I'm sorry you are feeling bad about all of this, get help if you're feeling overwhelmed.
Thanks for finding the ECFMG info. You're correct that you won't be eligible for the main match because you won't be ECFMG approved (or whatever they call it when you pass all of the exams). As you've discovered, you can still participate in SOAP if you pass the exam in the interim. I don't think that SOAPing is a "red flag" -- it's the things that get you into SOAP (failed steps, IMG, etc) that are the concerns. Overall, another year gap without clinical experience is probably a much bigger deal than SOAP. Plus, you might SOAP into a categorical program (and hence not need the match again), or complete a PGY-1 and then find a PGY-2 outside the match.
If you qualify for SOAP, you should look at the programs available and apply to any that seem reasonable. be careful "withdrawing" from the match -- I wouldn't withdraw from anything, let the system disqualify you. If you withdraw, you might withdraw from SOAP also.