Snapshot of marriage

[LADoc00]

From today:

DEAR ABBY: My heart is pounding and I'm at my wit's end. This situation is difficult to explain. I'm afraid that other readers may be facing the same horror that I'm dealing with, so please advise us on how to handle an extremely delicate situation.
My husband has it in his head to do genetic testing for "genealogy" purposes. It isn't cheap. One of the places he wants testing from charges a couple of hundred dollars. He has asked me to have it done, too. I told him I wasn't interested and I thought it was too expensive.

Now he wants to have our 17-year-old son tested. I have argued that our son should not have his DNA on record anywhere, that he really needs both parents to give consent for testing, and it costs too much.

The horror I really have is that, 18 years ago, I made an awful mistake. I don't know if my husband is the father of our son. I'm having panic attacks about his finding out how awful I was 18 years ago.

Can you issue advice that these DNA tests should not be used on minor children, and that there are powerful reasons why not? Can you think of any other reasons I can give for not having him tested so I can convince my husband to drop the idea?

1 in 5 (!!!) children born into a supposedly stable marriage is not the biological offspring of the husband. Sad but true, test your kids guys!!!!

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[Plato'sWife]

From today:


1 in 5 (!!!) children born into a supposedly stable marriage is not the biological offspring of the husband. Sad but true, test your kids guys!!!!

So to be clear, you are advising men to have doubt and test their children. Why is this your opinion? If a man acts like a father of a child for 17 years, loves him, takes care of him, models to him what it means to be a man, are you then saying that if he has a genetic test done that indicates otherwise that he should leave? Not act as the child's father anymore? That their bond should be changed or decreased?

I am not in any way condoning what the woman who wrote the Dear Abby article did. I am just asking when is our ability to obtain information harmful? While genetic information is extremely beneficial and important, isn't their something to be said for the emotional and familial effects that would occur?

 

[lovemydrhubby]

No, their bond shouldn't change--he's DEFINITELY still "dad"--- there is so much more to being a dad than genetics.

However, it would be extremely upsetting for this man to find out not only the son is not biologically his (which I would venture to say he could "live with"-- many people adopt their step kids etc- it's not really hard to love a child that is not biologically yours especially if you had done it for 17 yrs!!)...but that his WIFE (of 17+ yrs) broke their marriage vows....


I don't think ALL men should worry about their children's paternity- but I do think ALL men and women should take their marriage seriously. If someone made a mistake, it's best to get it out in the open early on rather than continue to lie and hope no one finds out.



So what did Dear Abby suggest???

I bet Maury would love to get this "case" on his show

 

[LADoc00]

So to be clear, you are advising men to have doubt and test their children. Why is this your opinion? If a man acts like a father of a child for 17 years, loves him, takes care of him, models to him what it means to be a man, are you then saying that if he has a genetic test done that indicates otherwise that he should leave? Not act as the child's father anymore? That their bond should be changed or decreased?

I am not in any way condoning what the woman who wrote the Dear Abby article did. I am just asking when is our ability to obtain information harmful? While genetic information is extremely beneficial and important, isn't their something to be said for the emotional and familial effects that would occur?

Thanks for illustrating my point so well.

First off, the supposed "bond" is predicated on a lie. Ever heard of "Follow the truth and the truth shall set you free"? Obviously not.

Secondly, information is harmful to whom? Harmful to a woman and her illegitimate offpsring's ability to endless siphon off the last remaining honest men? Do you even have a scrap of integrity? Rhetorical question, nevermind.

There is something to be said for the effects of truth, they would be such:
When, and only when, people realize there are real consequences of their actions..only when the light of truth is shed into the dark corners of modern life..only when children are respected enough to be entrusted with the knowledge of who their real fathers are!...can this ever change.

Veritas Aequitas

 

[LADoc00]

No, their bond shouldn't change--he's DEFINITELY still "dad"--- there is so much more to being a dad than genetics.

And there was more to slavery than picking cotton, more to Facism than the Nazi concentration camps and more to Democrats than Ted Kennedy, but that doesnt make them good!

"Dad" is a lie, perhaps the single biggest lie that can be predicated on mankind. Take a moment to reflect how you would feel if your entire life was an illusion, a story, the grandparents and father you knew as yours were actors in a theatre of the absurd called the "Sorry azz story of your life".

 

[Plato'sWife]

Thanks for illustrating my point so well.

First off, the supposed "bond" is predicated on a lie. Ever heard of "Follow the truth and the truth shall set you free"? Obviously not.

Secondly, information is harmful to whom? Harmful to a woman and her illegitimate offpsring's ability to endless siphon off the last remaining honest men? Do you even have a scrap of integrity? Rhetorical question, nevermind.

There is something to be said for the effects of truth, they would be such:
When, and only when, people realize there are real consequences of their actions..only when the light of truth is shed into the dark corners of modern life..only when children are respected enough to be entrusted with the knowledge of who their real fathers are!...can this ever change.

Veritas Aequitas

Wow! I thought these forums allowed open-minded people to exchange ideas and consequently, possibly, just maybe, learn from one another and come out better for it. I didn't know that the only purpose of your initial post was to wait and attack the people who responded. Seems like you already have your mind made up about let's see... everything?... and don't really have the need to want to communicate with others. That said, with respect to you challenging my integrity... if you are going to judge, at least do so regarding something you know about. Things you don't know... me (for one) and how to read, apparently. I didn't provide a personal viewpoint. All I did was raise a question. I specifically stated that I did not condone the woman's actions. And, since you are quoting John 8:32 I thought I would continue it on for you with John 8:43 "Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say."

Take care.

 

[bananaface]

From today:


1 in 5 (!!!) children born into a supposedly stable marriage is not the biological offspring of the husband. Sad but true, test your kids guys!!!!

Who is your source? Maury Povich?

 

[sacrament]

Who is your source? Maury Povich?

I've heard in the 1 in 5 statistic too, with the explanation that this figure was determined incidentally while running HLA screening on children awaiting organ transplantation. I've never done the research to determine if this is true or medico-urban legend. Neither would surprise me.

 

[Do.the.DO]

Wow! I thought these forums allowed open-minded people to exchange ideas and consequently, possibly, just maybe, learn from one another and come out better for it. I didn't know that the only purpose of your initial post was to wait and attack the people who responded. Seems like you already have your mind made up about let's see... everything?... and don't really have the need to want to communicate with others. That said, with respect to you challenging my integrity... if you are going to judge, at least do so regarding something you know about. Things you don't know... me (for one) and how to read, apparently. I didn't provide a personal viewpoint. All I did was raise a question. I specifically stated that I did not condone the woman's actions. And, since you are quoting John 8:32 I thought I would continue it on for you with John 8:43 "Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say."

Take care.

Well done.

 

[Do.the.DO]

"Dad" is a lie, perhaps the single biggest lie that can be predicated on mankind. Take a moment to reflect how you would feel if your entire life was an illusion, a story, the grandparents and father you knew as yours were actors in a theatre of the absurd called the "Sorry azz story of your life".

Wow. Too bad you didn't specialize in psychology. Sounds like someone has some serious daddy and/or trust issues.

 

[aggie-master]

What was Abby's advice?

I plan on having my kids tested too if I ever have some. I'm into that DNA geneological research too and plan to have myself tested some day. I may even have my dad tested too. I doubt anything would come up though because my siblings and I all look exactly like my dad's family and nothing like my mother's family. The worst case scenario is that my mom cheated on my dad with one of his brothers.

 

[LADoc00]

What was Abby's advice?

I plan on having my kids tested too if I ever have some. I'm into that DNA geneological research too and plan to have myself tested some day. I may even have my dad tested too. I doubt anything would come up though because my siblings and I all look exactly like my dad's family and nothing like my mother's family. The worst case scenario is that my mom cheated on my dad with one of his brothers.

Abby's advice was bascially "STFU you whoring biotch" ...I had to laugh after reading it.

 

[toofache32]

 

[Stroganoff]

So to be clear, you are advising men to have doubt and test their children. Why is this your opinion? If a man acts like a father of a child for 17 years, loves him, takes care of him, models to him what it means to be a man, are you then saying that if he has a genetic test done that indicates otherwise that he should leave? Not act as the child's father anymore? That their bond should be changed or decreased?

The bond should not change, nor should the love. And it's still not conclusive that the son isn't biologically his. The only known fact is the adultery.

I am not in any way condoning what the woman who wrote the Dear Abby article did. I am just asking when is our ability to obtain information harmful? While genetic information is extremely beneficial and important, isn't their something to be said for the emotional and familial effects that would occur?

Yeah, it could result in divorce and other bad emotional things, but for a spouse to keep such a dark secret until death is despicable. Personal responsibility and courage to admit mistakes are paramount to one's integrity. Also is the ability for the other spouse to forgive the adulterer.

Sucky situation, but I still think the truth needs to come out.

 

[LADoc00]

Nice! I should have just posted that instead of typing.

 

[thirdunity]

Nice! I should have just posted that instead of typing.

hey, that's how my first boyfriend (Chinese descent) knew his next girlfriend's kid wasn't his. The kid was totally white.

That said, in the pic, how do we know the kid wasn't adopted?

 

[toofache32]

That said, in the pic, how do we know the kid wasn't adopted?

We don't. But you're missing the point if you're worried about that.

 

[FutureTeacher]

The woman who wrote to Dear Abby is a skank for cheating in the first place and even skankier for passing off the child as her husbands.

She should come clean ASAP.