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I am the guy featured in the article. I last 'passed gas' in 2001, then went to 13 weeks of residential treatment... took a couple years off... then did a psychiatry residency. I'm now in my own solo, independent psychiatry practice, and Assistant Clinical Prof of Psychiatry at the Medical College of Wisconsin.
I don't know how the magazine happened to zero in on me, but they contacted me 6 months ago out of the blue. The reporter said that they were doing an article about 'professionals and successful people who perservere (sp?) through addictions. He 'assured' me a number of times that it was not a 'gotcha' story, and I really thought it would be about my perceptions about the personality factors that predispose one to addiction. I had never read Mens Health-- I genuinely thought it was a 'health magazine'. It is generally accurate...
When he told me about the aerosolized fentanyl study, I told him that I considered it to be no factor in my case, and I considered the idea of the inhaled narcotic as a risk factor to be a stretch.
The main things that I wish had come out: first, it is impressive how fast a doc can become disposable. I was chief of our 8-person department, elected, for 8 of my 10 years; I was the guy who the surgeons requested for the complicated cases, I was friends with everyone, sitting on the executive committee, friends (I thought) with the CEO... and yes, I understand the horrible risks that put patients through... but the weekly dinner party invitations ended, never to return... no spouses contacted my wife, who struggled alone with our three kids while was gone to treatment for 13 weeks... my partners fired me by driving by the house and placing a letter in my mailbox... the most painful part of the whole thing was that my partners in our independent, single specialty group, who I had joined at Christmas parties, dinners, family get-togethers, all just disappeared. I will still see them around town, and they walk the other way, I assume to avoid having to deal with the feelings one has when they act the way they acted...
As an 'aa' guy, I'm not bitter, but the experience did change my perception of the nature of friendship. I lost a bit of my idealism. Which maybe is good, because I consider my idealism to be one of the many personality traits that allowed me to do the stupid things that I did.
I also wanted to encourage addicted docs to seek help early, before they lose everything or kill themselves. I wanted to get across how things have worked out OK, after once fearing that I had lost everything. Yes, I do miss anesthesia-- I was good at it, I truly enjoyed it, I made tons of money-- I considered myself to be the luckiest guy in the world, to have such a career. But I also enjoy the new things I do... teaching med students once a week, running a private practice, writing a quarterly column for Psychiatry Times, marketing my practice...
I would gladly share my experiences and discoveries with anybody out there who fears they have a problem. I now know of so many options out there for treatment, including ways to keep things confidential. I would never disclose anything that anyone decide to share with me (unless someone tells me about a concrete plan to do harm to others, or concrete plans to commit suicide).
One more thing, speaking of confidentiality... in 13 weeks of treatment, I went through tons of individual and group psychotherapy. The State Medical Board demanded my treatment records in order to try to get my license back, and the local hospital demanded all of my records to consider keeping me on staff. The medical board posts all of their decisions on the internet, including some details of my history from my treatment records. So essentially I sign a release of very sensitive material to the Board, and then they do whatever they want with it as part of the public record. The hospital shared my records with the executive committee--basically all of my peers in my small town--and then cut my privileges. And when I came back 5 years later to apply for psychiatry privileges, discussions with administrators included references to particulars that were known only from my treatment records. I still have no idea how many people have read through some very personal stuff.
Anyway... comments welcome. Please contact me if you are in trouble. And sorry about the black eye to the profession. I still tell med students to go into anesthesiology... but to never consider themselves smart enough, or good enough, to ignore the rules.
I don't know how the magazine happened to zero in on me, but they contacted me 6 months ago out of the blue. The reporter said that they were doing an article about 'professionals and successful people who perservere (sp?) through addictions. He 'assured' me a number of times that it was not a 'gotcha' story, and I really thought it would be about my perceptions about the personality factors that predispose one to addiction. I had never read Mens Health-- I genuinely thought it was a 'health magazine'. It is generally accurate...
When he told me about the aerosolized fentanyl study, I told him that I considered it to be no factor in my case, and I considered the idea of the inhaled narcotic as a risk factor to be a stretch.
The main things that I wish had come out: first, it is impressive how fast a doc can become disposable. I was chief of our 8-person department, elected, for 8 of my 10 years; I was the guy who the surgeons requested for the complicated cases, I was friends with everyone, sitting on the executive committee, friends (I thought) with the CEO... and yes, I understand the horrible risks that put patients through... but the weekly dinner party invitations ended, never to return... no spouses contacted my wife, who struggled alone with our three kids while was gone to treatment for 13 weeks... my partners fired me by driving by the house and placing a letter in my mailbox... the most painful part of the whole thing was that my partners in our independent, single specialty group, who I had joined at Christmas parties, dinners, family get-togethers, all just disappeared. I will still see them around town, and they walk the other way, I assume to avoid having to deal with the feelings one has when they act the way they acted...
As an 'aa' guy, I'm not bitter, but the experience did change my perception of the nature of friendship. I lost a bit of my idealism. Which maybe is good, because I consider my idealism to be one of the many personality traits that allowed me to do the stupid things that I did.
I also wanted to encourage addicted docs to seek help early, before they lose everything or kill themselves. I wanted to get across how things have worked out OK, after once fearing that I had lost everything. Yes, I do miss anesthesia-- I was good at it, I truly enjoyed it, I made tons of money-- I considered myself to be the luckiest guy in the world, to have such a career. But I also enjoy the new things I do... teaching med students once a week, running a private practice, writing a quarterly column for Psychiatry Times, marketing my practice...
I would gladly share my experiences and discoveries with anybody out there who fears they have a problem. I now know of so many options out there for treatment, including ways to keep things confidential. I would never disclose anything that anyone decide to share with me (unless someone tells me about a concrete plan to do harm to others, or concrete plans to commit suicide).
One more thing, speaking of confidentiality... in 13 weeks of treatment, I went through tons of individual and group psychotherapy. The State Medical Board demanded my treatment records in order to try to get my license back, and the local hospital demanded all of my records to consider keeping me on staff. The medical board posts all of their decisions on the internet, including some details of my history from my treatment records. So essentially I sign a release of very sensitive material to the Board, and then they do whatever they want with it as part of the public record. The hospital shared my records with the executive committee--basically all of my peers in my small town--and then cut my privileges. And when I came back 5 years later to apply for psychiatry privileges, discussions with administrators included references to particulars that were known only from my treatment records. I still have no idea how many people have read through some very personal stuff.
Anyway... comments welcome. Please contact me if you are in trouble. And sorry about the black eye to the profession. I still tell med students to go into anesthesiology... but to never consider themselves smart enough, or good enough, to ignore the rules.
