SO just left me.. right before rotations and boards

[fantasticplanet]

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So my world just got rocked last week when my SO, with whom I believed we had a rock-solid foundation through our almost 5-year relationship, just left me last week unable to cope anymore with the strain of med school on our relationship.

This couldn't have come at a worse time as I was already feeling unprepared for boards, and now I am really struggling to maintain any focus to study now, let alone tackling the changes of rotations in a week. I pushed my exam date back so I will be taking it in Aug, towards the tail end of my 2 month-long IM rotation.

She still loves and supports me, but needs time away because she was internalizing feelings of bitterness towards med school demands in a way that was bringing out qualities in her that she didn't like. There was a lot of guilt involved where she all she wanted to do was to spend time with me, but she knew each moment and conversation with her was time taking away from studying. However, she understands that she is a huge emotional support for me, and still wants to help me through this unbelievably stressful period of my life, and so we've recently come to terms with seeing each other once or twice a week to feel out the relationship going forward and to help me maintain my sanity a little. She just needs time apart to re-evaulate whether she can commit to the road this relationship takes. It is enough at this moment to give me peace of mind to at least devote energy towards board studying again.

So I ask: Given that I can regain my focus, how difficult will it be to study for boards alongside IM? Is there a lot of IM rotation-specific material I need to study each week and will it supplement my board studying?

Also: If you had a relationship throughout med school, how did you and your significant other maintain a relationship through the stress and time constraints of medicine? With such a long and increasingly daunting road (esp internship for me), I am feeling drained and am beginning to lose faith that we can make this relationship work.

I feel like my world is falling apart and I'm doing everything I can to hold it together. Any advice is greatly appreciated right now.

 

[surftheiop]

So my world just got rocked last week when my SO, with whom I believed we had a rock-solid foundation through our almost 5-year relationship, just left me last week unable to cope anymore with the strain of med school on our relationship.

This couldn't have come at a worse time as I was already feeling unprepared for boards, and now I am really struggling to maintain any focus to study now, let alone tackling the changes of rotations in a week. I pushed my exam date back so I will be taking it in Aug, towards the tail end of my 2 month-long IM rotation.

She still loves and supports me, but needs time away because she was internalizing feelings of bitterness towards med school demands in a way that was bringing out qualities in her that she didn't like. There was a lot of guilt involved where she all she wanted to do was to spend time with me, but she knew each moment and conversation with her was time taking away from studying. However, she understands that she is a huge emotional support for me, and still wants to help me through this unbelievably stressful period of my life, and so we've recently come to terms with seeing each other once or twice a week to feel out the relationship going forward and to help me maintain my sanity a little. She just needs time apart to re-evaulate whether she can commit to the road this relationship takes. It is enough at this moment to give me peace of mind to at least devote energy towards board studying again.

So I ask you all: What challenges am I to expect through this IM rotation? How difficult will it be to study for boards alongside IM? How much IM rotation-specific material must I study each week and will it supplement my board studying?

Also: If you had a relationship throughout med school, how did you and your significant other stay strong and maintain a relationship through the stress and time constraints of medicine? With such a long and increasingly daunting road (esp internship for me), I feel completely drained and am beginning to lose faith that we can make this relationship work.

I feel like my world is falling apart in my hands and I'm doing everything I can to hold it together. Any advice is greatly appreciated right now.

I would say definately get an appointment with your medschool's counseling/psychological services. Medschool is obviously a big strain for a lot of people's relationships so they probably help several people in similar situations every year. I hope all the best for you.

 

[TooMuchResearch]

The SO and I prioritize spending at least 1-2 hours together daily, unless absolutely impossible. More often than I want, I buy this time together at the cost of sleep and exercise, but the time together is necessary and keeps us happy. I have destroyed my fair share of friendships and relationships by spending all my time with school/work. It isn't worth it.

 

[DocMcCoy]

I feel for ya. I was left this summer, four weeks before step 1. Sorry to hear that man and I'll be following this thread to see what advice people are giving.

 

[Oxer45]

So my world just got rocked last week when my SO, with whom I believed we had a rock-solid foundation through our almost 5-year relationship, just left me last week unable to cope anymore with the strain of med school on our relationship.

This couldn't have come at a worse time as I was already feeling unprepared for boards, and now I am really struggling to maintain any focus to study now, let alone tackling the changes of rotations in a week. I pushed my exam date back so I will be taking it in Aug, towards the tail end of my 2 month-long IM rotation.

She still loves and supports me, but needs time away because she was internalizing feelings of bitterness towards med school demands in a way that was bringing out qualities in her that she didn't like. There was a lot of guilt involved where she all she wanted to do was to spend time with me, but she knew each moment and conversation with her was time taking away from studying. However, she understands that she is a huge emotional support for me, and still wants to help me through this unbelievably stressful period of my life, and so we've recently come to terms with seeing each other once or twice a week to feel out the relationship going forward and to help me maintain my sanity a little. She just needs time apart to re-evaulate whether she can commit to the road this relationship takes. It is enough at this moment to give me peace of mind to at least devote energy towards board studying again.

So I ask: Given that I can regain my focus, how difficult will it be to study for boards alongside IM? Is there a lot of IM rotation-specific material I need to study each week and will it supplement my board studying?

Also: If you had a relationship throughout med school, how did you and your significant other maintain a relationship through the stress and time constraints of medicine? With such a long and increasingly daunting road (esp internship for me), I am feeling drained and am beginning to lose faith that we can make this relationship work.

I feel like my world is falling apart and I'm doing everything I can to hold it together. Any advice is greatly appreciated right now.

DTB. It takes a special kind of woman to leave you right before Step I and ruin your future. After 5 yrs together, she could've broken up with you 1 mo later.

 

[ijn]

She didn't ruin anything. How you perform on STEP 1 is all on you.

 

[genswim24]

She didn't ruin anything. How you perform on STEP 1 is all on you.

Sure, if you're a robot nothing in your outside life affects your test performance. In the real world, with human beings taking the step exams, things such as breaking off a five year relationship, death of a loved one, sick child, etc alter your mental well being. This can have a huge impact on test performance.

I agree with oxer that it was inconsiderate, especially with how long they have been together. My good friend got broken up with the night he finished step I. He was so grateful he wasn't given the same information weeks earlier which would have totally messed with his ability to study.

 

[taimaisu24]

I have been in a 3 year relationship with 2 of those years being in medical school on top of long distance. It has been nothing short of a living hell, especially since she often doesn't understand why I don't call her back or text back right away. We've broken up and gotten back together at least twice during medical school and each time it takes my head out of medical school and definitely had an impact on how I was doing in medical school.

I would say for you the best thing to do is to decide whether this relationship is it worth the trouble of stumbling through the next two months of waiting for her to make up her mind or is it time to count your losses and focus more on nailing IM and boards. Good luck to you, I am sorry to hear about the drama especially so close to the some of the biggest events in medical school.

 

[buccsmf1]

She didn't ruin anything. How you perform on STEP 1 is all on you.

what an incredibly stupid comment.

To the OP, sorry man, I know how it feels. But contraints on your time are only going to get worse during residency. If she can't handle medical school, I have a hard time believing that she'll make it through residency.

 

[Charlie Hustle]

Hang tough, brother. Medical education can be brutal on relationships. My wife and I have had our share of ups and downs, and I haven't even started M2 yet. I can't answer your question about preparing for Step 1 during your IM rotation, but I'll be happy to offer some advice as someone who has navigated the waters of medical education with a significant other. Relationships are about communication and expectations. This might be a good opportunity for the two of you to reevaluate what you each want out of a relationship and to see if you guys will be able to meet each others' expectations in the future. If the two of you are willing to make some compromises and realize that the next few years will likely be some of the most difficult you'll face, then you may be able to work things out; if not, it might be time to move on with your lives. I agree with the previous post about seeking out counseling from your institution. Many students face similar circumstances every year, and talking to a professional may help take some of the salt out of the wound. Try to keep your head up, partner.

 

[ijn]

Sure, if you're a robot nothing in your outside life affects your test performance. In the real world, with human beings taking the step exams, things such as breaking off a five year relationship, death of a loved one, sick child, etc alter your mental well being. This can have a huge impact on test performance.

I agree with oxer that it was inconsiderate, especially with how long they have been together. My good friend got broken up with the night he finished step I. He was so grateful he wasn't given the same information weeks earlier which would have totally messed with his ability to study.

He was going to do bad on STEP 1 even before she broke up with him. This is just an easy excuse.

What a girl.

 

[JackShephard MD]

what an incredibly stupid comment.

To the OP, sorry man, I know how it feels. But contraints on your time are only going to get worse during residency. If she can't handle medical school, I have a hard time believing that she'll make it through residency.

+1

She didn't ruin anything. How you perform on STEP 1 is all on you.

He was going to do bad on STEP 1 even before she broke up with him. This is just an easy excuse.

What a girl.

I didn't realize guys like you are still out there. I think this is what admissions committees meant when they said all book smarts, no people skills + no life experiences outside of school.

You're probably intelligent to be so arrogant, but you may want to try to have some compassion and empathy for human beings going through difficulties.

Please stop kicking people who are down. It's immature and childish. You should be embarrassed of your words.

 

[flodhi1]

He was going to do bad on STEP 1 even before she broke up with him. This is just an easy excuse.

What a girl.

This is the future of medicine right here just kill me now.

 

[Ilovewater]

Also: If you had a relationship throughout med school, how did you and your significant other maintain a relationship through the stress and time constraints of medicine? With such a long and increasingly daunting road (esp internship for me), I am feeling drained and am beginning to lose faith that we can make this relationship work.

I just took Step 1 today, and the last 6 weeks have been rough but my boyfriend has been incredibly patient and understanding. We always made sure to spend at least 1 hour/day together either during lunch or dinner (depending on his work schedule). We were also in a long-distance relationship for 5-6 years prior to this, so I guess we have an easier time coping with not spending tons of time with each other. The key is that your partner has to understand that you have to dedicate a lot of your time to studying/working. However, you also have to do your part and make time for your gf (which I'm sure you tried your best to). Communicate so that each of you know what to expect. If your girlfriend still can't handle it, then there's nothing much you can do. She'll be better off with someone who can meet her needs, and you'll be better off with someone who can meet yours.

Sorry you are hurting. Feel better soon, and good luck with Step 1 and rotations!

 

[hamms]

My roommate had a huge fight with his girlfriend a week before Step 1. Big mistake. His score was too embarrassing to show - this guy was AOA material. Personal problems are never conducive to test taking, especially on important tests. So I can sympathize.

 

[sylvanthus]

He was going to do bad on STEP 1 even before she broke up with him. This is just an easy excuse.

What a girl.

My advice, make sure you beat this fuk on Step 1.

 

[ijn]

My advice, make sure you beat this fuk on Step 1.

Impossible.

 

[jonb12997]

so it doesn't really have anything to do with the OP specific situation, but it seems like this thread is turning into a "how to survive med school with a SO", which is a worthwhile discussion so I'll throw my two cents in. during M1 and M2, my wife and I would try to eat dinner together every night when I got home from lecture (yes I was one of those who needed to go and be there to hear the lecture). Right after dinner, I would help clean up (sometimes she would do it all on her own), and then I'd sit down and study for the rest of the evening while my wife watched TV or read or something like that. We'd at least me around together. The other big thing, is usually friday nights, we'd do something together, be it going to Target shopping, going to the drive inn theater near us, go to a movie, some sort of date night. That'd be "our night" together. Then Saturday and Sunday were usually spent studying. The exception to the rule was if I had a test on monday, or something like that.... Med School, Residency, and two pre-school aged kids later, we've come a long ways!

 

[PTPoeny]

One thing that I saw among a number of my classmates that had relationships end during the first two years was that they couldn't be "off". If they were driving somewhere they wanted a book in the car to study, if they were out to dinner with their SO, they were talking about lectures and material they wanted to study when they got home (or visibly preoccupied even if they weren't talking about it). One thing my now husband and I worked out early on is that dedicated time with him doesn't count if I am spending the whole time talking and thinking about school. The medical student needs to be able to let go and spend time not thinking about medical school, and I think this is even more important in relationships with two medical students.

This is something that has changed somewhat during third year as I have a lot less free time and a greater need to decompress from emotionally stressful stuff. So it definitely isn't every day anymore (especially as we didn't see each other for entire weeks during surgery and OB); however, we still have weekly time where we spend time with each other and don't talk about my schoolwork or his workwork and this has been really important to our relationship.

 

[cbtk18]

I still will never understand the people who study 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If you treat medical school like a job and study 9-5 EVERY week day, there is no reason anyone can't do it and have a normal life. Of course the days leading up to a test will be crazy, but of you do a little every day leading up to that, none of it should be that bad.

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[Rendar5]

Honestly, 1st and 2nd year med school may be the easiest times to maintain a relationship in. Let her take the time to think and feel out if she can ultimately be a doctor's wife. A lot of women are not capable of this and only realize it until after it is way too late. Be thankful you've got a smart girl there who realizes that there's going to be an emotional strain. This way, whatever decision she makes, she's doing right by you.

 

[Doctor4Life1769]

I still will never understand the people who study 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If you treat medical school like a job and study 9-5 EVERY week day, there is no reason anyone can't do it and have a normal life. Of course the days leading up to a test will be crazy, but of you do a little every day leading up to that, none of it should be that bad.

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study 9-5 daily? i guess attendance isn't mandatory for you. it was for me when i attended school.

 

[SouthSideSteve]

Impossible.

lol