Social anxiety making third year torture

[Nemi]

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Hey everyone I am new to the board but I was hoping someone would have some sort of advice.

I am really struggling in my third year of vet medicine. I've always been prone to depression and have had social anxiety for as long as I can remember. Last semester has been the worst few months of my life to date. I know third year is tough, I know vet university is tough but this last year has felt a constant uphill struggle in which the boulder is slowly crushing me. I get pretty okay grades, I do way better when not feeling so anxious and over whelmed.

The thing is that this semester is the first year I have done almost none of my exams at christmas time. Our university uses an oral exam system for the most part and I just can't face doing it anymore. Going to my lectures is hard enough, the panic I feel when sitting in the hall makes me want to vomit. After 8 hours of near panic on bad days and just mild anxiety on good days I am completely knackered when I get in. I force myself to do a couple of hours study so I can attempt to relax in the evenings. the result is I am shattered going to bed, I sleep poorly and start the whole cycle the next day. I was so tired come the exam period I had no will to fight through the anxiety of the oral exams. I was so panicked over not knowing enough that I couldn't even make a decision on what to study for first. In the end I decided to take the couple of weeks off and hope I'd recharge a bit but I am halfway through my second week back and I just want to leave.

I am so tired of veterinary medicine. I am tired of being tired, tired of having that voice in the back of my head telling me I am doing this to earn peanuts doing a job that will leave me with no social life. I really don't know what I am making myself keep doing this for. I have zero motivation and with my social anxiety being what it is I know being a general practitioner isn't for me. I am lonely, miserable, stressed and oh so very tired. I have no idea what to do and feel like a complete failure that I can't just pick myself up, glue everything back together and keep going forward. The thought of attending class makes me want to scream and weep. I have no support system here, my partner lives in another country, I have no friends and I really think at this stage I am just beaten. I feel so done, is there any way to come back from this? Is it really possible to turn around and suddenly find a love for what I am doing again? Or am I better off just calling it quits now and looking into doing something else with my life? I always thought lab work might suit me better.

 

[all605]

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. Have you considered therapy and/or medication to help with the anxiety? My situation was a little bit different than yours, but it was still anxiety based, and finding the right medication was a huge help.

 

[Sheepforever1]

If your anxiety is leaving you feeling defeated and hopeless, I think you should seek out the appropriate counseling from your school. Talk to someone, and see if there are options for things like a leave of absence. I know people who have taken a leave for a couple of weeks, and I know people who have taken a year off and returned with the following year's class. Sometimes taking a step back gives you the perspective to take a fresh look at your situation, so that you can make a less emotionally-driven decision about whether or not you should continue. Best of luck.

 

[Nemi]

I've tried a few different meds but they never seemed to work and left me either completely zombified (Not useful for studying) or had no effect. I have see 2 therapists here but finding english speaking therapists is a major problem. The language barrier aside getting myself together enough to stop panicking and talk to a stranger about my anxiety is a really big deal for me too so that is also stopping me from getting the help that I need. The campus has counselling services but they only operate for a couple of hours a week so are always completely booked up. The thing is I have already had 3 years off before starting my third year as there were a lot of personal things going on at the time and I was needed home a lot. I feel time ticking away on me as it is. I have another 3 years or so in the course and I am already 32. I know I need space to make a clear headed decision but I am at a loss as to how to get the space I need. I am really worried if I mention anything about my mental health issues they will just kick me out. When we started the course we needed to get a note from a doctor saying we were medically and mentally fit to do the course in the first place.

Thank you both for your suggestions.

 

[dyachei]

Well, the decision here is entirely yours - do you see another career that you would be willing to take on at this point in your life? Is it worth the money/debt to quit now? Those are very personal decisions. Unfortunately, this field is riddled with mental health issues, and challenges every step of the way.

Personally, I needed to make time for sleep as it can either negatively or positively affect my mental health. Even if you lose 1-2 hours of study time, your brain will likely thank you for it. It may be worth taking the meds that make you a "zombie" just at night so you can sleep an appropriate amount of time.

 

[dvmhopeful2018]

I agree with all of the above. Additionally, can you talk with your parents or someone else supportive at night for a few minutes? While I don't have the same anxiety concerns as you, I find spending even just 5 minutes on the phone with my parents every night to be helpful. They let me vent (and cry [emoji16]) and give me advice and in general it lets me keep up to date with them. Sometimes you just need someone to listen to your concerns and support you.

I would also speak to your advisor/dean of students/equivalent and see what other thoughts they might have. They may know of therapists or be willing to lend an ear.

I hope everything works out for you!


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