The worst decision yet..

[TTSD]

---

Members don't see this ad.

UGH! For those of you who read my meningitis thread.. apparently my mom is on the point of a mental breakdown and might need hospitalization. The EARLIEST time I can get down home to at least look after her (my brother is watching her.. in his condition, and my dad is trying to get on an emergency flight from Hawaii) is Friday.

HOWEVER, my first final is MONDAY and I KNOW I will not study anywhere near effectively at home. Right now, two of my grades are on a razor's edge and I know I CANNOT (let me emphasize CANNOT) afford to do bad this quarter. In my mind, probably extremely callously, I'm debating whether to go down or not.

On the one hand before, yes.. I've sacrificed my grades before by going to emergency rooms during finals for friends so I can do it for my mother, right? But in my mind, it's not yet an emergency. Probably sounds cold-hearted I know.. but believe me.. it's not an easy option especially when this year is supposed to be the one that has to be stellar academically.

 

[Optimist]

Originally posted by TTSD
UGH! For those of you who read my meningitis thread.. apparently my mom is on the point of a mental breakdown and might need hospitalization. The EARLIEST time I can get down home to at least look after her (my brother is watching her.. in his condition, and my dad is trying to get on an emergency flight from Hawaii) is Friday.

HOWEVER, my first final is MONDAY and I KNOW I will not study anywhere near effectively at home. Right now, two of my grades are on a razor's edge and I know I CANNOT (let me emphasize CANNOT) afford to do bad this quarter. In my mind, probably extremely callously, I'm debating whether to go down or not.

On the one hand before, yes.. I've sacrificed my grades before by going to emergency rooms during finals for friends so I can do it for my mother, right? But in my mind, it's not yet an emergency. Probably sounds cold-hearted I know.. but believe me.. it's not an easy option especially when this year is supposed to be the one that has to be stellar academically.

Do what you need to do. Ignoring your finals is no way to solve any of your problems. If anything, it will add more to your distress.

So sorry about your brother's girlfriend. Best of luck to you, your brother, and your mom. Sometimes if you can keep your chin up, even if it's only for a couple of days, the situation will alleviate

 

[Spitting Camel]

In all seriousness, I think you should go seek some professional advice on dealing with these situations. I don't know if I would be able to deal with all of this on my own or with advice from strangers (which is what we essentialy are). If you're religious, how about a priest? If not, how about the school therapist? All we can do is say we're sorry and that we feel for you. The guidance you need has to come from within and you actions should be what you feel you would be able to live with. Good luck.

 

[Anka]

Hey,

I dealt with the question of whether to go home and visit my mom when she was sick. She's sick a lot, though, so it might not be the same thing.

Here's my read -- you can morally go either way on it. On the one hand, your being there will probably mean a lot to her. On the other, your being there will probably not change the situation a whole lot; if your mom is having serious issues, she's gonna have them with or without you. I'd sit down and carefully think out how you feel about it, and how you'll feel about it in a year (play multiple senarios from, I went and screwed up my grades and it didn't help to I went and still did perfectly on my exams and I saved my mom a lot of pain).

I, for one, don't think you're being cold hearted if you decide not to go. You can go after your exams. On the other hand, if you're going to have serious guilt because of this and go into a three month depression, you should probably go. Or, if it were your last chance to see your mom before she died, you should probably go.

One thing that might help is calling and talking to a trusted someone closer (physically) to your mom, and tell him/her what you're thinking and get their view on it. I usually call my brother. Hopefully there's someone like that you can call.

I've been reading your threads, and my prayers are with you & yours. Make sure you take care of yourself, too.

Best of luck,
Anka

 

[PhillyEaglesFan]

I agree with you. Concentrate on the finals.

The minute they're done, forget the finals and concentrate on mom.

Easier said than done, I know.

 

[UCIgrad2002]

i've been reading up on your other posts and i am greatly sorry for what you are going through. trust me, it's obvious, these times are probably the worst, especially with the whole application process and all, but all i can tell you is just to keep hope and stay strong. adcoms will understand your situation. just this year alone, i sadly lost two close friends (one of them a cousin of mine) in car accidents, and these incidents happened a couple weeks before the april MCAT, but i had to take it, no matter what. i made it clear on my application what i went through and how it could have affected the outcome of my performance that day, but i just used the loss i felt to fuel my desire even more. i guess what i'm trying to say is do what makes you feel right. prioritize your options and go from there. i'm sure whatever you choose to do will be right, just don't have any regrets. you can always follow up with additional letters to schools informing them of your current situation, and trust me, they will understand. i wish you all the best and keep your head up. it's kinda funny, cuz no one, except for us people going through this whole mess, really understands how difficult applying and getting into med school is. but it's time like these that i feel the true tests in life are being given. with that being said, don't ever lose hope, because for most of us, that's all we have right now. take care.

 

[Rendar5]

Can you ask to take your finals later due to extenuating circumstances?

 

[jlee9531]

Originally posted by Rendar5
Can you ask to take your finals later due to extenuating circumstances?

this seems very reasonable concerning the situation that you are in man....

i hope your mom will get better.....

 

[DAL]

Originally posted by Rendar5
Can you ask to take your finals later due to extenuating circumstances?

that'd be my advice. The professor should be understanding of your situation. Talk to him/her.

 

[labfiend]

Damn. Yeah, I was amazed that no one in the first 6 or so posts said, hey, why not try to take finals later? TTSD, I'm so sorry that you're going through this, and I'm impressed at what stability you're exhibiting, given that I'm sure I'd be much worse off if I were in the same situation. I would definitely recommend at least asking if you can take some or all of your finals late, because I can't imagine anyone saying no after hearing your situation, and the worst that could happen is that you run into a cold-hearted prof/administrator somewhere and you're back in the same place you are now, no worse off.

Best of luck on your finals and in dealing with this situation. I hope that you can come out of this stronger for it.

 

[MeowMix]

I am sorry about what you are going through.

This is a very personal decision, and depends a lot on your family, you, and the nature of the crisis. Follow your intuition and do what you want to do.

When you go to med school, you are not going to be able to respond to every family crisis in person. This might be a big change in your relationship to your family. Sometimes they will be mad or disappointed that you are not there for them. You will decide, over time, how you want to respond.

Over the years of living away from home, many family crises have come up. If I put family before school and work every time, I would never have graduated and I wouldn't have much of a life of my own.

Having been the family fix-it person for years, it was a difficult role to step out of. My mother had to learn to find other people to take care of her, instead of relying on her kids every time. She was really mad about it for a long time, but now she has much better support and relies more on her friends, which is healthier for her.

 

[snowbear]

TTSD,

I can't even begin to imagine what you have been going through. I have been following your posts, and I just want to say my thoughts have been with you and your family. I don't know everything going on with your mom and your school situation right now, but one way I like to consider decisions that I have to make is to ask myself: In ten years will it have been more important for me to have been with my mom or for me to have studied for my finals? I am almost 100% sure that unless your profs are complete bastards, they will let you take your finals later. I completly agree with what Toomuch said and my heart also goes out to you and your family, Toomuch.

In the worst case scenario, if you have to take your finals when they are scheduled and you aren't fully prepared, I really think the adcoms will acount for this with the traumatic situations you have been endearing, assuming that your academic record has been strong.

 

[TTSD]

Thanks for the replies guys, and the advice. Unfortunately I cannot ask for an extension without documented evidence.. and without an immediate crisis I am without. My mom went to the hospital yesterday, nothing physically wrong thank God.. it looks like though she might be on the verge of a breakdown. My dad should be coming soon back from his trip to Hawaii. Right now I have to study hard before Saturday, the funeral.

 

[Persistence101]

Originally posted by TTSD
Thanks for the replies guys, and the advice. Unfortunately I cannot ask for an extension without documented evidence.. and without an immediate crisis I am without. My mom went to the hospital yesterday, nothing physically wrong thank God.. it looks like though she might be on the verge of a breakdown. My dad should be coming soon back from his trip to Hawaii. Right now I have to study hard before Saturday, the funeral.

Can you get a signed note from someone in the hospital that knows your situation?...I mean, your brother's gf's death is a crisis if it affected you and your family.

I had to go through something similar last year and it was horrible. Although it was crucial that I did well in my classes I just couldn't study at all . Trust me, it will be so much easier on you if you could somehow ask for an extension. My professors were really nice about it. Good luck!

 

[cather]

TTSD,

I pm'ed you. Hang in there! My prayers are also with you.
In the end, kick butt on your exams!!!

-Catherine

 

[Bones2008]

Forget the profs. Go straight to your academic dean. He/she will probably be more than willing to accomodate the issues you're having right now. People have gotten exams delayed till spring for less things than this. The profs. can't argue with a dean's decision.

 

[chuck deli]

I agree, go straight to the Dean of Students, or any Dean!

 

[lotanna]

I mean the fact that ur bro's gf had meningitis, and he had contact with her, and you might have had contact with him is proof enough that stuff is going on. Maybe the doctor that treated her can write a letter for you. I agree go to the Dean, raise hell, dont give up, someone should be able to help!!

 

[NRAI2001]

I think u should go home, you can always make arrangements for ur finals later and I think most professors will understand. You don't want to regret not going later on. I hope everything works out.