Small talk sucks. Conversation starters for pre-interview dinners?

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Poit

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I just can't go through 10 more of these dinners with everyone asking each other "so...where are you from?" round-robin style. I'm a social being who likes good conversation, but I've never been great with mingling.

Anyone have any good conversation starters?
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Poit said:
I just can't go through 10 more of these dinners with everyone asking each other "so...where are you from?" round-robin style. I'm a social being who likes good conversation, but I've never been great with mingling.

Anyone have any good conversation starters?
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Nope. These are worst part of interview season IMO. I crush interviews 1 on 1, but these dinners are pointless.
 
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Poit said:
I just can't go through 10 more of these dinners with everyone asking each other "so...where are you from?" round-robin style. I'm a social being who likes good conversation, but I've never been great with mingling.

Anyone have any good conversation starters?
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Yes, you need more than 8 interviews...
 
mistafab said:
My goal is to pretend to not be able to make it to all of my pre-interview dinners.

“My apologies, I REALLY wish I would be able to make it, but blah blah blah ticket blah blah lined up blah blah.”
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Bad idea. If you genuinely have an interest in a program you should go. It does give you insight into the culture of the program and other things that the residents may not feel as comfortable speaking about during the interview day. Additionally the residents are usually very busy and yet manage to donate their time so you may talk to them. Some programs may not care (or know) if an applicant misses their dinner, but don't kid yourself as some take it very seriously (namely smaller or more rural programs). Suck it up and go to the ones you can. Granted I'm interviewing in a smaller-ish field but I have already seen this burn a couple applicants, as the chiefs certainly take notice.
 
Why not ask about the area? Great neighborhoods, good places to eat, traffic, parking. You can ask them about their lives, families, etc. If you are single, do you want to be at a program where everyone is married with children and not really interested in socializing after hours at a pub.
 
Poit said:
I just can't go through 10 more of these dinners with everyone asking each other "so...where are you from?" round-robin style. I'm a social being who likes good conversation, but I've never been great with mingling.

Anyone have any good conversation starters?
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You're the first person to talk to me since I left the asylum.
 
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Osteosaur said:
"So what do you think of Trump?"
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Ha.

But in all seriousness... I have always found it intensely unprofessional for residents and attendings to discuss politics during the interview process. It's brought up either by those too self-absorbed to believe that people could disagree with them, or those taking advantage of the power dynamic at play (knowing full well that no applicant would dare voice disagreement).
 
Ask about the local sports teams and music/culture fests in the area. it will give you a good idea of what the social atmosphere is like, and if no one is able to comment or says they are all to busy with residency... Well, you can read into that as much as you wish. Movies that came out in the past year are another good conversation starter.
 
I can't really speak to this as I'm just an M1. But did you have any work experience before medical school? Functions like this aren't about being a social butterfly or taking that sad girl who studies alone under your wing and making her your project. Some of my classmates, fresh out of undergrad, have this attitude and it drives me nuts.

Sometimes all you and your coworkers can talk about is the weather or food. That is okay. People are different. (I think? Or do residencies really want more?)
 
I have talked to some residents from some residencies at my home program.

These small chat dinner things can make you stand out among the pile or push you into the DNR list.

But, from my observation, the cool things to talk about in these events are stuff to do in the local area for the next 3-5 years (restaurants, hiking trails, events, annual theatrical events, type of available schools for your kids, etc...) The strategy for this is to demonstrate interest in the program and the local community, and also open up your interests / hobbies in order to push the convo into something substantial that will connect you with some of the residents in the program.
 
Poit said:
I just can't go through 10 more of these dinners with everyone asking each other "so...where are you from?" round-robin style. I'm a social being who likes good conversation, but I've never been great with mingling.

Anyone have any good conversation starters?
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What’s your favorite political party?

Which religion do you think is the right one?

How much money do you make?

How’s your relationship with your parents?
 
Black Coffee 24/7 said:
I have talked to some residents from some residencies at my home program.

These small chat dinner things can make you stand out among the pile or push you into the DNR list.

But, from my observation, the cool things to talk about in these events are stuff to do in the local area for the next 3-5 years (restaurants, hiking trails, events, annual theatrical events, type of available schools for your kids, etc...) The strategy for this is to demonstrate interest in the program and the local community, and also open up your interests / hobbies in order to push the convo into something substantial that will connect you with some of the residents in the program.
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At my program (IM) we don't report our opinions on applicants at the dinner. I mean if someone told racist jokes all night someone might give a heads up to the program director but otherwise it's purely for the applicants.
 
cj_cregg said:
On the flip side of this, I interviewed at a program a few weeks ago where I really clicked with the residents at dinner and during my interview the PD mentioned they had put in a good word for me with her. So it probably depends on the program, and regardless I'm sure as long as you come across as normal nobody would say anything.
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In a perfect world, it should be like that. However, there are quite a few crappy people that will dislike you without a chance and look to ruin your career. These people shouldn’t practice medicine or be around people. Yet, they are out there.
 
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Wanted to give a bit of insight as someone who has been to about a dozen of these as a residency/fellowship applicant and a couple dozen as resident/fellow.

Rekt said:
Nope. These are worst part of interview season IMO. I crush interviews 1 on 1, but these dinners are pointless.
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mistafab said:
My goal is to pretend to not be able to make it to all of my pre-interview dinners.

“My apologies, I REALLY wish I would be able to make it, but blah blah blah ticket blah blah lined up blah blah.”
Click to expand...

Not showing up to the dinner/happy hour is like shooting yourself in the foot. It's not only an opportunity for you to get an idea of who you'd be spending the next 3+ years with but also a chance to make a good impression on the people who can put you over the top or sink you on the rank list. Of course everyone understands that sometimes you aren't able to make it but you should definitely be making an effort to show up. Unless of course you're boring or not personable then probably in your best interest to skip it and minimize interaction with others in the hopes that they don't notice.

cj_cregg said:
I mean, you're there to learn about the residency program, so ask some open-ended questions about the program. What do you think of the program? How are the faculty? How do you guys like living in the area? What's your typical day/week like? Stuff like this tends to start a more in depth conversation and also prompt further questions.
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If you start peppering me with questions about the program my eyes are going to glaze over and I'm going to try to get as far away from you as possible. Certainly ask about the program...keep it open ended and see what you'll get in response (which will be very telling). But skip the incessant questions about the details or obviously incendiary/probing questions.

raiderette said:
Why not ask about the area? Great neighborhoods, good places to eat, traffic, parking. You can ask them about their lives, families, etc. If you are single, do you want to be at a program where everyone is married with children and not really interested in socializing after hours at a pub.
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Questions about the area and life outside of work are much better conversation starters...and can identify areas of common ground that will lead to more fun conversations. For example I've found that discussions about online dating with those who are single are particularly amusing. All that being said if you REALLY can't find anything else to talk about, go ahead and ask questions about the program...awkward silence is also not great.

radsisrad said:
Ha.

But in all seriousness... I have always found it intensely unprofessional for residents and attendings to discuss politics during the interview process. It's brought up either by those too self-absorbed to believe that people could disagree with them, or those taking advantage of the power dynamic at play (knowing full well that no applicant would dare voice disagreement).
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It is not "intensely unprofessional" ....if you can't talk about your point of view in a measured and informed manner then that's a big problem. If you obviously disagree and don't say anything that says a lot about your personality and personal conviction. I would much rather someone who respectfully disagrees and voices their opinion appropriately. If you can't politely and articulately disagree or provide your input when talking about political views then I certainly don't want you on my team in the ICU where you might see something dangerous or being done incorrectly and just keep your mouth shut because of "power dynamics" and not wanting to ruffle feathers.
 
Excellent

MeatTornado said:
Not showing up to the dinner/happy hour is like shooting yourself in the foot. It's not only an opportunity for you to get an idea of who you'd be spending the next 3+ years with but also a chance to make a good impression on the people who can put you over the top or sink you on the rank list. Of course everyone understands that sometimes you aren't able to make it but you should definitely be making an effort to show up. Unless of course you're boring or not personable then probably in your best interest to skip it and minimize interaction with others in the hopes that they don't notice.
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MeatTornado said:
It is not "intensely unprofessional" ....if you can't talk about your point of view in a measured and informed manner then that's a big problem. If you obviously disagree and don't say anything that says a lot about your personality and personal conviction. I would much rather someone who respectfully disagrees and voices their opinion appropriately. If you can't politely and articulately disagree or provide your input when talking about political views then I certainly don't want you on my team in the ICU where you might see something dangerous or being done incorrectly and just keep your mouth shut because of "power dynamics" and not wanting to ruffle feathers.
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Actually, yes - it is intensely unprofessional for a faculty member to make explicitly political remarks and "jokes" for two minutes during a noon conference, or for residents to initiate political discussions at applicant dinners. Political views have absolutely nothing to do with a radiology case conference, dermatology program overview, or internal medicine noon lecture.
 
First response was the best. Obviously, don't lead with politics. I agree that politics where there is a differential power dynamic, especially at a first meeting, is not a good idea.

Ask about what residents think about the area, focusing on what will be relevant to you. For example, if you're single and looking, ask about how often residents go out, places to go for single people, figure out how many of them are married and have kids already, etc.

If you're married with kids, ask how many others have kids, what areas/schools are good, etc.

Ask about cool stuff to do in the area - people get more excited to talk about fun stuff rather than just the program.

Can pepper in some stuff about the program, but I agree to keep it open ended and let the residents tell you about whatever they feel strongest about.

Idk man, just be a social person. Don't be socially awkward. Don't ask inappropriate stuff (like half the replies on this thread). Being unable to have a conversation about whatever is not ideal. I think going to the pre-interview dinner, which is generally free food at the least, is never a bad thing, and I would only miss it if I HAD to.
 
radsisrad said:
Actually, yes - it is intensely unprofessional for a faculty member to make explicitly political remarks and "jokes" for two minutes during a noon conference, or for residents to initiate political discussions at applicant dinners. Political views have absolutely nothing to do with a radiology case conference, dermatology program overview, or internal medicine noon lecture.
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Hahahaha well no one told my program director.
 
Good Lord, if you cant make small talk, what are you doing In medicine? Apply path or rads if you cant. Are you so self absorbed you cant make small talk and connect with people? Get over yourself OP.
 
curbsideconsult said:
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  • Who here hates small talk as much as I do?
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Why is it that everyone gets yea or nay wrong? Why does everyone seem to think it is yay or nay? Do you think congressmen are voting by expressing their excitement for legislature in their chamber seats? Jesus christ.
 
Psai said:
Why is it that everyone gets yea or nay wrong? Why does everyone seem to think it is yay or nay? Do you think congressmen are voting by expressing their excitement for legislature in their chamber seats? Jesus christ.
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That's how excited I am for the new Sabrina. Jesus H. Christ. You forgot the "H" and you should capitalize "Christ." And I think you meant "congresspeople." Or maybe not.
 
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MeatTornado said:
Wanted to give a bit of insight as someone who has been to about a dozen of these as a residency/fellowship applicant and a couple dozen as resident/fellow.





Not showing up to the dinner/happy hour is like shooting yourself in the foot. It's not only an opportunity for you to get an idea of who you'd be spending the next 3+ years with but also a chance to make a good impression on the people who can put you over the top or sink you on the rank list. Of course everyone understands that sometimes you aren't able to make it but you should definitely be making an effort to show up. Unless of course you're boring or not personable then probably in your best interest to skip it and minimize interaction with others in the hopes that they don't notice.



If you start peppering me with questions about the program my eyes are going to glaze over and I'm going to try to get as far away from you as possible. Certainly ask about the program...keep it open ended and see what you'll get in response (which will be very telling). But skip the incessant questions about the details or obviously incendiary/probing questions.



Questions about the area and life outside of work are much better conversation starters...and can identify areas of common ground that will lead to more fun conversations. For example I've found that discussions about online dating with those who are single are particularly amusing. All that being said if you REALLY can't find anything else to talk about, go ahead and ask questions about the program...awkward silence is also not great.

It is not "intensely unprofessional" ....if you can't talk about your point of view in a measured and informed manner then that's a big problem. If you obviously disagree and don't say anything that says a lot about your personality and personal conviction. I would much rather someone who respectfully disagrees and voices their opinion appropriately. If you can't politely and articulately disagree or provide your input when talking about political views then I certainly don't want you on my team in the ICU where you might see something dangerous or being done incorrectly and just keep your mouth shut because of "power dynamics" and not wanting to ruffle feathers.
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I just want to second all of this. As a med student I didn’t think the interview dinners were a big deal. Yet when we go around the room ranking candidates the FIRST THING the chair asks the residents is “did he/she come to the dinner?” Everytime. If you think nobody is noticing that you didn’t come, you’re fooling yourself.

Also not talking about politics is a uniquely American thing. People talk about politics all the time in polite conversation in Europe and still manage not to kill each other or call each other Hitler.
 
I’m at a program where they do ask the residents their impressions of the candidates (from dinners, the tour, etc). But I don’t think it has THAT much impact on your rank list. We also did respect that not everyone can make the dinners.

Though going to so many of these dinners can be tiring- they can be good informational sessions and give you a good sense of the culture of the program. This is more useful than talking to the faculty in my opinion.

I’ll echo what others have said- ask about the area, what things/places are there to do, where do the residents live, how affordable? Etc.

I would ask about the program- but I focused on questions that wouldn’t be answered during the formal interview info session the next day- questions like “What’s the relationship like between faculty and residents? How much autonomy do you get during X,Y,Z? What’s your schedule like (to hear the residents describe it from their point of view)?” Etc.


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this might not be the best choice, but if you're interviewing at an academic place, I always like to ask people what they are most excited about whether it's a specific development in their field, or the future of medicine, or how they hope to change the world, etc. If you can get someone to talk about what they are passionate about, they will just go on forever with minimal effort by you. All you have to do is actively listen, pepper in a few related questions, and they will think you are awesome even though you probably did 5% of the talking. It's also a great way to learn about cool things that are happening! And as an introvert this is key for me because I don't particularly enjoy trying to keep conversations going. :cat:
 
Poit said:
I just can't go through 10 more of these dinners with everyone asking each other "so...where are you from?" round-robin style. I'm a social being who likes good conversation, but I've never been great with mingling.

Anyone have any good conversation starters?
Click to expand...



Confused with your last sentence? Are you trying to say you're an introvert who likes to have meaningful conversations, but doesn't like large groups? Anyways, avoid politics/religion. Even in today's political climate where anything the president says can go unedited on SNL, the nation's still pretty divided. I've witnessed attempts at this go poorly multiple times as there's always that one guy/girl who will disagree. If you're doing something humble-brag worthy with your time now that board exams and grades are out of the way, talk about that. If not, talk about Netflix shows, Podcasts, and Sports (careful with college football in the midwest, things can get heated) because everyone's doing that now with all this time in hotels, etc. Meal prep/exercise are also relatively popular since everyone's trying to get back into shape. Also, don't waste the opportunity to ask about the programs and don't be shy. One thing I regret was not being direct enough during the dinners. Everyone's here for the program, there's nothing wrong with getting right to the meat of it. That said, don't overburden us with questions. Just start the subject and then when the residents are talking, listen because they know more about what they'd have liked to know in your shoes than you do.
 
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cj_cregg said:
Just had an interview in Columbus - I don't care about sports much but my family are all Michigan fans - and somehow managed to slip through the cracks without getting asked if I was a buckeye fan. So relieved.
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I did my masters at OSU. The manufactured rivalry between the two is intense and at times violent. I used to have a dark blue car when I lived near campus. I parked it at my lab (away from campus) and left it there when the OSU/Michigan game was local. There was legitimate concern drunk frat boys would overturn and light my car on fire. Fortunately, the only things lit on fire were furniture and clothing.


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atomi said:
Also not talking about politics is a uniquely American thing. People talk about politics all the time in polite conversation in Europe and still manage not to kill each other or call each other Hitler.
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Talk all you want about politics in polite conversation. But it's either a bad idea (for an applicant) or unprofessional (for an interviewer/ranker) in the setting of a job interview.
 
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