Student/Doctor relationship

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LAW0792

LAW0792

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I have been shadowing a doctor for awhile now as an undergrad and sometimes I feel as though the topic of conversation in the down time between surgery is not always "appropriate", I don't mean vulgar or anything, but subtle things that seem somewhat over the line in my opinion. Things like whether I am dating someone or not or my plans for the weekend, mentioning how close they live to me and things of that sort along with catching the occasional glances that one would perceive as being "checked out" am I just being overly sensitive or is this unusual?
Im 18, He's 35
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LAW0792 said:
I have been shadowing a doctor for awhile now as an undergrad and sometimes I feel as though the topic of conversation in the down time between surgery is not always "appropriate", I don't mean vulgar or anything, but subtle things that seem somewhat over the line in my opinion. Things like whether I am dating someone or not or my plans for the weekend, mentioning how close they live to me and things of that sort along with catching the occasional glances that one would perceive as being "checked out" am I just being overly sensitive or is this unusual?
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Sounds unusual to me.
 
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so would you say that he has been hitting on me or is just being a "man" ?
 
eew. shadow someone else. change it up. on the bright side maybe you can get a letter of rec? (don't ask him for it when you are alone/stranded plz)
 
Nice one :)

If only there were a way to know!
 
Im stuck with him for the summer since it is a program with the health science center im hoping to attend for medical school, which is the other weird part since he is also a professor there.
 
LAW0792 said:
so would you say that he has been hitting on me or is just being a "man" ?
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If you're a young girl and he's an older guy asking you about your social life while you're trying to shadow him professionally, yes, I would consider it inappropriate. Find another doc to shadow, or try to steer the conversation back towards medicine. None of the docs I shadowed ever asked me about my social life.
 
Have you thought about telling him about the vibe you're getting and asking if it's intentional? If it isn't, then no problem. If it is, tell him that you're not interested. If he keeps it up, find someone else to shadow.
 
TheMightySmiter said:
If you're a young girl and he's an older guy asking you about your social life while you're trying to shadow him professionally, yes, I would consider it inappropriate. Find another doc to shadow, or try to steer the conversation back towards medicine. None of the docs I shadowed ever asked me about my social life.
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Thanks, I thought it seemed a bit weird but wasn't sure if it was just me being overly sensitive to the questions he tends to ask.
 
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Kphrogg said:
Have you thought about telling him about the vibe you're getting and asking if it's intentional? If it isn't, then no problem. If it is, tell him that you're not interested. If he keeps it up, find someone else to shadow.
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Ive thought about mentioning it, but thinking about how ridiculous I would feel asking it especially since he is married so I wouldn't want to offend him in any way if I was misinterpreting him.
 
Sugar Daddy ;)

jk, I would just answer the question than change the subject right after.
 
LAW0792 said:
Thanks, I thought it seemed a bit weird but wasn't sure if it was just me being overly sensitive to the questions he tends to ask.
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If he asks you what your fantasies are, then get the hell out!!

But on a serious note, it sounds creepy to me.

But on a totally different note, I would trust a medical student's opinion over a pre-med on something medicine related (even though weird)
Wrong. Standard.
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DrBowtie said:
He's being a normal person after you've developed a working relationship.
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Sounds creepy. Maybe he's just trying to make small talk. Usually its the conversations between surgeries/procedures that one gets to really know a physician (and a good LOR). Maybe he's just trying to connect with you rather than just explain a procedure and sit in awkward silence for the rest of the day.
 
LAW0792 said:
Ive thought about mentioning it, but thinking about how ridiculous I would feel asking it especially since he is married so I wouldn't want to offend him in any way if I was misinterpreting him.
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I wouldn't be comfortable mentioning it either, so I understand where you're coming from. He's in a position of authority here, so it would be easy for him to get offended and hold it against you--even if he really WAS hitting on you. I think you should try just changing the subject every time he brings up your social life until he gets the hint. Of course, if he doesn't get the hint, or he goes beyond merely asking you about your weekend plans and relationship status, you should feel free to mention that it bothers you (politely). Just say, "You know, I don't really feel comfortable talking about this. But I do have a question about this disease/case/procedure we just saw..." And if he doesn't stop after that, go to the head of the program and explain what's going on.
 
People don't want to talk medicine 24/7. Even doctors. Most people share common things like spouses, going out and doing things on weekends so it gives you a common ground to talk about other things.

If he is making sexual comments thats over the line, but inquiries about the above is most likely attempts to make small talk.
 
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TheMightySmiter said:
I wouldn't be comfortable mentioning it either, so I understand where you're coming from. He's in a position of authority here, so it would be easy for him to get offended and hold it against you--even if he really WAS hitting on you. I think you should try just changing the subject every time he brings up your social life until he gets the hint. Of course, if he doesn't get the hint, or he goes beyond merely asking you about your weekend plans and relationship status, you should feel free to mention that it bothers you (politely). Just say, "You know, I don't really feel comfortable talking about this. But I do have a question about this disease/case/procedure we just saw..." And if he doesn't stop after that, go to the head of the program and explain what's going on.
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^Yeah.
 
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OH MY GOD! SOMEONE MIGHT BE ATTRACTED TO YOU!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Jesus, it's not like this guy is a teacher. You have something in common (medicine), will be peers in the relatively near future and he finds you attractive. My suggestion would be to call him on it, file a complaint with HR and get him fired.

Or, you know, be an adult about it and either signal your disinterest or your interest, whichever the case may be.

Why is this even a topic?


*Edit* Nevermind, OP added a ton of important info that was left out of the first post. Yeah, it seems a bit off. Just steer the topic away from your personal life (or mention a boyfriend, or even just 'a guy I've been seeing') until he gets the hint. If he doesn't, then you need to decide if you want to make it an issue (I would recommend against this course of action unless he is being blatantly inappropriate).
 
I feel like I read a similar topic like this before...not too long ago....deja vu?
 
DrBowtie said:
People don't want to talk medicine 24/7. Even doctors. Most people share common things like spouses, going out and doing things on weekends so it gives you a common ground to talk about other things.

If he is making sexual comments thats over the line, but inquiries about the above is most likely attempts to make small talk.
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yeah what the hell are you guys talking about? This is normal conversation
 
You should try to get a pizza together, maybe some hooking up afterwards, then, you know, see where the night takes you?
 
This is kind of like when Tiger Woods has to go to therapy for wanting to smush hot 18-year old women. You know what that's called? That's called being normal.
 
LAW0792 said:
I have been shadowing a doctor for awhile now as an undergrad and sometimes I feel as though the topic of conversation in the down time between surgery is not always "appropriate", I don't mean vulgar or anything, but subtle things that seem somewhat over the line in my opinion. Things like whether I am dating someone or not or my plans for the weekend, mentioning how close they live to me and things of that sort along with catching the occasional glances that one would perceive as being "checked out" am I just being overly sensitive or is this unusual?
Im 18, He's 35
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This sounds like normal small talk to me. It is natural to get to a more personal level with someone you shadow. Hell, the doc I shadow has been grilling me about not having a GF for years now. I also know all about her kids, her husband, her plans for holidays, and she comments on my dress. Sounds like the doc is being human. You get to keep humanity when you get the letters after your name.

If he isn't saying things overtly sexual then I don't really see the problem.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" - okay.
"Do you have a boyfriend? Want to fool around?" - not okay.

"what are you doing for the weekend?" - okay
"What are you doing for the weekend? Want to make a baby?" - not okay.

You get the drift.
 
Wow. This is what happens when you ask a bunch of introverted, neurotic, shy, socially awkward pre-meds questions about situations like this.

This is normal and actually a good thing. God forbid the guy tries to ask what you do...omg, he wants to have SEX with you. :rolleyes: The guy is either a) making small talk b) living his life vicariously through you by seeing what kids do nowadays. Would you think the person was hitting on you if the person was female? :rolleyes:

OP - RELAX. He's not going to rape you.
 
Play along. You just might get the LOR you need. :)
Or a note asking you out on a date.
 
I don't think that it's really that strange, even if it is a possibility that he could be attracted to you.

You said that he's married, which to me makes it more likely that he's just enjoying the magnetism (as many people do) between opposite sexes rather than acting with any actual insidious intent. If you are concerned, definitely try to signal your disinterest first. So if he asks you about whether you're dating someone be very adamant about how you're not interested in being distracted from your career and academics (even if not true), and maybe casually ask about his family and make it a point that you are very very aware of his marital status. Don't make it seem like you considered him and he failed, but rather like he was never in the picture because of that. At the end of the day even if all this is his fault, you're not in a position where making extra drama would be in any way beneficial to you.

Oh and this kind of attention isn't going away until you get old, now that you're officially no longer jailbait, so better get used to it. Damn I miss being 18.
 
LAW0792 said:
I have been shadowing a doctor for awhile now as an undergrad and sometimes I feel as though the topic of conversation in the down time between surgery is not always "appropriate", I don't mean vulgar or anything, but subtle things that seem somewhat over the line in my opinion. Things like whether I am dating someone or not or my plans for the weekend, mentioning how close they live to me and things of that sort along with catching the occasional glances that one would perceive as being "checked out" am I just being overly sensitive or is this unusual?
Im 18, He's 35
Click to expand...

Sounds normal to me.
 
You're overreacting. I've been on this rotation for about a week now, a little longer, and the entire OR staff knows my relationship status, where I'm from, where I'm staying on my rotation, and often some of the plans I have while being in the area. It comes up in normal conversation.

You're shadowing and should be learning something, but quite often you're not going to be discussing medicine for the entire day. You will have to break into normal conversation.

The doctor is not hitting on you.
 
Wait a minute, do 35 year olds even have sexual intercourse? I'm gonna go upstairs and ask my mom real quick. Luckily I'm in the basement and she's upstairs.
Stay tuned for the deets!
 
LAW0792 said:
I have been shadowing a doctor for awhile now as an undergrad and sometimes I feel as though the topic of conversation in the down time between surgery is not always "appropriate", I don't mean vulgar or anything, but subtle things that seem somewhat over the line in my opinion. Things like whether I am dating someone or not or my plans for the weekend, mentioning how close they live to me and things of that sort along with catching the occasional glances that one would perceive as being "checked out" am I just being overly sensitive or is this unusual?
Im 18, He's 35
Click to expand...

yougonnagetlovednq5.jpg
 
Medicine4Bruhs said:
This is kind of like when Tiger Woods has to go to therapy for wanting to smush hot 18-year old women. You know what that's called? That's called being normal.
Click to expand...

QFT.

Seriously... Him asking you your plans for the weekend and about your social life? Just because he's a doctor doesn't mean he can't ask you about normal 'human' things. Like Kaustikos said, you're looking too far into it. I shadowed a 60-something-year-old plastic surgeon and everyday I came in, we would talk, drink some tea and he would ask me about my weekend/plans/stuff at school.
 
NightGod said:
OH MY GOD! SOMEONE MIGHT BE ATTRACTED TO YOU!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Jesus, it's not like this guy is a teacher. You have something in common (medicine), will be peers in the relatively near future and he finds you attractive. My suggestion would be to call him on it, file a complaint with HR and get him fired.

Or, you know, be an adult about it and either signal your disinterest or your interest, whichever the case may be.

Why is this even a topic?


*Edit* Nevermind, OP added a ton of important info that was left out of the first post. Yeah, it seems a bit off. Just steer the topic away from your personal life (or mention a boyfriend, or even just 'a guy I've been seeing') until he gets the hint. If he doesn't, then you need to decide if you want to make it an issue (I would recommend against this course of action unless he is being blatantly inappropriate).
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I would suggest AGAINST that. He is the boss here. He would for sure deny anything along inappropriate line and you would be the one in trouble. I suggest you avoid being alone with him for too long, keep the conversation profession/school related. If he brings up a topic that is uncomfortable for you, change it by asking a different question. Man is a doctor, do it a few times.. he will get the hint.

My 2 cent.
 
I don't think it is too inappropriate.. I know some physicians who like to talk about that stuff just to break the ice and try to relate to the student
 
LAW0792 said:
Im stuck with him for the summer since it is a program with the health science center im hoping to attend for medical school, which is the other weird part since he is also a professor there.
Click to expand...

If this is a med school scholar type of program, bring it up to the administration if it seems inappropriate. There are people with you whom you can speak in confidence who can advise you further. I cannot guarantee it won't come back to haunt you, but it shouldn't and at the schools I've interacted with there are significant safeguards in place to protect you. Speak up if you need to.

On the other hand, if you've been shadowing this guy awhile, I can see where the conversation might get personal. Sure, it's not his "right" to know these things, but unless he really seems to be drilling you, I'd just be conversational and casual about it. The fact is people make small talk. The things he's going to know to ask you about are going to naturally include relationships, school, work, your interest in medicine. Guess which one is probably most interesting. Of course, he may get to know what your hobbies are and ask about any common interests, but you can't expect him to stay away from any personal question. Now the "checking you out" looks, on the other hand, do seem a bit inappropriate if, in fact, he really is looking at your body and not your face. Then again, that's hard to measure. Does he look at other women in the same way? How about men he talks to?
 
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You need to calm down about this - he's doing absolutely normal things for a person to do.
 
ahsansad said:
I would suggest AGAINST that. He is the boss here. He would for sure deny anything along inappropriate line and you would be the one in trouble. I suggest you avoid being alone with him for too long, keep the conversation profession/school related. If he brings up a topic that is uncomfortable for you, change it by asking a different question. Man is a doctor, do it a few times.. he will get the hint.

My 2 cent.
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Sarcasm fail, dude.
 
I think it sounds normal. Maybe the problem is that the OP is 18 and has never had a 35 year old talk to her like a normal person and just make small talk.
 
Donald Juan said:
I think it sounds normal. Maybe the problem is that the OP is 18 and has never had a 35 year old talk to her like a normal person and just make small talk.
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Agreed lol.. its normal. It's not like he's trying to do anything with you/making actual advances/moves. Just small talk
 
OP's med school interview in 2014:

(12 minutes into interview)
Interviewer (male): So, besides being the president of twelve pre-med clubs, what do you do in your spare time...for fun?

OP: Are you coming onto me?

Edit to add something useful. OP, I agree with others who say you are looking WAY too into this.
 
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