Similar 'Out of Place' Thread

[aj725]

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On a related but different note, what advice to you all have for a third yr who doesn't have school friends. Advice for a first yr tends to be--be nice to everyone, join clubs, IM sports etc and see what happens.

I'm a third yr really wanting a social life now. Unfortunately, I've been ignoring my social life for 2 yrs because I was always worrying about doing really well. If it was a choice between going out or getting in 2 extra hours of studying--I'd study. Now I'm at the point where I'm tired and just want to hang out w/ others in my free time. As you'd guess others have already cliqued and formed really close friendships in the last 2 yrs.

About me--I'm a regular person. I am very competitive when it comes to grades and I know my classmates know that but am not a gunner and am always willing to help others. I have many acquantainces that I talk w/ during clinics and stuff but no one that I would call up on the phone or ask to grab a quick dinner. It doesn't help that I'm reserved and can't just go up to a group of the more gregarious people and just start talking. I feel like I have nothing to talk about sometimes; i'm mean there is little else outside of school and others seem so mature sometimes--talking about significant relationships and stuff. I'm also not into the bar scene, as I don't drink--thus going to any of those events seems pointless because I just don't enjoy how people act after they get 2 drinks into them--they lose all inhibition and i'm still completely reserved.

Is it too late to make friends now? I don't regret how hard I've worked in the last 2 yrs, I just wish that I had concentrated on having a social life as well.

 

[Alikia]

I suppose I can't really speak from experience, as I am just an MSI, but I'm kinda reserved too and don't drink much, am competitive, etc. I have a few ideas that maybe you'd like to try...

It's hard to undo the pattern that you've gotten into with your classmates. However, you don't need to only associate with your classmates! As diverse as my class is, sometimes they all seem the same, if you know what I mean. Maybe there are some clubs in your area that you could join, for example, an astronomy club, etc. If you follow a religion, you could check out a local church/equivalent to help out at special events. Or, you can go to your local Barnes and Noble and start talking to the people who are reading books in your favorite section. What do you have to lose? You don't know them! 😉

However, it might be nice to form some kind of relationship with your classmates... I'm assuming that you have a mass e-mail system, right? Well, just send one out to all the third years and invite them all to an event, for instance "there's this (drag race) on such and such a date, I was planning to go, if you want to go let's meet at ten o clock, here's directions." Special events/concerts/things that you might enjoy anyway might help you meet people who are interested in the same things as you, and they won't be as intimidating. Hiking is good, too, because it gives you the ability to talk to them.

If there's an event going on for the second years (like a panel to give them advice) or if you could volunteer on the admissions committee and give tours or something, that would provide you with an opportunity to socialize somewhat more on a slightly regular basis with some of your peers, and if you get started talking with some of them, you might feel more inclined to say, "boy, I'm sure hungry, you wanna go to In N Out?"

As far as going to the social events where people are drinking, you can show up for an hour or so at the begining just to make "an appearance" and though you'll be reserved, just remind yourself that you don't like how things are going and that you want to change things. If you start going to some of those things, you'll feel less reserved even though you aren't getting sloshed.

Don't let the mistakes that you've made these past two years repeat themselves. Just put yourself out there even though it's hard.

 

[A.D.O.R.]

Great advice Alikia.

I'm not a drinker (or a smoker) either and socializing as a non-drinker can be very tricky.

 

[stomper627]

Dont worry about school friends....make them elsewhere. Join a gym, church, social club, etc. You have to be proactive, otherwise youll never have friends.
stomper

 

[phoenixsupra]

Stomper just hit the nail on the head. 🙂 Cultivate a life OUTSIDE of medicine. Surprizingly few people do this. It'll balance you out and give you a much better perspective on medicine. Just pick things you like or would like to do and find events centered on them. My main non medical thing is cars. I work on and modify my ancient toyota. I drag race it, derby it and drift it some. When I'm at the track medicine is a million miles away and I go back to my study and work much refreshed and recharged. And I got into this while in medical school. (Mostly by necessity because I had to by a $700 car and couldn't afford a mechanic) But it has been my saving grace. It doesn't really matter what you choose. Just choose something and get involved. Good luck. 🙂

 

[aj725]

Thanks guys.

It honestly doesn't seem desperate to you to go up to random people and start talking, esp at a bookstore? What exactly is one supposed to say--hey I read that book!? It will lead to a 2 min conversation not any type of friendship/person to do stuff with. I'm not at all starved for conversation--I get plenty of that from my many school acquantainces--its just that its always 100% focused on school related things, or little stories about college or something. I want to be able to call someone up and ask what is going on on the weekend etc.

As for hobbies, my interests are more solitary--writing music, rollerblading etc. I'm also not sure how to incorporate outside of school friends into my school life--do you just see the guys from the auto track at the track? Or do you hang out w/ them otherwise? I just think school friends are easier because they understand the schedule and lifestyle.

 

[phoenixsupra]

No don't just go up to random people and start talking That would just be weird. I think the person who mentioned that probably had in mind an organized book club run by a bookstore. Try getting together with other songwriters. Write some songs together and talk music stuff. I rollerblade too. Usually with my wife, but sometimes with other people who rollerblade. It's sort of solitary but it's also fun with someone else.

I didn't actually start going to the track at first. First, I learned how engines work from howstuffworks.com. Then I found an online carclub for peeps with my exact car. I learned a ton of stuff that way. I don't have a garage so I've had to do all my work in the apartment complex carpark. I've completely rebuilt the whole thing out there. All the car people around here sort of just gravitated toward me and I learned tons of stuff from them. When I meet people with the same or similar car I usually talk to them. It's always about cars. Just like talk with med peeps tends to be about medicine. But it's good natured and fun. I often need help from other people I know and I often help others work on their car. It's fun for me and I learn a lot. Quite a few real friendships have come from this, friendships based on more than just cars, but cars are the pretext.

Sport people talk about sports, Art people talk about art. etc, etc. Seems most people need some sort of pretext to keep things running smoothly. But I think the comaradary is just as important as the activity itself. If you were around here I'd go rollerblading with you and I'm sure we'd have fun. Good luck. 🙂