Some advice please

[Rezia]

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Hi everyone,
I hope someone can help with some advice. I''ve just finished my third year in Bsc. Due to family issues (v. serious illnesses) and my own stupidity/ inability to know what I wanted to do in life/ complacent "oh I'm too rich and beautiful to work hard for a living" attitude/stupidity (did I mention that already?)/ and a career in writing that did not work out, my marks are not great. They're pathetic and very very sad.

Anyway, so as I mentioned, just finished third year and I'm planning to stay in university for another 2 years. So that would make it five years from when I started that I graduate. I think I'll do a senior research project or something in my last (5th) year. I called a couple of medical schools who look at the last two years of undergrad GPA if the cumulative GPA is not v. good. I only have a chance at these two schools now.

The reason I need advice is that I'm very depressed and I feel like a total, disastrous and miserable failure when I think that by the time I'm eligible to apply, my peers will be close to graduating. And I can't seem to study properly when I'm so miserable and depressed. I keep crying, can't sleep, can't eat etc. because I feel like I've let everyone down by not being a brilliant success. My parents friends all have children who are in medical school already, and I feel like I've let them down. In our culture education is so important. My mother is a doctor and I know that she feels upset that I haven't been able to make it yet.

That's why I'm posting in this forum. How do you guys, other non-trads, pick yourselves up when you feel depressed? How do you deal with the uncertainty, the fear that you might never do what you want to do? I'm just so absolutely terrified that these next two years are my last chance ever, and even then it's so iffy. So please, if you have any advice to get over that gnawing fear, do tell.

PS. PLEASE don't post if you're going to be rude or snarky or even somewhat blunt...I'm v. depressed already and don't need to be told off by strangers

PS2 Also don't tell me to get over myself, I really can't you know; and I think it's perfectly acceptable for me to be so bothered over my own future.

 

[spicedmanna]

The reason I need advice is that I'm very depressed and I feel like a total, disastrous and miserable failure when I think that by the time I'm eligible to apply, my peers will be close to graduating. And I can't seem to study properly when I'm so miserable and depressed. I keep crying, can't sleep, can't eat etc. because I feel like I've let everyone down by not being a brilliant success. My parents friends all have children who are in medical school already, and I feel like I've let them down. In our culture education is so important. My mother is a doctor and I know that she feels upset that I haven't been able to make it yet.

That's why I'm posting in this forum. How do you guys, other non-trads, pick yourselves up when you feel depressed? How do you deal with the uncertainty, the fear that you might never do what you want to do? I'm just so absolutely terrified that these next two years are my last chance ever, and even then it's so iffy. So please, if you have any advice to get over that gnawing fear, do tell.

Please get appropriate and professional help from someone who will listen to you without judgment and with whom you can be authentic. Depression can be very debilitating and it needs to be addressed. Sometimes, there can be an organic as well as a psychological component. Whatever the case, you don't have to handle it alone, there are people who are willing to help you. Please take the step to take care of yourself; the medical school application process is secondary to your health and mental wellbeing. Everything extends from your current state; it's the nucleus effect. Take good care of your wellbeing and everything will begin to fall into place.

The best advice I can give you is that love and fear cannot coexist. Love yourself exactly as you are right now. Think of someone, or something you know you love and direct that same love toward yourself, toward your fear. You are absolutely fine and loveable just as you are right now; you don't need to be different in order to be worthy of love.

Good luck and much love. 😍

 

[ShyRem]

I agree... go see a counselor. Many people have down periods, particularly in times of immense stress. And everyone handles it differently. The other thing is you need to do things for yourself, and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks.

As for your direct question:

How do you guys, other non-trads, pick yourselves up when you feel depressed? How do you deal with the uncertainty, the fear that you might never do what you want to do? I'm just so absolutely terrified that these next two years are my last chance ever, and even then it's so iffy. So please, if you have any advice to get over that gnawing fear, do tell.

I went back to school and started over in classes where the normal student had parents my age. Uncertainty and fear indeed. I was fortunate: i married my best cheerleader. Today as an MSI I am constantly amazed I'm actually in med school, and still have the fear factor there. Many of my younger cohorts spout medical minutiae as if everyone knows it, and are utterly convinced they know "all about life" (just ask them). While i can't spout the minutiae, i can put the picture together faster. And when we get a case presented, they all want to know lab values, x-rays, etc... i want to know something as basic as "what does the patient look like?" pale, agitated, even sick/not sick impressions (for which I get looks of intense derision from my younger classmates, but kudos from professors). I've learned not to worry what fellow students think.

I've found a good cry every once in a while helps immensely. And my cheerleader telling me how proud he is of me, how well I'm doing, how much he sees I'm learning... that's huge for me. Because I don't see the gains often. I see the cavernous maw in front of me of things I don't yet know, haven't yet learned, steps yet to take. I look in the mirror every morning and say "today I will try again. Because I'm worth it."

Good luck to you. The road is long and sometimes difficult -- but easier if you are willing to ask for a helping hand, listening ear, and a kleenex every once in a while. (we REALLY need a hugs icon!) :hugs:

 

[spicedmanna]

(we REALLY need a hugs icon!) :hugs:

 

[Rezia]

Thank you both for your encouragement. I can't go see a counselor, or get professional help because in my culture people just don't do that. It would be looked down upon. I'm lucky that my family is supportive. I can always talk to my brother and sisters or my parents. I just don't like to burden them with my troubles--they have enough to worry about. I hate to talk to my friends too because they just don't seem to understand. It seems like everyone but me is so happy now, and I don't want to be the whiny one always.
It's encouraging to hear about stories like this though, that other people too entered med school when they were older.
Thank you also for the hugs and love, I appreciate it more than I can say. It's really nice to hear some non-judgemental voices.