thinking about having kids?

[mellow_yellow]

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ok, i know this seems like an odd question, but i think its important to discuss.

i've been in a serious relationship four of years. i know that i will end up marrying my girlfriend in the future. we both want kids. but being that i'm planning to go to dental school, i would not want to have kid until at least two years after i graduate from d-school. i simply cannot bring a child into the world while i'm school and struggling financially.

my girlfriend and i are both 22 years old. i'm gonna take finish the pre-reqs by next year and apply for the 2008 cycle (and work while waiting for acceptance). By the time i get into dental school, i will be almost 25 and i'll graduate before i turn 29. i'm not saying 29 is old, but i just don't know when kids will fit in. i know my girlfriend wants to have a kid before 30 (because of the whole pregnancy risk after 30 thing), but we both want to be carefree for a little while after finishing school.

maybe we're being selfish for wanting to be free of responsibilities. we know we want kids but i'm not even going to be done with school until my late 20's. what if 35 comes and we try to have kids and karma plays a joke?

does anyone else think about family?

 

[golfmontpoker]

ok, i know this seems like an odd question, but i think its important to discuss.

i've been in a serious relationship four of years. i know that i will end up marrying my girlfriend in the future. we both want kids. but being that i'm planning to go to dental school, i would not want to have kid until at least two years after i graduate from d-school. i simply cannot bring a child into the world while i'm school and struggling financially.

my girlfriend and i are both 22 years old. i'm gonna take finish the pre-reqs by next year and apply for the 2008 cycle (and work while waiting for acceptance). By the time i get into dental school, i will be almost 25 and i'll graduate before i turn 29. i'm not saying 29 is old, but i just don't know when kids will fit in. i know my girlfriend wants to have a kid before 30 (because of the whole pregnancy risk after 30 thing), but we both want to be carefree for a little while after finishing school.

maybe we're being selfish for wanting to be free of responsibilities. we know we want kids but i'm not even going to be done with school until my late 20's. what if 35 comes and we try to have kids and karma plays a joke?

does anyone else think about family?

I am 21 years old and I had to break up with my G/F because she wanted kids... I have things I must get done first before i even think about children... 29 isnt really that old my friend to have kids. Do you think you could handle the stress of children and schoolwork at the same time?? I know I couldnt! I have a friend going to school with me that had a kid his junior year, and I barely ever see him much anymore... He goes to school and helps take care of his daughter with his wife, and he absolutely has no life. But this is solely up to you, i personally couldnt handle taking care of someone else when i can barely take care of myself! 😛

 

[toothealer12]

ok, i know this seems like an odd question, but i think its important to discuss.

i've been in a serious relationship four of years. i know that i will end up marrying my girlfriend in the future. we both want kids. but being that i'm planning to go to dental school, i would not want to have kid until at least two years after i graduate from d-school. i simply cannot bring a child into the world while i'm school and struggling financially.

my girlfriend and i are both 22 years old. i'm gonna take finish the pre-reqs by next year and apply for the 2008 cycle (and work while waiting for acceptance). By the time i get into dental school, i will be almost 25 and i'll graduate before i turn 29. i'm not saying 29 is old, but i just don't know when kids will fit in. i know my girlfriend wants to have a kid before 30 (because of the whole pregnancy risk after 30 thing), but we both want to be carefree for a little while after finishing school.

maybe we're being selfish for wanting to be free of responsibilities. we know we want kids but i'm not even going to be done with school until my late 20's. what if 35 comes and we try to have kids and karma plays a joke?

does anyone else think about family?

i've been in a serious relationship for 4 years now too...but my guy and i both know marriage and kids isn't going to happen until after dental school. he respects that. i think thats one of the big choices you make when you decide to go to dental school. It is very possible...i mean your going to see dental students that are already married and have kids... it's different for everyone, but you really have to decide what you can handle i guess...?

 

[jmac44]

I'll turn 31 when class starts and my wife will be 33. We got married 2 years ago and waited until I got into school before really trying for children. From talking to my friends, there's never a perfect time to have children. There's always something making it hard, but all of those same friends have also said how great haaving kids is. We're hoping to have our first in the next year or two, but we'll just have to wait and see. It's great that you're being responsible in planning your future, but don't worry, you'll have plenty of time and oppurtunity to have children. So until you decide you're ready for children, keep practicing , and good luck with your journey.

 

[gdent15]

My wife and i are 22 and we have been married since july and we both really want kids. we realize that you can always come up with reasons why not to have kids so we decided to try in about a year during school. we realize we won't have much of a night life and things will be difficult but we figure it would be totally worth the family life we get in return. we figure any way that high school was a time for easy living and college was a time to go all out at parties and take trips and now dental school will be a time to get serious. if all goes as planned, i hope to have two kids in dental school (maybe one kid and another on the way).

 

[tug1625]

I will be celebrating our 3rd year of marriage in may and i am 27. We have been thinking about kids as well and are really torn as to when is the right time.... which there is no real right time. I have asked a few people I know and all seem to agree that if it happens it's better to happen when you start clinical, this way the class load is not so heavy and in most cases you can arrange your clinical time around taking care of your child. My parents had my older brother when he was a 3rd year at Temple and he said it was hard but he managed because he could schedule patients accordingly.

 

[WhoooaaaBUNDY]

From talking to my friends, there's never a perfect time to have children. There's always something making it hard, but all of those same friends have also said how great haaving kids is.

I think this is right on. You have to have priorities, but if a family is at the top, then I wouldn't put it off. When you get out of school you may do a residency, may buy a practice soon thereafter, may buy a house, etc., there's never going to be a perfect time until retirement. If you want to have kids, you'll adapt, and if it means studying with a bottle in your hand you'll do it and get used to it, and won't regret it.

I'm starting school in August, our first is due in October. All according to plan.

 

[toothealer12]

sounds like most..if not all of you here are guys....as a female, being pregnant in dental school is just not something that's going to happen...at least for me. but good luck to the rest you!

 

[LNinlove]

I have a friend going to school with me that had a kid his junior year, and I barely ever see him much anymore... He goes to school and helps take care of his daughter with his wife, and he absolutely has no life. 😛

I would like to disagree golfmont, he does in fact have a life, just not one that you are used to or are comfortable with. Maybe he really enjoys spending time with his wife and kid...something that doesn't sound fun to you yet. Atleast he is raising his child. More than we can say for some dads!

 

[LNinlove]

I think this is right on. You have to have priorities, but if a family is at the top, then I wouldn't put it off. When you get out of school you may do a residency, may buy a practice soon thereafter, may buy a house, etc., there's never going to be a perfect time until retirement. If you want to have kids, you'll adapt, and if it means studying with a bottle in your hand you'll do it and get used to it, and won't regret it.

I'm starting school in August, our first is due in October. All according to plan.

Bundy,

Congrats! That is awesome...my wife and I are debating about kids right now. She wants them NOW, and I would prefer to wait a couple of years...atleast until I am done with undergrad. We will definately be starting our family before and during dental school, which will be tough, but very exciting! Good luck!

 

[L8DYV]

I wan't kids, but I'll be 31 by the time I get out of dental school, YIKES!!!!!! Hope its still possible..................

 

[coral2005]

It's different when you're female, though. I just don't see myself getting pregnant and then having to give birth and have a newborn while studying or having requirements to fulfill.

How common is it for women to have children while in dental school?

 

[gdent15]

It's different when you're female, though. I just don't see myself getting pregnant and then having to give birth and have a newborn while studying or having requirements to fulfill.

reason #946 why i'm glad that i'm a guy! seriously though, you women deserve SO MUCH frickin respect for all you gals have to go through. 👍

 

[coral2005]

reason #946 why i'm glad that i'm a guy! seriously though, you women deserve SO MUCH frickin respect for all you gals have to go through. 👍

That's so sweet! Thanks!!

 

[NF81]

It's different when you're female, though. I just don't see myself getting pregnant and then having to give birth and have a newborn while studying or having requirements to fulfill.

How common is it for women to have children while in dental school?

Most women don't have children while in dental school or med school...it's virtually IMPOSSIBLE!!!!! the guy dental students who plan on having babies during dental school still deal with hurdles and I'm sure at times it's difficult...but it's definitely doable....women on the other hand must prioritize their life....profession? or babies??? Personally I wouldn't want to bring another child into the world unless I was well established and done with accomplishing my goals.... it's a very difficult decision and struggle for women out there.. imagine if you want to finish dental school...specialize for another additional three years...have a successful marriage and children all before the age of 35...cuz after that the bioligical clock starts to die.....I bow down to those who have done it!!!!!

 

[JMoney]

It's different when you're female, though. I just don't see myself getting pregnant and then having to give birth and have a newborn while studying or having requirements to fulfill.

How common is it for women to have children while in dental school?

My wife has a friend that had a baby in November, she is in her first year at law school. She said the toughest thing was studying for finals and getting up for 3am feedings. She really hadn't planned her situation but she's glad she didn't give up her dream of becoming a lawyer.

Because I'm not in law school I don't know how difficult it would be versus dental school but my wife and I have decided to wait. I'm 27 (will be 28 in August) she's 23, we're planning on waiting 5 years, through d-school and hopefully a year after to get on our feet. I'm not sure if this will actually happen, but it's the plan so far. I'm looking at being a first time dad at 33 that means I'll be 51 when my child graduates high school... in a room full of 40 year olds... but that doesn't bother me as long as I can provide for my family and give my children things I wasn't able to have.

For now I guess we'll stick to raising our little tortoise and plants. 🙂

 

[E. coli]

Having kids? I don't know if me and my girlfriend (both 24 starting different d-school next year) will even have time to marry during dental school. We plan to marry after dental school, but it's such a long wait for me. Then after graduation, I take it that my girlfriend would want to establish her career (i.e at least be able to open a clinic) and pay off her dental school debts. Geez, I seriously don't know when my girlfriend would actually be willing to have children, which I really want her to have before 30. She is even thinking about adopting children.

 

[Mysteree]

reason #946 why i'm glad that i'm a guy! seriously though, you women deserve SO MUCH frickin respect for all you gals have to go through. 👍

That's really sweet, and thoughtful. Thanks. 🙂

 

[786mine]

its all your choice. you will get so many views on this. and in all honesty you need to talk it over with your girlfriend not some online strangers. get a grip on life.

 

[adamlc18]

It can be done during dental school. It is a bit tougher on your sleep but you manage just fine. We had our first a week ago and I am a second year in dental school. A third year girl also had a baby several months ago so girls can do it to. It probably depends on your school's maternity/paternity levae policy.

 

[mellow_yellow]

its all your choice. you will get so many views on this. and in all honesty you need to talk it over with your girlfriend not some online strangers. get a grip on life.

thanks.

i am aware that it is my choice and have spoken to my girlfriend about the situation numerous times.

my purpose for posting the question is to see if anyone is thinking about the issue. i'm not asking for advice (if want advice, it wouldn't be from an online forum). rather, i'm trying to see what other people think. i'm inquisitive by nature and have a keen interest in social and behavioral sciences (among other things). i just like to see if there's is a 'typical' mindset for people planning to pursue dentistry.

thanks for everyone's responses.

 

[Dying2beDDS]

Millions of women have healthy children after 30! The percentage of married women with careers has increased substantially in the past 15 or so years. It makes me laugh because people don't see anything wrong with trying to get pregnant at 29, but at 30, "oh my gosh are you crazy?" Do you really think one year makes a difference? In our society so much emphasis is placed on the barrier between decades in age, but nature is blind to such minimal differences. Yes, there are challenges with getting pregnant in a woman's 30s, but the main difficulty lies in the pregnancy not the health of the baby. The fact is, it just requires more effort in the 30s. But this is just one of the challenges women face in trying to balance a career and family. In the end, it just comes down to how much you're willing to sacrifice for your career. Millions of women do it and we can to! Don't give up hope!
"A woman's fertility peaks by age 24. Nevertheless, in the late 1990s, one out of every eight babies was born to a mother over the age of 34. That figure is triple what it had been just two decades earlier."

thanks.

i am aware that it is my choice and have spoken to my girlfriend about the situation numerous times.

my purpose for posting the question is to see if anyone is thinking about the issue. i'm not asking for advice (if want advice, it wouldn't be from an online forum). rather, i'm trying to see what other people think. i'm inquisitive by nature and have a keen interest in social and behavioral sciences (among other things). i just like to see if there's is a 'typical' mindset for people planning to pursue dentistry.

thanks for everyone's responses.

 

[martinelli]

Millions of women have healthy children after 30! The percentage of married women with careers has increased substantially in the past 15 or so years. It makes me laugh because people don't see anything wrong with trying to get pregnant at 29, but at 30, "oh my gosh are you crazy?" [/B]

Great point. I completely agree with your post. Also, I am so happy to hear that so many guys out there are so excited about having children or who are enjoying fatherhood!

 

[Hardbody]

ok, i know this seems like an odd question, but i think its important to discuss.

i've been in a serious relationship four of years. i know that i will end up marrying my girlfriend in the future. we both want kids. but being that i'm planning to go to dental school, i would not want to have kid until at least two years after i graduate from d-school. i simply cannot bring a child into the world while i'm school and struggling financially.

my girlfriend and i are both 22 years old. i'm gonna take finish the pre-reqs by next year and apply for the 2008 cycle (and work while waiting for acceptance). By the time i get into dental school, i will be almost 25 and i'll graduate before i turn 29. i'm not saying 29 is old, but i just don't know when kids will fit in. i know my girlfriend wants to have a kid before 30 (because of the whole pregnancy risk after 30 thing), but we both want to be carefree for a little while after finishing school.

maybe we're being selfish for wanting to be free of responsibilities. we know we want kids but i'm not even going to be done with school until my late 20's. what if 35 comes and we try to have kids and karma plays a joke?

does anyone else think about family?

Before you decide that you really want to have kids you might wanna do a little research. For starters why don't you look at what you could potentially be paying in child support. I know in New York for one kid it is like 17% of your GROSS income and comes out of your NET.

 

[murk]

Before you decide that you really want to have kids you might wanna do a little research. For starters why don't you look at what you could potentially be paying in child support. I know in New York for one kid it is like 17% of your GROSS income and comes out of your NET.

why should he worry about child support?? sorry, but that is really pesimistic.

I am a 21 year old female, have been in a 5 year relationship, plan on getting engaged during the next year- and married shortly after-def. before the end of 2007! and i am honestly planning on having kids in dental school-most likely have the first baby my 3rd year. and then if i specialize have another when i start that. i want to be a young mom, i want to have energy for my kids and yeah i want to do well in dental school... but honestly all you have to do is pass!! you will be a dentist anyways- not that i would aim for that. but teachers will understand if you need to miss class or are late or are sleepy you know? and your wife/husband/bf/gf whatever you all have out there will help too. hopefully you wont be alone in the process and you can trade off studying and feeding.

I know it can be done. women in dental and med school have babies all the time!!! my mom had two kids in med school and her and my dad both got good enough grades to specialize.. you just have to realize it will be HARD!! if anyone is up for that... it's your decision.

but yes, i know that i am indeed planning for babies in dental school!!

 

[Hardbody]

why should he worry about child support?? sorry, but that is really pesimistic.

I am a 21 year old female, have been in a 5 year relationship, plan on getting engaged during the next year- and married shortly after-def. before the end of 2007! and i am honestly planning on having kids in dental school-most likely have the first baby my 3rd year. and then if i specialize have another when i start that. i want to be a young mom, i want to have energy for my kids and yeah i want to do well in dental school... but honestly all you have to do is pass!! you will be a dentist anyways- not that i would aim for that. but teachers will understand if you need to miss class or are late or are sleepy you know? and your wife/husband/bf/gf whatever you all have out there will help too. hopefully you wont be alone in the process and you can trade off studying and feeding.

I know it can be done. women in dental and med school have babies all the time!!! my mom had two kids in med school and her and my dad both got good enough grades to specialize.. you just have to realize it will be HARD!! if anyone is up for that... it's your decision.

but yes, i know that i am indeed planning for babies in dental school!!

You feel this way because you are a female, you will never have to worry about paying child support. I was just giving him some realistic advice since the divorce rate in this country is approximately 50% and this is not including all of the people that have children outside of wedlock (really high number). Many of these men are paying dearly for their decision. There is a reason that Kanye West made the song "Gold Digger"

I do understand that your point of view is vastly different from my point of view. Apparently you are from a lower-upper class family, where I am from a broken home in the inner city. Btw, I wish you luck on your child bearing !

 

[murk]

You feel this way because you are a female, you will never have to worry about paying child support. I was just giving him some realistic advice since the divorce rate in this country is approximately 50% and this is not including all of the people that have children outside of wedlock (really high number). Many of these men are paying dearly for their decision. There is a reason that Kanye West made the song "Gold Digger"

I do understand that your point of view is vastly different from my point of view. Apparently you are from a lower-upper class family, where I am from a broken home in the inner city. Btw, I wish you luck on your child bearing !

actually, my parents are divorced. and worrying about child support shouldnt be a reason to not have kids if you want them. trust me, child support would be nothing compared to tuition and raising the child!!

i am not trying to be difficult, but you are very pesimistic. just because 50% of marriages don't work out... should you not get married? in my opinion? you should do what you want! (and i have gone through a terrible ugly divorce and child support war my whole life...) yeah it sucks.. but everything happens for a reason, i would never not have kids b/c i was afraid of something that might never happen.

i totally understand and respect your reserve and opinion on the topics of children and marriage, but i also believe it is very pesimisitic and sad you would worry about such things when the topics are so happy. (ok that was corny but no better words came to mind)

 

[Hardbody]

actually, my parents are divorced. and worrying about child support shouldnt be a reason to not have kids if you want them. trust me, child support would be nothing compared to tuition and raising the child!!

i am not trying to be difficult, but you are very pesimistic. just because 50% of marriages don't work out... should you not get married? in my opinion? you should do what you want! (and i have gone through a terrible ugly divorce and child support war my whole life...) yeah it sucks.. but everything happens for a reason, i would never not have kids b/c i was afraid of something that might never happen.

i totally understand and respect your reserve and opinion on the topics of children and marriage, but i also believe it is very pesimisitic and sad you would worry about such things when the topics are so happy. (ok that was corny but no better words came to mind)

Not really sad, you see I LOVE being single. You can have a great time and do what you want, when you want. To top it off I have a Godson/nephew that is the most beautiful, strong, great personality, and polite kid that you could ever meet and he is only 2 and 1/2. His father has nothing to do with him so I hang out with him and buy him stuff all the time. You see I get to guide him and watch him grow with joy and do not have to worry about the child support/mom that won't let me see the kid crap (pawn strategy). He also gets to pass down the family last name, so I feel no pressure to do that. Btw my Godson has given me the strength to go the route that I am going, I want to be a positive role model for him cause he certainly can use one (nobody else in my family holds a college degree). I am a little long winded and I have probably gotten too personal (although I can go on for pages on a thread in regards to this topic) but I just thought I would give you some insight into the mind of another point of view.

 

[polarnut]

ok, i know this seems like an odd question, but i think its important to discuss.

i've been in a serious relationship four of years. i know that i will end up marrying my girlfriend in the future. we both want kids. but being that i'm planning to go to dental school, i would not want to have kid until at least two years after i graduate from d-school. i simply cannot bring a child into the world while i'm school and struggling financially.

my girlfriend and i are both 22 years old. i'm gonna take finish the pre-reqs by next year and apply for the 2008 cycle (and work while waiting for acceptance). By the time i get into dental school, i will be almost 25 and i'll graduate before i turn 29. i'm not saying 29 is old, but i just don't know when kids will fit in. i know my girlfriend wants to have a kid before 30 (because of the whole pregnancy risk after 30 thing), but we both want to be carefree for a little while after finishing school.

maybe we're being selfish for wanting to be free of responsibilities. we know we want kids but i'm not even going to be done with school until my late 20's. what if 35 comes and we try to have kids and karma plays a joke?

does anyone else think about family?

you're 22 and you want kids? dude you need to get out more. you're watching too much dr. phil and martha stewart.

 

[I'mFillingFine]

I've always thought a huge amount about family, and I am absolutely positive that I want to get married and have kids.

I DO think it's different with male and female dental students...I'm female, and knowing how I go about things and how I want to be a mother, I know I could NEVER give birth and start having kids while still in school. In fact, I'd want to be in practice for a few years. I want to establish myself in my career, start saving up some money, and also, I want to have some "adult time" where I'm reaching my professional dreams and getting to a more settled point before my life is uprooted (in a most wonderful way, I'm sure!) by the joys and complexities of children.

But also, I'm 22, so I don't feel uncomfortable about waiting for a while....I'm not in any huge rush, and though I hope to still bear my own children and truly hope for continued fertility into my 30s, there are indeed other ways...fertility therapy, adoption, sperm banks (if that's the problem). I know that I can't be the mother I want to be until I'm truly emotionally prepared...but I've always been a huge planner; I'm not too spontaneous with big decisions.



On another note, I've never fully understood why people automatically connect marriage and kids. Many say they don't want to "get married and have kids" until they're out of school, or they want to do both NOW, or whatever. Why do you need money and to be in a stable place to get married? In my opinion, when I know who I want to marry, I'd rather go ahead and get married! What a joy to share the major transitional parts of your life and your stressors with your spouse. You don't have to have kids right away, and I don't WANT kids for a few years after marriage (I want some spouse time!). Unless you're planning on an elaborate wedding, you don't need money just to get married. In fact, dual incomes and legal benefits may help save money. I wouldn't mind getting married tomorrow! Or 40, if that's how it is!

I also have a big problem with long engagements or living together for ages and not getting marrie.d...at least, i couldn't do it. I really want to be married, and I also think a part of it is that I think it's having the benefits without the responsibility.

 

[donkeywhisperer]

Like every one else has said the choice is of course up to you. And if you are at all religious I would pray about it too, and include God in the decision. If you're not religious then ignore that last sentence.

Here's my situation.

I screwed around in life for a while after high school. (lived in Mexico, Hawaii, and Mississippi) I just didn't really know what I wanted to do and didn't really care all that much. Then I met this awesome girl who wanted a guy that would be willing to take on some responsibility and I decided to go back to college and become a dentist. So four years ago I got married and started workin' on a Bio degree.

My wife and I started having kids about a year after we got married, we were going to wait two years, but my wife got really baby hungery. We now have two extremely adorable little girls, Amelia (2) and Isabelle (5months).

Let me tell ya right now, having kids is hard... really hard. My older daughter had really bad cholic and pretty much didn't sleep for 10 months. The younger one has been much easier. But my grades really suffered when during those 10 months. Oh and by the way Amelia was born right before finals on a lab day for O-Chem that my teacher wouldn't let me make up, and Isabelle was born right before midterms last year. Good times! Let's also not forget the strain on the marriage. It's rough to find time to go out at night and do stuff, and you lose any sense of spontinaity. Plus baby sitters are expensive and hard to come by... Well good ones that is.

And now the good. And let me just say that it by far out ways the bad. Both my kids are now on a great sleeping schedule. They go to bed at 6:30pm and wake up at 7:00am. My wife and I usually stay up until about 11 so that's a good amount of together time away from the kids. We are also now trading off babysitting with another couple and so we know at least once every two weeks we will be able to go out on a date. As far as the joys of parenthood, man there is nothing like it. The best part of my day is when I come home from work and my little girl squeels with delight and rushes into my arms to give me a hug. I know that sounds really cheesy, but I don't give a damn. It's awesome.

A few people have given caution about looking at divorce rates and childsupport and stuff like that, I say don't worry about it, don't even do a prenup. If your going to do something, do it all the way... like my high school football coach used to say... BALLS TO THE WALL! I really don't have any idea what that means but it did make me try harder.

Now I'd like to dedicate this novel to my good friend Dick Chenney. Sorry for writing so much, I'm at work and I'm board.

 

[gryffindor]

I am a 21 year old female, have been in a 5 year relationship, plan on getting engaged during the next year- and married shortly after-def. before the end of 2007! and i am honestly planning on having kids in dental school-most likely have the first baby my 3rd year. and then if i specialize have another when i start that. i want to be a young mom, i want to have energy for my kids and yeah i want to do well in dental school... but honestly all you have to do is pass!! you will be a dentist anyways- not that i would aim for that. but teachers will understand if you need to miss class or are late or are sleepy you know? and your wife/husband/bf/gf whatever you all have out there will help too. hopefully you wont be alone in the process and you can trade off studying and feeding.

At our dental school, the only excuse for missing an exam/quiz/practical was either a death in the family, some extreme medical illness complete with a doctor's note, or travel for some school related conference. Better be careful about skipping out with the baby excuse - unfortunately for you, some teachers may not care.

 

[I'mFillingFine]

At our dental school, the only excuse for missing an exam/quiz/practical was either a death in the family, some extreme medical illness complete with a doctor's note, or travel for some school related conference. Better be careful about skipping out with the baby excuse - unfortunately for you, some teachers may not care.

On a similar note, might there not be something to be said for not wanting to be exhausted and always trying to work around two busy schedules? Why can't there be a "dental school time", in all its stress and glory, entirely different from a "baby time"? I would be worried that in my desperate planning and exhaustion and effort at trying to do the two, I might miss out on certain parts or perhaps not put in the best effort I could at both!

I'm not sure if this is how it'd play out, but why struggle with difficulty to do the two at the same time instead of putting more effort into each one in turn? Especially if you're still young!

 

[yorkiepoo]

Seriously, if you and your girl friend get married, and both decide you want kids, and there is some form of income coming in, and hopefully support from your families, then there is NO REASON NOT TO have kids. I mean, if you are both students, then that is a much more difficult situation (if there is no $). You only live once. Why wait until your wife is past 30 if you have already found each other, love each other 😍 , and want kids! 30 is not young to have kids, so why wait? Maybe waiting until your junior year, when you aren't so class-heavy, is a good idea. If having kids is what you want, then really, have them. Go be happy, have kids, and live. Forget about waiting until you can afford to drive a cadillac and live in a mansion. You'll get those things anyway when you are a dentist. Kids are more valuable than fancy things, no?

 

[WhoooaaaBUNDY]

a child will be a huge motivator to go the extra mile in dschool as well. i think there will be long nights that i might close the books and sleep off the stress if i was only doing it for myself, but having a happy little kid running around who depends on me will give me no other option than to get it done right.

could also be seen as a method of enforcing good time management and daily routine.

it takes planning and an ideal family situation to have kids in dental school i think, but after that it is up to the student to either let it break his/her back, or use it as a reason to get tough and succeed.

 

[aggie-master]

I plan on trying to have a child once I'm already in my 3rd year of dental school. If things go according to plan I'll have a kid by the start of my 4th year, but I'm a guy so I'm hoping that it won't be too difficult.

 

[sm1nty]

I'll be 31 when I matriculate. I don't really want children (of my own)...at all. My husband knows how strongly I feel about that. I just only hope he is on the same page as I am in the future. Hey, but I might change my mind in the future too. Who knows? But honestly though, I don't see myself birthing children when I'm in school.

I know many women who had babies in their mid-to-late thirties, with no health problems. My very own mother had my little sister when she was nearly 40. And as someone who grew up pretty much never seeing my parents at all (they were young and thus always busy with work), I can see so many advantages to being a late parent. You are at a stage in your life when you can actually devote time to your family, and bring up your children, and actually being involved in their lives... instead of being stressed out all the time, and having to juggle too many responsibilities at once, and letting everything take a toll on your marriage, and letting the family fall apart. That must be one of the most common reasons marriages end these days.

I think that (obviously) everybody has different priorities in life. Is your priority to get married by a certain age? Buy a house by a certain age? Be established in your career by a certain age? Have children by a certain age? What if things don't go as planned? What areas are you going to let go? How do you find that balance?

And I think that at the root of it all, it's finding that balance so that you feel fulfilled, complete and content as a person, and you love your life.

 

[WhoooaaaBUNDY]

If kids are a priority though, there are a lot of obvious advantages to being a young parents as well IF there will be time to be involved. That really just means making the right choices with time management. After acceptance as dental students, we have achieved a certain amount of stability. Of course that stability can't be relied on, but neither can a career really. Each of us have a fairly solid life plan. On a less important note, young parents become young empty nesters as well, and are likely to be young grandparents. If these things are important to you, you only have one shot to get the wheels turning at a younger age. I think 45 will be a great age for my wife and I to slow down, and finally start devoting the time our golf game so desperately deserves. Not to mention traveling the globe when we have the resources to really enjoy it.

If you look at having kids as such a huge burden, then having them later in life is certainly a better and more popular idea. However, if they will be more than just another chore to you, keep in mind that babies don't care how many cool toys they have, or what kind of car you drive. And if you must concentrate on the materialistic side of it all, with a stable future as a dental student, these things will come before they want to borrow the car anyway.

If you take the purely practical approach to planning for kids, there will be very sound-minded reasoning for putting them off until retirement. For every couple that finally finds the perfect child bearing status at age 35, I bet there is another couple that finally decides they can't put it off any longer because they're in no more of a perfect situation now than when they were 25. I'd rather have that decade to enjoy, but it's all about priorities.

 

[Wisdom Toof]

After I read this thread I finally felt compelled to sign up.
I'm 33 and applying to dental school this summer. My oldest son turned 14 yesterday. I also have a 10 year old son and a 1 year old son. I was obviously pretty young when I had my first two kids. However, I finished undergrad when they were little and became a high school teacher. The only problem was, I had really wanted to become a dentist.
Also, I was divorced by the time I was 26. Being a single mom and working full time can be tough, but it was better than being unhappily married. Three years ago I got remarried to an incredible man who took on the responsibilty of having kids and the all the joys that an ex-husband can provide,ha ha. We now also have a one year old. My husband has a good job, so luckily I can move forward with my dream.
My point in telling you all this, is that you can do it all, in whichever order you want, as long as you are ready for the challenges that await you. Having kids young can be really tough, especially if you are from an area where it is not as common. I would never suggest to anyone that having kids while in college or dental school is a "good idea". But, sometimes it happens, and you just figure it out. However, if you are young and you are a planner, which it sounds like the OP is, then I say, plan to have the kids after dental school.
Taking the time that you need to grow and learn about who YOU are as a person, before you get married and have kids, will only help you become a better parent.
It is true, there are some benefits to being a young parent, but, I promise you, being financially stable is the #1 priority!! Your future children will thank you for waiting until you could provide them with a comfortable lifestyle. Also, 30 somethings are still young too!! Many women are having healthy babies into their 40's!
But, if the baby bug bites and it happens sooner than you planned, then you just deal, it really can all work out, even with multiple obstacles--I'm living proof!
Good luck to all the future dental parents or the future dental aunts or uncles. In fact, it is my dentist uncle, who never had kids, that inspired me to become a dentist. There are always children that we can love and influence, even if they are not our own!!

 

[food4thots]

u run the risk of having twins, now that would be some work there..

 

[eapleitez]

Kids is something my wife and I have been putting of for quite a while. We most definitely will have our first during dental school. She won't wait much longer, haha. I want kids too, but I guess I 'm concerned about how hard it will be. But I think we'll have one second or third year.

 

[juarezd]

This is an interesting argument, and I agree that there is NEVER a good time to have children. I am 25, female, starting school in the fall. About 4 months ago my husband and I had a miscarraige. The first trimester was so difficult for me and I was just working! I was so tired all of the time and can't imagine studying too during a pregnancy. I think it's gotta be easier for guys, but then again, if your wife is waking up 4 times a night to pee that's gotta wake you up too! No sleep can be misery. So it seems to make sense to wait until after school, but it's almost worse to have a child (as a female dentist) when you are just trying to kickstart your practice. And all of you who talk about women having healthy children in their 40's... do you know the increased risk of trisomy 21 by waiting that long. Also, by just blowing it off by saying you could easily take fertility drugs.... do you know how that wreaks havoc on your body. Just keep in mind you have a finite number of eggs... and if you have the financial support from your spouse while in school, and family support... why not? My husband and I really want children but will wait until after the first year of school to assess the situation....

 

[maksidaa]

This is not really in response to the baby question, but rather a response to divorce rate statistics. a family therapists that i was talking to said that they make the "50%'"statistic by taking all the divorces in ONE year and comparing them to the number of marriages in the same year. so you might have marriages from the past thirty years ending in divorce in one year and only the total marriages in one year to compare it to.
thought i'd throw that in.
btw, i have a friend that had his second kid a week into his first year of d-school.

 

[sm1nty]

Isn't this such an interesting thread?

I think that people should just do what they really want (after very serious considerations of course). Everybody has such different priorities and situations. And whatever happens, surprise or no surprise, you CAN handle it. And you CAN adapt, and you CAN succeed (what is Success to you? a hard and fast definition? Or an adaptable one?). Every situation has its own pros and cons - you can do it!

Say you decide that you are going to have a kid while you're in school - what if you have triplets? (what joy! or what burden?); Or what if your baby was born with a severe disability that requires a lot of time, effort, and money. How will your priorities change, and so what if they do? Or say if you decided to wait till you're in your late 30s or 40s...and then you find out that you're too old to have kids - are you going to be forever harsh on yourself, and hate yourself for having this plan that you had originally considered to be a good plan? Or will you be able to move on, and let go. Will you consider other options like adopting a baby? How truly different will it be to you if your baby doesn't carry your very own genes? Everybody will have different responses to any situation, because we are all interesting individuals brought up in different environments.

Life happens for a reason. There are lessons to be learned every step of the way.
When there's a will, there's a way - in every situation. That's what makes life interesting, and one huge learning experience, right?

Good luck to all of you!

 

[Obelix]

I seems like people having babies in dental school is not so uncommon, but I was wondering how a pregnant female student is looked upon by the faculty? Are they mostly understanding or do they look down on you? After all, many people choose dentistry for the family-oriented lifestyle...

 

[jpollei]

Had my first little girl at 23 (my wife was 23 also and had previously taught middle school math), just two months before starting dental school. Had our second little girl beginning of third year. Getting ready to graduate now and start an ortho program...managed to keep a 4.0, 95 part I, and be involved with research, ASDA, work part-time, etc. My wife has stayed home with the little ones the entire time (her choice, I supported it just like she supported me goung to dental school).

My point? Do whatever feels right in your gut. Know what your priorities are and don't be afraid to pursue them. Don't put absolute timelines on these things because until you experience the other side of things (like marriage and/or kids) you'll never know what you are missing. You'll never be able to "afford" kids if you are looking at it from the angle of being stable in a career, etc...your most important resource is your time and whenever you can budget that. Life is still fun with little ones--it just has to be looked at from another perspective (i.e. hanging out at a bar was never fun in my book anyways). Realize that people's insights on SDN are helpful, but by and large people will advise you to do what they have done because that's what they can speak to. Hope that wasn't too over the top for the OP. 🙂

 

[bigsilvo]

Dude I hope to have a few kids in dental school......and then they'll be knocking at my door in 20 years, yo wat up daddy.

 

[maksidaa]

Had my first little girl at 23 (my wife was 23 also and had previously taught middle school math), just two months before starting dental school. Had our second little girl beginning of third year. Getting ready to graduate now and start an ortho program...managed to keep a 4.0, 95 part I, and be involved with research, ASDA, work part-time, etc. My wife has stayed home with the little ones the entire time (her choice, I supported it just like she supported me goung to dental school).

My point? Do whatever feels right in your gut. Know what your priorities are and don't be afraid to pursue them. Don't put absolute timelines on these things because until you experience the other side of things (like marriage and/or kids) you'll never know what you are missing. You'll never be able to "afford" kids if you are looking at it from the angle of being stable in a career, etc...your most important resource is your time and whenever you can budget that. Life is still fun with little ones--it just has to be looked at from another perspective (i.e. hanging out at a bar was never fun in my book anyways). Realize that people's insights on SDN are helpful, but by and large people will advise you to do what they have done because that's what they can speak to. Hope that wasn't too over the top for the OP. 🙂

i have a question about the monetary side of school and kids and a wife at home. i assume it's all supported by loans but i wasn't sure if my wife and i had a kid and she stayed at home if we could get enough in loans to pay for it all. could you tell me how you did it? i don't mean to pry, i'm just interested.

 

[isurus22]

Most women don't have children while in dental school or med school...it's virtually IMPOSSIBLE!!!!! the guy dental students who plan on having babies during dental school still deal with hurdles and I'm sure at times it's difficult...but it's definitely doable....women on the other hand must prioritize their life....profession? or babies??? Personally I wouldn't want to bring another child into the world unless I was well established and done with accomplishing my goals.... it's a very difficult decision and struggle for women out there.. imagine if you want to finish dental school...specialize for another additional three years...have a successful marriage and children all before the age of 35...cuz after that the bioligical clock starts to die.....I bow down to those who have done it!!!!!

My sister was 8 months pregnant when she graduated from Dental School. My sister in-law had a baby between her 3rd and 4th year of medical school. Remember the last 2 years of Dental are mostly 8-5 Clinical. No different than having a job. It is possible....