Social Failure. Anyone else feel like they are missing out?

[panasonic52]

Just keep doing what you're doing ... I don't know why you're so miserable. That's basically what I do ... I have a big group of friends who I socialize with at meals and sometimes in clubs but other than that I just study. You seem like you are being social with your roomate and a few friends at meals. I don't understand why you feel the need to conform to some weird social norm like .... "you're in college and you're not partying?!" that is just stupid. Drinking is stupid. College parties are stupid. Believe me I've done it all. Keep up your 4.0 man, don't worry about a girlfriend you don't have time to deal with that trust me.
Focus on academics only now and later you can have whatever kind of social life you want.

Hey now, no need to say those things are stupid! Some people don't like to drink, others do. Obviously if it goes overboard, there's a problem. And college parties aren't that bad. I feel like they gave me moments I would never want to give up. My friends that I went with to those and I now have moments we can laugh about. Making a friend through a drinking party may not be the way to go, but taking an existing friend to one can bring you two together lol.
The OP will have to focus on academics for a long time because we all know that's the nature of medicine. He can at least take a few more baby steps now to get to that point of being socially comfortable later.

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[Dr Ginger]

Good grades, social life, sleep. Pick two..welcome to college

+1 (consequently, i have developed insomnia)

i've always found it helpful to alternate heavier/lighter semesters... to sort of give myself a break. in "easier" semesters where i have taken gened classes that arent just for the science nerds in my major, ive found it a lot easier to meet people/find study buddies because people are more laid back/outgoing.

or maybe look into taking a gym class next semester. p.e. college classes are like the college version of recess 🙂 at my school you can take things like SCUBA, ballroom dance, snowboarding, Tai Chi, etc. having a break from academics might also teach you to relax a bit pick a sport that you want to try and go for it... most likely, there will be people there who know nothing about the sport too and you will already have that in common

just a suggestion.

 

[daemon14]

If it makes you feel better, your story sounds A LOT like mine from my first 2 years (top 20 school, pulled a 3.9+, took bio/chem/orgo/physics/physio/neurobiology, friends from frosh year moved off-campus and I stayed in a dorm with freshmen, only went to parties once in a blue moon).

But now I'm a senior and I'm going out a lot more - I've moved off-campus with my friends, I've met new people, gone out with a couple of girls for extended periods . The best part is, though, that my hard work during the first 2 years really allowed me to dial it back a bit during my junior and senior years -- sure my GPA has slipped a bit, but it's still up there, and I've met awesome people and had great experiences. Frankly, I'd rather have the slightly lower GPA with a life. And let's be fair, having a mediocre spring semester of junior year isn't going to hurt your running cumulative GPA as much as a mediocre freshman semester.

Not only that, but my friends who ****ed around frosh/soph year seem to be paying for it now with their neuroticism about science GPAs while I'm able to go out to bars and lounges with other non-pre-med friends on a regular basis (being 21 is great -- you don't have to drink, but you can go places where people are and are having a lot of fun). Don't get cocky with a high GPA, you should still study and keep good habits, I'm just saying that staying in and spending that extra 5 hours the night before to get that last 0.2854% of information into your head may not be the best use of your time - if you studied enough to get that A, awesome; if you didn't and are about to get an A-, it's not that big of a deal with all your prior work buffering it.

Understand that you still have 2 years of college left! Probably the better half, too, since you're older and got the hang of things.

(Also, I know a couple med students at my institution who told me to lighten up on the studying/"gunner-ing" for sanity's sake -- I'm sure there's a reason behind why they told me that. Glad they did!).

Edit: just saw your thing about how "social groups have already formed." Trust me kiddo (I know, only 2 years older than you, I just like the word 😛), people change in college and there are people just like you who still want to meet other students. You just have to put yourself out there and meet new people. I made a really awesome new friend just this last semester -- a lot of people think we were best friends from day 1 of college the way we act sometimes, haha!

 

[mitchlucker]

If it makes you feel better, your story sounds A LOT like mine from my first 2 years (top 20 school, pulled a 3.9+, took bio/chem/orgo/physics/physio/neurobiology, friends from frosh year moved off-campus and I stayed in a dorm with freshmen, only went to parties once in a blue moon).

But now I'm a senior and I'm going out a lot more - I've moved off-campus with my friends, I've met new people, gone out with a couple of girls for extended periods . The best part is, though, that my hard work during the first 2 years really allowed me to dial it back a bit during my junior and senior years -- sure my GPA has slipped under 3.9, but it's still up there, and I've met awesome people and had great experiences. Frankly, I'd rather have the slightly lower GPA with a life. And let's be fair, having a mediocre spring semester of junior year isn't going to hurt your running cumulative GPA as much as a mediocre freshman semester.

Not only that, but my friends who ****ed around frosh/soph year seem to be paying for it now with their neuroticism about science GPAs while I'm able to go out to bars and lounges with other non-pre-med friends during finals (being 21 is great). Don't get cocky with a high GPA, you should still study and keep good habits, I'm just saying that staying in and spending that extra 5 hours the night before to get that last 0.2854% of information into your head may not be the best use of your time.

Understand that you still have 2 years of college left! Probably the better half, too, since you're older and got the hang of things.

(Also, I know a couple med students at my institution who told me to lighten up on the studying/"gunner-ing" for sanity's sake -- I'm sure there's a reason behind why they told me that. Glad they did!).

Agree with this 100% ... bio is also a major that gets easier as you go along ... things start making more sense as the pieces fit together, so you have the foundations down pat so you can relax a bit and still have a good GPA.

 

[Danlee07]

friends normally have a common interest. it doesn't have to be that you both like a certain hobby or thing but living style/thought process/personality works. start there. but if it takes you hours of studying every day, something's not right and I'd try to adjust to make more time for more things.

side note: great, you get laid with a super model every night. Oh wait, no one here does so I would neither bash nor praise anyone.

 

[JSTAR04]

your doing great . Be yourself that is all.

 

[Musclemass]

OP, unlike the comments from people who are obviously miserable but try to fool themselves into thinking that their path is noble is some perverted sense, you have the honesty to admit to yourself that you're unhappy. And you know very well why.

College years are a very social time for most people. Those who spend these years alone and without a normal social life will continue such solitary habits in later years. And most will continue being miserable about it.

Close your books, limit how much time you spend alone (whether studying, eating, watching tv, or whatever) and go out and find a group of friends to actively spend time with. How you do it doesn't matter. Life is for living. No goal is worth sacrificing all your fun and happiness to achieve.

 

[iamcool]

I am very social person and have lots of friends. But I don't think my level of happiness would change even if I was socially awkward, had 0 friends and was a looser.

Not trying to be philosophical or anything, but happiness is not something that can be achieved materialistically or by doing something. It comes from within. You don't have to be social, have lots of friends, or go to parties to "enjoy life". If your a nerd, then your a nerd. Accept it and throw a middle finger to anyone who asks you to be something different. But do it only in your head lol. I hope I am getting my message across.

Do not live on terms defined by this society. Live on your terms.If you follow my advice, you ll be happy person with high self esteem in no time. 😀

 

[Perimeter]

This has already been dispelled about a gajillion times this thread. Having a normal social life doesn't necessarily have to include biweekly raucous parties. It should include talking to people for more than 2 hours a week. Drinking and parties can be fun if you're smart about it and don't go crazy. Constantly telling yourself "Later, later, later" is a sure way of ending up unhappy. Enjoy things while you're in the moment. And not that it should be your primary goal, but being socially competent, or dare I say even skilled, makes you a better doctor.

What do you think the OP was so miserable about then, because he said he already talks to his friends/roomate for more than 2 hours a week. You can be socially skilled without drinking or partying ever.

Hey now, no need to say those things are stupid! Some people don't like to drink, others do. Obviously if it goes overboard, there's a problem. And college parties aren't that bad. I feel like they gave me moments I would never want to give up. My friends that I went with to those and I now have moments we can laugh about. Making a friend through a drinking party may not be the way to go, but taking an existing friend to one can bring you two together lol.
The OP will have to focus on academics for a long time because we all know that's the nature of medicine. He can at least take a few more baby steps now to get to that point of being socially comfortable later.

Maybe you're right, people are different I guess. I personally make friends with people who don't drink, and we sit around and discuss many different topics for hours and I really enjoy it. Other people might need to go out to a party or drink alcohol in order to have a good time.

 

[Danlee07]

Socializing is something that does require practice. To understand different scenarios and what to do is what requires the practice.

 

[Donnie1310]

Edit: just saw your thing about how "social groups have already formed." Trust me kiddo (I know, only 2 years older than you, I just like the word 😛), people change in college and there are people just like you who still want to meet other students. You just have to put yourself out there and meet new people. I made a really awesome new friend just this last semester -- a lot of people think we were best friends from day 1 of college the way we act sometimes, haha!

+1

As someone who transferred for Jr/Sr years, I can definitely vouch for this. Social dynamics for college students change almost daily, and absolutely nobody says "well, it's junior year and i've met my friend quota, no more need apply!"

 

[Dbate]

First of all I want to say congrats for getting into a top 10 university, that in itself is admirable and I am sure your parents are proud and now onto your question.

I wasted my first two years of high school with depression and being alone, didn't have a strong social life but my high school only had like 350 or so students in it. My junior year I aced everything including AP classes and same with senior year, didn't get into any top 20 schools but did get into some top 50 schools, no scholarships so I had to settle for commuting.

Well my high school social life was a waste so the summer after my high school graduation I go ALL OUT socially. Got myself a girlfriend, got myself an active social life, and I ended up having that till my very first semester of college.

Result? I was so concerned with getting a social life I got a 2.9 my first year of college, I had hopes of getting a 3.8 at least so I could transfer somewhere like to an Ivy but hey, that is out of reach now, best I can get is a 3.6.

My point!?

You only get 4 years of college to get that good GPA and work your way to med school. People think college is for active social life and partying hard but those are for people who waste their first two years and wake up their third year with a low C average knowing they are limited in what they can do in terms of pursuing their studies after college. Grades in high school matter, grades in college REALLY matter.

If you find yourself studying nearly every hour of the day to get a high GPA then do just that. You will have a life after college for a social life (as many people have told me) and girls will come when the cash starts rolling in. You will get an opportunity for finding love and finding that special someone and you will become a somebody, if you have time in your day then walk around the campus and chat with a few students for a short amount of time.

Your grades matter and I will get swarmed but believe me, you are making the right choice in caring about grades. I wish I had your ambition my first semester of college, wouldn't be sitting here a bit bothered.

Best of luck!

What?!?!?! COMPLETELY DISREGARD THE ABOVE.

I go to a rigorous school and almost every other weekend I was drinking and partying during freshman year, and still ended up with a 3.5.


Having a social life is not anathema to your GPA and will allow you to relax, which enables you to be more productive during your working hours.

 

[Dbate]

Socializing is something that does require practice. To understand different scenarios and what to do is what requires the practice.

😱

No, it actually doesn't. You just talk about whatever you want

 

[Protagonistic]

Dude, you're living in a Disney or Lifetime movie. Girls are going to have fun just like guys. Of course they're going to have sex with different guys. I'm in my late 20s and it wouldn't surprise me if a girl my age has dated and/or been intimate with 20-30 guys. You make it seem as if a female is like a car engine. Maybe you should stop looking at them as objects that get used up and start looking at them as persons who are trying to figure out what they want in life. I'd rather be with someone who has practice than to be with someone where I have to do all the work and show them how to be in a relationship.

And if you're worried about a girl being loose, it's not the guys that'll do it, it'll be their humongous toys. 😉

Problem is she spent her prime with a bunch of guys in college, I am getting the used up product who won't even sleep with me except for maybe once a week. I don't want that, I want a real woman who can show her freaky side to me for at least 3 days a week, a used up one won't. I just will not marry wasted goods.

As for the other part about how it becomes harder and harder to get a GF. I used to think that and now I have one, older you get the less women worry about things like your race/ethnicity, in high school most girls did (my experience).

 

[malpractician]

I read a book called "How to win at College" by Cal Newport, and that really changed my perspective of college. He claims to have failed his first semester at Dartmouth, then went on to make 26 A's in a row after interviewing top students across the country to find out what they were doing right.

That book alone helped me so much, if i ever get a med school acceptance letter, he's getting a scanned pdf of it thanking him.

 

[Prncssbuttercup]

Problem is she spent her prime with a bunch of guys in college, I am getting the used up product who won't even sleep with me except for maybe once a week. I don't want that, I want a real woman who can show her freaky side to me for at least 3 days a week, a used up one won't. I just will not marry wasted goods.

As for the other part about how it becomes harder and harder to get a GF. I used to think that and now I have one, older you get the less women worry about things like your race/ethnicity, in high school most girls did (my experience).

Are you making the assumption that because a woman has had sex with a bunch of guys she WON'T be freaky anymore?? Well I can just tell you that comment is DEAD wrong... Sheesh, go ask my sisters... Both are slutty, have been forever... still totally freaky in the bedroom... If you're assuming that a girl who is a virgin is more likely to be freaky in the bedroom, sorry to disappoint, but you do NOT have women figured out... I commend you for wanting a woman who isn't going to have a disease, but virginity/purity is NOT equal to level of freakiness... It just aint so...

 

[Protagonistic]

Are you making the assumption that because a woman has had sex with a bunch of guys she WON'T be freaky anymore?? Well I can just tell you that comment is DEAD wrong... Sheesh, go ask my sisters... Both are slutty, have been forever... still totally freaky in the bedroom... If you're assuming that a girl who is a virgin is more likely to be freaky in the bedroom, sorry to disappoint, but you do NOT have women figured out... I commend you for wanting a woman who isn't going to have a disease, but virginity/purity is NOT equal to level of freakiness... It just aint so...

When I buy a Lamborghini, I prefer a new one, not a used one.
When I buy an Xbox 360, I want a new one, not a used one.

When I spend my time, money, and personal life with a woman I want one who I know loves me and does not compare me constantly to her EX's. Plus I again, do not want to be the guy who gets the girl when she is away from her prime and gets the bad end of the deal.

Again, no need to get into this debate. I already have a GF who I hope stays with me forever and ever and ever and most people here would settle for anything anyways.

 

[Musclemass]

Problem is she spent her prime with a bunch of guys in college, I am getting the used up product who won't even sleep with me except for maybe once a week. I don't want that, I want a real woman who can show her freaky side to me for at least 3 days a week, a used up one won't. I just will not marry wasted goods.

As for the other part about how it becomes harder and harder to get a GF. I used to think that and now I have one, older you get the less women worry about things like your race/ethnicity, in high school most girls did (my experience).

You've got some extreme and out of touch ideas my friend, not sure where they're coming from. Are you the president of the Taliban Club at your school?

 

[Protagonistic]

You've got some extreme and out of touch ideas my friend, not sure where they're coming from. Are you the president of the Taliban Club at your school?

Wow quite a racist statement by you. Anyways I guess me not settling for anyone and being desperate enough labels me as an extremist huh.

Again, I said it, my personal preference on that, you want to settle with anyone then go for it but I actually have standards.

Lemme guess, you would marry a pornstar in a heartbeat?

 

[Danlee07]

😱

No, it actually doesn't. You just talk about whatever you want

ha,yea, but I'm also including the fact that you still need to socialize with non-peers as well. but including peers, there are certain situations that many people don't know how to handle until they've been presented with it. that's what I'm talking about. I can't really think of any examples right now.

 

[Prncssbuttercup]

Wow quite a racist statement by you. Anyways I guess me not settling for anyone and being desperate enough labels me as an extremist huh.

Again, I said it, my personal preference on that, you want to settle with anyone then go for it but I actually have standards.

Lemme guess, you would marry a pornstar in a heartbeat?

Ok, lets keep the anti-Muslim comments out... that will get you banned and the thread closed, and that's no fun... So, I agree here, no good on that comment...

Protagonistic, I understand wanting a GF that isn't comparing you, but at the same time, you say you have a GF, so what happens if she does break up with you? Is she then "spoiled" for all the other guys out there? That makes no sense to me... Also, what if you're the best and she says you're the best? Would you then not believe her?

About your Lambo comment, you don't want one at all, they're horrible for maintenance, and it can take over 6 mos to get parts for one, and they're really just an Audi the last real one was the Diablo... As far as an Xbox, totally a waste of money in the first place, but why take the hit when you can get a barely used one from a pawn shop at 1/2 price? It's a video game console not a person. People aren't perfect, and if your GF currently is "perfect" I hate to see what happens when she isn't perfect anymore...

 

[panasonic52]

When I buy a Lamborghini, I prefer a new one, not a used one.
When I buy an Xbox 360, I want a new one, not a used one.

When I spend my time, money, and personal life with a woman I want one who I know loves me and does not compare me constantly to her EX's. Plus I again, do not want to be the guy who gets the girl when she is away from her prime and gets the bad end of the deal.

Again, no need to get into this debate. I already have a GF who I hope stays with me forever and ever and ever and most people here would settle for anything anyways.

🙄
Your constant view of women as objects is quite offensive. Just deal with the fact that some people prefer a virgin while others would like a girl with some experience. A girl who has some experience usually tend to be "freakier". They have already learned how to please their man and how to please themselves 😎

Also, I'm not sure why you keep thinking the girl wont be in her prime. Men reach their sexual prime at a young age. Women reach their sexual prime somewhere around their 30s. That is when they get the freakiest.

Edit: I just read your most recent comment. Just because someone doesn't wait for "the one" doesn't mean they're the type to marry a porn star. Seriously, get off your high horse.

 

[bbcnp]

Medical School is way harder than college. If you can't find time to socialize during college, good luck having a social life in medical school.

It is all about time management. I go out on average 4 nights a week in college. The only way I'm able to do that is by going to the library every other day after class for 2 hours and making sure I don't fall behind.

If you spend your entire life worrying about the future, you will never enjoy it. Your 20's and college is something you can only experience once. Go out and enjoy life for once instead of stressing out about school and grades. You can have above average grades and a great social life if you know how to manage time well. I probably study about 10 hours a week and I am not the smart person. I have to go over material for a longer period of time than most of my friends to do good on tests. However, I make sure that every minute I study counts.

 

[Political]

Problem is she spent her prime with a bunch of guys in college, I am getting the used up product who won't even sleep with me except for maybe once a week. I don't want that, I want a real woman who can show her freaky side to me for at least 3 days a week, a used up one won't. I just will not marry wasted goods.

lol looking at your previous posts you are definitely the stereotypical brown kid.

dude im Bengali(which is brown aswell) and muslim and even i dont, rather, wont view women like this, really man thats pretty sick.

going back on topic. Not having a social live in college is like not having a birthday during childhood. Ease up and like I said before, join a few clubs and talk to people! I never once had a sip of alcohol and yet i have alot of close relationships with people.

Break out of your shell man, you have to take the initiative to find people. You'll be a better person that way.

 

[Kaustikos]

When I buy a Lamborghini, I prefer a new one, not a used one.
When I buy an Xbox 360, I want a new one, not a used one.

Have fun losing 20-30k out the lot when you buy a new lamborghini. You really don't know much inside or outside of school, do you?

When I spend my time, money, and personal life with a woman I want one who I know loves me and does not compare me constantly to her EX's.

So you want a girl who has no dating history? A n00b?


OP - You need to relax. You're already complaining NOW and you've got a long trail to hike before you meet your goal. If things are really getting difficult either take it easy (less classes/semester) OR take a semester off.

 

[Protagonistic]

🙄
Your constant view of women as objects is quite offensive. Just deal with the fact that some people prefer a virgin while others would like a girl with some experience. A girl who has some experience usually tend to be "freakier". They have already learned how to please their man and how to please themselves 😎

Also, I'm not sure why you keep thinking the girl wont be in her prime. Men reach their sexual prime at a young age. Women reach their sexual prime somewhere around their 30s. That is when they get the freakiest.

Edit: I just read your most recent comment by you. Just because someone doesn't wait for "the one" doesn't mean they're the type to marry a porn star. Seriously, get off your high horse.

I am not saying everyone has to abide by my mentality but I agree with the part in bold, I don't really want a virgin but I don't want the wild guy who has been with everyone under the sun. Plus as I said over and over and over and over again, I don't want to be the guy who is her "safety" bet, the guy she settles down with after all the bad boys have stuck theirs in hers.

Anyways, I prefer foreign women anyways, a lot is wrong with anglo culture, what is worse is people want to jam their beliefs down the throats of others.

 

[Protagonistic]

Have fun losing 20-30k out the lot when you buy a new lamborghini. You really don't know much inside or outside of school, do you?



So you want a girl who has no dating history? A n00b?


OP - You need to relax. You're already complaining NOW and you've got a long trail to hike before you meet your goal. If things are really getting difficult either take it easy (less classes/semester) OR take a semester off.

HECK YES!

Of course the chick I am with right now has been with one guy who she knew as a kid but she said he was friend material because he was so shy around her.

And top stars and top dogs buy top stuff, I don't buy used videogames, I prefer new ones, I don't see why I need to lower my standards as low as yours.

 

[Prncssbuttercup]

🙄
Your constant view of women as objects is quite offensive. Just deal with the fact that some people prefer a virgin while others would like a girl with some experience. A girl who has some experience usually tend to be "freakier". They have already learned how to please their man and how to please themselves 😎

Also, I'm not sure why you keep thinking the girl wont be in her prime. Men reach their sexual prime at a young age. Women reach their sexual prime somewhere around their 30s. That is when they get the freakiest.

Edit: I just read your most recent comment. Just because someone doesn't wait for "the one" doesn't mean they're the type to marry a porn star. Seriously, get off your high horse.

👍👍👍 This... exactly... I'm 34, I've been married 2x, I'm not "wasted goods" and my husband will attest to that...

lol looking at your previous posts you are definitely the stereotypical brown kid.

dude im Bengali(which is brown aswell) and muslim and even i dont, rather, wont view women like this, really man thats pretty sick.

going back on topic. Not having a social live in college is like not having a birthday during childhood. Ease up and like I said before, join a few clubs and talk to people! I never once had a sip of alcohol and yet i have alot of close relationships with people.

Break out of your shell man, you have to take the initiative to find people. You'll be a better person that way.

👍👍👍 and Awesome as well... I have friends who are Muslim, and they treat their wives better than most American men I know...

 

[Protagonistic]

LOL, guys on this forum are a bunch of wimps who would settle down with just about any women who would give them the time of the day. They get mad at guys who have options.

Well I am gonna get out before I completely ruin the thread.

 

[Prncssbuttercup]

LOL, guys on this forum are a bunch of wimps who would settle down with just about any women who would give them the time of the day. They get mad at guys who have options.

Well I am gonna get out before I completely ruin the thread.

Oh, now, come on, you're not ruining the thread... But we women are certainly going to have at you for some of the comments you've made, and seriously... don't buy a lambo... if you're going to spend that kind of coin, get a Ferrari, at least you can get parts 😉

 

[Verbrandhathe]

I look like a very pale yellow version of Edward Cullen(brown haired). I also have a scar on my forehead like Harry Potter, and my hairstyle is kind of like his. A lot of girls look at me, I try not to look at them and give them false hopes. I learned that I had this ability to make them fall in love when I looked at them in the eye for a mere second not too long ago.

I send pheromones of love from my eyes, and I can talk to them with my eyes. My virginity knows no bounds.

As for this "wasted goods" comment...a lot of people do things because of peer pressure at a young age. Some people have parents that want them to wait until marriage, or maybe friends that think waiting until marriage (or the right one) is the way to go. Some people are very very compassionate, and will do everything they can to make their spouse happy. Most people don't care, they don't really put in as much care as the very few do. The few that do wait may have been waiting their whole lives for the right moment, and that is quite commendable.

 

[Prncssbuttercup]

I look like a very pale yellow version of Edward Cullen(brown haired). I also have a scar on my forehead like Harry Potter, and my hairstyle is kind of like his. A lot of girls look at me, I try not to look at them and give them false hopes. I learned that I had this ability to make them fall in love when I looked at them in the eye for a mere second not too long ago.

I send pheromones of love from my eyes, and I can talk to them with my eyes. My virginity knows no bounds.

As for this "wasted goods" comment...a lot of people do things because of peer pressure at a young age. Some people have parents that want them to wait until marriage, or maybe friends that think waiting until marriage (or the right one) is the way to go. Some people are very very compassionate, and will do everything they can to make their spouse happy. Most people don't care, they don't really put in as much care as the very few do. The few that do wait may have been waiting their whole lives for the right moment, and that is quite commendable.

What if that "right moment" was really a giant let down? That would kind of suck... Since you guys are guys, you don't know this, but the "first time" for a woman is usually very painful, not very much fun, and if not done properly, can really ruin the whole experience for women... but your guys, and I wouldn't expect you to know this... however, this thread is WAY off topic now...

OP, again, be social at least 1-2x per month... it will help... join clubs, sports, or something... maybe you'll meet some people who are smarter than you, and they can help you study more effectively... either way, this was just an attempt to keep the mods from saying we're too far off topic and closing the thread 😛

 

[eli20]

Some of the opinions toward women in this thread are downright offensive to be hearing from people who attend University in the year 2010...

Maybe you should work on making friends that are girls so you won't act like a total jerk to the unfortunate one who decides to date you.

 

[Prncssbuttercup]

Some of the opinions toward women in this thread are downright offensive to be hearing from people who attend University in the year 2010...

Maybe you should work on making friends that are girls so you won't act like a total jerk to the unfortunate one who decides to date you.

👍👍

 

[eli20]

What do you think the OP was so miserable about then, because he said he already talks to his friends/roomate for more than 2 hours a week. You can be socially skilled without drinking or partying ever.

I wasn't trying to implement a minimum amount of time required to have friendships...

I was suggesting that if you want to have close social relationships, you need to spend more time with them.

I feel for the OP because we weren't entirely different freshman year. My roommate actually helped me out a lot by instituting "no homework fridays" haha. Sounds silly but really taking 1 day a week to just be free from school renewed my efforts for the next week and kept me fresh throughout the entire semester. I rarely study weekends unless I have exams/papers/projects/something big coming up or I know I'm going to have a different time committment during the week.

 

[YouNeverKnow22]

LOL, guys on this forum are a bunch of wimps who would settle down with just about any women who would give them the time of the day. They get mad at guys who have options.

Well I am gonna get out before I completely ruin the thread.

dude you are a wimp , go snuggle with your "g/f" 👎thumbdown👎thumbdown

 

[JSTAR04]

we are here to help the OP not the other guy.. hes not the one that needs our help the OP does

 

[Protagonistic]

Oh, now, come on, you're not ruining the thread... But we women are certainly going to have at you for some of the comments you've made, and seriously... don't buy a lambo... if you're going to spend that kind of coin, get a Ferrari, at least you can get parts 😉

Please, stay the heck away from me that is the best you can do. Go to chasing men who have super low standards like the ones on this thread who would settle for about anyone.

 

[circulus vitios]

How is it even possible to study 9 hours a day outside of class in college? You should be able to cover everything you need in a couple of hours at the most and still maintain straight As.

 

[circulus vitios]

Problem is she spent her prime with a bunch of guys in college, I am getting the used up product who won't even sleep with me except for maybe once a week. I don't want that, I want a real woman who can show her freaky side to me for at least 3 days a week, a used up one won't. I just will not marry wasted goods.

As for the other part about how it becomes harder and harder to get a GF. I used to think that and now I have one, older you get the less women worry about things like your race/ethnicity, in high school most girls did (my experience).

When I buy a Lamborghini, I prefer a new one, not a used one.
When I buy an Xbox 360, I want a new one, not a used one.

When I spend my time, money, and personal life with a woman I want one who I know loves me and does not compare me constantly to her EX's. Plus I again, do not want to be the guy who gets the girl when she is away from her prime and gets the bad end of the deal.

Again, no need to get into this debate. I already have a GF who I hope stays with me forever and ever and ever and most people here would settle for anything anyways.

You are extremely weird.

 

[Wolfman89]

Seconded plus a zillion. Dear God, man, stop studying your life away. It's bad enough that you burned your high school years studying - something I didn't even know happened or was possible until I came to SDN - but don't give up college, too. You've got to have some fun in your life, or you're just going to be miserable. Chill out a bit, and go make some friends.

👍

I think Al offers the best advice in the whole thread.

it does get better 8 years from now youll be a doctor living in a mansion, lamborghinis parked outside and a beautiful wife by your side.

While the wife bangs the pool boy.

Let me explain my typical day in college:

My daily schedule is something like this: wake up at 9 A.M., go to class until 1 P.M.. Go and eat lunch until 2 P.M.. From 2-6 P.M. I study. From 6-7 P.M. I relax in my room. From 7-8 P.M. I go get dinner. From 8 P.M.-1 A.M. I study. From 1-2 A.M. I usually watch tv or listen to some music. From 1:30 A.M. to 9 A.M., I sleep. My problem is that the only times that I "hang out" with my FEW friends is during lunch or dinner. If they aren't available to get lunch or dinner, I just bring the food back to my room and watch tv while I eat bymyself. Usually once or twice a week, my friends and I hit up some restaurants that are nearby. I go play basketball with some friends for 1 hour every friday night.

Instead of relaxing the your room by yourself, go chill with friends, go to the gym. Go for a run or a bike ride.

Try studying at a coffee shop near campus instead of your room, or hell even the library, you never know who you might see there.

Also go out on Friday nights unless you have an unusually large amount of studying to do.

This is how my weekends are structured:
Saturday morning - wake up at 10 A.M.. From 10 A.M.-2 P.M. I study. From 2 P.M.-3 P.M. I get lunch. From 3 P.M.-6 P.M. I study. From 6-8 P.M. I go relax and eat dinner. From 8 P.M.-1 A.M., I study. From 1-2 A.M. I chill in my room and I fall asleep at 2 A.M..

On occasion the Saturday morning study secess is good, but not every Saturday. Don't spend your Saturdays studying. Watch sports on tv with the bros. Play sports. Work out.

Go out on Saturday nights.

The girls that were in that group turned to me and just started laughing so hard. When I asked them why they were laughing they responded "We never thought you as the guy that goes after all the girls and parties hard" They see me as the dorky, socially awkard loser......========= FML

This is when you need to say something witty along the lines of "There are a lot of things you don't know about me."

Could it not work, yes. But could it, yes. Take a chance. Who knows maybe folks might starting viewing you as some sort of an enigma. There are some chicks who dig that in a guy.

 

[kmnguyen1124]

OP, don't forget about the interviews. It doesn't matter if you get a 45 and a 4.0 if you are unable to converse with your interviewers. Just a thought.

 

[Evidence Based]

School: Top 5 Liberal Arts College. According to the Princeton Review, our students study more than kids from Yale or Princeton.
Year: Junior
GPA: 3.92
Number of Friday and Saturday nights I've spent studying: Maybe 3. Ever.

This idea that a social life and school are mutually exclusive boggles my mind. You DO NOT have to choose between good grades and having fun. Choose both.

The amount the OP claims to be studying is mind boggling. If Penn has some sort of academic help center, go to them and explain your dilemma. They can tell you how to schedule yourself better, and how to study more efficiently. The way many people study is inefficient, and takes way more time than necessary. Like Al said, study smarter, not harder. And with the time you've gained, go out, meet people (from your church, from classes, clubs, etc), and have some fun.

Go out on Friday and Saturday nights. You don't have to go do kegstands every night, but find people who you get along with and hang out with them. That could be anything from going to crazy parties to playing poker and having a beer to going bowling or to the movies.

But for the love of God, college is only four years. Make the most of it, both academically and socially.

 

[Bananas99]

I am home for winter break, and I am starting to realize how much I have missed out on socially. Anyone else feel the same way?

Info about me:

I am a sophomore at a top 10 school. My school is notorious for weeding kids out in its pre-req classes. When I first entered college, I knew the first 2 years would be the most difficult because I was going to take all my pre-req classes in the first two years. As a result, I knew I had to buckle down and work hard. However it seems like I did these past 1.5 years was study, study, and study some more. Don't get me wrong, I have been doing great academically, but its really been hurting my social life. My freshman year, I was able to become friends with a group of 10 kids in my dorm. However, my sophomore year, all my friends moved away into off campus apts and now, out of that group I am the only one living in a dorm. I sometimes hang out with the kids in my new dorm, but its still not the same as freshman year. My freshman year I didn't go to any parties, for two reasons, I don't drink, and I was taking 2 pre-req classes so I wanted to take things easy and do well academically. My sophomore year I have been doing the same thing. So far my sophomore year I only hang out with like 4 friends.

Now the problem is that I came home from college for winter break. All of the kids I went to high school with are having great social lives in college. They all I gf's. I have never had a gf. There were a couple of girls that I knew liked me in high school but now we go to different colleges, and they have moved on. I feel like I could have gotten these girls when we were in high school but now they are out of my league. They went off to college, and have had great social lives, and made a ton of friends. I don't think I can ever get girls like that, because they probably see me as a social outcast who only studies and doesn't have a lot of friends. I am having a really hard time meeting girls in college, because all I do if ****en study. All of my friends from high school only hang out with there new friends that they met at their new college. So now I am sitting at home wondering where I went wrong in life because I can't get girls, and don't have a lot of friends. Girls usually go for the really popular guy who every1 likes.

For the past 1.5 years I knew that I was not doing well socially, but I repressed those feelings because I knew I needed to do really well academically my first two years. I kept telling myself that it would get better after those 2 years because my course load will get lighter. The way I planned my course load was to get the difficult stuff out of the way in the first 2 years, and take the easier classes my last two years. Now I am starting to question if anything I did the past 1.5 years was really worth it. I should have gone to my state school with my friends who have really easy course loads, and great social lives.

I didn't have a great social life in high school because all I did was study so that one day I can attend a top 10 school. Lately it seems like every decision I have made in the past 5.5 years has been a mistake.


Does it get any better after this? Anyone else in my position? What can I do to make things better?

I feel like I have sacrificed so much over the past 5.5 years (since high school) and for what? To be a social loser sitting at home, with few friends and no girlfriend.

I don't know if things will get better when I am an adult (hopefully with an M.D). Most of the above average looking girls will have married their bf from college, and most people will be hanging out with the friends they made in college, while I will be the socially awkward loser going through life with nothing to do but work.

I feel ya.

 

[ILikeDrugs]

protagonistic: You're sooo creepy. Stop comparing women to machines. I bet your "girlfriend" is actually a mannequin that you stole from Sears. 😉

 

[Wolfman89]

protagonistic: You're sooo creepy. Stop comparing women to machines. I bet your "girlfriend" is actually a mannequin that you stole from Sears. 😉

At least that is marginally better than a blow up doll. 😛

 

[Protagonistic]

protagonistic: You're sooo creepy. Stop comparing women to machines. I bet your "girlfriend" is actually a mannequin that you stole from Sears. 😉

you actually spelled it right, lol we know you have purchased one for sure

 

[panasonic52]

Protagonist, you said you were leaving a long time ago. Every time you say something, you either offend more women or you get really defensive. It's clear by now what your view of women is. A guy who has been with several girls doesn't mean he has low standards. It means he found one attractive, the girl thought the same of him, and they enjoyed themselves. You don't have to be at either extreme. Some guys have been with multiple women, but each one could also have been a serious relationship. It seems that you're assuming all the guys who have replied just have one night stands all the time. Even if they do, it's not your place to judge.

And yes, I can imagine you like foreign girls more. I know the girls in India aren't as vocal about their own wants and needs as the ones here in the US. I can't speak for other countries/nationalities. I can only hope that your girlfriend has the freedom she deserves and doesn't feel like your property. You make yourself seem like God's gift on earth

 

[Back2TX]

When I buy a Lamborghini, I prefer a new one, not a used one.
When I buy an Xbox 360, I want a new one, not a used one.

When I spend my time, money, and personal life with a woman I want one who I know loves me and does not compare me constantly to her EX's. Plus I again, do not want to be the guy who gets the girl when she is away from her prime and gets the bad end of the deal.

Again, no need to get into this debate. I already have a GF who I hope stays with me forever and ever and ever and most people here would settle for anything anyways.

You are extremely insecure, aren't ya? What are you afraid of?

 

[Verbrandhathe]

What if that "right moment" was really a giant let down? That would kind of suck... Since you guys are guys, you don't know this, but the "first time" for a woman is usually very painful, not very much fun, and if not done properly, can really ruin the whole experience for women... but your guys, and I wouldn't expect you to know this... however, this thread is WAY off topic now...
p

I remember learning in my middle school health class it is very painful for a woman since there is penetration involved. I do know this, but let's not forget that the first time "actual" time could be considered the second time with the same person or after self inflicted penetration.

To the OP: It gets better in time.