Struggling between my preference and family's preference

[dohgrl76]

Hi everyone,

I'm having a really hard time deciding between Northwestern and University of Minnesota for my number 1 and 2. I personally preferred NW on my interview day, and it is more prestigious and has a better match list. However, Minneapolis is a much better city for my husband's work. I really liked the residents at Minnesota, and I believe I would be happy there, plus my husband would be happier - thus making me happy.

Would I really be sacrificing a lot in terms of quality of education putting Minnesota above NW, University of Chicago and University of Michigan in terms of getting a Heme/Onc fellowhship? (the prestige of fellowship training isn't super important to me, I want to be a community oncologist).

Thank you so much for your opinions!

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[LoudBark]

I believe I would be happy there, plus my husband would be happier - thus making me happy.

I believe you just answered your own question.

For better or worse, once you get married it is not just about YOU anymore and compromises have to be made. It is not like you are screwing yourself by going to U o M. You can do any fellowship you want by going there.

You are married after all. At the end of the day, medicine is JUST a job. You do want a happy marriage first and foremost don't you?

 

[disorder]

your concerns are definitely not uncommon. i feel like over half the applicants i have met along the interview trail have someone in mind (family/so) that is dictating their choices-- whether it be job prospects, couples matching, etc.

i've also heard the gamut of advice from "your s/o needs to understand that you only get to train once, train at the best place possible" to what loudbark said, the more judicious and holistic response.

 

[infarct]

Hi everyone,
I believe I would be happy there, plus my husband would be happier - thus making me happy.


Heme/Onc fellowhship? (the prestige of fellowship training isn't super important to me, I want to be a community oncologist).

Thank you so much for your opinions!

goto minnesota. you'll only train once but you only (hopefully) have one marriage. you'll match h/o out of either place. strained relationship isnt worth a slight bump in prestige. you cant sleep with prestige at night. he's already and will continue to make scarifies for your career . compromise is the name of the game. if chicago isnt best for your family dont go there!

 

[dozitgetchahi]

Yeah, I agree. I think the marriage is more important and plus it's not like you're talking about NW vs some unknown community program. If there was a huge gap between the programs you were considering, it might be a harder call to make - but there isn't.

 

[quepatho]

Idk, depends on how you look at it all.

Right now the top 5 places on my match list are all over the country with the blessing of my fiance, although he definitely has preferences that are only sort-of-not-exactly reflected in my match list. It's only 3 years to train for IM; *personally* I would only choose Minnesota if you are very concerned that your husband would not be able to get a job AT ALL near northwestern/chicago. Obviously only you know best what will matter to you and your family; I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I'm saying that's probably what *I* would do.

I'm a little non-traditional, though. I plan to be the primary earner in my household once I have kids; so ultimately my career will end up being more important financially to the family.

So...if you were looking for a different perspective, you got one, haha. You won't go wrong either way tho.

 

[dohgrl76]

Thank you for all the responses!

I had been feeling bad about considering putting Minnesota first because you always hear "go to the best place you can get into" and all that, and people look at me all crazy when I say it's between those two, ha. I feel a lot better hearing a few other people say that Minnesota is a good choice if it's the right one for my family.

You are married after all. At the end of the day, medicine is JUST a job. You do want a happy marriage first and foremost don't you?

Absolutely!

 

[JohnSmiley]

goto minnesota. You'll only train once but you only (hopefully) have one marriage. You'll match h/o out of either place. Strained relationship isnt worth a slight bump in prestige. You cant sleep with prestige at night. He's already and will continue to make scarifies for your career . Compromise is the name of the game. If chicago isnt best for your family dont go there!

this

 

[CAPiTAtwo]

I had been feeling bad about considering putting Minnesota first because you always hear "go to the best place you can get into" and all that,

Minnesota is not the best-name place I could get in to, but I will likely end up ranking it #1. As a matter of fact, I don't think I've ever heard someone say "go to the best place you can get into," it was always "you'll find a place that feels right."

 

[Blackcomb]

Yeah, I agree. I think the marriage is more important and plus it's not like you're talking about NW vs some unknown community program. If there was a huge gap between the programs you were considering, it might be a harder call to make - but there isn't.

Completely agree...

Much of your medical training is what you make of it (pedigree'd places don't have a magic wand that turns people into great doctors) and the difference between Minnesota and Northwestern reputation-wise is not very big. I think marriage/family/happiness is far more important.

 

[Rumit]

You can see what I thought of Northwestern (not impressed) in one of the other threads on this forum so take this with a grain of salt. But, I think for heme/onc especially U of Minnesota probably has a better reputation (Gutonc could probably speak more to this). So, for your stated goals you could make a strong argument for U of Minn over Northwestern even without the family preference.

 

[ukdoc74]

Northwestern is much stronger than Minnesota For IM training but family is more important. Besides, you will be able to stay all 6 years in Minneapolis including Heme/onc.

Go with your heart.

 

[coffeebeanjenn]

I interviewed at both, and am interested in heme/onc.

I liked both a lot. Minnesota is amazing for malignant heme & BMT if that's your kind of thing (one of the tippy top). I thought the clinical, research, & h/o opportunities of both were comparable. NW gets more name recognition, but I wonder if MN is a rising star? I liked the variety of hospital/clinical experience at MN, and that versatility may be valuable if you want to be a community onc doc.

I think either would be an excellent choice. These decisions are hard, but I don't think either would be a bad choice for you professionally. With the caveat that I'm an applicant too, so I really don't have much experience to draw on.

 

[dohgrl76]

You are right Coffeebeanjenn, I did just take a trip to Europe! I am pretty sure I know who you are as well, and I appreciate your advice, because I believe we had similar interview schedules and we both have husbands not in the field of medicine. I wish you all the best on match day!

 

[gutonc]

Just to put this in perspective, you are basically asking a similar question to "Is it better to get a 245 or a 250 on Step 1."

NW has a better rep for sure but UMinn is no slouch and if you're sure about heme/onc and interested in heme mal/transplant, it's hard to beat.

Go with your gut.

 

[coffeebeanjenn]

Hooray and congrats! Best of luck to you too! This is all so hard to figure out.

You are right Coffeebeanjenn, I did just take a trip to Europe! I am pretty sure I know who you are as well, and I appreciate your advice, because I believe we had similar interview schedules and we both have husbands not in the field of medicine. I wish you all the best on match day!