Socializing

[CruzingIce]

Recenlty, i've noticed that when I talk to people, I usually have to repeat myself. This is usually sparked by a "what?" I tried to talk louder but for some reason, I feel my voice is loud but I am usually mumbling. I am worried this might affect me during interviews. Are there any helpful resources out there I can use?

Another thing I have problems with is finding a common topic to talk about with a girl. I always use school work as an ice breaker i.e. asking her major or talking about the class. But that quickly turns to boredom. What other things are girls interested in? I am not trying to pick some girls up, just want to show hospitality and have friendly conversations. What are some smooth and subtle ways to start a convo without ending up in that awkward silence positition.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[Ismet]

Recenlty, i've noticed that when I talk to people, I usually have to repeat myself. This is usually sparked by a "what?" I tried to talk louder but for some reason, I feel my voice is loud but I am usually mumbling. I am worried this might affect me during interviews. Are there any helpful resources out there I can use?
.

Slow down when you speak. It's not a volume issue. You probably speak too fast and you mumble. Enunciate. Do some mock interviews to get practice.

 

[Cambover]

Slow down when you speak. It's not a volume issue. You probably speak too fast and you mumble. Enunciate. Do some mock interviews to get practice.

Also, when you respond to a questions do not speak immediately. Give yourself a few seconds to quickly think about how you want to respond. 99% of the time the other person will never notice the pause.

 

[dbeast]

Go into pathology.

 

[rudziutki]

Another thing I have problems with is finding a common topic to talk about with a girl. I always use school work as an ice breaker i.e. asking her major or talking about the class. But that quickly turns to boredom. What other things are girls interested in? I am not trying to pick some girls up, just want to show hospitality and have friendly conversations. What are some smooth and subtle ways to start a convo without ending up in that awkward silence positition.

What are your hobbies besides videogames and reddit? Try to talk about those. "Any fun plans for the weekend?" also works.

 

[The Bunk]

Another thing I have problems with is finding a common topic to talk about with a girl. I always use school work as an ice breaker i.e. asking her major or talking about the class. But that quickly turns to boredom. What other things are girls interested in? I am not trying to pick some girls up, just want to show hospitality and have friendly conversations. What are some smooth and subtle ways to start a convo without ending up in that awkward silence positition.

They're all gonna be different. People generally like to talk about themselves, so just ask her questions and find out what she, specifically, is interested in.

 

[Mel Belle]

They're all gonna be different. People generally like to talk about themselves, so just ask her questions and find out what she, specifically, is interested in.

I mean, I love WWE. Metalcore bands. High heels. Smelling nice. Studying. Lmao. But I guess I'm an anomaly of the female kind. But in all seriousness... One thing you can do is compliment them on their outfit or just generally tell them they look nice. That's an ice breaker. That's the best I can give you. Idk how to talk to girls, either.

 

[The Bunk]

I mean, I love WWE. Metalcore bands. High heels. Smelling nice. Studying. Lmao. But I guess I'm an anomaly of the female kind. But in all seriousness... One thing you can do is compliment them on their outfit or just generally tell them they look nice. That's an ice breaker. That's the best I can give you. Idk how to talk to girls, either.

See what I mean? People are just waiting for an excuse to talk about themselves.

 

[thisisansley]

Yeah, I've never gotten this whole "I have no idea how to talk to the opposite sex" thing. Women are human beings like everyone else and there's no magical set of topics you can memorize to relate to every woman. However you talk to men, talk the same way to women. But I agree with the above posts - ask her about herself and react with genuine interest to what she has to say (if you're not interested - fake it). Eventually the conversation will start flowing and you won't have to work so hard.

 

[Doctor Strange]

Everything you need to know about girls is in the movie Mean Girls.

But, seriously, girls are just people. Ask them about their interests, hobbies, etc. If you click, great, if not, move on. This is not a difficult thing.

 

[Ashley1989]

This might be too much for you, but I took an acting class and was screamed constantly by the director to not mumble. He gave me sheets of paper with speaking exercises on them to help me speak clearer, and it worked. Check them out online, I'm sure you can find them.

And as far as girls, ask her lots of questions about herself. Girls looooove to talk about themselves.

 

[Mel Belle]

See what I mean? People are just waiting for an excuse to talk about themselves.

I completely agree. If you can get someone to talk about his/herself that will start a convo. People are always more interesting than they seem once you get to know them. You could try a question like, "What kinda TV shows do you watch?" During school you might get an answer like, "Well, I don't really watch TV during school because I'm busy. But I do like to watch..." Maybe try asking about books if that person doesn't even own a TV. (I know some people... Kinda envy that, actually.)

 

[puppyloomp]

Yeah, I've never gotten this whole "I have no idea how to talk to the opposite sex" thing. Women are human beings like everyone else and there's no magical set of topics you can memorize to relate to every woman. However you talk to men, talk the same way to women. But I agree with the above posts - ask her about herself and react with genuine interest to what she has to say (if you're not interested - fake it). Eventually the conversation will start flowing and you won't have to work so hard.

Yeah, this is definitely true. Unless literally all you talk about to your male friends is girls and sports (and some girls like talking about that stuff too!!) you really shouldn't have an issue talking to girls you meet. Just be friendly and act like you normally do!

 

[chillaxbro]

Recenlty, i've noticed that when I talk to people, I usually have to repeat myself. This is usually sparked by a "what?" I tried to talk louder but for some reason, I feel my voice is loud but I am usually mumbling. I am worried this might affect me during interviews. Are there any helpful resources out there I can use?

Another thing I have problems with is finding a common topic to talk about with a girl. I always use school work as an ice breaker i.e. asking her major or talking about the class. But that quickly turns to boredom. What other things are girls interested in? I am not trying to pick some girls up, just want to show hospitality and have friendly conversations. What are some smooth and subtle ways to start a convo without ending up in that awkward silence positition.

OP you sound a lot like me
You probably will get very good GPA + decent MCAT. You will avoid doing clinical work because you don't want to socialize with patients. You will get quite a few interviews but not get in anywhere because of weak interviewing skills.

Let me know how close I get

 

[rudziutki]

And as far as girls, ask her lots of questions about herself. Girls looooove to talk about themselves.

Girls must be great interviewees

 

[milkphlegm]

Yeah, I've never gotten this whole "I have no idea how to talk to the opposite sex" thing. Women are human beings like everyone else and there's no magical set of topics you can memorize to relate to every woman. However you talk to men, talk the same way to women. But I agree with the above posts - ask her about herself and react with genuine interest to what she has to say (if you're not interested - fake it). Eventually the conversation will start flowing and you won't have to work so hard.

This. I would be more annoyed by a conversation than welcome to it if I felt like the conversation was tailored to what guys think girls want to hear or talk about.

Something that may be really helpful as far as feeling like you mumble or unclear is to record yourself speaking or interviewing and try to determine how you can improve how you're speaking. Are you mumbling because you aren't confident in what you're saying? Try to figure out the root of it then go from there.

Also:

And as far as girls, ask her lots of questions about herself. Girls looooove to talk about themselves.

*People. People love to talk about themselves. It really isn't a girl thing.

 

[Ashley1989]

Girls must be great interviewees

Probably, as long as they remember that they have to exhibit the quality of being able to listen as well. There's nothing more annoying than a jabbering person who monopolizes the conversation and refuses to let you talk hahaha

 

[thisisansley]

*people. People love to talk about themselves. It really isn't a girl thing.

+1000000

 

[Ashley1989]

This. I would be more annoyed by a conversation than welcome to it if I felt like the conversation was tailored to what guys think girls want to hear or talk about.

Something that may be really helpful as far as feeling like you mumble or unclear is to record yourself speaking or interviewing and try to determine how you can improve how you're speaking. Are you mumbling because you aren't confident in what you're saying? Try to figure out the root of it then go from there.

Also:



*People. People love to talk about themselves. It really isn't a girl thing.

Of course, but the OP was asking specifically how to talk to girls, not people in general.

 

[Godlovesyou]

Another trick to prevent mumbling is to make sure your teeth are showing (or just smile, but not necessarily) when you speak.

 

[Ismet]

Everything you need to know about girls is in the movie Mean Girls.

fact.

 

[physguy]

Maybe you're taking to stupid people. They're very boring to talk to/ keep a conversation going with. Try joining some clubs/organizations/sports you're into and taking to people there. Especially at state schools, you may run into a lot of stupid people (ask me how I know).

 

[Koalafied]

Recenlty, i've noticed that when I talk to people, I usually have to repeat myself. This is usually sparked by a "what?" I tried to talk louder but for some reason, I feel my voice is loud but I am usually mumbling. I am worried this might affect me during interviews. Are there any helpful resources out there I can use?

Another thing I have problems with is finding a common topic to talk about with a girl. I always use school work as an ice breaker i.e. asking her major or talking about the class. But that quickly turns to boredom. What other things are girls interested in? I am not trying to pick some girls up, just want to show hospitality and have friendly conversations. What are some smooth and subtle ways to start a convo without ending up in that awkward silence positition.

Join Toastmasters or do what this guy does: (http://www.youtube.com/user/LAHWF/videos).

 

[GandalfTheWhite]

+1000000

Sorry but no.

Have you ever seen a conversation between two guys on the phone?
2-5 minutes tops.... conversation with girls 1-2 hours average.....

OP, apparently from what I hear, medical school is very much like high school and if you want to enjoy it ( if you know what I mean) then you should go out and talk to random people... at the gym, bar, or even meet up with old friends and just talk.

With regards to girls, dont try cheesy lines. Just ask them vague questions and let them talk. then ask a question about something they just said.... youll get points for being interested and for actually paying attention to what the girl said.

 

[Mel Belle]

Sorry but no.

Have you ever seen a conversation between two guys on the phone?
2-5 minutes tops.... conversation with girls 1-2 hours average.....

OP, apparently from what I hear, medical school is very much like high school and if you want to enjoy it ( if you know what I mean) then you should go out and talk to random people... at the gym, bar, or even meet up with old friends and just talk.

With regards to girls, dont try cheesy lines. Just ask them vague questions and let them talk. then ask a question about something they just said.... youll get points for being interested and for actually paying attention to what the girl said.

As a woman I approve this message.

 

[Ashley1989]

Sorry but no.

Have you ever seen a conversation between two guys on the phone?
2-5 minutes tops.... conversation with girls 1-2 hours average.....

OP, apparently from what I hear, medical school is very much like high school and if you want to enjoy it ( if you know what I mean) then you should go out and talk to random people... at the gym, bar, or even meet up with old friends and just talk.

With regards to girls, dont try cheesy lines. Just ask them vague questions and let them talk. then ask a question about something they just said.... youll get points for being interested and for actually paying attention to what the girl said.

+1
Before I got married my best girlfriend and I would talk some nights from around 9pm until about 5am at least once every two weeks. I don't really know of any guys who do that.

 

[SunsFun]

Depends on a person. I can talk for hours with both male and female friends and I am a guy. If a person is interesting to talk to it is pretty easy to do.

 

[The Bunk]

Sorry but no.

Have you ever seen a conversation between two guys on the phone?
2-5 minutes tops.... conversation with girls 1-2 hours average.....

Please don't. Why do people on SDN rely on tired gender stereotypes so often? I doubt length of phone conversations is correlated with how much a person likes to talk about themselves. Plenty of people avoid long talks on the phone but will go on for ages about themselves if they're talking to an interested member of the opposite sex. Or they'll write out their whole life story on a blog or something. Men and women both.

 

[SunsFun]

Please don't. Why do people on SDN rely on tired gender stereotypes so often? I doubt length of phone conversations is correlated with how much a person likes to talk about themselves. Plenty of people avoid long talks on the phone but will go on for ages about themselves if they're talking to an interested member of the opposite sex. Or they'll write out their whole life story on a blog or something. Men and women both.

I agree with this. Length of conversation doesn't correlate with gender in my experience.

 

[Koalafied]

Sorry but no.

Have you ever seen a conversation between two guys on the phone?
2-5 minutes tops.... conversation with girls 1-2 hours average.....

OP, apparently from what I hear, medical school is very much like high school and if you want to enjoy it ( if you know what I mean) then you should go out and talk to random people... at the gym, bar, or even meet up with old friends and just talk.

With regards to girls, dont try cheesy lines. Just ask them vague questions and let them talk. then ask a question about something they just said.... youll get points for being interested and for actually paying attention to what the girl said.

OP, forget medical school. They're all in a relationship. Go to UTH or BCM. There's 3 nursing schools + a pharmacy school.

 

[milkphlegm]

I agree with this. Length of conversation doesn't correlate with gender in my experience.

As a woman I approve this message.

 

[ThereSheGoes]

 

[The Bunk]

I've read some books on social dynamics and have a few general rules to follow. It sounds funny but it's actually a really helpful tool for socializing with all people in general. It can definitely be learned.

You can start a set with a catchy opening, like a question or observation, but don't make it sound like a gimmic. Find a hook somewhere like a unique article of clothing or something bizarre that you noticed on campus, or just make something up (eg I heard this elevator got stuck the other day for an hour..Knowing my luck it will happen to me..you might want to get out while you still can!). Being subtle and funny normally works well in this case. It can be a useful segue to gain her trust. Be brief though. Say a few things and then bail (eg my name is Charles btw, I think we're in the same Psych class.. I'm late for soccer practice though maybe I'll see you around).. This gives you a chance to embed something nice about yourself too..and then say you have to go..it makes you seem like you're not interested and have better things to do with your time.

"Negging" is also a really nice way to open a set. A neg is a negative comment that is meant to be comical. It brings down her self esteem a little and makes it seem as though you aren't madly in love with her. For example, I can't imagine anyone wearing pink bunny slippers..but you manage to pull them off quite nicely..I might even get a pair now. Make it into a postive conversation somehow. Be smooth though.

Be cool with your body language as well. Don't square your shoulders toward the girl it comes off as too aggressive. It's best to look over your shoulder, but don't stare, just look back at her casually a few times so you're not completely honing in on her like a target or something.

These are just a few tips that I find to be really helpful. Something to ponder!

Yikes! Are these social dynamics books written by pick-up artists?

OP, do not do the "negging" thing. Just act like a person. Do not treat a girl like she's a game. "Open a set." Jeezus.

 

[that redhead]

"Negging" is also a really nice way to open a set. A neg is a negative comment that is meant to be comical. It brings down her self esteem a little and makes it seem as though you aren't madly in love with her.

Because women assume that if you don't make a jackass comment about her, you must be madly in love with her and she wants nothing to do with you.

 

[Koalafied]

Yikes! Are these social dynamics books written by pick-up artists?

OP, do not do the "negging" thing. Just act like a person. Do not treat a girl like she's a game. "Open a set." Jeezus.

Need a "pivot?"

 

[BlueLabel]

I've read some books on social dynamics and have a few general rules to follow. It sounds funny but it's actually a really helpful tool for socializing with all people in general. It can definitely be learned.

You can start a set with a catchy opening, like a question or observation, but don't make it sound like a gimmic. Find a hook somewhere like a unique article of clothing or something bizarre that you noticed on campus, or just make something up (eg I heard this elevator got stuck the other day for an hour..Knowing my luck it will happen to me..you might want to get out while you still can!). Being subtle and funny normally works well in this case. It can be a useful segue to gain her trust. Be brief though. Say a few things and then bail (eg my name is Charles btw, I think we're in the same Psych class.. I'm late for soccer practice though maybe I'll see you around).. This gives you a chance to embed something nice about yourself too..and then say you have to go..it makes you seem like you're not interested and have better things to do with your time.

"Negging" is also a really nice way to open a set. A neg is a negative comment that is meant to be comical. It brings down her self esteem a little and makes it seem as though you aren't madly in love with her. For example, I can't imagine anyone wearing pink bunny slippers..but you manage to pull them off quite nicely..I might even get a pair now. Make it into a postive conversation somehow. Be smooth though.

Be cool with your body language as well. Don't square your shoulders toward the girl it comes off as too aggressive. It's best to look over your shoulder, but don't stare, just look back at her casually a few times so you're not completely honing in on her like a target or something.

These are just a few tips that I find to be really helpful. Something to ponder!

This kind of thing has always struck me as wayyyy overthinking it. I have some buddies that are like this - when we're at the bars, they always try to come up with a "game plan" or some ridiculous story/question to randomly tell. Sometimes this can be hilarious (like when you introduce one of your buddies as a foreigner or something) but usually it's forced and gimmicky. And that shows. The less you think about it, the less you really try, the easier it is to talk to/meet girls. That's been my experience anyway.

Also, deliberately lowering a girl's self-esteem isn't exactly the key to a girl's heart. Maybe if she's extremely psycho; otherwise most girls are generally not made to feel at ease when some random guy insults them. I mean a little teasing is fine, but the point isn't to lower her self-esteem, quite the opposite - it's obvious flirting and therefore a compliment. I'm not an expert or anything but I've always done just fine talking to attractive girls like normal people.

 

[ThereSheGoes]

yeah sorry i would say it's flirty, it's not truly meant to destroy a woman's self esteem lol

it's funny in a way but it's not bad to think in these terms. i mean, we're not naturally trained to understand these concepts or understand how relationships work. some people are really uncomfortable in these situations and don't know how to approach people without feeling awkward.. don't we prepare the same way for medical school interviews? i've seen coaching on everything from psychology of hand shakes to shoe color. it can drive you crazy.

in any case, we want to feel comfortable in social situations and make a good impression without creeping people. it's nice to go in with a plan.

 

[Koalafied]

yeah sorry i would say it's flirty, it's not truly meant to destroy a woman's self esteem lol

it's funny in a way but it's not bad to think in these terms. i mean, we're not naturally trained to understand these concepts or understand how relationships work. some people are really uncomfortable in these situations and don't know how to approach people without feeling awkward.. don't we prepare the same way for medical school interviews? i've seen coaching on everything from psychology of hand shakes to shoe color. it can drive you crazy.

in any case, we want to feel comfortable in social situations and make a good impression without creeping people. it's nice to go in with a plan.

I know. Don't you just detests these situations?(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lGd_a5P7XI)

 

[The Bunk]

yeah sorry i would say it's flirty, it's not truly meant to destroy a woman's self esteem lol

it's funny in a way but it's not bad to think in these terms. i mean, we're not naturally trained to understand these concepts or understand how relationships work. some people are really uncomfortable in these situations and don't know how to approach people without feeling awkward.. don't we prepare the same way for medical school interviews? i've seen coaching on everything from psychology of hand shakes to shoe color. it can drive you crazy.

in any case, we want to feel comfortable in social situations and make a good impression without creeping people. it's nice to go in with a plan.

I think it is bad to think in these terms. It only makes sense to treat women like a game if there's some specific thing you want from them, i.e. sex. Like how in a medical school interview or something similar that you would prepare for, you want something. The OP is just talking about having "friendly conversations." Do men need coaching and game plans to have friendly conversations with other men? No? Then they shouldn't need any of that with women. If it's that traumatic to speak to people, maybe you need to see a psychologist about your anxiety issues. No self-help PUA book is going to fix that.

 

[thisisansley]

I have to agree with everything The Bunk has said. Women are human beings and treating them as such (rather than a "game" to be "won") is the only way to have a genuine relationship. Every time a PUA has tried to "neg" me, I immediately lose any interest I might have had before and avoid them as much as possible from there on out.

I'm also incredibly bored by the level of sexism I see constantly on these boards.

 

[skmed]

""Negging" is also a really nice way to open a set. A neg is a negative comment that is meant to be comical. It brings down her self esteem a little and makes it seem as though you aren't madly in love with her. For example, I can't imagine anyone wearing pink bunny slippers..but you manage to pull them off quite nicely..I might even get a pair now. Make it into a postive conversation somehow. Be smooth though. "

OP, please don't take your dating advice from someone whose only experience with women appears to be what he's seen on How I Met Your Mother.

 

[BlueLabel]

""Negging" is also a really nice way to open a set. A neg is a negative comment that is meant to be comical. It brings down her self esteem a little and makes it seem as though you aren't madly in love with her. For example, I can't imagine anyone wearing pink bunny slippers..but you manage to pull them off quite nicely..I might even get a pair now. Make it into a postive conversation somehow. Be smooth though. "

OP, please don't take your dating advice from someone whose only experience with women appears to be what he's seen on How I Met Your Mother.

Haaaaaaaave you met Ted??

 

[skmed]

Haaaaaaaave you met Ted??

 

[The Bunk]

I'm also incredibly bored by the level of sexism I see constantly on these boards.

Me too! I'm getting concerned, honestly. I don't want people who think like that to become doctors.

 

[Deadlifts]

Don't be a jerk. Don't read a book on how to pick up women with degrading comments spun off as some half-compliment. Using the word "neg" or "set" is an automatic DQ. Be friendly, ask open ended questions and further the conversation based off responses. If she gives really succinct answers, then it could just be disinterest or she's even more socially awkward than you. You could also be asking too many yes/no questions and not actually initiating a conversation. People are human, treat them as such.

Speak clearly (enunciate but don't overdo), make eye contact and smile. You're trying to be engaging, not passive.

Also, don't ever wear a fedora. Ever. Not sure if you were thinking about it, but...

 

[deleted550985]

 

[Koalafied]

I don't think book(s) on picking-up/socializing-with anyone is necessary at all, if any. All you need to do, really, is watch National Geographic®. It has all been there in front of our eyes from the get-go.

BTW, since interviewing season is coming up, have y'all ever wonder that what if the OP was actually faculty and is/was just pushin' our buttons?

I'm curious though.

 

[BlueLabel]

Also, don't ever wear a fedora. Ever. Not sure if you were thinking about it, but...

PS: do you even lift, bro??

 

[Deadlifts]

PS: do you even lift, bro??

Chicks love my posterior chain.

 

[ChemEngMD]

Also, don't ever wear a fedora. Ever. Not sure if you were thinking about it, but...

Sometimes I wear a fedora just to increase the challenge...it's called playing with a handicap fellas, gotta even out the odds for the rest of you