Socially Inept?

[songlong]

MS1. Am I socially inept?

I've noticed over the past few years, and it's even more pronounced now in the beginning of medical school as I meet new people everyday - when talking in a group of people, I am always ignored.

Even if I'm the one to start the interaction, and continue to engage in the conversation, the speaker always looks at everyone else but me. I wouldn't describe myself as socially awkward (would they let me into medical school with average stats if I were?) as I had my share of friends in undergrad, but even then I noticed that I would always be ignored in conversations.

This wouldn't be much of a problem, except it happens even when talking to professors. After lectures, when I go to ask a question, the professor will answer but spend the least amount of time talking directly to me, vs. other students in the group.

An example; if a friend and I are talking to someone, even if I'm asking the questions, the speaker rarely looks at me during the conversation.

Do I come off as too 'eager to please' by engaging and asking questions? Is it my prominent face (am I too ugly)? What's the deal?

I know as an MS1, I should just be focusing on studying my ass off, but I like to socialize a bit and I'm already being passed up on social events. Right now it may not be a problem, but it will definitely affect my ability to network come residency time and beyond.

Thoughts? Think I have Asperger?

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[zero0]

Bro it's going to be kinda hard for a bunch of strangers on the internet to diagnose you with anything. At the very least, PM us some lab results (jk don't).

My advice is don't worry about it. You're likely reading into it too much. Even if other people aren't trying to hang out with you, that's not why you went to medical school. Take care of business. People are very cliquey. For example, it didn't even take a week for all of the Asians to start sitting together and acting all buddy-buddy. Not being racist, just offering a factual observation. Then there's other people who refuse to talk to anyone else and just with the same 1 or 2 other people every day.

You may also be ugly. Again, I don't know you so idk. Doesn't mater either way since it's all about confidence.

 

[songl4a]

Asperger

Maybe seek professional help, hard to tell over the internet. In the end, it usually comes down to confidence.

 

[OnePunchBiopsy]

Idk why this is happening to you, I have not spoken with you directly so cannot tell you what to change.

Group dynamics can be difficult at times. Success in a group environment depends on a lot of unspoken mannerisms and how you carry yourself as a person. When I'm in a group I want to be recognized in, I always try to speak loudly and confidently from the beginning. I also support other people when they provide input.

There are lots of Youtube videos on group dynamics and being confident in this setting. There is nothing wrong with watching videos/reading books to better your self-perceived deficiencies.

 

[songlong]

I guess I should just focus on school work. In the meantime I'll finish Dale Carnegie.

 

[Mad Jack]

I guess I should just focus on school work. In the meantime I'll finish Dale Carnegie.

It's a great book. Definitely helps solidify basic social concepts.

 

[Psai]

Bro it's going to be kinda hard for a bunch of strangers on the internet to diagnose you with anything. At the very least, PM us some lab results (jk don't).

My advice is don't worry about it. You're likely reading into it too much. Even if other people aren't trying to hang out with you, that's not why you went to medical school. Take care of business. People are very cliquey. For example, it didn't even take a week for all of the Asians to start sitting together and acting all buddy-buddy. Not being racist, just offering a factual observation. Then there's other people who refuse to talk to anyone else and just with the same 1 or 2 other people every day.

You may also be ugly. Again, I don't know you so idk. Doesn't mater either way since it's all about confidence.

I've noticed that the whites always sit together. I see the whites sitting with the other whites all the time acting all buddy-buddy. It's very strange. Just facts here though, not racist against Caucasians.

 

[songlong]

Actually, I found that to be quite true in my undergrad (regarding Asians), that they always sat together at lunch or in lecture. However, they were international students and when I approached and befriended them, it became clear that it was the a matter of other people usually did not talk to them. However, they were cool when you took the time to get to know them, and had a very unique perspective being from out of country.

 

[cardzkp]

Happens to me too sometimes, but I think it's just because I'm younger than most at my school. I'm at least 2-3 years younger than the people I go out with etc. Just part of life... doesn't bother me much. We're all going to be doctors.

I do notice that if I hang with a crew more my age it doesn't happen. N=1 though.

 

[zero0]

I've noticed that the whites always sit together. I see the whites sitting with the other whites all the time acting all buddy-buddy. It's very strange. Just facts here though, not racist against Caucasians.

That is strange. Are you sure they're not just the double eyelid kind of Asians? Double check and get back to me.

 

[Psai]

That is strange. Are you sure they're not just the double eyelid kind of Asians? Double check and get back to me.

You're a clown kid

 

[Psai]

I have the opposite problem. People look at me way too much even if I'm not talking. All jokes aside I think you might be imagining things. There are some legit unattractive in-shape dudes in my class and people still look at them.

Need pics

 

[zero0]

You're a clown kid

And you sir have an impressive amount of free time, really quite impressive

 

[songlong]

Okay, now I'm convinced I got hit by the uggo stick, and/or have autism or a form of paranoid personality disorder.

Even in partner practices, no matter who asks the TA/professor a question, they always look at my partner double/triple as much as they look at me. Think I'll see the clinic psychiatrist.

 

[Brorthopedic]

If you're ugly, you can always do Radiology and conversate in dimly-lit rooms

 

[vernhart]

Okay, now I'm convinced I got hit by the uggo stick, and/or have autism or a form of paranoid personality disorder.

Even in partner practices, no matter who asks the TA/professor a question, they always look at my partner double/triple as much as they look at me. Think I'll see the clinic psychiatrist.

meh being ugly is not that bad. If you are ugly you probably know it anyways. For example has anyone ever said, "you're ugly?" Most of us ugly people get told at least a few times straight up by the actually socially inept people. Oh, also, have you ever told someone they are ugly straight up without being antagonized?

 

[songlong]

Well, a few people have commented on a prominent feature of my face, but no one has ever outright said I'm ugly. But I can't think of any other explanation as to why I'm always ignored.

Even in these novel interactions where the TA/professor has literally never met either of us, and yet the other student gets noticeably more attention. Maybe, ugly isn't the right word; maybe I just have a face of someone unimportant, not worth talking to, etc.,

 

[Foot Fetish]

Well, a few people have commented on a prominent feature of my face, but no one has ever outright said I'm ugly. But I can't think of any other explanation as to why I'm always ignored.

Even in these novel interactions where the TA/professor has literally never met either of us, and yet the other student gets noticeably more attention. Maybe, ugly isn't the right word; maybe I just have a face of someone unimportant, not worth talking to, etc.,

Yeah, maybe you're just utterly average / plain looking to the point where you just sort of blend in with the surroundings. Better than being straight up ugly I guess.

 

[prettylittlebird]

Well, a few people have commented on a prominent feature of my face, but no one has ever outright said I'm ugly. But I can't think of any other explanation as to why I'm always ignored.

Even in these novel interactions where the TA/professor has literally never met either of us, and yet the other student gets noticeably more attention. Maybe, ugly isn't the right word; maybe I just have a face of someone unimportant, not worth talking to, etc.,

You mention a prominent facial feature, I wonder if people feel uncomfortable because they don't want to bring attention to it so they end up ignoring you? I know that might sound crazy but with a group of medical students in particular I could see them wanting to be careful not to offend by drawing attention to an uncommon feature (perhaps a large mole or a birthmark for example) and in the process end up ignoring the person because they're being TOO sensitive. Does that make sense? I could also be totally off base here, I don't know your life I'm just making things up based on the limited amount of info I know about ya

 

[songlong]

I don't really think it's the facial feature either. Yes, it's prominent, but I have had girl crushes towards me, and it is prominent in the sense that it's an ethnic-defining feature.

I just think I have some amalgamation of autism/victim complex/schizophrenia and stunted social development.

 

[Foot Fetish]

I just think I have some amalgamation of autism/victim complex/schizophrenia and stunted social development.

Sounds like you have greater insight into your issue than any of us could offer.

 

[SilverCat]

Perhaps it's what you are saying that is off-putting to others. I would ask a friend or someone who you know well--who will be honest with you--if what you are saying bothers others in some way. I highly doubt it has to do with how you look, unless you are neglecting basic hygiene--i.e. bad breath, unbathed, unwashed clothing, BO.

 

[mistafab]

Dude/Dudette - whoever you are, feel free to reach out to a school therapist to just talk to them about it. Feel free to PM if you want, just reach out to someone. Maybe family if you can too. It really doesn't matter it just matters that you put it out there you can feel better and get help if you need it.

That aside, good luck on your adventures.