Tell me a joke...

[Kickage]

I have heard a few people say that their first interview question was "Tell me a joke." I don't know if the interviewers think that this is a good way to break the ice or if they are attempting to assess your sense of humor and personality (and in my case this isn't good since I tend to have a perverted sense of humor...haha 😉 ). Any suggestions of good "appropriate" jokes to tell?

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[tank you]

i read this joke on here, but i thought it was funny:

What's the difference between a prostate and a garden hose?




















There's a vas deferens. (vast difference)

 

[Fermata]

i read this joke on here, but i thought it was funny:

What's the difference between a prostate and a garden hose?




















There's a vas deferens. (vast difference)

Don't you mean penis and garden hose?
😕

 

[Fermata]

"What did the five fingers say to the face?"

 

[chanjurban]

A sodium atom walks into a police station and says "I need help, I've lost an electron." The officer says, "Are you sure?" To which the sodium atom replied, "i'm positive!"

(I'm such a geek)

 

[v-tach]

A sodium atom walks into a police station and says "I need help, I've lost an electron." The officer says, "Are you sure?" To which the sodium atom replied, "i'm positive!"

(I'm such a geek)

That's pretty good. However, wouldn't it be a sodium ion? 🙂

 

[WestcoastMedicine]

Whats an EKG?
Whats an EEG?
Whats an EGG? ITS AN EGG!!!

 

[Thrice]

Two Scientist are passing each other going opposite ways in a hallway, one of the scientists says, "Hey, whats new?"

The other replies, "C over Lamda"

-T

 

[evajaclynn]

Okay, so this is taken from the EXAMCRACKERS audio osmosis, but I thought it was hilarious at the time (probably b/c I was delirious from studying so much for the MCAT.

So here goes...


A mushroom walks into a bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender says, "I can't give you a drink, you're a mushroom!"
The mushroom responds, "Why not? I'm a fungi (fun guy)!





I know, I know, its not that great. But it makes me laugh.

 

[cammy1313]

A sodium atom walks into a police station and says "I need help, I've lost an electron." The officer says, "Are you sure?" To which the sodium atom replied, "i'm positive!"

(I'm such a geek)

I actually think it's supposed to be a hydrogen atom.

 

[liverotcod]

I actually think it's supposed to be a hydrogen atom.

Proton.

 

[Khenon]

You guys need get out of the lab!

Here's a NON-science related joke:

What does an elephant use as a tampon?







A sheep.

Cracks me up every time!

 

[flash]

Doctor is walking down a hallway, nurse runs up and says "Hey doc, you have a thermometer in your ear". Doc replies, "shoot, that means some a**hole has my pencil."

My local bartender who know every joke (usually racially offensive or sexual in nature) gave it to me before I started interviews.

 

[no-see-um]

I have heard a few people say that their first interview question was "Tell me a joke." I don't know if the interviewers think that this is a good way to break the ice or if they are attempting to assess your sense of humor and personality (and in my case this isn't good since I tend to have a perverted sense of humor...haha 😉 ). Any suggestions of good "appropriate" jokes to tell?

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"HIPAA"
"HIPAA who?"
"I can't tell you!"


👍 I think it's good in that you get the interviewer to participate, and that it shows ethical values. 😀 😀

 

[evajaclynn]

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"HIPAA"
"HIPAA who?"
"I can't tell you!"


👍 I think it's good in that you get the interviewer to participate, and that it shows ethical values. 😀 😀

I like this one! Good one, Fruitfly!

 

[UCLAstudent]

You guys need get out of the lab!

Here's a NON-science related joke:

What does an elephant use as a tampon?







A sheep.

Cracks me up every time!

Ewww! Lol, that's funny.

 

[vhawk]

If you want non-science, mostly stupid, but find yourself laughing in spite of yourself, try this one...

Two sausages are sitting in a pan, frying away.

The first sausage looks over at the second sausage and goes, "Man, sure is hot in this frying pan!"

The second sausage looks back at him and goes, "Holy ****, a talking sausage!"

Come on, you know thats funny....

On the more funny but SIGNIFICANTLY less appropriate side...

What did the deaf, mute and blind kid get for XMas?


Cancer.


You are horrible people for laughing at that....

 

[Khenon]

If you want non-science, mostly stupid, but find yourself laughing in spite of yourself, try this one...

Two sausages are sitting in a pan, frying away.

The first sausage looks over at the second sausage and goes, "Man, sure is hot in this frying pan!"

The second sausage looks back at him and goes, "Holy ****, a talking sausage!"

Come on, you know thats funny....

On the more funny but SIGNIFICANTLY less appropriate side...

What did the deaf, mute and blind kid get for XMas?


Cancer.


You are horrible people for laughing at that....

Crying/laughing . . . it's so wrong!

 

[fpr85]

If you want non-science, mostly stupid, but find yourself laughing in spite of yourself, try this one...

Two sausages are sitting in a pan, frying away.

The first sausage looks over at the second sausage and goes, "Man, sure is hot in this frying pan!"

The second sausage looks back at him and goes, "Holy ****, a talking sausage!"

That's the oldest joke in the book, I've heard it with muffins in an oven though.

 

[Kickage]

Thanks everyone...some of those are hilarious

 

[nicholonious]

Q: How many surgeons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One. He stands still while the world revolves around him.


Q: What do you call a blind deer?

A: "no idea"

(for the second corny joke, you may have to say it out loud for it to make sense)

 

[BGGA]

Q: How many surgeons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One. He stands still while the world revolves around him.


Q: What do you call a blind deer?

A: "no idea"

(for the second corny joke, you may have to say it out loud for it to make sense)

haha

 

[Art Vandalay]

If you interview in kentucky...

What do you call a native kentuckian who owns a sheep and a goat?

bisexual

 

[chanjurban]

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium


What's a chemist's favorite condiment?

GuacaMOLE - especially when it's made with fresh Avogadros..

Protons have mass??? I didn't even know they were Catholic.



Anjani

 

[nicholonious]

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium


What's a chemist's favorite condiment?

GuacaMOLE - especially when it's made with fresh Avogadros..

Protons have mass??? I didn't even know they were Catholic.



Anjani

Those are some fresh ones, where do you get this stuff?

 

[chanjurban]

I'm a high school chem teacher. I've always got to find a few good groaners to keep them awake and interested.

Here's one from a recent Fox Trot comic strip... paraphrased.

A physicist walks into a grocery store and asks the clerk,
"Do you have any ultraviolet bull?"
"What???!!!"
"How about some violet bull?"
No
"Blue bull?"
No
"Green Bull?"
No
"Yellow Bull?"
No
"Orange Bull?"
No
"OK, then I guess I'll have a Red Bull. But I was hoping for something higher in energy."

I love that one.

Foxt Trot had another one spoofing Hummers.

Test Driver - "Wow, this car really sticks well to the road on curves"
Salesman- "Let me give you a little lesson in gravitational physics... The road is sticking to us my friend."

 

[gomizzou]

Deleted

 

[Denn]

Two police officers are having a conversation:
First police officer: I bought a toilet brush yesterday.
Second police officer: And?
First police officer: I don’t know, I liked toilet paper better………

 

[shahalam]

Heres a joke I always told myself before I stood up to talk in public speaking.

Why is 6 afraid of 7?
because 7 ate 9
hahaha, i'm so corny

 

[skoaner]

Non-Science:

2 fish are sitting in a tank, one says to the other -You got any idea how to drive this thing?

Science (err math?):

Decartes walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "The usuall Martini?"

Dercartes responds, "I don't think..." and disappears.

 

[LiNk]

a ham and cheese sandwich walks into a bar.
it asks for a drink.
the bartender says "sorry, we don't serve food here" 😀

 

[mcjay]

Q. What did the leper say to the hooker?








A. Keep the tip

 

[sunUCB]

A patient has a sore throat, and he goes to the doctor.

Doctor: You have to get your tonsils removed.
Patient: I would like a second opinion.
Doctor: Ok - You're ugly, too.


What is 18 inches long and hangs in front of an dingus?
A stethoscope.

 

[Stitch626]

What's the difference between a PPO and the PLO?

You can negotiate with the PLO.

 

[no-see-um]

What's the difference between a PPO and the PLO?

You can negotiate with the PLO.

LOL!

 

[Fermata]

Q. What did the leper say to the hooker?








A. Keep the tip

Now that's high comedy.

 

[tank you]

"What did the five fingers say to the face?"

What? I don't get it. 😳

 

[Fermata]

What? I don't get it. 😳

After having their eleventh child, a redneck couple decided that they had enough children. So, the husband went to his doctor, who also treated mules, and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed the man to go home, light a cherry bomb,put it into a beer can, and then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The redneck said, "I may not be the smartest guy on the block, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can, and putting it next to my ear is going to help me." The doctor assured the man that the procedure was guaranteed to work.

The man left the doctor's office and when we arrived home, he lit a cherry bomb and put it into a beer can. Then, he held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5." The man paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand...

 

[sunUCB]

LOL

After having their eleventh child, a redneck couple decided that they had enough children. So, the husband went to his doctor, who also treated mules, and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed the man to go home, light a cherry bomb,put it into a beer can, and then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The redneck said, "I may not be the smartest guy on the block, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can, and putting it next to my ear is going to help me." The doctor assured the man that the procedure was guaranteed to work.

The man left the doctor's office and when we arrived home, he lit a cherry bomb and put it into a beer can. Then, he held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5." The man paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand...

 

[wendywellesley]

Q: how do you make a hormone (***** moan)?
A: poker her in the eye.

i guess that's not too appropriate for an interview.

 

[Agent Splat]

A mortician is in need of some cheap help, so he looks to hire an illegal immigrant to do some cleaning and other dirty work at the mortuary.

After a bit of searching, he comes across a guy named Mel, who just recently crossed the border and is looking for some easy money to get established.

Mel does a good job for the first few days, and the mortician is pleased, even though he knows he might get into trouble for housing and paying an illegal immigrant.

A few days later an inspector knocks on the door for a regular inspection of the mortuary. Knowing full well there could be trouble if the inspector realized Mel was an illegal alien, he scrambled to solve his dilemma.

"Crap!" He exclaimed, "I'll need a place for Mel to hide!!!"







(read that last part out loud)

 

[Avenue Q]

I love this joke because it's so bad...

A rope walks into a bar and sits down and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him and says, "sorry, but we don't serve ropes here. I'm going to have to ask you to leave." The rope, very upset, leaves.

The next day the rope comes back to the bar, sits down, and orders a drink. Tha bartender looks at him and says, "look pal, I told you this yesterday, we don't serve ropes. If i see you again in here I'm gonna call the cops." The rope is really angry, but he leaves.

Outside the bar the rope, in his anger, gets a bit worked up, starts scrunching himself up and untangling himself, he's so upset. After a few minutes of this, he storms back into the bar, sits down, and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him, but doesn't quite recognize the him. The bartender asks "aren't you that rope I just kicked out?"

"Nope!" the rope says "I'm A FRAYED KNOT!"

haha, cracks me up. 😀

 

[poor ol' Gil]

Ok, How bout this one:

A man is waiting in a doctor's office after a full day of tests. Finally, the doctor comes in and sits down next to the man.
Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news for you
Patient: It's been such a long day, I could really use some good news
Doctor: Well, the good news is you're going to have a disease named after you... 🙂

 

[lulubean]

lol...these are great jokes - cheers to us science geeks!