Significant Others at Resident Dinners

[gdbaby]

For those of you whose significant others will accompany you to some interview locations, will you be bringing them to the resident dinner? They always say significant others are welcome, but I was wondering how often people bring their s.o.'s

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[whopper]

If the SO is welcome, I'd bring the person--repeat if the SO is welcome. I would not bring them if the person was not welcome. If you don't know ask ahead of time.

For PDs, Chief Residents and program coordinators, sometimes extra people can create a logistics problem in terms of budgets, seats needed at an event etc. It could look rude if you brought someone in uninvited.

If the person was invited, I'd say bring them in. While I was chief, while we never had a dinner, if we did, I would've loved to have seen the SO. The decision to go to a program is often highly influenced by the SO, so for that person to see the program and why that program is on their partner's mind could be beneficial for the program and the candidate. It also can help to break the ice in getting to know the candidate, and vice versa-for the candidate to get to know the program.

Most people do not factor that relationshpis can have an large effect in a person's choice to pick a program. I know it certainly did in my case. My wife did not want to be in NYC which nixed Albert Einstein which I heard from several gave the best teaching experience amongst the forensic fellowships in NYC. She did not want to live in New Orleans which nixed Tulane off my list of choices, and both programs accepted me, and I strongly considered them. Thankfully, I still did go to my #1 choice, but choosing between those three went from difficult to very easy once she told me her feelings.

 

[gaccboom]

I've actually received relatively few offers for dinner that invite SOs as well as applicants; most places have specified that it is for applicants only. However, our plan is to have my wife travel/go to dinners in places where she really wants to preview a city. Some places she already knows well, some places are good enough by reputation that she doesn't feel the need. But there are some places that have a mixed (or worse) reputation, and these are places we think it's most helpful for her to see.

To note, we've got a baby. So dinner also means finding a babysitter, etc. We might have her travel more and go to more dinners if he were not with us.

 

[trophyhusband]

For those of you whose significant others will accompany you to some interview locations, will you be bringing them to the resident dinner? They always say significant others are welcome, but I was wondering how often people bring their s.o.'s

My wife has one interview that I will be accompanying her. There is a resident dinner but we are not sure yet if I will be invited. If I am invited I will indeed attend. But we're looking for a family friendly program so if there is an issue with me being there it's probably not a place she would want to end up. Not sure if that helps you or not.

 

[Doctor Bagel]

I've been surprised in that most people have not brought SOs to dinners, even though most invitations have said it's OK. If they're invited, I don't see any reason why it would be a detriment to bring them, and I'm guessing I'm not seeing them because the applicant is usually traveling alone. I do think it might be kinda boring for the SO to go and actually cut into their ability to explore the new city, but it's free food.

If they don't invite them, I'd guess the concern is money more than anything else, so I wouldn't assume a program is necessarily family unfriendly.

 

[trophyhusband]

If they don't invite them, I'd guess the concern is money more than anything else, so I wouldn't assume a program is necessarily family unfriendly.

I think I chose my words poorly for that last bit. I meant if I was invited and they acted like they really didn't want SO's to actually show up. I understand not being invited because of budget constraints, lord do I understand budgets.

 

[WhoisJohnGalt]

For those of you whose significant others will accompany you to some interview locations, will you be bringing them to the resident dinner? They always say significant others are welcome, but I was wondering how often people bring their s.o.'s

I had not been bringing mine, but I had a PD specifically comment that I might be less serious about moving to the area since I didn't bring my husband, so from now on I'm going to bring him whenever he's able to go (esp. if it's a program I'm really excited about).

 

[charlotte7]

It hadn't even occurred to me that not bringing my s.o. would be a strike against me. I have another question -- how much of what goes on at the resident dinners gets back to the P.D.? I was under the impression that these gatherings were an informal way to get better acquainted with the residents, and that everything discussed was off the record. Are these dinners just more "interviews"?

 

[rtennis18]

Applicant dinners are definitely not interviews. On the other hand, you don't want to say or do anything that you will later regret as some programs will let the residents present at the dinner/lunch fill out informal evaluations as to how you interact in a social setting and whether you would be a good fit for the program which can have some impact on how you are ranked.

 

[billypilgrim37]

At our applicant dinners, we are told that we should let the committee know if a) somebody just seems amazing and a perfect fit for the program, or if b) somebody comes across as a total sociopath. A is much more frequent than B, thankfully.

 

[atsai3]

If the program tells you that the dinner is supposed to be informal and that it isn't an interview, then chances are it is informal and is not supposed to be an interview.

But maybe you should use your judgment and save the drunken table dancing for another day.

-AT.