Thinking of Marrying A Surgeon??

[glamorous25]

Hello, I am thinking of marrying a person who is aspiring to be a cardio-thoracic surgeon. I am not in medicine myself and know only a little about residencies. My boyfriend will be starting fourth year of general surgery residency next year and I am wondering what his schedule will be like after he starts residency.

As of yet he is completing his research year and is looking to get back to residency next year. Please advise. I have read posts and replies on this forum and am anxious of the time hours (some members have mentioned) that surgeons put in at work. What will his lifestyle be like?...How shall I prepare myself mentally and physically if we do get married...????

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[Amy]

Um, this may be obvious, but don't you think it would be best to ask HIM?

 

[Pilot Doc]

My guess is that she has asked him but would like other input. (And besides, he doesn't know what it's like to be a CT surgeon either) I think it's a great question - I'll give you my two cents when I finish lunch.

 

[glamorous25]

My guess is that she has asked him but would like other input. (And besides, he doesn't know what it's like to be a CT surgeon either) I think it's a great question - I'll give you my two cents when I finish lunch.

yes...I would appreciate more input...

 

[Pilot Doc]

yes...I would appreciate more input...

I'm not sure whether your question is primarily about the life of a resident/fellow (surgeon in training) or an attending (surgeon in practice.)

The life of a trainee is, in theory if not always in practice, more reasonable since the 80 hour work week regulations instituted in 2003. Attendings surgeons have no such limits, although they ultimately control their practice patterns far more than residents do. (i.e some work 100 hrs/wk, some work 50.)

Cardiothoracic by reputation has the longest and most unpredictable hours of any surgical specialty. In years past, this was offset by the largest incomes - frequently $1 million plus. Incomes have dropped sharply though no one's out begging. (The future of CT surgery is a much debated topic that has been discusses at length before.)

Some links that might provide more details
* American College of Surgeons site 1 and site 2.
* Recent SDN "lifestyle" thread (A CT surgeon would probably work more than the surgeon discussed here.)

Talking to some surgery wives (attending wives particularly) would be helpful. A successful surgical marriage - and there are many of them - is clearly based on a different model than most. The amount of protected home time can be small and there is often an explicit, traditional division of labor in the marriage. I think the key is deciding if you can thrive in that model. And along those lines, start thinking about what you and he will do if you can't.

 

[tlew12778]

IMO, if you love this guy, then you can make a marriage work. Period. Yes, you may have different issues to confront than other non-med marriages, but the bottom line is that if you're dedicated to making it work out, then it will.

That said, SO is in vascular surgery. Sometimes he has long hours at the hospital (actually, not hours... days) other days he has shorter hours. Most days he is at the hospital before I wake up to go to work and he comes home after I come home from work (I work 9-6). We usually eat dinner together. Then there are the days when he is in the OR for 12 hours straight and I can't find him (it really would be nice if he or someone else called to tell me since I tend to worry when 10PM rolls around and he hasn't come home and his phone is off), there are other days when he has no surgery at all and just does rounds. Regardless, he spends most of the day reading up or studying something so even if he has a short day, he's still not home until 7.

Honestly, I think the hours and the scheduling is probably the easiest thing to get used to. You just have to be flexible and understanding. When they're late (or have to rush out in the middle of the night) it's bc they're saving people's lives after all. The most taxing aspect of having a relationship with a surgeon is, IMO, the home life. The person who wrote about the "traditional division of labor in marriage" was correct. I'm the one who cooks, cleans, does laundry and irons and I also work a FT job. Does it get annoying? You bet. We've argued about it numerous times. But honestly, I don't think this is due to the fact that he's in medicine so much as the fact that a lot of men are like that (read: lazy bums 😉)

Anyway, the point is that you just work around things to deal with them. Don't let the prospect of what *might be* determine your future with someone that you love and want to marry.

 

[Blade28]

IMO, if you love this guy, then you can make a marriage work. Period.

Agreed. 👍 If the foundation's there, you guys can get through anything.

 

[Pilot Doc]

1. IMO, if you love this guy, then you can make a marriage work. Period. .

I disagree. Lots of medical students (and surgery residents) love surgery but ultimately choose another field because of the sacrifices involved in being a surgeon. Being in the OR is great, but many weeks you won't see your kids, many important events will be cancelled at the last minute, some surgeons get get HIV or hepatitis from a needle stick, the financial rewards of surgery are far less than in the past, etc. All those drawbacks equally apply to being the wife of a surgeon.

I'm not saying don't marry a surgeon. (I did and wouldn't have it any other way.) You just need to consider very carefully whether the necessities of your emotional life are available in a surgical marriage.

 

[The_Id]

I disagree. Lots of medical students (and surgery residents) love surgery but ultimately choose another field because of the sacrifices involved in being a surgeon. Being in the OR is great, but many weeks you won't see your kids, many important events will be cancelled at the last minute, some surgeons get get HIV or hepatitis from a needle stick, the financial rewards of surgery are far less than in the past, etc. All those drawbacks equally apply to being the wife of a surgeon.

I'm not saying don't marry a surgeon. (I did and wouldn't have it any other way.) You just need to consider very carefully whether the necessities of your emotional life are available in a surgical marriage.

Very well said. If you need / want to spend a lot of time with your spouse, envision lots of family vacations, expect significant help with the kids, and have a hard time spending some evenings / weekends home alone on a regular basis, then you will have a very tough time marrying a surgeon, especially a CT surgeon. I think that a lot of women have a really difficult time putting up with these issues, no matter how much love there is. Ideally, you will be a very busy and independent person yourself. No matter what, it will not easy, but IF you and your spouse have the right attidude / expectations / personalities, you may be able to have a successful marriage AND be happy.

 

[supercut]

I'd suggest you make an honest self appraisal of your personal maintenance needs. A high maintenance person will probably find the lifestyle issues much more difficult to deal with than a low mantenance person would.

I'm not married, but I am a surgery resident. I usually leave the house by 5am, and often am not back before 7pm. In order to get up that early, I'm often in bed by 9 or 10pm. Call can be every 3rd night, where I spend the night in the hosptial and am up most of the night. I come home the next morning and crash. Some rotations I have home call, and I have to go back to the hosptial. Sometimes I'm only there for a few hours, and sometimes I wind up staying all night.

During my time off, I have to find time to read and study.

Going to social events can be difficult. Often things I want to do are on nights I"m on call, or start before I get done.

My apartment is chronically in disarray, because I'm either working or too tired to care.

Think you can live with a partner who has that kind of schedule?

 

[delchrys]

supercut--where are you doing your residency?

to other posters: guys marry surgeons, too. i'm terrified of what our lives will be like when she's shooting for her peds surg fellowship. terrified of the next nine years being very, very lonely. i was never high maintenance until i met her, lol...

 

[tlew12778]

I disagree. Lots of medical students (and surgery residents) love surgery but ultimately choose another field because of the sacrifices involved in being a surgeon. Being in the OR is great, but many weeks you won't see your kids, many important events will be cancelled at the last minute, some surgeons get get HIV or hepatitis from a needle stick, the financial rewards of surgery are far less than in the past, etc. All those drawbacks equally apply to being the wife of a surgeon.

I'm not saying don't marry a surgeon. (I did and wouldn't have it any other way.) You just need to consider very carefully whether the necessities of your emotional life are available in a surgical marriage.

That just proves my point. If either person in the marriage is willing to make the sacrifice (whatever sacrifice that may be) then they can make the marriage work out. It just takes the dedication to do so.

Like I said, it's all about being flexible and being will to compromise (on both people's parts).

 

[delchrys]

yeah, but it's not just about "making the marriage work out," it's also about enjoying your life and enjoying your partner. if they're never around to enjoy, then that's not possible, and if you really love them, that makes it impossible to really enjoy your life.

 

[njbmd]

Hi there,
Sure, being a surgeon is demanding but I have friends who are in business who work similiar hours to mine. They may not be getting the phone calls in the middle of the night but they are spending some serious time working either at the office or on projects at home. I have friends who are starting new businesses that work long hours.

Most of the cardiothoracic surgeons that I know, have fairly predictable hours. They operate on scheduled days and are in group practices that allow them to be on call every fourth night. Being on call does not necessarily mean that they are operating all night but the potential is there. Since you know your call schedule in advance, you can plan around it.

The bottom line for the original poster is that if you love this person then you find a way to work within the relationship that will meet both of your needs. It won't be CT surgery that will be at the root of your unhappiness but inability on the parts of one or both parties to get what they need from the relationship. If you can't work these things out, then your relationship is going to suffer.

It becomes too easy to point at job demands when one or both parties are involved in medicine but too many of my colleagues in medicine both surgical and non-surgical have been able to make marriages and parenthood work well. In any relationship and with any job, you set priorties and you do work according to them. Figure out what you both want and make your relationship work just as any couple would, CT surgery or not.

Good luck
njbmd 🙂

 

[Pilot Doc]

If either person in the marriage is willing to make the sacrifice (whatever sacrifice that may be) then they can make the marriage work out. It just takes the dedication to do so. Like I said, it's all about being flexible and being willing to compromise (on both people's parts).

Distinguishing between willing and able is important here. I'm not a believer that anyone can do anything if he puts his mind to it. Some very loving, willing, dedicated people just aren't made to be a surgical spouse (or a surgeon or a priest or a fighter pilot or elephant trainer for that matter.) Despite both partners trying, some marriages will clearly fail because one spouse is a surgeon - and failure can be things other than divorce. That having been said, I suspect some very successful surgical marriages might fail if the surgeon was working a 40 hr/wk desk job.

Somehow - and I don't have any great advice - you have to figure out how a spouse with a busy, unpredictable schedule will affect you.

 

[::Seabass::]

yeah, but it's not just about "making the marriage work out," it's also about enjoying your life and enjoying your partner. if they're never around to enjoy, then that's not possible, and if you really love them, that makes it impossible to really enjoy your life.

It seems like in your case you're really struggling with this right now and you have a big decision to make.

Would you rather have her in your life a little or not at all???? I hope you realize having her in your life a lot is not an option for a long time. I'm starting to think from reading many of your past posts you know you need to break up with her because she can't give you what you need, but you're trying to reason your way into staying with her.

I'm still in med school but I have the same problem with the guys I date and it isn't fun. Its like as the relationship goes on they need me more and more till they reach a breaking point and I just can't give enough, and couldn't even if I wasn't busy.

 

[delchrys]

It seems like in your case you're really struggling with this right now and you have a big decision to make.

Would you rather have her in your life a little or not at all???? I hope you realize having her in your life a lot is not an option for a long time. I'm starting to think from reading many of your past posts you know you need to break up with her because she can't give you what you need, but you're trying to reason your way into staying with her.

I'm still in med school but I have the same problem with the guys I date and it isn't fun. Its like as the relationship goes on they need me more and more till they reach a breaking point and I just can't give enough, and couldn't even if I wasn't busy.

i guess one of my issues with my situation is this: why is the question "would jason (me) rather have her in my life a little or not at all?" as opposed to "would she rather have me in her life and choose a different specialty that would be very rewarding, or have me not in her life and be a typical surgery-bot with so little free time that the brainwashing of the surgery universe goes completely unnoticed?" i mean, i'm willing to relocate to whatever hospital she matches at. let's see what that means for me: being hours, at best, away from all my friends and family, leaving me alone for the endless hours that she is at the hospital; studying for a bar examination in a state for which i am horridly unprepared; securing employment as an attorney in a state where every time i name the law school i graduated from the response will invariably be "where is that?". now, let's take a look at her sacrifices for our relationship: .

wow, that's right, none. now, all else being equal, i have ZERO resentment in my heart for the sacrifices i'm going to make. "all else" is not, however, equal. she started med school thinking FP was her thing. the list below that consisted of everything BUT surgery. some years later, with graduation on the horizon, and surgery is the one and only way she can be fulfilled? give me a break. she is choosing the specialty that will make life harder than any other specialty, and with her plans to do pediatric surgery, it is a total of 9 years form internship to completion of fellowship. and after that, a "mere" 80+ hours / week. what? at what point did that become sane, normal, healthy, or acceptable for ANYONE to do for longer than a year or two? and there's no way she will get time off for having kids, it's just "not the way it's done," so we'll have to try to squeeze it in during her research years. i guess i don't understand why the presumption would be that i should either get used to her plans or leave (not that you said that; i say it to myself, lol), when i have shown the willingness to adapt and make sacrifices on behalf of our greater happiness and her success in her endeavors. i guess one thing that f*cks with me is this: if she truly loved me above all else, she would not hesitate to change from surgery to something more conducive to a good lifestyle and family life. instead, she is showing her true love by her decision--surgery.

if i wasn't more in love with her than i've ever been in my thirty years of life, i'd be long gone by now. instead, i am here, at my desk, and in hell.

 

[Pilot Doc]

Wow .... big problems. Have you told her your feelings that clearly and forcefully? I can't see a happy marriage in your future unless something changes, unless you're just venting and normally more agreeable to being a surgeon's husband. And it's not going to get easier for a long time.

 

[delchrys]

yeah, i've told her that i'm afraid i won't be able to stay with her if it turns out to be at all like her sub-i was. she reassured me that it WON'T be like that, and if it is, she will switch to something else.

reality check: once she's a couple years into surgery, the brainwashing process by her peers will be complete, and she will see leaving surgery as a weakness in herself.

my problem is that she doesn't know this part of herself well enough to predict her needs for the future in terms of her specialty, etc., and i don't know the future well enough to know whether i'll be happy with however much time we end up with together.

 

[powermd]

yeah, i've told her that i'm afraid i won't be able to stay with her if it turns out to be at all like her sub-i was. she reassured me that it WON'T be like that, and if it is, she will switch to something else.

reality check: once she's a couple years into surgery, the brainwashing process by her peers will be complete, and she will see leaving surgery as a weakness in herself.

my problem is that she doesn't know this part of herself well enough to predict her needs for the future in terms of her specialty, etc., and i don't know the future well enough to know whether i'll be happy with however much time we end up with together.

She might hate the hours and work of surgery internship and quit. Plenty do. I would consider sticking around to see how things go in internship. She may just drop out and switch to anesthesia, which I'm sure would make you very happy! It's easy to be interested in overwhelming specialties as a medical student, but once you start actually living the life of a surgeon, priorities change. You would do well to discuss with her how much time she is comfortable with being apart from you, and at what point it becomes simply unacceptable. You need an honest answer from her about how much of her time she WANTS dedicated to her work.

 

[delchrys]

She might hate the hours and work of surgery internship and quit. Plenty do. I would consider sticking around to see how things go in internship. She may just drop out and switch to anesthesia, which I'm sure would make you very happy! It's easy to be interested in overwhelming specialties as a medical student, but once you start actually living the life of a surgeon, priorities change. You would do well to discuss with her how much time she is comfortable with being apart from you, and at what point it becomes simply unacceptable. You need an honest answer from her about how much of her time she WANTS dedicated to her work.

actually, we are going to discuss this very thing (how much time for her is "enough" and "too little" for us to spend together) today.

oh boy...

 

[Blade28]

This is becoming a very interesting thread.

I've also often wondered how I'm going to date, find a potential spouse, etc. while chugging through a 5-7 year G Surg residency. I also am thinking about doing a 2-3 year CT surg fellowship afterwards, which means I could be anywhere from 33-36 when I finally am finished with all my training. 🙁

 

[delchrys]

the only thing i would suggest here, and this is only if you are of the mindset such that this sounds good to you, that in the long run you act as advocates of alternatives to the current system that tends to squeeze the personal life out of surgeons. for example, if a suggestion is made to extend the GS residency by a year or two but to cut the hours worked down to a 60/week cap, support it whether or not other (perhaps jaded?) surgeons think it's "bad" based on reasons that are questionable (e.g. "that's not how we've always done things). it might not help those who advocate for/against such things, but at least it won't be a permanent situation for subsequent generations of surgeons.

 

[Blade28]

for example, if a suggestion is made to extend the GS residency by a year or two but to cut the hours worked down to a 60/week cap, support it whether or not other (perhaps jaded?) surgeons think it's "bad" based on reasons that are questionable (e.g. "that's not how we've always done things).

Believe it or not, there actually are talks of extending all residency lengths (not just surgery, but medicine, psych, peds, etc.) by 1-2 years. For general surgery, this would potentially mean a 6-7 year-long residency, instead of the usual 5. HOWEVER, these proposals are because of the new 80-hour workweek; that is, many feel the new workhour limitations mean the residents just aren't learning enough, and aren't getting enough experience. Unfortunately, it seems that for general surgery, 100-120 hr/wk for 5 years equates to something like 80 hr/wk for 6-7 years. 🙁

If bigger programs were to cut back to 60 hours a week, either the hospital would have to hire quite a few extra residents/PAs/NPs, or residency lengths would have to DRAMATICALLY increase. (I say "bigger," as some community programs only have their residents working 60-70 hr/wk on average.)

 

[Tenesma]

my recommendation to all future surgeons: choose your hospital based on the attractiveness and numbers of ancillary staff in the ICUs/ORs. That way you don't have to worry about not seeing your wife/husband at home, instead you can spend time with your "future"-wives/husbands in the hospital 🙂 .... I heard UCLA has many very good-looking people working in their system 🙂

 

[samwY]

i think surgeons should have many wives/women to coupe with
they are, in a way, kings of the jungle and should dominate all women who submiss to them

rawr

 

[doctor7]

Hello, I am thinking of marrying a person who is aspiring to be a cardio-thoracic surgeon. I am not in medicine myself and know only a little about residencies. My boyfriend will be starting fourth year of general surgery residency next year and I am wondering what his schedule will be like after he starts residency.

As of yet he is completing his research year and is looking to get back to residency next year. Please advise. I have read posts and replies on this forum and am anxious of the time hours (some members have mentioned) that surgeons put in at work. What will his lifestyle be like?...How shall I prepare myself mentally and physically if we do get married...????

If you're really "glamorous" and "25", you'll be looking down the barrel of lots of options when hubby is at work all the time. If you're running in the MD circle, you'll probably meet lots of docs who end up being way more laid back with their egos in check(Rads, ER, Anes, etc.) than your hubby who is never there. It would be key not to be screwing these other dudes on the side. You better love him a lot...but even love can only cover for the feeling of loneliness and neglect for so long.

Personally, I think it's a tough thing to ask of a woman for 5+ years...unless they are in it for the money and prestige...in which case, its just sad for both parties. I've yet to abandoned my first love (surgery) for my significant other, but it's making me think really hard about my choice of residency.

 

[Eiko]

i think surgeons should have many wives/women to coupe with
they are, in a way, kings of the jungle and should dominate all women who submiss to them

rawr

Riiiiiiiiiiight.

Ooo baby hold me back. Hold me back.

 

[joseph2707]

Don't marry him. He is doing you a favor to get married. If you don't want the lifestyle you should bail now. He will have no problem finding a woman who doesn't mind and he will be happier for it. You will be happier. His wife will be happier. Simply, put up or shut up.

I've never said this before but what a stupid question!

 

[sweetpan]

hello, here i am.my husband is resident and i'm feeling worst when realise every min i'm alone.plllease help

 

[JackADeli]

IMO, if you love this guy, then you can make a marriage work. Period...

I disagree...

...it's not just about "making the marriage work out," it's also about enjoying your life and enjoying your partner. if they're never around to enjoy, then that's not possible...

Distinguishing between willing and able is important here. I'm not a believer that anyone can do anything if he puts his mind to it. Some very loving, willing, dedicated people just aren't ...
you have to figure out how a spouse with a busy, unpredictable schedule will affect you.

...even love can only cover for the feeling of loneliness and neglect for so long...

I am going to have to agree with PilotDoc on this.... I believe at last count around 1/2 to 3/4 marriages (all comers/national average) end in divorce.

I have learned over numerous years, as Pilot mentions, just because you believe and work hard does not mean you will be Phelps, Tiger, DeBakey, etc.... Also, I suggest folks step back and look at their statements of "if you love him". That line is an accusation and lays blame and fault back on the OP. It is rather self-serving attitude and again, innacurate. It is always easy and nice to blame the non-medical spouse.

Remember, most of us are in surgery because we derive satisfaction & enjoyment from what we do. While we spend 12+hrs doing really interesting cases, our spouses and children are not necessarily getting satisfaction. Yes, we are and continue to make sacrifices for our careers. But, we do get some enjoyment along the way, often our family, sitting home alone, at the recital in our absence, birthdays, hollidays, etc... are not saying "daddy/moomy is doing a really cool case...".

Finally, there is a point where the "relationship" is no longer even a relationship, let alone a marriage.... it is a joke. There does need to be some degree of contact, interaction, emotional and physical exchange for each person to actually feel/believe they are in a relationship and/or marriage. Each person based on upbringing/experience has different levels of requirements in these regards. It does not mean you don't love someone if they can not meet your basic requirements of what a relationship and/or marriage is. I dare say, failing to ask in advance contributes to the 3/4 divorce rate nationally. I also suggest folks proceed with marrige out of guilt because of the cliche "if you love him/her you'll make it work/etc..."

 

[sweetpan]

Hi

I truly agree that if Love is strong and true...you cant even think of leaving that person...Its really really hard for me inspite of this....i dont feel connected.I believe love is connection of minds...love can take you ahead on the path of love if you have patience and you are powerful...am i lacking in love (I cry because i am alone).why do i cry is this normal...i cant think of hurting him,I do take care of him but i realise that he thinks only and only about his residency..is this going to be forever...whill this period of my life end with him completing his residency..are full time jobs also so painful as residency. I dont want to take a gutly step in my life i do want to be happy, i do want to get connected to him and be in rhythm..what is destined I really donot know

 

[sweetpan]

unfortunately I'm a non medical student

 

[sweetpan]

How can loneliness keep you healthy if it is for a long run...may be for your entire life?

 

[beefballs]

you need to be talking to him not us

 

[AbbyNormal]

Don't marry him. He is doing you a favor to get married. If you don't want the lifestyle you should bail now. He will have no problem finding a woman who doesn't mind and he will be happier for it. You will be happier. His wife will be happier. Simply, put up or shut up.

I've never said this before but what a stupid question!

Best answer. I suspect the OP is a troll.

Do you marry a person for a relationship and love or do you marry a person because they have good credentials and the announcement of marriage in the newspaper will be oh so impressive?

 

[LucidSplash]

Best answer. I suspect the OP is a troll.

Do you marry a person for a relationship and love or do you marry a person because they have good credentials and the announcement of marriage in the newspaper will be oh so impressive?

Well, the OP was posting 6 years ago. But I think sweetpan is the newest troll, bumping an old thread and posting multiple times before any responses....

 

[sweetpan]

I have married because I do love him.Yes, I'm the newest in this but I felt to share my feelings with you I'm already in the boat. I'm not looking forward to break (unless i feel that he also wants to) and also I had spoken to my husband several times on this when I get a reply ..." This is hapenning to all the surgeons AND Because I'm a non medical person I wont understand..I wanted your opinion on this...how can things change later...after residency..Is surgical life really as hectic as it is during residency, can he lead a life once he completes his residency ...a life that I can see any normal non medical people lead (peaceful life with abundant time) ..Please someone help me with this answer.I would nt have referred to you guys I really have nt got a definite answer for this question from anyone so far including my husband .I need to understand the real situation of full time surgeons..(ones who have completed their residency) how do normal full time surgeons lead their life with their family???

 

[JackADeli]

I didn't realize this was a troll restart....
Either way, SweetPan.... troll or not, stop wasting time on this forum. "We" can not answer your questions or explain any of these things to you... you need to speak with your spouse and/or go to a counselor. If your spouse doesn't want to talk... "we" can not speak for him/her. If you have no access to a counselor/psych/etc... "we" can not take that place.... go call a friend. Open a phonebook and call a surgeon if you must... go speak to spouses of other residents, etc.... Nothing further to discuss on this forum.:troll:

 

[Meibomian SxN]

I have married because I do love him.Yes, I'm the newest in this but I felt to share my feelings with you I'm already in the boat. I'm not looking forward to break (unless i feel that he also wants to) and also I had spoken to my husband several times on this when I get a reply ..." This is hapenning to all the surgeons AND Because I'm a non medical person I wont understand..I wanted your opinion on this...how can things change later...after residency..Is surgical life really as hectic as it is during residency, can he lead a life once he completes his residency ...a life that I can see any normal non medical people lead (peaceful life with abundant time) ..Please someone help me with this answer.I would nt have referred to you guys I really have nt got a definite answer for this question from anyone so far including my husband .I need to understand the real situation of full time surgeons..(ones who have completed their residency) how do normal full time surgeons lead their life with their family???

I am not trying to keep this flame going, but I do remember watching the short reality TV series called 'Hopkins'. It chronicled the lives of different medical residents & attendings at Johns Hopkins Medical Center.

One was about a senior CT surgeon resident and he was actually married with 2 kids. The arguments between him and his wife seemed constant and at one point they separated. Before the show went off they tried to make it work again. I would be interested in seeing if they stayed together. Try seeing if you can rent the video.

Long story short, ultimately you need to do what is best for YOU in life, because obviously he is not leaving his future career for his wife who is "lonely." Sorry to be blunt but it is reality. Good luck.

 

[Witch Doctor]

I have some pretty decent experience here... I rotated with two general surgeons (although not CT, I think it makes a good example)... One of them worked endless hours, spent a lot of time talking to patients/collegues/nurses/students etc... The other I worked with had two kids who had very different schedules (requiring he and his wife to drive them around every afternoon). He would schedule all his tough cases first thing in the AM, and take the easy stuff in the afternoon. There was only one day where he was late to take his daughter to soccer practice. I guess it just depends on your preferences, and where you are willing to go for the lifestyle you want. His practice is 5 surgeons together, so they do one night of call per week plus every 5th weekend. It's possible to have a life, but you'll have to accept that you will make less money and sometimes still miss out on things. That's just the life. But if he loves it, being supportive is the best thing you can do (especially during residency). In the end he will be a happier person because he's doing something he loves...

 

[KimK]

I know some people who married surgeons. Here's what they did. They had children to keep them busy and not lonely. Then you can start thinking about what kind of rich neighborhood you want to live in and also the nice vacations you can take with that sort of income. Think of what you can get from it all.

 

[glade]

LOL, if you're going to troll, you at least have to be witty, like me. Otherwise, you just come off as being stupid, like you.

 

[goooooober]

I have married because I do love him.Yes, I'm the newest in this but I felt to share my feelings with you I'm already in the boat. I'm not looking forward to break (unless i feel that he also wants to) and also I had spoken to my husband several times on this when I get a reply ..." This is hapenning to all the surgeons AND Because I'm a non medical person I wont understand..I wanted your opinion on this...how can things change later...after residency..Is surgical life really as hectic as it is during residency, can he lead a life once he completes his residency ...a life that I can see any normal non medical people lead (peaceful life with abundant time) ..Please someone help me with this answer.I would nt have referred to you guys I really have nt got a definite answer for this question from anyone so far including my husband .I need to understand the real situation of full time surgeons..(ones who have completed their residency) how do normal full time surgeons lead their life with their family???

First of all, I think it was Socrates who coined the phrase, "Whats love got to do, got to do with it, whats love but a second-hand emotion".

Perhaps its your constant insistance on love talk and emotional fingering that seems to drive him away from you to the blade.

You need to pack up your little feelings and move very quickly to the FM or Psych forum where they eat this shi* up. There is absolutely no room here for discussion of love and emotions. If it cannot be surgically excised and sent to path, it cannot be discussed.

 

[Rabbit Hole]

Totally healthy.. completely normal.
👍

 

[glade]

First of all, I think it was Socrates who coined the phrase, "Whats love got to do, got to do with it, whats love but a second-hand emotion".

Socrates was known to pen these emotional lyrics after getting beaten repeatedly at home.

 

[BlondeDocteur]

Exactly.

As gooooober stated, this is a non-resectable lesion.

Therefore one can only opt for conservative medical management, a la Socrates: hemlock.

 

[Seriousquestion]

some surgeons get get HIV or hepatitis from a needle stick,

What huh???? And... I've read somewhere that there's never been a real case of patient--->physician HIV transmission. Seems to me like the viral loads would have to be too high, and there are antiretroviral treatments, etc. Please clarify, ARE THERE or ARE THERE NOT cases of doctors getting AIDS from patients? This is kind of a big issue.

 

[smq123]

What huh???? And... I've read somewhere that there's never been a real case of patient--->physician HIV transmission. Seems to me like the viral loads would have to be too high, and there are antiretroviral treatments, etc. Please clarify, ARE THERE or ARE THERE NOT cases of doctors getting AIDS from patients? This is kind of a big issue.

Well, if you took a moment to calm down, take a deep breath, and stop crapping your pants long enough to do a search, you could find a few answers. To answer your question, yes, there have been cases where healthcare workers most likely were infected by HIV after getting stuck by a dirty needle. It's not that common anymore, but there are reports where it has happened.

Secondly, you don't get AIDS from patients, you get HIV.

Finally, needlesticks are less of a big deal, in terms of HIV, because there's post exposure prophylaxis, the rate of transmission isn't necessarily all that high on its own, etc. Hepatitis B is also not a big deal, since you should be vaccinated against that. The REALLY scary one is Hepatitis C, which does have a high rate of transmission, does not have a vaccine, does not have any form of post-exposure prophylaxis, and has a good chance of becoming chronic and possibly evolving into liver cancer. Premeds always get in a tizzy about HIV, but that's not the scariest possibility.

 

[JackADeli]

Well, if you took a moment to calm down, take a deep breath, and stop crapping your pants long enough to do a search, you could find a few answers. To answer your question, yes, there have been cases where healthcare workers most likely were infected by HIV after getting stuck by a dirty needle. It's not that common anymore, but there are reports where it has happened.

Secondly, you don't get AIDS from patients, you get HIV.

Finally, needlesticks are less of a big deal, in terms of HIV, because there's post exposure prophylaxis, the rate of transmission isn't necessarily all that high on its own, etc. Hepatitis B is also not a big deal, since you should be vaccinated against that. The REALLY scary one is Hepatitis C, which does have a high rate of transmission, does not have a vaccine, does not have any form of post-exposure prophylaxis, and has a good chance of becoming chronic and possibly evolving into liver cancer. Premeds always get in a tizzy about HIV, but that's not the scariest possibility.

👍

And don't forget TB, especially that multi-drug resistant type that all you wannabee rural/cowboy/underserved practitioners may be exposed to just by breathing the air 30 minutes after the patient left the room! Go do your exciting missionary work