Single or Married Question

[123tbd]

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I was asked by an assistant PD if I was single, married, had a family during the interview. Are they allowed to ask such questions?

 

[Raryn]

I was asked by an assistant PD if I was single, married, had a family during the interview. Are they allowed to ask such questions?

Technically speaking, that is forbidden. You don't have all that much to gain by trying to make a big stink about it. If you wanted, you could let the PD know at a later date.

 

[Smurfette]

I was asked by an assistant PD if I was single, married, had a family during the interview. Are they allowed to ask such questions?

No. That being said, I was asked it in just about every residency interview, as well as every attending job interview. For attending jobs, I was usually asked during the first phone conversation well before any interviews.

To be honest, declining to answer the question would likely make you memorable in a negative way. I looked at it like this: if my marital/childbearing status makes me a less desirable candidate, then it is probably not an environment I'd want to work in anyhow.

 

[deleted480308]

No they aren't supposed to...but it's possible that they are just trying to make conversation and learn about you as a person

 

[mvenus929]

They aren't allowed to discriminate based on those statuses, so they're not supposed to ask. But I was also asked at just about every residency interview, and when I told them I was single, they usually responded with something like "well, that makes it a little easier to figure out your rank list, since you're only deciding for you".

 

[Winged Scapula]

Agree with the others: they're not supposed to ask, but making a stink about it during a residency interview is probably not in your best interests.

However, most are probably just clueless about the rules (ie, thinking its ok to ask, as long as you aren't using the answer to make the ROL) and just making conversation.

 

[Law2Doc]

Agree with everyone else that they aren't supposed to ask and certainly can't discriminate based on this. Most of the time they avoid asking outright and ask if you'll have family in the area or what kind of support system you have at home etc. However particularly if you are selling an applicant on the area, it's sometimes a very different pitch telling someone about the local events that a single person vs a couple vs a family might be interested. Unless you feel like you are being discriminated against, its probably wisest to let this go. I also would suggest that between couples matching, people wearing rings and people that ask questions related to family, commutes for spouses etc, interviewers often get a fairly good idea who is married and who isn't, even without asking.

 

[SoCuteMD]

I was never asked at any of my residency or attending interviews. At one residency interview I was asked, "Do you have any doubts about your ability to make it through a physically demanding residency?" Weird question and seemed like a backdoor way of asking if I had any health problems. I got a bad vibe from one of the residents at dinner the night before, too, so I ended up not ranking the program. At one of my fellowship interviews I knew my interviewer through a close friend and at one point he mentioned that he thought I was tied to the area (I wasn't), but didn't specifically ask if I had family/kids/etc.

 

[123tbd]

Thanks for the replies!

It was an awkward moment.

The thing is they assume every applicant is straight, and has a husband or wife. Being gay, I find such questions slightly more challenging.

 

[BlondeDocteur]

Well in an increasingly large number of states you could well be married and gay.

Seriously, when the question is asked, it's simple human chit-chat-- trying to put you at ease in the interview. No one is discriminated against due to marital status. Now, sexual orientation is much thornier and I have no doubts that there are programs out there which would be unwelcoming. You might even get the 'married' question due to your interviewer tiptoeing around the subject.

A genuine red flag for me, unless I was interviewing at some baby factory of a peds residency, would be being asked (as a female) if I had plans to have children during residency. That's not chitchat.

 

[cognitus]

I was asked during my interview as well. I replied that I was single. When I wrote my thank you letter to the PD, she replied that I would be a great addition to the program and that we should go out for dinner and drinks sometime. I obviously accepted and was so amazed at how well I got along with people in the program, especially the PD. . I was so happy when I matched into the program. I'm SO glad that I'm not gay or else that would have been very awkward and would have made it tough to see her after the interview. Now that I'm a resident, I'm able to go to my PDs house often to talk about my co residents and get constant feedback about what the attendings think about me. She lives closer to the hospital, and sometimes when I get out late, she lets me sleep over. I heard nightmares about malignant programs and residents being disrespected, but my PD has really gone out of her way to make my residency as comfortable as possible. I haven't even taken call yet. IMO, I don't see anything wrong with the question and realize it can be really helpful for your career.

 

[Raryn]

I was asked during my interview as well. I replied that I was single. When I wrote my thank you letter to the PD, she replied that I would be a great addition to the program and that we should go out for dinner and drinks sometime. I obviously accepted and was so amazed at how well I got along with people in the program, especially the PD. I was so happy when I matched into the program. Now that I'm a resident, I'm able to go to my PDs house often to talk about my co residents and get constant feedback about what the attendings think about it. IMO, I don't see anything wrong with the question and realize it can be really helpful for your career.

 

[drcrispmd]

At my residency, candidates get interviewed by residents too. Usually they would tell me if they are married or not. I never asked but the women that did tell me they were married I would tell them that we were a very family friendly program and several have had babies while being a resident. I know a lot were relieved to have that info volunteered to them. Asking marital status is one of the forbidden questions but some do not know. We had a resident that honestly did not know and would ask just for conversation to get to know the candidate.

 

[j4pac]

Don't be that guy/gal. Just answer the question. If they are going to use the information to discriminate against...let them. You don't want to go to that program anyway. But I am willing to bet that the interviewer is just trying to get to know you...without any reprocussions.

I freely offer that information to interviewers because I want them to know me as a person. They have your board scores, your grades, your publications...the whole point of an interview is to get to know you as a person and determine if you would fit. Well...being taken back by a question that practically any person off the street would ask you first to get to know you would be a HUGE red flag in my opinion. You would come off as snooty and a person I wouldn't want in my program. If the program has a problem with me having a young family...I would be happy to have them rank me low on their list.

 

[Geekchick921]

No. That being said, I was asked it in just about every residency interview, as well as every attending job interview. For attending jobs, I was usually asked during the first phone conversation well before any interviews.

To be honest, declining to answer the question would likely make you memorable in a negative way. I looked at it like this: if my marital/childbearing status makes me a less desirable candidate, then it is probably not an environment I'd want to work in anyhow.

This is how I see it as well. I mentioned that I have two kids in my PS, so it's not a secret. If a place would look at the fact that I'm married or a mother as a negative, it's not the place for me anyway.

Like Winged Scapula said, I think most of the time they ask this it's just to make conversation. If I get asked about my family plans I'm going to be vague because I actually am undecided about certain things.

 

[IMPD]

Thanks for the replies!

It was an awkward moment.

The thing is they assume every applicant is straight, and has a husband or wife. Being gay, I find such questions slightly more challenging.

We've had a few applicants who were out and I tried to communicate LGBTQ friendliness to them in a not-obvious way when they asked about diversity at our program. The truth is that we are a mid-westish program and people make judgments about being single/married/gay/family/childfree etc. etc. based on things out of my control, or the interviewers control. I would use all impressions from your interviews as information to make rank list decisions without ascribing any particular intent to the question.

 

[123tbd]

Thanks for the diversity of responses 🙂