Starting a Family

[foozball797]

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I will be 22 when I start my journey to being a doctor, so I should be about 30 by the time I graduate from med school. As of right now, I feel like I will want a family, probably somewhere around 30-34. My question is, is it worth it?

Is it worth it to burden yourself with a girlfriend or wife, and possibly kids, and is it worth it to drag them through what seems like hell? Or, are you better off on your own time, with only yourself to support, and free of the stress of not being able to take care of the kids, or pay attention to the girlfriend/wife?

At 21, I don't know what I don't know, but I have time to make a decision. At some point I will have to commit though, either to medicine and a family, medicine and no family, or no medicine and a family. I suppose a fourth option could be medicine and a family later on, but I don't know. Thanks.

 

[NightSwim]

I disagree that you'll have to make this decision. Just go with the flow. It's common for residents and young docs to have families (I think, at least). You'll be able to make it work if that's what you want when the time comes.

 

[JoshUNCW]

Dang bro, I'm 21 and noooowhere near thinking about starting a family. Honestly, if I wanted to start a family right now. I wouldn't go to med school. I'd do something else with my life for the time being. I don't think I could be there enough for a kid or my wife through residency. I mean, I have a girlfriend and I'm not worried about us. But I don't know if I would add a kid in there. Again, not to mention the fact I don't feel like I'll be ready for a family till my thirties...

But that's my opinion. I know there are people with families in medical school AND residency. So it can be done. But personally, I wouldn't be doing it.

 

[TakeMe]

I'd like to have a family as well. I am starting med school at 25, and figure I won't be done with residency until I am 33-35. I am planning on starting then. I don't think it would be plausible to do it before then.

It's a personal choice. For me, it's scary to have to wait that long, but, ultimately, worth it because I feel called to be a physician. You have to decide if YOU think its worth it.

 

[Poliscidoc]

Dang bro, I'm 21 and noooowhere near thinking about starting a family. Honestly, if I wanted to start a family right now. I wouldn't go to med school. I'd do something else with my life for the time being. I don't think I could be there enough for a kid or my wife through residency. I mean, I have a girlfriend and I'm not worried about us. But I don't know if I would add a kid in there. Again, not to mention the fact I don't feel like I'll be ready for a family till my thirties...

But that's my opinion. I know there are people with families in medical school AND residency. So it can be done. But personally, I wouldn't be doing it.

Amen 👍... Same here

OP just do what you think is right, Im sure having a family and/or kid in med school is hard but people do it.

 

[Hifey]

I will be 22 when I start my journey to being a doctor, so I should be about 30 by the time I graduate from med school. As of right now, I feel like I will want a family, probably somewhere around 30-34. My question is, is it worth it?

Is it worth it to burden yourself with a girlfriend or wife, and possibly kids, and is it worth it to drag them through what seems like hell? Or, are you better off on your own time, with only yourself to support, and free of the stress of not being able to take care of the kids, or pay attention to the girlfriend/wife?

At 21, I don't know what I don't know, but I have time to make a decision. At some point I will have to commit though, either to medicine and a family, medicine and no family, or no medicine and a family. I suppose a fourth option could be medicine and a family later on, but I don't know. Thanks.

If you want a family AND medicine, I'd recommend going to med school now and not worrying about the family until your 30s like you said. I think its much harder for the parent to be working lots of hours than going through medical school AND working tons of hours.

 

[Elmnt]

I know physicians who had kids during residency and they were fine. I heard a good quote before, "there's never a good time to have kids." You are always going to be busy as a physician. While residency will be more demanding than post residency, if having a family is what you want you'll find a way to make it happen.

 

[FrkyBgStok]

or you can let what happens happen and be man (or woman) enough to get through it. what i mean is, if you love someone, don't get rid of them just because you are afraid of what the future holds. and if you meet someone in med school, don't shrug it off. many people go to med school with kids (i will be one). many people have kids while in med school. and it is possible to be a good parent or spouse while in medical school and residency.

 

[JoshUNCW]

or you can let what happens happen and be man (or woman) enough to get through it. what i mean is, if you love someone, don't get rid of them just because you are afraid of what the future holds. and if you meet someone in med school, don't shrug it off. many people go to med school with kids (i will be one). many people have kids while in med school. and it is possible to be a good parent or spouse while in medical school and residency.

it's also possible to be with someone and decide not to have kids

 

[Elmnt]

it's also possible to be with someone and decide not to have kids

Yes, but the OP was talking about starting a family. Which I assume includes the thought of having kids.

 

[Fiddlergirl]

It's certainly possible to have kids at any point during medical school or residency. There are times when it's harder and times when it's easier, but I don't think you have to choose between having a family and medicine.
It's true that a lot of people wait until after residency, but you don't need to. I'm hoping to have a baby during fourth year, and probably another during residency. If it's something you really want, then go for it.
There is time during med school for a relationship. When you get to med school, you'll find that there are people just starting families and people with young children. You will not be dragging your significant other or children "through hell." It's a commitment for everyone, certainly, but it's not hell.

 

[freothalaf]

You know it really does depend on the person but for me I already have a family and am taking the medical route. I have a child that is 18 months and may have another by the time I start school in 2011. It is all about time management and having the support from your spouse

I just shadowed a doctor that started medical school with 6 kids and had 2 more before he graduated. His wife said it was totally worth it so i guess in the end it is up to the wife. I mean she is the one that is going to be home with the kids.

 

[Fiddlergirl]

so i guess in the end it is up to the wife. I mean she is the one that is going to be home with the kids.

Or it might be up to the husband! In my case, he'll be the one staying home when the kids are little.

 

[marele86]

Consider freezing your eggs.

I would be doing it this year if I had an extra $6,000 lying around.. as it is, my fiance and I will be saving and doing it during 4th year. I won't be ready to have kids in med school OR residency, and I really want to take at least a couple years to establish a practice before taking any maternity leave. And since he's in med school as well, we'll have to face all of the whole 2-physician-family child care issues. So I hear where you're coming from.

There may not be a "perfect" time to have kids, but if you can use your 25 year-old eggs as a 35-40 year old woman, I think that's as close as it gets. Once you're professionally solid, I've been told it becomes a little easier to manage work and family both (just because medicine is such a front-heavy profession.)

(Okay, a full discussion on this would include a discussion on freezing eggs vs. embryos and a bunch of other stuff, but that's all found easily by google researching it/talking to medical professionals. There are potential downsides to everything.)

 

[ThaliaNox]

The idea of chasing a toddler at 35-40 scares me.