Tips for growing a thicker skin?

[Lannister]

A problem I've been facing recently is that I take everything very personally. Any time a superior points out a mistake I've made, it really affects me emotionally, even if it's not a big deal. It's not that I tend to ruminate, but that I react badly in the moment. I cry very easily, and although I haven't actually cried in public in a long time, I do have a tendency to tear up, and it's fairly obvious.

I have to give a presentation at a lab meeting next week, and I know that my presentation is going to get ripped to shreds by my PI. Which is a good thing, obviously, because constructive criticism will ultimately benefit me and help me improve. But I know that will l still feel upset and personally insulted as it's happening. I really do not want to cry in front of my entire lab!

Does anyone else have this problem, or have tips for overcoming it? This is obviously not gonna fly during the clinical years, so I want to start working on this now.

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[Save a life]

I don't know about the tearing up business when mistakes are pointed out but my advise is to own it. When someone notices that you did something wrong, especially in healthcare, admit your fault, take responsibility, and grow.

I guess it comes down to being okay with being wrong and then taking the initiative to not let it happen in the future. For the lab, I'm guessing this comes down to laboratory skills and knowledge.

 

[Lannister]

I don't know about the tearing up business when mistakes are pointed out but my advise is to own it. When someone notices that you did something wrong, especially in healthcare, admit your fault, take responsibility, and grow.

I guess it comes down to being okay with being wrong and not being perfect.

I actually think I'm pretty good (maybe too good) at taking ownership. My thought process when someone points out a mistake is more like, "Oh my God they're right, I'm such an idiot, I can't believe I messed that up, I'm so embarrassed" than wanting to deny that I did something wrong.

 

[Keona]

Acknowledge the mistake or whatever it is. Write it down or do some task that you can while changes are being suggested and you are being told what you're doing wrong. Compartmentalize. If you're female I've found I do better wearing an outfit I feel confident in and makeup which I rarely wear. I wear a skirt if I'm going to be super anxious since it helps me stay cooler than pants, but whatever makes you feel better about yourself. If you tear it's okay, if you feel comfortable mention to your PI ahead of time that you are sometimes emotional but to ignore it.

 

[IslandStyle808]

You have to just go in knowing you are going to get torn a new one. Just accept the mistakes and move forward. It definitely beats being verbally abused for a mistake you didn't make or a very small trivial mistakes. You will encounter those types too.

 

[Mad Jack]

I actually think I'm pretty good (maybe too good) at taking ownership. My thought process when someone points out a mistake is more like, "Oh my God they're right, I'm such an idiot, I can't believe I messed that up, I'm so embarrassed" than wanting to deny that I did something wrong.

I know that feel and still struggle with it. You just need to work on self-awareness of your own fragility in regard to failure, and be mindful in those moments. When you feel yourself start to get upset, take a step back and try to look at everything objectively- you're being helped, your PI doesn't think you suck, you are an imperfect human in an imperfect world with an imperfect body that will ultimately fail you, okay, maybe that's too far- but really, just become okay with not being perfect.

I'm actually trying to work through my ability to cope with failure by painting. I'm a terrible artist, so I just paint and it looks awful and I can't stand how nothing comes out looking okay, and it's pretty much the same feeling that I get when I'm dealing with criticism. The longer I sit with that frustration and embarrassment at my own failure, the more I feel okay with it, until I'm eventually content to just paint a terrible tree or whatever. And once you're comfortable with how imperfect your efforts are, you're in the perfect place to work on making them better. It's basically trying to embrace the philosophy of Jake the Dog.

 

[libertyyne]

r/roastme

 

[libertyyne]

You have to just go in knowing you are going to get torn a new one. Just accept the mistakes and move forward. It definitely beats being verbally abused for a mistake you didn't make or a very small trivial mistakes. You will encounter those types too.

These are by far the worst. I had a person higher up in the food chain rip me a new one, the kicker the person had no idea what she was talking about and my direct boss admitted that afterwards. You just grind your teeth smile and take it like a big girl, big boy, and move on.

 

[raiderette]

It can be so hard. You are a good person, and you obviously want to do your best. I recommend thinking through the worst case scenario, so that you can accept it more objectively.

 

[Bentobox]

A book named Reality Transurfing really helped me. It teaches how to control struggles in your life.

 

[giantswing]

A) Never, ever cry at work. You will ALWAYS be remembered as The One Who Cried.
B) If someone is telling you you suck and need to improve, at least they give a big enough s**t to give you feedback. It sucks when you get no feedback and have no idea if you're doing anything right, or worse, your superiors b***h to each other that you suck but don't tell you.
C) Seriously. It's hard but I've come to a point where if I'm corrected about something I have to think, Whelp, now I know how to turn it around next time.

It sucks sometimes if you feel like you suck at everything and people only say what you did wrong and none of the good. It sucks. It really does. Some of the time you may not have done anything wrong and it's political bulls**t or some other s**t; then it really really sucks, but there's not much you can do about that. At one point, I was almost you; super sensitive and internalized everything; sometimes I still am, especially when I get tired. But you will self destruct; buck up and soldier on.

Once and a while a nice, good old fashioned "F**K. YOU" is in order, but never to their face if they're above you. Just think it in your head when the negative thoughts creep in.

 

[IslandStyle808]

These are by far the worst. I had a person higher up in the food chain rip me a new one, the kicker the person had no idea what she was talking about and my direct boss admitted that afterwards. You just grind your teeth smile and take it like a big girl, big boy, and move on.

Yeah had this happen several times through my years. I was a TA several years back for an introductory biology lab. The labs were to dissect clams for this week. My supervisor told us that we didn't have that many clams and so one clam was to given to two people. These were clams that were to be used for the entire week. I did just that first my first lab. One day later, I passed by my supervisor in the parking structure at my university. He was in interrogation mode and was asking was it me who over used the calms. This was the first time hearing of this. I said no and said I followed your instructions to share each clam per 2 persons. He explained to me that there were less clams than normal. He asked me further if I counted each clam in the cooler before and after the lab. I said no (my mind was like WTF, there was 40+ clams in there and he should have said this before hand to prevent such an incident). I quickly apologized and said I would do just that for the next lab. He then stormed off afterward. Later I find out that one of the TAs was supposed to put the left over clams in the fridge at the end of the day, but didn't know the code for the room (with the fridge inside). So he had to dump the rest of the clams. I got no apology for the outburst from my supervisor. Well, that's life...

EDIT MADE

 

[xClashx]

Its normal. Don't take it to heart. The PI i was working for in undergrad would make us present for 10min and the entire lab would grill us for 3h straight. Live and learn.

 

[niblet]

I struggle with this. Although I wouldn't say I'm terribly thin-skinned--I've never cried or anything over criticism--I have found I'm susceptible to occasionally experiencing a profound dip in morale from negative feedback.

The weird thing is it's not overt criticism that tends to get me down. Some a-hole being nasty I can get over. That can just be laughed off. Someone giving directed feedback I can usually tolerate, as long as I don't indulge those deep-seated fears of incompetency I think most of us have on some level in this training process.

It's not those things. It's the subtle not-directly-spoken communication, the disinterested, annoyed look the attending gives when you're presenting a patient and the self-consciousness it causes in every word you utter from that point forward. It's the way you sometimes end up on a team that completely ignores you, and the cues that they broadcast that they wish you weren't there at all, or maybe when you're on a team that's generally nice but clearly favors one student over you cuz they asked more questions than you or because they just plain know how to strike friendships in a way you don't. And you spend the rest of the evening after getting home with this vague, paralyzing dysphoria of 'there is something wrong with me' hanging over your head, and you can't bring yourself to read about patients or study for the shelf no matter how much you need to, and instead spend that time going over the dumb things you said to the point that you start wondering whether what you said was even intelligible English or rather evidence that you're developing an incipient psychosis.

I think I've got the unfortunate trait of being hyper-attuned to the nuances of my status in a group such that I interpret events as confirmation bias of some kind of basic ineptitude, and medical school, where we're the last rung on a big ladder and know so little about the functioning of the field we're being trained for (i.e. we are effectively incompetent at this stage) has really brought out the worst in that part of my personality.

The thing that's me helped most has been to shut down any negative thoughts that pop into my head--to not even let them breath--and replace them with positive ones. This whole post, however, is a prime example of how not to think. I did it for expressive purposes. Many of us feel these feelz.

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

Well...if they give you too hard of a time, just remind them that a Lannister always pays his debts.
On a more serious note, I cried plenty in residency (though always at home). The only way to develop a thick skin and gain confidence is continuous exposure to challenging situations. Eventually, you will be ok.

 

[CherryRedDracul]

I just stopped giving a **** about my own ego. At this point, I consider criticism a honing stone to sharpen my skills.

In general, in life, once you stop caring about what other people think unless it will help you grow, you will feel so much freer.

 

[cbrons]

I don't blame you for having difficulty reacting to constructive criticism. We were part of the "self-esteem" generation that was raised in such a way that we were kept sheltered from feeling bad about ourselves.

I think of it like this - if they weren't yelling at me, then they probably don't care about me or my development. How many times have you encountered those attendings that are super sweet to your face but teach you absolutely nothing, or worse yet, tank you on a written eval out of nowhere? I'd much rather prefer the guy that reemed me out and was up-front about how I was doing versus the guy who is nice to my face and then twists the knife into my back later on. Also I do honestly think, particularly with the older generation, that if they yell at you for something you did wrong (and should've known better), its because they care about the quality of physician you will become. Even if its not 100% altruistic (e.g. they don't want other people looking at how poor your skills are and blaming it on them or the program).

 

[Solard]

 

[Stagg737]

A) Never, ever cry at work. You will ALWAYS be remembered as The One Who Cried.
B) If someone is telling you you suck and need to improve, at least they give a big enough s**t to give you feedback. It sucks when you get no feedback and have no idea if you're doing anything right, or worse, your superiors b***h to each other that you suck but don't tell you.
C) Seriously. It's hard but I've come to a point where if I'm corrected about something I have to think, Whelp, now I know how to turn it around next time.

Second the above. I've heard some form of the bolded multiple times over the course of third year from preceptors who were kind of harda$$es or who liked to make fun of students. I had one surgery attending who was pretty brutal straight off the bat and wasn't afraid to tell you how useless you were if you messed up. A few days into the rotation we ran into him in the lounge and he let us know that if he was being a d*** to us, not to worry about it because it meant he actually cared and still wanted to teach us. He said that if he stopped making fun of us or yelling at us when we messed up is when we should be worried because it meant he didn't care and felt like we weren't worth teaching anymore.

@Lannister , have you ever really had any professors, bosses, etc. who were harsh to you? I ask because it sounds like the kind of person whose mentors and superiors have either been very nice as a whole or tended to sugar-coat the bad to try and lighten the blow. There's nothing wrong with people being nice, but it doesn't do you any favors in terms of preparing you for the real world, especially in medicine. I'd say the best thing you can do at this point is try and associate with people who are going to be straightforward and blunt with you and realize that just because people aren't coddling you doesn't mean they don't care or that they don't want you to succeed. It means they see you as enough of an adult to give you an honest response. Some people are just a-holes, but for those that aren't, try and look at it as a sign that you've made it instead of a shot at some personal inadequacy.

 

[NickNaylor]

I know this won't help in the moment, but try to remember that you are a trainee - be it in the clinical setting or in the research setting. It is unreasonable for you to get everything right or to never receive negative feedback. If you never received those things, then you would be the PI or attending yourself! You're still learning, and part of that process is going to be failing and receiving negative feedback afterward.

Even though you don't express it directly, it sounds like you're holding yourself to very high expectations - perhaps unreasonable expectations. I think everyone is uncomfortable to some degree with negative feedback, but being unable to receive negative feedback at all is going to be problematic - not only because it's unpleasant for you but also because it's going to be a critical part of your training moving forward. You must be able to accept that feedback in a somewhat dispassionate and impersonal way, figure out how to incorporate that feedback into your practice to improve moving forward, and moving on. Of course, this is much easier said than done.

One thing you might consider is a brief course of therapy to discuss these issues with a third-party anonymously. This perhaps might be a little overboard, but it's one thing that might help you address this particular issue.

 

[Lannister]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm still pretty terrified about this lab meeting, but I'll try to keep in mind that the criticism will ultimately benefit me, and that I'm not expected to know everything.

 

[zero0]

Armed combat experience seems to do the trick.

 

[jcorpsmanMD]

Honestly, it's tough, because it's usually one of those things you develop when you're young (at least I believe so). I'll tell you what helps me though, my father was always hard on me (I'm sure that left me w/ plenty of emotional issues lols) but it made me tough. Mentally, I'm gritty af, not much affects me for better or worse. He use to tell me in spanish, get your balls up boy, that's my advice to you (if you're female, I apologize). Mentally prepare yourself everyday you wake up, use power posturing as a mental advantage, posture up in front of your mirror and tell yourself you're tough, whatever you want, everyday for 2 min each morning. There was actual research on this (and a TedTalk) saying how it works, my friend had a similar problem like you, it really helped her become confident in her presentations. So n=1 but I think that **** works. Anyways, good luck!

GET YA BALLS UP BOY

 

[liquidsodium]

I really appreciate that you posed this question, OP, and the people who took time to respond.

I also tend to be very sensitive to verbal and nonverbal cues. I overthink them. I assign huge amounts of responsibility to myself and chastise myself, often pretty meanly, when I don't meet my own expectations. That's probably why I take it so rough when I receive external confirmation that I didn't do well enough. I'm sure that'll kick my ass in M3-4 and beyond if I keep it up.

That said, I'm getting much better at it. I'm learning to embrace my position as a person constantly-in-training and constantly improving. I make conscious efforts to develop my sense of self-efficacy (i.e. Trusting in my ability to improve rather than judging myself as I am). Being a teacher and trainer myself helped a lot, because I realized that the students/trainees I appreciated most were the ones that owned their mistakes, asked questions, and tried to get better, not the ones that struggled and wallowed in silence. My failures are not a representation of who I am, but giving up after a perceived failure certainly is.

Just know that you're not the only one trying to get through med school with those concerns. I'm right there with you! Be strong, let us know how your lab meeting goes.


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[xffan624]

Armed combat experience seems to do the trick.

Spent a year a combat zone with numerous convoys and incoming fire on the base. 3rd year still gave me plenty of days that made me question my worth. It's a different kind of stress. More personal and can definitely affect you to your core. Coming out on the other side will make you a stronger person if you can develop the skills some of the posters mentioned on this thread. Talking to a therapist is never a wrong answer either and many times the stresses and criticisms you are blowing up in your head will not sound as big when discussing them with an objective third party.

 

[mistafab]

Reframe mistakes.

So in our world, you are always on the pursuit for correct medical information and correct medical practice. A mistake is a teaching moment. Making mistakes gives you lessons you never forget. Does it suck to be wrong? Yup. But being wrong TWICE is the absolute worst. Save the feels for when you mess up the same way a second time, because then it actually is your fault.

A problem I've been facing recently is that I take everything very personally. Any time a superior points out a mistake I've made, it really affects me emotionally, even if it's not a big deal. It's not that I tend to ruminate, but that I react badly in the moment. I cry very easily, and although I haven't actually cried in public in a long time, I do have a tendency to tear up, and it's fairly obvious.

I have to give a presentation at a lab meeting next week, and I know that my presentation is going to get ripped to shreds by my PI. Which is a good thing, obviously, because constructive criticism will ultimately benefit me and help me improve. But I know that will l still feel upset and personally insulted as it's happening. I really do not want to cry in front of my entire lab!

Does anyone else have this problem, or have tips for overcoming it? This is obviously not gonna fly during the clinical years, so I want to start working on this now.

I actually think I'm pretty good (maybe too good) at taking ownership. My thought process when someone points out a mistake is more like, "Oh my God they're right, I'm such an idiot, I can't believe I messed that up, I'm so embarrassed" than wanting to deny that I did something wrong.

 

[Mad Jack]

I just stopped giving a **** about my own ego. At this point, I consider criticism a honing stone to sharpen my skills.

In general, in life, once you stop caring about what other people think unless it will help you grow, you will feel so much freer.

I think it is less about what other people think of us and more about coping with our own legitimate shortcomings for many people. IDGAF what people think about me, but I do judge myself quite harshly.

 

[Lannister]

Lol apparently I still have this problem when the roles are reversed. I just had a meeting with one of my instructors and was giving him feedback about our class, and when I started giving constructive criticism about how the class was run, I started tearing up. I don't even know why!! Maybe I'm just allergic to criticism.

 

[Stagg737]

Lol apparently I still have this problem when the roles are reversed. I just had a meeting with one of my instructors and was giving him feedback about our class, and when I started giving constructive criticism about how the class was run, I started tearing up. I don't even know why!! Maybe I'm just allergic to criticism.

Not trying to sound like a jerk, but you sound like you're hypersensitive to everything. My SO gets like this on occasion (fortunately less often recently), where she takes everything to heart and is afraid to say the wrong thing because she doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. So I kind of get where you're coming from. I realize it can be hard, but it may help to realize that not everything people say or do really matters. In fact, most things we say or do really don't matter to the big picture (or if you're nihilistic none of it really matters). What may help is to take a couple minutes every day and remind yourself of what actually matters and to realize that even seemingly major projects now won't likely have much of an impact on your overall life. Don't take this to mean you shouldn't try or that you should just ignore criticism as a whole, just take a minute to ask yourself "is this actually going to make a difference?"

Either way, I don't think it would hurt to talk to your school's counselor or another professional about it, as it seems like it's causing you unnecessary stress and anxiety.

 

[Lannister]

Not trying to sound like a jerk, but you sound like you're hypersensitive to everything. My SO gets like this on occasion (fortunately less often recently), where she takes everything to heart and is afraid to say the wrong thing because she doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. So I kind of get where you're coming from. I realize it can be hard, but it may help to realize that not everything people say or do really matters. In fact, most things we say or do really don't matter to the big picture (or if you're nihilistic none of it really matters). What may help is to take a couple minutes every day and remind yourself of what actually matters and to realize that even seemingly major projects now won't likely have much of an impact on your overall life. Don't take this to mean you shouldn't try or that you should just ignore criticism as a whole, just take a minute to ask yourself "is this actually going to make a difference?"

Either way, I don't think it would hurt to talk to your school's counselor or another professional about it, as it seems like it's causing you unnecessary stress and anxiety.

Oh yeah I'm definitely hypersensitive, and it's definitely a flaw. Normally it only causes me a little bit of stress, but I think this lab meeting is particularly bad just cause it's my first week on the job and I have basically no prior research experience or knowledge of the subject. So I feel especially vulnerable since I have no idea what I'm doing and am afraid of screwing something up. I'm feeling a lot better tho after making this thread!
I'll see how the lab meeting goes and then if it goes poorly, consider seeing a counselor.

Edit: it's funny because normally I am all about that "just remember, this won't matter in a few days/weeks/years" mindset and I'm sure that even if I get upset during the lab meeting, I'll be fine by an hour later. It's just that in the moment I get emotional, I'm not sure why, it's like a visceral reaction or something. I should note that I also tear up during really passionate conversations, even when the conversation is 100% positive.

 

[Shirafune]

Try a different coping mechanism?

When I get stressed out at work/at life, especially because of a terrible supervisor, I b*tch and moan to a friend in private for just a bit and then get over it.

 

[DO2015CA]

I know that feel and still struggle with it. You just need to work on self-awareness of your own fragility in regard to failure, and be mindful in those moments. When you feel yourself start to get upset, take a step back and try to look at everything objectively- you're being helped, your PI doesn't think you suck, you are an imperfect human in an imperfect world with an imperfect body that will ultimately fail you, okay, maybe that's too far- but really, just become okay with not being perfect.

I'm actually trying to work through my ability to cope with failure by painting. I'm a terrible artist, so I just paint and it looks awful and I can't stand how nothing comes out looking okay, and it's pretty much the same feeling that I get when I'm dealing with criticism. The longer I sit with that frustration and embarrassment at my own failure, the more I feel okay with it, until I'm eventually content to just paint a terrible tree or whatever. And once you're comfortable with how imperfect your efforts are, you're in the perfect place to work on making them better. It's basically trying to embrace the philosophy of Jake the Dog.

 

[Brahnold Bloodaxe]

Head off the problem before it even becomes the problem. Whenever you screw up, just blame it on the Russians. If it's good enough for the Democrats and the entirety of the mainstream media it's surely good enough for you!

 

[RooibosTea]

Most likely your superiors experienced the SAME CRITICISMS back in the day when they were trainees. Some attendings/superiors like to pretend they have always been "perfect" and all the ball when in reality, they made screw ups and mistakes in the past as well. You are going through what they all had to go through.

 

[bbbcccppp]

A problem I've been facing recently is that I take everything very personally. Any time a superior points out a mistake I've made, it really affects me emotionally, even if it's not a big deal. It's not that I tend to ruminate, but that I react badly in the moment. I cry very easily, and although I haven't actually cried in public in a long time, I do have a tendency to tear up, and it's fairly obvious.

I have to give a presentation at a lab meeting next week, and I know that my presentation is going to get ripped to shreds by my PI. Which is a good thing, obviously, because constructive criticism will ultimately benefit me and help me improve. But I know that will l still feel upset and personally insulted as it's happening. I really do not want to cry in front of my entire lab!

Does anyone else have this problem, or have tips for overcoming it? This is obviously not gonna fly during the clinical years, so I want to start working on this now.

Practice for the presentation. Doing so
Out loud is a good idea. See what others think before you go in. I am reminded of the book Tiger Mom. My thought is turning around criticism by performing on a
Very high level in general and thus making yourself harder to criticize. I am thinking about people who play excess Video games or online socializing. The best defense is a good offense as they say so make yourself a poor target.
On the flip side I think that a person needs to be positive and calm. You may want to look at good support system, friends, real world activities and stress reduction. The fact that you ask For opinions bodes well imo. Gl2u at the presentation. I think that you will knock it out of the park.


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[Lannister]

My thought is turning around criticism by performing on a
Very high level in general and thus making yourself harder to criticize

Haha that's the goal! But it's harder when you only have 1 week of research experience and your knowledge of the subject is very minimal compared to everyone who will be watching my presentation.

 

[neusu]

Medicine is full of malignant personalities. Taking criticism personally can be good, if it motivates you to do better. Many people tend to freeze when they are in the firing line, which only makes the criticism worse. My best advice is to learn how to use your emotional response for your benefit, channel it in to productive energy.

 

[SouthernGent]

Ask your PI or superior to help you if they are someone you trust and respect. Ask to be torn apart on your presentations, get questioned on evrything, have your competency called into question. We'd call them smoke sessions; You're not supposed to feel good afterwards. I had a director who would absolutely tear anyone apart during rehearsal for the smallest mistake. You felt horrible afterwards, but he did it so you would never hear it from a critic. It was tough love, but we all knew he cared deeply about us and only wanted us to better ourselves. Tough love sucks, but it also makes the compliments and victories even sweeter. It's not fun, but it is better to build up thick skin now instead of at the hands of someone doesn't care.

 

[tantacles]

Practice some stock phrases that you can have in your mental toolbox when you are criticized that allow you to acknowledge the criticism positively. If you internalize these, it will make your life easier. For example:

"That is a great suggestion, and I can see how changing that might have improved the results."

"I agree, and I've definitely learned something for the next project I pursue."

"Moving forward, I will absolutely incorporate that feedback into my work. Thank you."

There are a million of these you can make up, but it all comes down to saying (and thinking!): Yes, I missed that. Thank you for the feedback. I have learned from it and will improve.

 

[IslandStyle808]

Haha that's the goal! But it's harder when you only have 1 week of research experience and your knowledge of the subject is very minimal compared to everyone who will be watching my presentation.

In the end, you will be getting criticisms. You could practice till your face turns blue and in the end still face crtiques. The main thing is to take criticism as a common natural thing to happen. Make it seem like the audience is giving you secrets for becoming more successful in research that only you will know. What you are doing is shaping your presentation skills to what the research community is used to. These critiques will always have an element of subjectiveness to them on top of objectiveness.

 

[aformerstudent]

A problem I've been facing recently is that I take everything very personally. Any time a superior points out a mistake I've made, it really affects me emotionally, even if it's not a big deal. It's not that I tend to ruminate, but that I react badly in the moment. I cry very easily, and although I haven't actually cried in public in a long time, I do have a tendency to tear up, and it's fairly obvious.

I have to give a presentation at a lab meeting next week, and I know that my presentation is going to get ripped to shreds by my PI. Which is a good thing, obviously, because constructive criticism will ultimately benefit me and help me improve. But I know that will l still feel upset and personally insulted as it's happening. I really do not want to cry in front of my entire lab!

Does anyone else have this problem, or have tips for overcoming it? This is obviously not gonna fly during the clinical years, so I want to start working on this now.

When you become confident with who you are, you don't care what anyone has to say. That's really all it is. For example, I'm a good cook. I know it and other's know it. If someone disses my cooking or offers me constructive criticism, I'm confident enough that I can brush it off. If my cooking sucked and I believed it, their words/actions would mean more. So something along those lines regarding becoming confident in your abilities.

 

[tantacles]

When you become confident with who you are, you don't care what anyone has to say. That's really all it is. For example, I'm a good cook. I know it and other's know it. If someone disses my cooking or offers me constructive criticism, I'm confident enough that I can brush it off. If my cooking sucked and I believed it, their words/actions would mean more. So something along those lines regarding becoming confident in your abilities.

Well, let's not be too drastic. I'm sure that sometimes a dish doesn't come out perfectly, and if someone mentions something, you might say to the guest, "Thanks!" and file it away to possibly improve the dish later. The metaphor isn't perfect, but external critique is a valuable part of improving yourself and becoming a better scientist (or clinician. Or cook.). The key isn't, I think, to let things bounce off of you or to be callous of anyone's concerns, but rather to recognize that critique isn't personal in most cases.

 

[aformerstudent]

Well, let's not be too drastic. I'm sure that sometimes a dish doesn't come out perfectly, and if someone mentions something, you might say to the guest, "Thanks!" and file it away to possibly improve the dish later. The metaphor isn't perfect, but external critique is a valuable part of improving yourself and becoming a better scientist (or clinician. Or cook.). The key isn't, I think, to let things bounce off of you or to be callous of anyone's concerns, but rather to recognize that critique isn't personal in most cases.

I was helping the OP to see that they will develop thick skin with confidence. If they have confidence they can deal with the critiques more easily.

 

[Hakuna Matata]

I completely understand where you're coming from OP. I'm similar in that I take it too personally. I'm glad when someone gives me constructive criticism so I can improve and I always own up to my mistakes. Yet I still have issues taking things too personally. And during future encounters with whoever it is, I'm always thinking "are they thinking about the time they yelled at me? Do they remember that?" And I understand the issue with crying. It's not something you can control, really. When I've been pulled over by a cop I start sobbing- and I don't want to! It's this totally unwanted reaction that I can't control. I have no advice other than to say I understand the fear. Hope your presentation goes well!


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[libertyyne]

When you become confident with who you are, you don't care what anyone has to say. That's really all it is. For example, I'm a good cook. I know it and other's know it. If someone disses my cooking or offers me constructive criticism, I'm confident enough that I can brush it off. If my cooking sucked and I believed it, their words/actions would mean more. So something along those lines regarding becoming confident in your abilities.

This is a surefire way to get burned on rotations.

 

[aformerstudent]

This is a surefire way to get burned on rotations.

Here's some constructive criticism...maybe not.

 

[libertyyne]

Here's some constructive criticism...maybe not.

I am a perfect internet presence I am completely self confident in my postings, I don't have to listen to a word you say .

 

[SpartanWolverine]

Not sure if something in this vein has been said before, but here is my approach to criticism.
1) Listen. Don't interrupt or get defensive.
2) Thank them for the feedback.
3) FOLLOW THEIR ADVICE AND MAKE IMPROVEMENTS.
4) Learn from this process and don't make the same mistake.
5) Repeat from step 1. Become better at whatever it is you're doing.

More often than not, the person will notice when and if you learn from their advice. The best way not to take these things too personally is to understand why people are giving you advice -- usually it's for your own benefit; it's not to make you feel bad, but to improve. It's natural to feel self-conscious and defensive, but, at least in the clinical years, you may begin to realize that your mistakes or misunderstandings have a real, practical impact on patient care. Criticism is not about degrading you -- it's about teaching you to be the best physician you can be and taking the best care of patients. There are few ways better to impress a superior than showing you're open and able to learn from your mistakes.

 

[GoodWillShunting]

A cool excerpt from "Complications", a book by surgeon/author Atul Gawande (yes, I brought him up) that I read way long before medical school:

“His voice was more wounded than angry as he went through my specific failures. First, he explained, in an emergency tracheostomy it might have been better to do a vertical neck incision; that would have kept me out of the blood vessels, which run up and down—something I should have known at least from my reading. I might have had a much easier time getting her an airway then, he said.

Second, and worse to him than mere ignorance, he didn’t understand why I hadn’t called him when there were clear signs of airway trouble developing. I offered no excuses. I promised to be better prepared for such cases and to be quicker to ask for help.

Even after Ball had gone down the fluorescent-lit hallway, I felt a sense of shame like a burning ulcer.

This was not guilt: guilt is what you feel when you have done something wrong. What I felt was shame: I was what was wrong.

And yet I also knew that a surgeon can take such feelings too far. It is one thing to be aware of one’s limitations. It is another to be plagued by self-doubt.

Even worse than losing self-confidence, though, is reacting defensively. There are surgeons who will see faults everywhere except in themselves. They have no questions and no fears about their abilities. As a result, they learn nothing from their mistakes and know nothing of their limitations. As one surgeon told me, it is a rare but alarming thing to meet a surgeon without fear. 'If you’re not a little afraid when you operate,' he said, 'you’re bound to do a patient a grave disservice.' "

This is certainly stretching it, and definitely somewhat out of the scope, but as someone who's always been a perfectionist with "thin skin", kinda helped put things into perspective. Remind yourself that it is not your intrinsic self that is wrong. Way easier said than done, but do as I say, not as I do.


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[bbbcccppp]

This is a surefire way to get burned on rotations.

I guess so, if you must boil things down.


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