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- Jun 5, 2015
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It’s been a few months since leaving medical school, and I am becoming increasingly disappointed by my current situation. I stand by my decision, which I made for human reasons — the incessant memorization required of me was burning me out big time, and doing an extremely poor job of exemplifying what I’m capable of in terms of general aptitude. My continual sense that output was not equalling input was quite frankly making me sick in the head, and there was no chance that I could have made a healthy future doctor, let alone a healthy person in general, continuing on at that rate.
I would have excelled in the clinical realm, but my dreams of reaching that point were getting further away the harder I worked. There were also some important logistics behind the decision that I made to leave. One such logistic involved a end-of-year rule change requiring students to also remediate low passing scores in addition to failing scores. At that point, I had no failing scores but did have a few low passes on my transcript: one from my first attempt at second year, after my uncle died (and at which point I decided to take a personal leave). The second low score came later on, during the middle of my second attempt at second year, after my grandma died. The third one came a few months after that — it was my first "legitimate" marginal pass and, surprisingly, not a complete fail; I had some real trouble mastering the material in that particular theme.
In essence, I found out at the end of my second year that I would now have to remediate several courses in lieu of studying for Step 1. Then, instead of joining my classmates in starting third year, I would sit-out during the first rotation of my clinical track to study for and take the boards. Unfortunately, this would place me on a “decelerated fourth year,” and I could look forward to an entire additional year of total isolation after my classmates graduated, where I would do internship-style research and/or do work abroad that would bolster my application. I would graduate in 2018, at 30 years of age. And, good luck to me in terms of getting a deserving job after all of that, because it wasn’t looking good in terms of matching for residency — even in family medicine, which I was hoping very much to go into.
The format of my revised future as it was suddenly provided to me by my advising dean was the straw that broke the camels back. I felt like I was being thrown around in there like some sort of puppet, and I had had enough. Their advice to me that I should do a better job of suppressing my emotions in response to the loss of loved ones was quite possibly the most ineffective piece of advice that I’ve ever received. That was, I think, the last piece of advice that I received from my institution before calling it quits — white flag, you win. And, they certainly did win out in this case — they’ve pocketed about $200,000, and haven’t contacted me since.
At our last meeting together, my advising dean told me that I should get out of dodge and go to the Bahamas, which was confusing because I’m broke, and not in any sort of mood to go to the beach right now. I’m intelligent, capable, and still desiring very much so to be a productive member of society. I was accepted into a MD program with a 1.5% acceptance rate. My MCAT score was in the 94th percentile, and I got through first year with all passing grades. To go back to school now for anything seems ridiculous. I am not braindead, and I am not defeated. I still have a lot to offer to the fields of science and medicine, and MD or not, the school didn’t take away my brain; the knowledge I gained over the 2.5 years of extremely hard work that I did is still with me, in my head.
These are the sorts of things that I’ve been wrestling with, lately, and I hope my insight here is helpful to anyone considering entering (or leaving) medicine.
I would have excelled in the clinical realm, but my dreams of reaching that point were getting further away the harder I worked. There were also some important logistics behind the decision that I made to leave. One such logistic involved a end-of-year rule change requiring students to also remediate low passing scores in addition to failing scores. At that point, I had no failing scores but did have a few low passes on my transcript: one from my first attempt at second year, after my uncle died (and at which point I decided to take a personal leave). The second low score came later on, during the middle of my second attempt at second year, after my grandma died. The third one came a few months after that — it was my first "legitimate" marginal pass and, surprisingly, not a complete fail; I had some real trouble mastering the material in that particular theme.
In essence, I found out at the end of my second year that I would now have to remediate several courses in lieu of studying for Step 1. Then, instead of joining my classmates in starting third year, I would sit-out during the first rotation of my clinical track to study for and take the boards. Unfortunately, this would place me on a “decelerated fourth year,” and I could look forward to an entire additional year of total isolation after my classmates graduated, where I would do internship-style research and/or do work abroad that would bolster my application. I would graduate in 2018, at 30 years of age. And, good luck to me in terms of getting a deserving job after all of that, because it wasn’t looking good in terms of matching for residency — even in family medicine, which I was hoping very much to go into.
The format of my revised future as it was suddenly provided to me by my advising dean was the straw that broke the camels back. I felt like I was being thrown around in there like some sort of puppet, and I had had enough. Their advice to me that I should do a better job of suppressing my emotions in response to the loss of loved ones was quite possibly the most ineffective piece of advice that I’ve ever received. That was, I think, the last piece of advice that I received from my institution before calling it quits — white flag, you win. And, they certainly did win out in this case — they’ve pocketed about $200,000, and haven’t contacted me since.
At our last meeting together, my advising dean told me that I should get out of dodge and go to the Bahamas, which was confusing because I’m broke, and not in any sort of mood to go to the beach right now. I’m intelligent, capable, and still desiring very much so to be a productive member of society. I was accepted into a MD program with a 1.5% acceptance rate. My MCAT score was in the 94th percentile, and I got through first year with all passing grades. To go back to school now for anything seems ridiculous. I am not braindead, and I am not defeated. I still have a lot to offer to the fields of science and medicine, and MD or not, the school didn’t take away my brain; the knowledge I gained over the 2.5 years of extremely hard work that I did is still with me, in my head.
These are the sorts of things that I’ve been wrestling with, lately, and I hope my insight here is helpful to anyone considering entering (or leaving) medicine.
