Tips for growing a thicker skin?

[Lannister]

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Good news, the presentation was way less horrible than I expected! No tears! It was a little scary to be asked questions that I didn't know the answer to, but I wasn't upset by not knowing the answers.

 

[KHE]

A problem I've been facing recently is that I take everything very personally. Any time a superior points out a mistake I've made, it really affects me emotionally, even if it's not a big deal. It's not that I tend to ruminate, but that I react badly in the moment. I cry very easily, and although I haven't actually cried in public in a long time, I do have a tendency to tear up, and it's fairly obvious.

I have to give a presentation at a lab meeting next week, and I know that my presentation is going to get ripped to shreds by my PI. Which is a good thing, obviously, because constructive criticism will ultimately benefit me and help me improve. But I know that will l still feel upset and personally insulted as it's happening. I really do not want to cry in front of my entire lab!

Does anyone else have this problem, or have tips for overcoming it? This is obviously not gonna fly during the clinical years, so I want to start working on this now.

 

[kthxbai]

I actually think I'm pretty good (maybe too good) at taking ownership. My thought process when someone points out a mistake is more like, "Oh my God they're right, I'm such an idiot, I can't believe I messed that up, I'm so embarrassed" than wanting to deny that I did something wrong.

That's not ownership. That's allowing the mistake to own you. Ownership means not to take an error personally but to use it to grow and improve.

 

[Lannister]

That's not ownership. That's allowing the mistake to own you. Ownership means not to take an error personally but to use it to grow and improve.

I guess I think of ownership as meaning that you take responsibility for your mistakes, rather than blaming others.

 

[kthxbai]

I guess I think of ownership as meaning that you take responsibility for your mistakes, rather than blaming others.

My definition assumes your defintion at baseline. But you need to move past self-blame to become better, no?

 

[Lannister]

My definition assumes your defintion at baseline. But you need to move past self-blame to become better, no?

Oh yeah I mean I agree! I was just trying to explain why I said I think I do take ownership since, by my definition, I do.

 

[zerox117]

Stop viewing your mistakes as bad things. They are opportunities to grow and improve.

 

[grapefruit17]

I guess I think of ownership as meaning that you take responsibility for your mistakes, rather than blaming others.

whenever a mistake is made, its very easy to fall into the trap of "why didn't I do this differently? what if I had done x and z". The reality is that WE don't always do the right thing, hence why a mistake is made. Wondering "what if" is a rabbit hole that only leads to self doubt. Its always important to remember your colleagues and peers have made similar if not worse mistakes than you, and will continue to do so. No matter how smart someone is, they are not exempt from mistakes.

Feeling bad about a mistake is actually good, because it means you care enough to correct and it will be on your mind so you won't forget it and make it again. The key is to keep that feeling in check, in the back of your mind, not letting it manifest into your work. The psychiatric defense mechanism of suppression, to a degree.