Significant Other Question: Important

[deleted92121]

So I dated a girl for three years, through one year or high school and two in college. We always had a good relationship and made it through tough times with my famiy. However, she broke up with me the other day saying that i was treating her like crap. Now i can come off as a prick, i know this is true. But i never told her she was ugly,hit her,etc..no abuse of any kind..just sometimes crabby. But people are pretty much siding with me on this one, because things started to look shady.

She had been acting funny over the past month and had been spending alot of time with this one guy who we work with and know. The day she dumped me, he broke up with his girlfriend. Now she is with him, only a few days later. She obviously had feelings for this guy before she broke up with me, but she never told me and she lied to me. Looking back I see the signs, but I trusted her. But she lied to me, and couldn't even tell me she was having feelings. But I called her on it, and it seems to be eating away at her.

These two are really incompatible. They have some things in common but he is way too immature for her. So my question is, does anyone think she will eventually realize her mistake and want to give me another shot. Im not sayiing i'd say yes after she lied to me, on more than one occasion now, but do you think she would try to start this up again?

dxu

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[bananaface]

Even if she gives you another shot you shouldn't take it. If she loved you she wouln't dump you for someone else 3 years in. Move on.

 

[beannaithe]

Why would you give her another chance?

You say yourself that you thought she had feelings for another guy while she was with you. Like bananaface said, IF her feelings for you were still as deep, you would still be together.

Just try to move on with your life.

 

[RICEgrl]

Sorry for your dilemma, dxu. The only advice I have is to run away and never look back. Don't try to be friends, don't beat yourself up about what you may have done wrong, and try not to think about her ever again. Seriously, do anything you can to keep yourself occupied until you can break the habit (after 3 years, I assume it's habitual) of thinking about her. Dwelling on thoughts about what you'd do if she ever gave you another chance will just make you more bitter and are really pointless. In a way, those thoughts are a form of revenge, which doesn't help the healing process. All easier said than done, I know.

 

[deleted92121]

Thanks for the support.

I look at it like this. She told me the day before the break-up she loves me, the next day nothing. It doesn't happen like that unless you cheat. Nothing about the whole situation makes sense. She said i didnt treat her right, but that wasn't true. Yes crabby, but im human. She never sat down and said im worried or i want to make sure this is what i want. And everyone who knows about the break-up knows it is shady and crappy.

I want to take her back, and want her to come to me. I look at the who, what, when, where, why, and how..I realize that I am not the one that can answer the questions, only she can. And the few, vague answers she gave me were bull crap. I didnt find out about this till about two days post-break up, and i cried myself to sleep. Now i see that it was wasted and she should be the one ashamed and crying because of what she gave up. One day she may see this, i think she probably will. But for now, she has a self-defense mechanism up and she is rationalizing this somehow. But in the end, i win.

dxu

 

[raspberry swirl]

i believe in second chances (but not third or fourth chances). relationships are tricky. you guys are young. it can be hard to be in such a committed relationship at that age, especially if you're the only guy she's ever "been with". now, im not saying i condone cheating, but if she did come back to you, and it felt right, and you guys were able to talk about it and get it all out on the table, there's nothing wrong with giving someone a second chance. afterall, like you said, she's only human. people do make mistakes. just my thoughts ...

 

[deleted92121]

i believe in second chances (but not third or fourth chances). relationships are tricky. you guys are young. it can be hard to be in such a committed relationship at that age, especially if you're the only guy she's ever "been with". now, im not saying i condone cheating, but if she did come back to you, and it felt right, and you guys were able to talk about it and get it all out on the table, there's nothing wrong with giving someone a second chance. afterall, like you said, she's only human. people do make mistakes. just my thoughts ...

Well with friends like her, who needs enemies. I thought more and more about it and I deserve better than to be lied to and cheated on. There is NO reason for it and I told her if she ever needed to see someone else, just tell me. That shows at least some respect for 3 years worth of love.

But I have done a good job getting over her. I went out to my friends and drank the other night and met a girl..she helped me get over the one that left me. I just think that:

1.) I deserve better
2.) I am young and should have some fun
3.) There is really no reason for me to ever take her back

In time, she will feel bad about this and realize what she gave up (i treated her like a princess) and will be sad and full of regret. But I won't feel bad and I will be the happy one.

dxu

 

[doc_radio]

dear DXu , I dont know what that girl feels for you, she would certainly try to rationalise it but believe me she knows what she has done! try to forgive her & move on! If you dont hate her your miseries will be lot lesser. just forgive n forget & remember "WHATEVER HAPPENED HAPPENED IN YOUR BEST INTEREST"

 

[deleted92121]

Thank you Doc for your kind story!

My girlfriend said that she thought i treated her like crap and she didnt feel the same way about me. I never ever treated her like crap, but she got mad when i didnt give her every single minute. The guy she is with now misses his ex badly but he thought he could have both my gf and his at the same time. He lied to his ex. My ex also lied to me, she told some ppl how good i was and then she said i made her miserable. I do forgive her but i honestly don't think that they will last, because they were sneaky and just plain selfish. They have no friends now except each other and there is just something that is not right. But when he hurts my ex, she will run back here and i will have to tell her no. You just dont randomly end it after three years. There is too much that doesn't fit.

dxu