PhD/PsyD Time for a social life?

[newyork-3]

I am a current undergraduate student interested in pursuing a PhD in Clinical Psychology. I'm excited, but I'm also concerned that committing to a PhD program will mean sacrificing fun/a social life altogether. I am a serious and committed student, but I also like to have fun and relax sometimes!

I want a balanced life. I'm passionate about clinical psych but I don't want it to completely take over all aspects of my life. I want to live a "normal" life while in grad school: make friends, date, go out, relax, etc.

Clinical psych PhD students--do you have time for these things? Do you have time to go out to bars/meet new people on the weekends? Time to relax?

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[singasongofjoy]

There will certainly be less time than during undergrad, but how much less depends on the program and how you prioritize your own time. I made time to socialize w other students; that was relatively easy (head to the bar for a drink or two after the clinic closes for the evening) but wouldn't have had time to start and maintain new relationships with people outside of the program I don't think. However, I also was on the "get out of here in 4 years" (meaning internship 5th year) plan which was harder time-wise than spreading it out over 5 years like many other students in my program.

 

[WisNeuro]

I had no problem managing a social life in grad school. You'll work a lot, but you learn to manage time constraints.

 

[deleted760483]

Absolutely. You will be busy, but not life consumingly so. There might be occasional brief pockets of time where you are a shut in for a few days like COMPS week, internship applications, and dissertation deadlines but they are the exception and not the rule. I still had time to go to the gym every day, have a wife, keep up my household, walk my dog, go to weekly poker nights and basketball games, etc. I remember in my orientation some of the incumbent students told me they stopped taking care of themselves, were sleeping in their offices, etc. I have since concluded they were either lying for some reason, or had something wrong with them.

I am way busier now as a dad of 2 who works 40 hour weeks and has a single family home than I ever was in my doctoral program.

 

[ItsNotMe_ItsYou]

I would say it depends on the person and his or her situation. I was in a long-term relationship when I started my doctoral program, which made having a social life easy. After the relationship ended, I obviously had time to hang out with friends, but dating was a bit challenging. New relationships involve a lot more time and energy than some doctoral students can provide, although finding a supportive partner who understands can make a world of difference. As others mentioned, time management is crucial. Grad school requires a lot of self-discipline, as well as some sacrifice, but it's absolutely worth it when you love what you do.

 

[PsychPhDone]

I had a pretty busy social life during grad school, including lots of dating (well, until I met my now-husband second year). Most of my social life involved other clinical students, but it wouldn't have been that hard to make friends outside the department had I made a greater effort.

 

[PsyDr]

Even with my work habits, I actively socialized and dated in grad school.

My observations:

1) if I stayed disciplined, and devoted 9-5 to academic endeavors, I had more freedom than my peers. Assigned a reading? Did it immediately. Started papers 4 weeks out.

2) money was an issue. My friends, who were exclusively non psychology, had more money. This allowed them to go on real adult vacations, eating out, and bars. I could do some of that stuff, but no where near where they were able. This did cause some difficulties in dating. There were also just difficulties due to a lack of funds when friends didn't have this.

3) there were times that even the most lackluster student would work much harder than the average office drone.

4) travel was an issue both in terms of time and money. Couldn't just take a vacation in the middle of the semester or when practica didn't allow.

 

[deleted760483]

2) money was an issue. My friends, who were exclusively non psychology, had more money. This allowed them to go on real adult vacations, eating out, and bars. I could do some of that stuff, but no where near where they were able. This did cause some difficulties in dating. There were also just difficulties due to a lack of funds when friends didn't have this.

Somehow I had allowed myself to forget about this. This was the hardest part. I didn't really hang out with my cohort, but had many friends outside of the program. They all stopped college after their bachelors and were a few years into careers, so they all had a fair amount of money while I was living on a tight budget. I did a lot of cooking party food and inviting people over for movies, sporting events, and game nights because I couldn't afford to go out as often as they did.

 

[Sanman]

A lot of good points here and having a life is possible, but that depends on a few factors:

1. Your goals and personality: I liked to get my work done and have a life, I have a few publications and was fine with a 3.7-3.8 GPA. Colleagues that wanted to go above and beyond were busier. I had friends in and out of the program and was more social.

I was in my early 20s as a grad student, so being poor, drinking cheap beer and shooting pool at the bar, was fine for me. Vacations and more expensive fun was limited. Dating non-students was difficult as well. What is your definition of a balanced life?

 

[EmotRegulation]

I had an active social life as a graduate student in my late 20s-mid 30s. I started grad school married and did a lot with my then-husband and friends from school, but my social life really amped up after I got divorced. I also worked hard and was pretty research focused as a graduate student, but had lots of time for social activities. Game nights, drinking on the back porch, parties, out to dinner and events...living in a big city also facilitated lots of social opportunities. I did a TON of socializing on internship--went dancing every week, lots of drinking and dating...that's when I met my current husband! I do far less socializing now as a professor (though having small children really puts a serious damper on social lives, particularly when many of my friends are childless), and am in a smaller town, but our grad students here also have active social lives. If going out, dating, and having hobbies are important to you, definitely pay attention to those things on interviews!

 

[cara susanna]

I actually had a better social life in grad school than I did in undergrad.

 

[Lurking Oracle]

I actually had a better social life in grad school than I did in undergrad.

Same for me. Granted, that was probably because I spent most of undergrad doing everything it took to get into a fully-funded, APA-accredited, clinical PhD program. But, the effort paid off (not one cent in student loans - yay!), and I met my to-this-day spouse of many, many years in the city where I went to grad school (locate a thousand miles from where I was born and went to college).

 

[Doctor Eliza]

I'd say my social life in grad school was characterized by quality rather than quantity. I developed some wonderful friendships with my peers, but time for socialization was limited. I remember one Easter we all got together for a lovely brunch, but we kept it short because everyone had work to do. I'll admit that for a few years I was resentful that I was "cheated out of my 20's." I think in retrospect, a viable option would have been to take a year or two off before grad school. Good luck in your decision-making.

 

[Justanothergrad]

I started my doctoral program in my late 20s. I wasn't looking to go out every night, but there were plenty of times where I went out with friends to the bars and socialized. Like @cara susanna and @Lurking Oracle said, I felt like I had a better social life over the past five years than I did in undergrad.

I could keep the work between 9-5 most days if I wanted, usually with one day on the weekend for school work/personal research (I'm a research workaholic and often didn't because my goal was to land a R1 faculty position and I think learning stats is fun, but thats my choice). Either way, like @PSYDR said, the key to maximizing free time was having the focus to not get distracted by netflix while I was grading/writing papers or facebook while I was researching. I worked ahead of time and didn't procrastinate. If I wanted to work but I also needed some social time I would invite friends over to have drinks, pitch research ideas, and collaborate on projects we were doing while we grill food (this has led to some awesomely rewarding friendships). Its a bit of fun along with a bit of work and I enjoyed it. I didn't have any difficulty finding time to date/get into a relationship. Many people I know got married, had kids, etc. The biggest difference is with how financially fiscal you have to be compared to others outside of graduate school. I'm big into the outdoors so a lot of my vacations were road trips to go backpacking and camping, so its frugal but enjoyable. The winter and summer breaks were great for this for me. I think I got more trips like that in during graduate school then I did before, when I lived closer to great national parks. So money is probably the biggest barrier, depending on what you define as a good lifestyle.

It all depends on what you want the balance to look like in your life. Some programs will help you get there more than others. Some areas will be better fitted for you than others. Pay attention to those things as you consider the field because this is part of your life too.

 

[PsychPhDone]

I'd say my social life in grad school was characterized by quality rather than quantity. I developed some wonderful friendships with my peers, but time for socialization was limited. I remember one Easter we all got together for a lovely brunch, but we kept it short because everyone had work to do. I'll admit that for a few years I was resentful that I was "cheated out of my 20's." I think in retrospect, a viable option would have been to take a year or two off before grad school. Good luck in your decision-making.

You raise an interesting point. I'm really glad I took a full-time RA job between undergrad and grad. It was nice to have some "structure" and also a vaguely 40-hour work week. And a really fun social life. I think I wouldn't have prioritized socializing enough if I went straight to grad school from undergrad. Too much grind.

 

[foreverbull]

I am a current undergraduate student interested in pursuing a PhD in Clinical Psychology. I'm excited, but I'm also concerned that committing to a PhD program will mean sacrificing fun/a social life altogether. I am a serious and committed student, but I also like to have fun and relax sometimes!

I want a balanced life. I'm passionate about clinical psych but I don't want it to completely take over all aspects of my life. I want to live a "normal" life while in grad school: make friends, date, go out, relax, etc.

Clinical psych PhD students--do you have time for these things? Do you have time to go out to bars/meet new people on the weekends? Time to relax?

My first year in the doc program was the hardest in terms of adjustment because I was a bit shell shocked by the time demands, but it got much easier from there even though I was busy all the way through. My social life was actually more active in grad school because I had a close cohort and made friends with other cohorts!

I will say, I discovered quickly how to meet the expectations of professors without doing all of the assigned readings because there just wasn't enough time to read everything. I skimmed a lot and read thoroughly only when I really needed to. If I hadn't done that, I never would have slept during grad school. That was standard practice amongst everyone in my program.

Long story short, a social life is doable and you can still go out with friends on weekends and the occasional weeknight and/or date. It just takes a little time to adjust.

 

[psyguy83]

Two different answers:

1. Do you want a social life or a doctorate? No they're not necessarily mutally exclusive but most things worthwhile require sacrifice of some sort. What are you willing to sacrifice for this?

2. If something is important to you, in this case a “balanced life”, schedule and prioritize it accordingly.

 

[AcronymAllergy]

I don't know if I'd classify the grad school experience as a "normal life," at least (in my case) when compared with life before and after. There will be periods of time when spurts of work will take over most if not all of your life. You'll likely pull all-nighters, have to opt out of multiple social engagements, and be stuck inside on weekends when the weather's gorgeous and you'd rather be outside. At the same time, if you prioritize efficiently and manage your time effectively, you'll have the opportunity to maintain friendships and still have some semblance of a social life. As psyguy83 mentioned, sacrifice will be necessary, but completing a doctoral program and having a social life aren't mutually exclusive.

 

[deleted760483]

I don't know if I'd classify the grad school experience as a "normal life," at least (in my case) when compared with life before and after. There will be periods of time when spurts of work will take over most if not all of your life. You'll likely pull all-nighters, have to opt out of multiple social engagements, and be stuck inside on weekends when the weather's gorgeous and you'd rather be outside. At the same time, if you prioritize efficiently and manage your time effectively, you'll have the opportunity to maintain friendships and still have some semblance of a social life. As psyguy83 mentioned, sacrifice will be necessary, but completing a doctoral program and having a social life aren't mutually exclusive.

I'm just going to reiterate that this really wasn't my experience personally. Every individual and every program is certainly different, but this is the type of description I heard a lot of that had me questioning whether graduate school was worth it. I certainly had some late nights, but never an all-nighter. The latest I can recall staying up (for schoolwork) was maybe 1-2 am and that was rare. Most nights I was done by early evening. I couldn't do whatever I wanted at the drop of a hat, but as long as I knew something was coming up a couple days in advance I was always able to follow through on social plans. I couldn't necessarily spend all day outside on the weekends, but I don't recall a single day where I was just cooped up inside all day, even during particularly busy times like COMPS, dissertation deadlines, and studying for the EPPP. In fact, I did a lot of that outdoors.

 

[ClinicalABA]

I'm just going to reiterate that this really wasn't my experience personally. Every individual and every program is certainly different, but this is the type of description I heard a lot of that had me questioning whether graduate school was worth it. I certainly had some late nights, but never an all-nighter. The latest I can recall staying up (for schoolwork) was maybe 1-2 am and that was rare. Most nights I was done by early evening. I couldn't do whatever I wanted at the drop of a hat, but as long as I knew something was coming up a couple days in advance I was always able to follow through on social plans. I couldn't necessarily spend all day outside on the weekends, but I don't recall a single day where I was just cooped up inside all day, even during particularly busy times like COMPS, dissertation deadlines, and studying for the EPPP. In fact, I did a lot of that outdoors.

This was my experience as well. Some basic planning skills will permint you to go out on Friday or Saturday night, AND get that assignment or studying done for Monday. Some weeks are busier than others, but if you find the need to spend all waking hours between Friday at 7pm and Monday at 7am spent on doing school/practica related work, you are either not spending enough time awake or something is out of whack. For example, first year stats homework was a big pain in the butt, and always due on Monday. This provided a great opportunity to get together with classmates on Sunday morning and do some work, followed by making lunch and watching a football game. Some would take longer and hang out in the other room, and some would skip altogether. Things like "Im too old and tired," "I'm too broke," or "that's lame" were much more common excuses for missing weekend social events than was "I have to stay in and do work."

 

[deleted343839]

I want a balanced life. I'm passionate about clinical psych but I don't want it to completely take over all aspects of my life. I want to live a "normal" life while in grad school: make friends, date, go out, relax, etc.

I think these things are possible, in moderation, much of the time. Your mileage may vary. In my case, there were periods when grad school took over my life temporarily, and that was not unusual in my program even for people with good work habits. I only pulled one actual all-nighter, though I had lots of late nights and sleep-deprived days. But I also remember plenty of socializing, especially on Friday nights. I had time to go to the gym, bike, or take long walks. Somehow I had enough down time to see more movies and TV than I do nowadays. For me grad school life was also pre-parenthood life, so there's that confound. It doesn't seem so bad in retrospect.

 

[newyork-3]

Thanks so much for so many helpful responses. It seems to me that this really varies depending on the program and the personality of the student…

As Justanothergrad put it, “It all depends on what you want the balance to look like in your life. Some programs will help you get there more than others.” This makes sense, but leads me to a new question: is it really possible to figure this out before entering a program? How will I really know if a program can offer the type of balance that I am looking for?

 

[singasongofjoy]

Thanks so much for so many helpful responses. It seems to me that this really varies depending on the program and the personality of the student…

As Justanothergrad put it, “It all depends on what you want the balance to look like in your life. Some programs will help you get there more than others.” This makes sense, but leads me to a new question: is it really possible to figure this out before entering a program? How will I really know if a program can offer the type of balance that I am looking for?

Talk to the current grad students when you interview. Ask them what they do on the weekends,how many hours a week they spend studying/working vs going out/having fun, all the questions you've asked here. Those questions are fair game for the current grad students and in my experience they're generally pretty (sometimes brutally) honest about their programs. The reason they make sure you have time w current students during interviews is to give you time to ask those types of questions. Make sure to talk to multiple people from different years in the program.

 

[Meteora]

Thank you for this topic.

You have no idea how comforting it is to hear that a lot of you have had time for dating/socializing!