So confused...

[Dr.Jamie]

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I think I need to talk to a therapist about this. I'm having major confusion issues. For years I was going to be a dentist, I did everything I thought I had to, and I felt I was very passionate about it. I've applied to dental school twice, with no luck. My uncle is a dentist, and I've worked for him for years, so going into dentistry was more than a career, it was an opportunity for me to take over a successful family business. I have a VERY close family.

I've had some wake up calls. I moved away with my boyfriend, and will be entering graduate school for biology in the spring. I chose to work with a professor of virology, because I LOVE studying human pathogens. I've always been passionate about medicine and I always said that it would be my dream job if given the chance to do anything. I would love to work with infectious disease. I feel like something in my gut is telling me to pursue this, and that I am capable of it. I'm just so scared. I was so convinced dentistry was for me, but I look back on my performance, and there is something missing. I never truly put my all into my path to dentistry. My academic past is so average, and my advisor actually once asked me what was holding me back because she felt I wasn't applying myself. I feel like I was just moving through the motions to make my family happy.

I just don't know what to do. I'm so afraid my family will be mad, because two of my very close family members sort of depend on me being a dentist. I know deep down they want me to be happy, but they tend to be somewhat controlling. I'm also afraid for myself. I want a family and a normal life. I'm afraid to fail, and wish I would have just kept on track. Anyone have advice? Anyone struggling with a similar situation?

 

[Yourmother]

I I'm afraid to fail, and wish I would have just kept on track.

I'm sure you will get some excellent replies but my lunch is getting cold and I only have a few minutes.

My eye caught the last past of your post. I was afraid too, and I quit many years ago. I'm actually glad I did because I was so wrapped up in the image of being a doctor.

The reason I was afraid was because I thought it was simply a one shot, one kill opportunity. It sounds trite and cliche, but your only going to fail if you fail to try. If you have average grades, so what get good ones. That's what I've done.

Instead of making this big decision now, instread of making this grand proclamation, try being a human first and premed second. Why not take it in small steps and try the "we'll see approach"? But many people choose to be pre-med because it gives them an identity, a rally cry. When I was 18, I was one of those people. Now I'm 31.

Medicine and medical school is an accomplishment for sure. However, it won't magically make all your problems go away. Its not the land of milk and honey. You don't get a gift certificate to the Playboy Mansion.

So relax. Your goal is fine, its your perspective that needs to be adjusted. Small steps, small steps.....

 

[Yourmother]

Something else to consider.

It took another profession for me to become confident in my potential. When I was in finance, I had to take an exam for a professional license. For those who don't know the series 7 is a six hour exam that is somewhat of a bit*h of a test.

The firm just gave me a 1,200 page book and told me I had 2 months. I studied day and night, thought I was going to fail and scored in the top 95 percentile. Now I consider the test pretty easy and straightforward, but at the time I thought it was tough as rocket science. After that, I adopted a "I can do this" attitude.

One thing led to another..

It's easy for people to tell you to "have confidence" and "believe in yourself" but I was stubborn. I didn't trust myself until I overcame an obstacle. Maybe you will have to do the same.

Maybe a sport would do. There is nothing more challenging than rock climbing. That is the ultimate physical puzzle. It literally forces you to find a path when there is nothing, you build confidence, strength both mental and physical. And just when you think you can't find a something to grasp, you find something.

I'm just learning the sport but you get my drift.....

 

[Dr.Jamie]

you said~
"Instead of making this big decision now, instread of making this grand proclamation, try being a human first and premed second. Why not take it in small steps and try the "we'll see approach"? But many people choose to be pre-med because it gives them an identity, a rally cry. When I was 18, I was one of those people. Now I'm 31."

I have to say that I agree with you, but at the same time my whole life my family hasn't really allowed me to take that attitude. I have been trained to feel like I have one shot, if I screw up, Its all my fault. Do things right the first time, think later. I've never really let myself be human I guess. I told myself that I could enjoy life, get married, have a family all after i'm a successful dentist. Now i'm realizing I just don't think that works for me, and I'm thinking the "we'll see approach" may be my best option. The problem with that is money or time doesn't grow on trees, and I feel like I'm wasting both. I think this is why I'm so torn. I sort of feel like I have a limited amount of time and resources to make this big choice, and I have to make it work now.

 

[Rotinaj]

Don't let your family dictate your life. They need to accept the fact that you don't want to be a dentist and that your own happiness should be paramount to their expectations.

 

[gman33]

If you are interested in medicine, why are going after an MS in BIO? Is it part of your application strategy? Why not just apply now for med school?

Do you have a lower ug GPA that you are trying to compensate for? If so, a grad degree may not be the best route. Boosting your UG GPA and doing well on the MCAT are the main academic keys to getting accepted.

Think about what you want to do for your life. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. If medicine is what you really want, come up with a plan that will get you accepted and then execute that plan.

 

[Yourmother]

I feel like I'm wasting both. I think this is why I'm so torn. I sort of feel like I have a limited amount of time and resources to make this big choice, and I have to make it work now.

If you want to continue to punish yourself, your doing a great job. Again, I did that for years and all I'm left is desire. Running out resources? limited amount of time?, you say........then you must be 70 and live in Afghanistan.