way above mine and in the future if I don't I'm not going to try to justify it, I will just chalk it up to me being selfish and doing what I want.

moolman,
My grandfather had diabetes. When he was diagnosed, he was instructed by his doctor to restrict the amount of sugar and starch in his diet. Where I'm from, a lot of our food is high in starch. His friends - who also had diabetes - would visit and tell him, "Eat X. I ate it and nothing happened to me." His reply? "Look at my children. They are too young to be without a father." Those friends of his died young. My grandpa lived until he was 89.

Having the foresight to do what is necessary so that your kids have a better future, THAT is putting your kids first in the finest sense. And that is what the OP is doing.



...I don't envy your wife.

 

[medicalCPA]

No offense but what your grandfather did has nothing to do with putting your children first and this topic. What we're talking about is doing something that takes away from your children but that may benefit them in the long run. How does eating healthy food take anything away from his children? Eating healthy food does nothing to harm or take away from his kids and he should want to eat healthy anyway. Besides that not eating healthy really isn't a sacrafice, no matter how much good unhealthy food is around the house. 🙂

My philosophy is very simple. Children first, no matter what. They didn't ask to be brought into this world, so they actually deserve all priority. Some parents don't feel that way and that's the sad part.

It's your kids and you do what's right, I never said anything about not staying home with your kids was bad if circumstances didn't permit.

People do what they got to do for the future and my point is, you can justify it a million ways in your mind but it still doesn't make it right. Plain and Simple.

You may not envy my wife but I don't envy your children. I put their needs way above mine and in the future if I don't I'm not going to try to justify it, I will just chalk it up to me being selfish and doing what I want.

On the contrary, what my grandpa did has everything to do with this topic. He denied himself the temporary pleasure of eating unhealthy food so that he would be alive and with his children as they grew up. The future he was trying to secure for his children was one in which he was present. That was the point.

I do not hope to change your mind, and I am not going to try and do so. Besides, that is not the point of this thread. OP, if you are listening, make your own decision. Strangers on a forum will not help you do so. I hope you were not looking for any sympathy, because there are several in whom that trait is lacking.

That's all I will say in this thread.

 

[PharmDstudent]

It's really not as bad as all of you think. Pharmacy students get holidays and weekends off, and most students get the summer off too. Also, the last year of pharmacy school is usually rotational. At my school, I can do 4th year rotations out of state if I want to.

Therefore, this is how I would calculate the situation:
52 weeks x 5 days/week = 260 days - 1 day for Labor Day - 2 days for Fall Break - 2 days for Thanksgiving - 28 days for Christmas break - 1 day for MLK - 7 days for Spring Break - 2 days for Easter = 217 days - 105 days for summer break = 112 days of school out of 365 days/year.

 

[UES Girl]

Moolman, I guess, my biggest problem with your overall hypothesis is that to your putting your kids first and going to pharmacy school are mutually exclusive, to me, they are not simply complementary but rather essentially synonymous.

If you are taking about my specific case, I do believe it is for the better than my mom left me. Although I've experienced more extreme difficulties than majority of my peers - I starved and was even homeless for a short period of time - I believe the end result - me graduating college here and pursuing a Pharm. D far exceeds anything I could have accomplished back there if my mom had stayed with me.

I can sort of see what medicalcpa says about envying your wife.Your perception of this issue seems so traditional and borderline chauvinistic. I wonder how in the world is she ever going to pursue her dreams if, god forbids, she gets pregnant before getting accepted to grad school. I guess, living in San Francisco for 1/3 of my life, I've become very liberal and accepting in my views. The fact that to you "putting your kids first" somehow equates giving up all personal dreams and hopes even if they are for the betterment of your children's lives not only strikes me as odd but almost seems like a foreign concept.

So far you haven't offered any technical solutions but used a lot of big fancy words.

I just hope I do not come off harsh, I have nothing personal against you and in fact wish you lots of luck in your career and future accomplishments, I just have such a hard time wrapping my brain about what you are saying.

 

[Gizmo]

cheburashka,
Kids come first, there's never a justification to leave your children, even to pursue a pharmacy career that will monetarily benefit them in the future. Even if someone offered you a million dollars to live away from your childred for a year, it's not justified.

Once parents stop being selfish and put their kids first, the world would be a better place. In your situation, do you honestly not believe you would of been better off if your Mom stayed with you and was not raised by relatives. Yes, I know your Mom did it to benefit the future but still, look at the overall picture.

Hey, they are your kids so you do what you want, leave them in daycare all day long while you work and justify it by saying that you are putting a roof over their heads. Let them grow up only seeing their parents face in the evenings. Why do you think so many kids are messed up these days.

I guess I've been brain washed by listening to Dr. Laura on the radio. She always advocates putting the kids number one, such as if parents get divorced, she states that they should not remarry until the kid is 18 because a new husband or wife, takes away from the kids. It's not their fault you got divorced so why should they suffer. She even goes as far as to say that if you have young kids and are a woman, not to get remarried because sometimes, guys who are willing to marry women that have young kids and don't have kids of their own turn out to be pedophiles. Even if this was true in only one instance, that's good enough reason for me.

Good luck

+1 I love Dr. Laura!

 

[tootoo30]

lol, I was staring at the screen for 30 seconds before pressing submit to check for any spelling mistakes and of course I miss the punctuation mark.

That's just what I needed for a hectic day! Thanks 😀