The Idea of Marriage

[thewebthsp]

I'm thinking more and more that it's a romantic cool idea, but maybe it's just too risky.

It's fear I guess, that says just have inconsequential relationships thus minimizing the possible disasters that lie ahead. Of course then you really never live life to its fullest potential. Dharma will have to do.

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[dsblaha]

It is much more than just a romantic idea. It is the generally accepted modality for the propagation of children and the continuation of our culture.

Besides, once you have been married for awhile it ceases to be a "romantic" rollercoaster (as evidenced by my posting on SDN at 10:40 at night) but becomes something much more powerful. It becomes a duty you have to the community to uphold values, additionally it is a source of strength and stability. Of course marriage is not easy, but with proper dedication by both parties it can be a meaningful success resulting in a sense of completeness and contentment.

The question becomes, how does one foster such dedication?

 

[that dr. jack]

marriage is what you define it to be. it's romantic, but successful marriages are also pragmatic. in the first 6 months i got weighed down with what we were supposed to be, and what other people thought my role as a wife should entail. we were miserable because everyone told us what we should be as a couple. it was total bull, and then we said to hell with it all. now we live the way we want.

it'll be 2 years in june and i am totally stoked because i married a man who is my best friend in every way. the romantic part is just as good as the hanging out part.

 

[curlycity]

Just had 8th wedding anniversary...starting med school this summer...hubby gave me, among other wildly romantic items, the Littmann I wanted. I super-duper love him For us, our marriage is the public manifestation of the awesome way our lives are teamed together, yoked under the same plow, rotating together in a binary star system, etc. I'm no poet, but a solid marriage is the foundation of my life. It's fun to be married to my sexy best friend who supports me in my strenuous educational endeavors.

That said, make sure you pick the right person. It's better to be lonely by yourself than lonely with Mr/s. Wrong and your three kids.

The minister who married us gave a lovely sermon about how marriages are like snowflakes - no two are like, but each is beautiful in its own way. We're different from a lot of other couples, but great *together*, which is what matters, not the expectations of society.

 

[Eyegirl2k7]

Don't ever ever do it.

 

[Meritina]

great couples makes a huge difference in the med school experiece. many do not turn out this way though. if it does turn well, it can make the difference of the one in med-school performing very well in med-school and being on the path of becoming an awesome physician and getting an awesome residency in a great place, which are often even more supportive of families. but as i said, there are other relationships that are draining even when both are very faithful individuals, fighting all the time is just another huge stress to add to the stress of medical school, causing delays and procrastination in studying, and further stresses when test times come. each one needs to be very supportive and understanding - beware of stormy relationships.

 

[Samoa]

I'm married to my commitmentphobia. There will be no divorce.

Seriously, though, I have no fear of making choices. But there have been none for me to make.

 

[gwyn779]

It is much more than just a romantic idea. It is the generally accepted modality for the propagation of children and the continuation of our culture.

Besides, once you have been married for awhile it ceases to be a "romantic" rollercoaster (as evidenced by my posting on SDN at 10:40 at night) but becomes something much more powerful. It becomes a duty you have to the community to uphold values, additionally it is a source of strength and stability. Of course marriage is not easy, but with proper dedication by both parties it can be a meaningful success resulting in a sense of completeness and contentment.

I'm sorry, but "duty you have to the community to uphold values?" That seems somewhat ridiculous. I see marriage as a commitment between 2 people who love each other, a public statement of thier love and and desire to spend the rest of their lives together. Which is why my husband and I had the type of wedding we did: no priest/minister/whatever, because the point was making a promise to each other, not having someone else tell us we're married. Along the same lines, I disagree with the popular American view of marriage as only the right and moral way for a man and woman to have children.

I think a large part of the reason why marriage is so unsuccessful right now is that people expect way too much from it. It's this huge religious and social institution when it shouldn't have any legal implications at all. Being religious is fine, the problem is when people think their religion's idea of marriage is the only correct way. Again, it's a personal thing and not really any of society's business.

It's ridiculous that people feel pressured to get married. You can't make a relationship appear out of nowhere. It'll happen when it's right and if it's truly right, then you can get married.

 

[dsblaha]

1st of all, I wasn't passing judgement on anybody's marriage. I was stating what I thought it was. I believe it is important for married couples to lead by example when it comes to raising children and building society rather than taking from it.

To say that marriage is not society's business is ridiculous. It is possibly the most important stabilizing factor in our society.

I agree that marriages are unsuccessful because people expect to get something out of it when you should be expecting to put something into it.

 

[pathdr2b]

Don't ever ever do it.

I say treat marriage like sex. If you don't get the "right partner" the first time, keep doing it (safely) until you do!

 

[thewebthsp]

I say treat marriage like sex. If you don't get the "right partner" the first time, keep doing it (safely) until you do!

Your post belies the existence of a program called "alimony"

By the way, why is it that usually only women get alimony? Now that's just sexist!

Oh and as for marriage in society ---

women usually have babies between 22-35. 35+ is advanced maternal age. most women want babies. most women want the fathers to be their husband. therefore most women typically get married between 22-35 (actually more like 67% between 22-26 and 20-30% between 33-36)

men are the same as women (though I guess we don't have to be) plus 4 years.

passionate love is a dangerous thing...whereas storgaic love (that warm fuzzy feeling of familiarity) is what I'd guess is common in long lived marriages.

 

[BlackPuma]

I'm married to my commitmentphobia. There will be no divorce.

Seriously, though, I have no fear of making choices. But there have been none for me to make.

and I thought I was ur special someone