My last one this morning was a doozy, I got to witness the birth of a new troll. I'm taking my last lap around the department, wishing my relief was there, when EMS is checking in a patient in a wheelchair. The patient has all their luggage with them with fresh Greyhound baggage tags. I pull the medic off to the side and get the story: Patient decided to leave Illinois for greener pastures and decided on our state ("Wanted to see what John Denver was always singing about"). Tried to pull this stunt in another bigger city on the way to us, but EMS there refused transport, so they got back on the bus. Chief Complaint: All of them. "My knee's been hurting since 1994, I've been coughing for years, I need this bump on my side checked, I need to see social work and public aid for Medicaid and a place to stay. I won't go back to the VA"; ad infinitum, ad nauseam.
Exam negative, vitals better than mine. Got a CXR and a Knee XR to make sure there was nothing acute. No social work or financial people in house on the weekend. Gets wheeled to the waiting room where they promptly start walking around, goes to the snack machine and gets breakfast and is blasting Sinatra from their phone. Negative workup, here's a sheet of shelters and the address to the free clinic, and 20cc of GTFO. Wonder how many times they'll show up before I'm done?