Single Motherhood and Medicine - is it possible?

[ladybyrd20]

Hoping to get some guidance from other women in internal medicine, especially those in fellowship or in the work force currently...

I am a woman in my early thirties, about to start a job as an academic hospitalist. I am happily single and content with my work and research, but have over the past few years found myself desiring to have a family. I don't know if it means I necessarily want to date, get married etc., but I do love the idea of being a mother, and think I embody many traits that would make me a loving, nurturing one. I am not opposed to meeting someone, but just find it very difficult to do so personally and have tried in the past many times.

Have any women in this forum adopted or done donor intrauterine insemination and embarked on single motherhood as physician? If so, could you please share your journey. On the same train of thought, have any women undergone oocyte harvesting and preservation? How was your experience with this?

Thank you for your help.

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[deleted480308]

How many hours /wk do you work? What is your schedule going to be like?

 

[rokshana]

Hoping to get some guidance from other women in internal medicine, especially those in fellowship or in the work force currently...

I am a woman in my early thirties, about to start a job as an academic hospitalist. I am happily single and content with my work and research, but have over the past few years found myself desiring to have a family. I don't know if it means I necessarily want to date, get married etc., but I do love the idea of being a mother, and think I embody many traits that would make me a loving, nurturing one. I am not opposed to meeting someone, but just find it very difficult to do so personally and have tried in the past many times.

Have any women in this forum adopted or done donor intrauterine insemination and embarked on single motherhood as physician? If so, could you please share your journey. On the same train of thought, have any women undergone oocyte harvesting and preservation? How was your experience with this?

Thank you for your help.

have you thought of fostering a child?

 

[IM2GI]

Try dating, you might like it. Obviously people have done single motherhood in medicine but its tough particularly when they are really young.

 

[gutonc]

Hoping to get some guidance from other women in internal medicine, especially those in fellowship or in the work force currently...

I am a woman in my early thirties, about to start a job as an academic hospitalist. I am happily single and content with my work and research, but have over the past few years found myself desiring to have a family. I don't know if it means I necessarily want to date, get married etc., but I do love the idea of being a mother, and think I embody many traits that would make me a loving, nurturing one. I am not opposed to meeting someone, but just find it very difficult to do so personally and have tried in the past many times.

Have any women in this forum adopted or done donor intrauterine insemination and embarked on single motherhood as physician? If so, could you please share your journey. On the same train of thought, have any women undergone oocyte harvesting and preservation? How was your experience with this?

Thank you for your help.

Not a woman (although currently a single parent) but I have a friend from residency and a current partner who have gone through this.

The residency friend was a 3rd year PCCM fellow when she did IVF. She had a rough pregnancy and her kid was super early and spent the first 4 months in the NICU. Doing well now, but it was a rough first 4-5 years. She had close family support (parents) that helped her through it all. She also took a (really crappy) high paying job straight out of fellowship to try to be able to pay off all her medical bills and be able to pay for a FT nanny. Her kid is 8 now and I think she's finally got her financial feet back under her.

My partner did it after about 8 years of being in practice. Relatively uneventful pregnancy and delivery. Has minimal family support (they live a couple of hours away) and both a FT nanny and a PT/on-call nanny for nights/weekends/emergencies. Seems to work pretty well, but it's not in any way easy.

Bottom line (from the perspective of a dude, so take that for what it's worth) is that it's certainly doable. But it's not easy, and fraught with potential troubles.

But what about life isn't?

 

[sluggs]

Sounds very doable to me.

 

[Pumix]

Doable, but not without a strong support network. If you can leverage support from family or hire help (nanny, babysitters, back up nannies, au pair, other parents in the community) or some combination thereof, then it can be done (although it may also be very expensive). Be fully aware of the trade-offs in terms of sleep, personal hobbies/care, ability to take on side projects, etc. that will need to take a back seat to child care. You can only outsource so much. The challenges of raising children change over time, so your care/support strategies may need to as well.

If you go the Single Moms By Choice route, know that it may take several attempts before insemination works. You may want to consider reaching out to your local SMBC community for advice/support. You may come across other busy professionals (in and out of healthcare) who may be able to help you plan and visualize your options. As for oocyte harvesting and preservation, most women are not fully depending on it since there is so much unknown about success rates/long-term outcomes. Some report that the hormone therapy was challenging due to side effects.

Good luck!

 

[GastriqueGraffin]

Sounds pretty selfish to have a profession that requires a lot of your time and want to raise a child by yourself. Think about how you would feel as a small child living in this environment.

 

[whoknows2012]

Sounds pretty selfish to have a profession that requires a lot of your time and want to raise a child by yourself. Think about how you would feel as a small child living in this environment.

This IMO isn’t fair to the OP. As long as she’s thoroughly thought out the situation and how to have full time care when she’s at work and support from friends/family what’s the point of life without living? Having a child can be the best thing to happen for a person and I think it’s great as long as its reasonably thought out and financially feasible. Good luck!

 

[GastriqueGraffin]

This IMO isn’t fair to the OP. As long as she’s thoroughly thought out the situation and how to have full time care when she’s at work and support from friends/family what’s the point of life without living? Having a child can be the best thing to happen for a person and I think it’s great as long as its reasonably thought out and financially feasible. Good luck!

That is only assuming her family/friends wants to play the role of parent. Like I said it is selfish IMO. To provide good money you need to sacrifice time and vice versa. If you're doing it with the intention of being alone it's really unfair to the child.

 

[whoknows2012]

That is only assuming her family/friends wants to play the role of parent. Like I said it is selfish IMO. To provide good money you need to sacrifice time and vice versa. If you're doing it with the intention of being alone it's really unfair to the child.

Agree to disagree. I don’t believe it’s selfish of her whatsoever

 

[IM2GI]

Agree to disagree. I don’t believe it’s selfish of her whatsoever

I dont have a strong opinion, but there there is an entire thread in general saying it is selfish to have a dog with limited time...

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

I dont have a strong opinion, but there there is an entire thread in general saying it is selfish to have a dog with limited time...

Yes, completely the same thing. After all, as women get older their ability to get a dog goes down markedly so waiting to get a dog is not always a realistic solution...

 

[deleted480308]

Yes, completely the same thing. After all, as women get older their ability to get a dog goes down markedly so waiting to get a dog is not always a realistic solution...

the govt will literally pay you to take a kid off their hands.....birth isn't the only way to get one

it should give some pause to think about a kid when there is so little time that you'll need two shifts of childcare to cover for the parent.....I'm not proposing a law or anything, just some admission that it's suboptimal

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

the govt will literally pay you to take a kid off their hands.....birth isn't the only way to get one

it should give some pause to think about a kid when there is so little time that you'll need two shifts of childcare to cover for the parent.....I'm not proposing a law or anything, just some admission that it's suboptimal

Looking back through the thread, every physician who posted a story of how someone made it work definitely had some caveat in there about it being hard, not ideal, or some combination of the two.

As for multiple sources of childcare being a sign of a problem, hogwash.

We send our kids to preschool. My mother watches them Between noon and whenever we get home from work. We have two to three different babysitters for weekends, evenings, or if Mom has something she has to do.