Taking time off...

[Luun]

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I think this needs a little BACKGROUND (you can skip to the actual concern if you'd like...)

So...my boyfriend and I just broke up after 4.5 years. It was (kinda) mutual. We were long distance for the first 2 years and then we just separated again since I'm in med school in another part of the country. Mostly he wanted to be single so that he could make decisions and not have to worry about another person's goals and I agreed that it'd be unfair to me if he were to leave for a different country for 2 years. He just wants to have time before being in a serious relationship again and applying to med school.

I, on the other hand, am already in med school. I'm towards the end of my first semester and I thought I was doing fine but now we've broken up I've been hit pretty hard. We want to stay friends (and maybe see what happens in the future, who knows) but we know it's gonna be hard in the beginning.

ACTUAL CONCERN:

Anyways, this isn't about that, we're working through it. Now I'm worried that I should have taken time off before applying to med school (I went to school right after undergrad). I've thought of it before but now I've really been thinking of it. And I wouldn't do it just to try and rekindle a relationship with my ex, I'd want to try and pursue other things, like perhaps do service/work in a different country. I've always wanted to do that but I kinda thought I may be able to find a way to do it when I finished med school.

I didn't take time off before going to med school because:
A: I thought it would make it harder for me to get in (my grades/mcat were well enough that I got in a few places but I wasn't sure it'd hold up after some time went by.)
B: I thought that I'd be able to pursue these interests as side hobbies or other ways after I finished med school.
C: I was in a serious relationship and I wanted it to work.

I'm not so sure now. Would it be bad if I wanted to take some time off from school and work on maybe doing research or some type of mission work in another place. And if so, what would be the best time to do it? Between 1st and 2nd year? Between 2nd and 3rd? How would that affect my potential in residency. I'm sure that it won't look good if I take time off and don't do anything great. I feel that I'll regret it and be burned out with my job in the future if I never allowed myself that opportunity.

I need some solid advice and I'd appreciate any opinions that you could give me. Thanks.

I just realized, I'd probably lose my scholarship as well, huh?

 

[medstudent87]

I think this needs a little BACKGROUND (you can skip to the actual concern if you'd like...)

So...my boyfriend and I just broke up after 4.5 years. It was (kinda) mutual. We were long distance for the first 2 years and then we just separated again since I'm in med school in another part of the country. Mostly he wanted to be single so that he could make decisions and not have to worry about another person's goals and I agreed that it'd be unfair to me if he were to leave for a different country for 2 years. He just wants to have time before being in a serious relationship again and applying to med school.

I, on the other hand, am already in med school. I'm towards the end of my first semester and I thought I was doing fine but now we've broken up I've been hit pretty hard. We want to stay friends (and maybe see what happens in the future, who knows) but we know it's gonna be hard in the beginning.

ACTUAL CONCERN:

Anyways, this isn't about that, we're working through it. Now I'm worried that I should have taken time off before applying to med school (I went to school right after undergrad). I've thought of it before but now I've really been thinking of it. And I wouldn't do it just to try and rekindle a relationship with my ex, I'd want to try and pursue other things, like perhaps do service/work in a different country. I've always wanted to do that but I kinda thought I may be able to find a way to do it when I finished med school.

I didn't take time off before going to med school because:
A: I thought it would make it harder for me to get in (my grades/mcat were well enough that I got in a few places but I wasn't sure it'd hold up after some time went by.)
B: I thought that I'd be able to pursue these interests as side hobbies or other ways after I finished med school.
C: I was in a serious relationship and I wanted it to work.

I'm not so sure now. Would it be bad if I wanted to take some time off from school and work on maybe doing research or some type of mission work in another place. And if so, what would be the best time to do it? Between 1st and 2nd year? Between 2nd and 3rd? How would that affect my potential in residency. I'm sure that it won't look good if I take time off and don't do anything great. I feel that I'll regret it and be burned out with my job in the future if I never allowed myself that opportunity.

I need some solid advice and I'd appreciate any opinions that you could give me. Thanks.

I just realized, I'd probably lose my scholarship as well, huh?

there are plenty of programs you can do during the summer (between MSI and MSII) like missions trips to Africa or central america if that's ur thing. Now that you're already in school, I'd stick with it...I'm not certain about this, but i don't think residencies like if you took time off unless you were doing a year-long research project for the NIH or something

 

[silverhorse84]

So this is totally anecdotal, but I do know a couple of people who took a year off. They were in different years of medical school, but did the same thing so one took a year off between MSI/MSII and the other between MSII/MSIII. I was with them on a trip with Operation Crossroads Africa, which is only a 6 week volunteer trip in the summer, but then they stayed in the country volunteering on their own for the school year. I was in undergrad at the time.
I honestly don't know how it affected their residency selection, but I know one went into peds heme/onc. I lost contact with them, so I don't know what the other did. I do know they had to get permission from their respective schools, and at least one had to do some sort of paper/project when he got back.

 

[Sammich117]

Hmm luun, that's tough. Do you have an academic advisor or anyone who may have dealt with this before? They can help you with the logistics. I've seen applications for some programs that ask people to take a year off so if you got one of those I feel like it shouldn't be too much of a problem.

 

[ksmi117]

I mean I'm sure this is different across the board, but WashU actually kind of encourages us to take time off either before or during medical school. Of course, they don't want us to sit around and veg during that time, but there are definitely people who have done research and service work elsewhere. I'm planning on taking time off either after 2nd or 3rd year and doing a year of research.

My best advice is to talk to your school about it. Heck, maybe they'll even have funding you can use for the year if you spin it to them the right way.

As far as residency applications are concerned, I think as long as you do something productive during the time off, it should be fine. If you make it look like you took a year off because school was hard, yeah, that's not the best. But if you say you took a year off to do something that you'd never have the opportunity to do again, I can't see that hurting you.

 

[Kevin Baker]

I think this needs a little BACKGROUND (you can skip to the actual concern if you'd like...)

So...my boyfriend and I just broke up after 4.5 years. It was (kinda) mutual. We were long distance for the first 2 years and then we just separated again since I'm in med school in another part of the country. Mostly he wanted to be single so that he could make decisions and not have to worry about another person's goals and I agreed that it'd be unfair to me if he were to leave for a different country for 2 years. He just wants to have time before being in a serious relationship again and applying to med school.

I, on the other hand, am already in med school. I'm towards the end of my first semester and I thought I was doing fine but now we've broken up I've been hit pretty hard. We want to stay friends (and maybe see what happens in the future, who knows) but we know it's gonna be hard in the beginning.

ACTUAL CONCERN:

Anyways, this isn't about that, we're working through it. Now I'm worried that I should have taken time off before applying to med school (I went to school right after undergrad). I've thought of it before but now I've really been thinking of it. And I wouldn't do it just to try and rekindle a relationship with my ex, I'd want to try and pursue other things, like perhaps do service/work in a different country. I've always wanted to do that but I kinda thought I may be able to find a way to do it when I finished med school.

I didn't take time off before going to med school because:
A: I thought it would make it harder for me to get in (my grades/mcat were well enough that I got in a few places but I wasn't sure it'd hold up after some time went by.)
B: I thought that I'd be able to pursue these interests as side hobbies or other ways after I finished med school.
C: I was in a serious relationship and I wanted it to work.

I'm not so sure now. Would it be bad if I wanted to take some time off from school and work on maybe doing research or some type of mission work in another place. And if so, what would be the best time to do it? Between 1st and 2nd year? Between 2nd and 3rd? How would that affect my potential in residency. I'm sure that it won't look good if I take time off and don't do anything great. I feel that I'll regret it and be burned out with my job in the future if I never allowed myself that opportunity.

I need some solid advice and I'd appreciate any opinions that you could give me. Thanks.

I just realized, I'd probably lose my scholarship as well, huh?

I have a lot of friends who took time off after 3rd year to do research. I'm sure you can fit in a service project if you spin it the right way. It makes you more well rounded, and maybe you can do something competitive on the side. Convention seems to be that taking time off is a bad thing, but I think as long as you do something productive, it can be a good thing. I'd rather have an older, more mature, well rounded resident, who took a year off, than someone coming straight from undergrad through med school.

As for the relationship, that sucks and I'm sorry. But seriously, even if you want to be friends, cut all contact, delete from facebook, and hit the gym. It works! IMO, you can either stay in contact and pine for him or have lingering thoughts for many months, maybe even a year, or cut all contact, get over it in a few months, and rekindle a friendship later.

 

[DrYoda]

I don't have any personally experience, but I always hear taking time off is ok (for the purpose of residencies) if you're doing research or something medically related. I know a good number of students here take research years.

The only way to find out how it will affect fin aid is to talk to the school about it.

Sorry about your break-up🙁.

 

[Luun]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I talked to someone at school and they gave me some great ideas.

Also Kevin, would you still suggest that if talking to him actually makes me feel better?

 

[RedSHIFT]

it will take 2.25 years to get over him according to some formula i read off the internet.

Length of Relationship / 2 = emotional healing

 

[hrandani]

It would appear that your emotions regarding your relationship's demise are heavily clouding your thoughts and you're in a bit of denial. Totally normal.

If you were a guy I would definitely advise you to cut off all contact etc like Kevin said, but I honestly have no clue how women successfully deal with break ups because I've never seen it done.

Fortunately if you can make it through the break without doing anything stupid like entering in a long distance relationship (I will never understand why people continue to think that's an option) school will provide plenty of opportunity to lose yourself in studying.

Bottom line ask yourself how badly you want to be a doctor vs. how badly you want to be in a relationship. Only you can know the answer.

 

[crock1255]

It would appear that your emotions regarding your relationship's demise are heavily clouding your thoughts and you're in a bit of denial. Totally normal.

If you were a guy I would definitely advise you to cut off all contact etc like Kevin said, but I honestly have no clue how women successfully deal with break ups because I've never seen it done.

Fortunately if you can make it through the break without doing anything stupid like entering in a long distance relationship (I will never understand why people continue to think that's an option) school will provide plenty of opportunity to lose yourself in studying.

Bottom line ask yourself how badly you want to be a doctor vs. how badly you want to be in a relationship. Only you can know the answer.

Do cut off all contact. Being friends sounds nice. La-di-freakin-da. But why do you want to do that? You guys broke up. The sooner you let him go, the sooner you'll realize/the sooner you WILL find someone better. People change. Relationships change. You'll find someone better. Trust that and just let this guy go. You'll realize he wasn't so great, your relationship wasn't so perfect, and you'll think to yourself "I was young and stupid."

Granted, ^^ obviously easier said than done, but you need to do it. It might even be easier to do it in med school because you'll have so little time to think about anything else.

Go out, hook up with people in your med school class. No on cared. Everyone does it. People make such a big deal about drama. Drama lasts a week, then there's new drama, and no one cares.

As for time off, if you want to be in the health care field, you'll have no better opportunities to do ANYTHING then when you have an MD after your name. You'll pretty much be able to go to any country on missions, volunteering, etc. and actually do something. If you want to work a 9-5 for a year or two, that's a different story. Or if you just want to travel or veg for a year, obviously not easy in med school.

Though I did meet a girl in Guatemala who was traveling in Central/South America who was in Med School in Sweden and brought all her books and just flew back for the exams. It was pretty baller, but I don't think it's easily done. She as definitely smarter than me!

 

[Serotonergic]

My opinion: It's just a boy - stay in school. There will be other boys.

 

[Gunneria]

can you take 2 years off in between MII-MIII or MIII-MIV to say get an MBA at Wharton lol?

 

[namethatsmell]

If you'll lose your scholarship by taking time off (as you suggested you might), then push yourself to fight through this and stay in school...money ain't everything, but huge debt is definitely something.

If your scholarship won't be impacted by taking time off and you really feel it's necessary then go ahead and do it...any experience that'll help broaden your horizons will pay dividends down the line.

Oh, and for your own sanity...cut off contact with the dude (at least until the next decent break in your schedule). As lame as it sounds, it's time to focus on some things you have true control over--like being a successful student.

 

[jackson1]

Sorry about the break-up luun🙁 I don't think taking time off would be a bad thing, especially if you did something medically/volunteer related. It seems to me like between 2nd and 3rd year would be the best time-you can get Step 1 under your belt and have a fresh start before starting clinicals. I agree with the other poster that said if you'll lose your scholarship you should really think about whether it's worth it or not.

Also, if you need someone to talk/vent to in person when we're back from break, let me know!