Tips on how to become more extroverted/get a girlfriend (M2)

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

So I'm like the typical male loner (peaceful) in medical school. I'm an M2 yet to take Step (have had an account since undergrad but decided to change it up because I'm going to talk about a couple personal items). I recognize this may not be the best forum and I haven't been on here for a long time but from what I remember, this was like one of my favorite blogs to have conversations in and I met a lot of awesome people here so I thought I'd give this a shot.


After college (I'm right out of college), I dropped off socially😳. I wasn't very social in undergrad but I at least had a decent amount of friends and went out every weekend. Now, I haven't gone out in at least a year (I've finished M2 and am studying for Step in August). I still have a best friend who's an M1, but he's got his own stuff going on. I also have many other friends but they're all off in their own lives and it looks clingy to always reach out all the time.

I want to become do a better job of making friends with my awesome classmates and I guess people who live in the city/living area. My biggest regret is that I haven't made any close friends in medical school. I mean, to be fair, I have a few that are very nice people that I can confide in/trust. The problem is that these people are adamant introverts who like never want to hang out unless it's to walk home after studying or something. At this point I want to work on making friends who I can spend time hanging with, etc. And then, I'm really hoping I can maybe find a girlfriend! I'm currently (and have always been) single even though I think I'm a reasonably good looking male (I work out, groom, have a decent fashion tastes - I am a 3" shorter than average, but I've seen shorter guys do just fine and am not super insecure about that anymore)

The problem is that I feel like the social mold has kind of settled. You can't just be that guy who suddenly butts into a friend circle and starts chest bumping the bros and chatting up the ladies. I don't like drinking because my frontal cortex is already plenty uninhibited and the bar scene's really not something I enjoy but I guess I could try it out once in a while. I feel like after Step 1 (2 months), I feel I really need to make a move to get myself back out into the world socially. In the past, I've been paranoid of not doing as well as I've wanted in medical school, but to be honest, I've been kind of average/mediocre so far even when isolating myself. While I want to shoot for a competitive residency, I'm not looking to match into a ROAD specialty or something as competitive as that. I'm thinking more of EM, IM, General Surgery, etc.

I've tried online dating and as I've said, getting a GF eventually is definitely something I am very interested in, but frankly, as an average male, I think I'd have a better shot of getting laid if I just walked up to a complete stranger and asked them to have sex with me (it's been done, search it on YouTube if you're bored) than finding a decent girl on any of those sites (I've tried but it's a huge waste of time).

Anyways, sorry for the long post and I realize it's a long and complicated process, and that no one's gonna link me to the "SN2 How to Be Social Thread", but are there any guys who've been in similar situations who've come out of it with tips to share? What did you do to get over your introversion? I'm tired of being an introvert. It's made the first two years of medical school extremely depressing and I may even be depressed which will just make my ADHD worse. I've always felt like this and the thought's just gotten stronger now that I've quit using Ritalin/methylphenidate (1st line ADHD medication) midway through second year because it was making it hard to gain muscle and I felt like it was making me stupider and even more socially introverted than I was before I started using it. To come back full circle, during the first couple of months after I stopped taking the medication, I felt like a different person and suddenly felt the desire to be more social.
Any advice?

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[AlphaBeta<3]

Go out and talk to people?
Being extroverted is draining and overrated.

 

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

Go out and talk to people?
Being extroverted is draining and overrated.

I mean, I've tried to hold that mindset for a really long time...that I'm just an INTJ and am a natural introvert, but, for me atleast, I'd gotten to the point where I literally am too lonely to stick to that philosophy and like am really eager to talk to people. Conventional wisdom says drama is bad, but I could do with some drama now.

 

[Birdnals]

So I'm like the typical male loner (peaceful) in medical school. I'm an M2 yet to take Step (have had an account since undergrad but decided to change it up because I'm going to talk about a couple personal items). I recognize this may not be the best forum and I haven't been on here for a long time but from what I remember, this was like one of my favorite blogs to have conversations in and I met a lot of awesome people here so I thought I'd give this a shot.


After college (I'm right out of college), I dropped off socially😳. I wasn't very social in undergrad but I at least had a decent amount of friends and went out every weekend. Now, I haven't gone out in at least a year (I've finished M2 and am studying for Step in August). I still have a best friend who's an M1, but he's got his own stuff going on. I also have many other friends but they're all off in their own lives and it looks clingy to always reach out all the time.

I want to become do a better job of making friends with my awesome classmates and I guess people who live in the city/living area. My biggest regret is that I haven't made any close friends in medical school. I mean, to be fair, I have a few that are very nice people that I can confide in/trust. The problem is that these people are adamant introverts who like never want to hang out unless it's to walk home after studying or something. At this point I want to work on making friends who I can spend time hanging with, etc. And then, I'm really hoping I can maybe find a girlfriend! I'm currently (and have always been) single even though I think I'm a reasonably good looking male (I work out, groom, have a decent fashion tastes - I am a 3" shorter than average, but I've seen shorter guys do just fine and am not super insecure about that anymore)

The problem is that I feel like the social mold has kind of settled. You can't just be that guy who suddenly butts into a friend circle and starts chest bumping the bros and chatting up the ladies. I don't like drinking because my frontal cortex is already plenty uninhibited and the bar scene's really not something I enjoy but I guess I could try it out once in a while. I feel like after Step 1 (2 months), I feel I really need to make a move to get myself back out into the world socially. In the past, I've been paranoid of not doing as well as I've wanted in medical school, but to be honest, I've been kind of average/mediocre so far even when isolating myself. While I want to shoot for a competitive residency, I'm not looking to match into a ROAD specialty or something as competitive as that. I'm thinking more of EM, IM, General Surgery, etc.

I've tried online dating and as I've said, getting a GF eventually is definitely something I am very interested in, but frankly, as an average male, I think I'd have a better shot of getting laid if I just walked up to a complete stranger and asked them to have sex with me (it's been done, search it on YouTube if you're bored) than finding a decent girl on any of those sites (I've tried but it's a huge waste of time).

Anyways, sorry for the long post and I realize it's a long and complicated process, and that no one's gonna link me to the "SN2 How to Be Social Thread", but are there any guys who've been in similar situations who've come out of it with tips to share? What did you do to get over your introversion? I'm tired of being an introvert. It's made the first two years of medical school extremely depressing and I may even be depressed which will just make my ADHD worse. I've always felt like this and the thought's just gotten stronger now that I've quit using Ritalin/methylphenidate (1st line ADHD medication) midway through second year because it was making it hard to gain muscle and I felt like it was making me stupider and even more socially introverted than I was before I started using it. To come back full circle, during the first couple of months after I stopped taking the medication, I was really hyper and "silly" and like texted all my friends asking them to like hang out and stuff, but they all got annoyed 🙁because they were busy which made me realize, I need friends...

Any advice?

Was the advice you got when you started the "Tired of Being Single" thread not adequate?

 

[eteshoe]

Go to your city's activities website, join some activity that you like and make some friends...eventually you'll meet more and more people (expanding that social network) and eventually there'll be a nice female that will click w/ you. Be open to the opportunities around you.

 

[trs88]

but frankly, as an average male, I think I'd have a better shot of getting laid if I just walked up to a complete stranger and asked them to have sex with me (it's been done, search it on YouTube if you're bored ) than finding a decent girl on any of those sites (I've tried but it's a huge waste of time).

For the bolded part, I am 95% sure that those particular videos are fake and the women are actors. Sure, there are some women who enjoy sex that much that they would accept but if I'm minding my own business and a total stranger walked up to me and asked me for sex, I'd be disgusted.

Have you tried tinder or Okcupid? Does your school have a private facebook group for just students - any chance other students post what bars they are going to after exams or any events that are going on; or you could make the post saying what bar or place you'll be at and invite anyone who is free.

Regarding your introverted friends, as an introvert myself - it helps if I'm asked "Hey, you want to do or go to "specific activity/specific place" instead of just a blanket "hey lets hang out". It's also an encouragement for you to look up fun things to do or see and discover new hobbies for yourself.

 

[chillaxbro]

I went on tinder. It made me feel even worse than before

 

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

Was the advice you got when you started the "Tired of Being Single" thread not adequate?

 

[Meeehai]

So I'm like the typical male loner (peaceful) in medical school. I'm an M2 yet to take Step (have had an account since undergrad but decided to change it up because I'm going to talk about a couple personal items). I recognize this may not be the best forum and I haven't been on here for a long time but from what I remember, this was like one of my favorite blogs to have conversations in and I met a lot of awesome people here so I thought I'd give this a shot.


After college (I'm right out of college), I dropped off socially😳. I wasn't very social in undergrad but I at least had a decent amount of friends and went out every weekend. Now, I haven't gone out in at least a year (I've finished M2 and am studying for Step in August). I still have a best friend who's an M1, but he's got his own stuff going on. I also have many other friends but they're all off in their own lives and it looks clingy to always reach out all the time.

I want to become do a better job of making friends with my awesome classmates and I guess people who live in the city/living area. My biggest regret is that I haven't made any close friends in medical school. I mean, to be fair, I have a few that are very nice people that I can confide in/trust. The problem is that these people are adamant introverts who like never want to hang out unless it's to walk home after studying or something. At this point I want to work on making friends who I can spend time hanging with, etc. And then, I'm really hoping I can maybe find a girlfriend! I'm currently (and have always been) single even though I think I'm a reasonably good looking male (I work out, groom, have a decent fashion tastes - I am a 3" shorter than average, but I've seen shorter guys do just fine and am not super insecure about that anymore)

The problem is that I feel like the social mold has kind of settled. You can't just be that guy who suddenly butts into a friend circle and starts chest bumping the bros and chatting up the ladies. I don't like drinking because my frontal cortex is already plenty uninhibited and the bar scene's really not something I enjoy but I guess I could try it out once in a while. I feel like after Step 1 (2 months), I feel I really need to make a move to get myself back out into the world socially. In the past, I've been paranoid of not doing as well as I've wanted in medical school, but to be honest, I've been kind of average/mediocre so far even when isolating myself. While I want to shoot for a competitive residency, I'm not looking to match into a ROAD specialty or something as competitive as that. I'm thinking more of EM, IM, General Surgery, etc.

I've tried online dating and as I've said, getting a GF eventually is definitely something I am very interested in, but frankly, as an average male, I think I'd have a better shot of getting laid if I just walked up to a complete stranger and asked them to have sex with me (it's been done, search it on YouTube if you're bored) than finding a decent girl on any of those sites (I've tried but it's a huge waste of time).

Anyways, sorry for the long post and I realize it's a long and complicated process, and that no one's gonna link me to the "SN2 How to Be Social Thread", but are there any guys who've been in similar situations who've come out of it with tips to share? What did you do to get over your introversion? I'm tired of being an introvert. It's made the first two years of medical school extremely depressing and I may even be depressed which will just make my ADHD worse. I've always felt like this and the thought's just gotten stronger now that I've quit using methylphenidate (1st line ADHD medication) midway through second year because it was making it hard to gain muscle and I felt like it was making me stupider and even more socially introverted than I was before I started using it. To come back full circle, during the first couple of months after I stopped taking the medication, I was really hyper and "silly" and like texted all my friends asking them to like hang out and stuff, but they all got annoyed 🙁because they were busy which made me realize, I need friends...

Any advice?

If you're naturally introverted, I think being social and out there is a skill. You need to ease yourself into it and become comfortable with interacting with strangers. Start by making eye contact with people on the street as you walk by. Then progress to starting conversations with strangers in the library, coffee shop, park, wherever - say hello and ask them how their day is going. It might feel awkward at first but when you become comfortable with it, it really opens a door to becoming actively social. A lot of time silly insecurities are what keep people from interacting with others.

I don't know if I was necessarily "introverted" when I was younger, I enjoyed the idea of having a big social circle, going to events, parties, etc. but I was definitely shy about actually doing these things or putting myself in a position where I could meet people. The friends I had in my first year of college were mostly through high school or because I sat next to them in class, I would never actively go up to someone I didn't know and try to befriend them. In my last years of college I told myself that I need to put myself out there and learn how to meet new people to expand my social circle and I slowly took steps to get out of my comfort zone and learn how to meet strangers. In my senior year of college I got so comfortable with it that I was actually going out to bars/clubs by myself and having a great time.

It's hard to be outgoing and confident but if you push yourself it has a lot of benefits. Most people limit themselves to making friends and finding girls within their school or workplace because it's much easier. You can just let the environment form the social situation for you, but you are missing out on a lot of opportunities as well. I have made great connections outside of school/work just by engaging someone I have never spoken to before. My communication skills now, whether professional or not, are much improved compared to when I was that guy who hoped people would come up to me and talk.

I think I'd have a better shot of getting laid if I just walked up to a complete stranger and asked them to have sex with me (it's been done, search it on YouTube if you're bored) than finding a decent girl on any of those sites (I've tried but it's a huge waste of time).

Those videos are staged bud. In fact, most "social experiments" on YouTube are staged. If you want a classic example, check out Prank Invasion, a guy who literally pays female actors to make out with him. I really doubt you would have any success doing this. But hey, part of being a social butterfly is not really giving a s***.

 

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

I went on tinder. It made me feel even worse than before

Exactly...And it's a huge time sink. You go on it (or other apps that are probably better) and you get excited to see you have a message and then are disappointed to see it's like the word "lol".

 

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

For the bolded part, I am 95% sure that those particular videos are fake and the women are actors. Sure, there are some women who enjoy sex that much that they would accept but if I'm minding my own business and a total stranger walked up to me and asked me for sex, I'd be disgusted.

Have you tried tinder or Okcupid? Does your school have a private facebook group for just students - any chance other students post what bars they are going to after exams or any events that are going on; or you could make the post saying what bar or place you'll be at and invite anyone who is free.

Regarding your introverted friends, as an introvert myself - it helps if I'm asked "Hey, you want to do or go to "specific activity/specific place" instead of just a blanket "hey lets hang out". It's also an encouragement for you to look up fun things to do or see and discover new hobbies for yourself.

I've tried OKCupid, Tinder, Dil Mil, and others off and on during the summers, etc. Also, another thing I haven't mentioned is that I have the reputation of kind of being kinda awkward so if I were to do that, no one would like my FB post, much less show up.

 

[sliceofbread136]

What is with all these threads

 

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

What is with all these threads

Med students are lonely I guess. I won't lie, I was definitely inspired by the previous one.

 

[sliceofbread136]

Med students are lonely I guess. I won't lie, I was definitely inspired by the previous one.

Try meetup.com, basically groups that meet and do different activities together. Volunteer on campus, look for random events to do throughout the city (doing things alone isn't as bad as you think it is). Realize when you get to third year you'll be forced to be more social than you likely want to be.

Your social skills will get better with practice, so get out there!

 

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

Try meetup.com, basically groups that meet and do different activities together. Volunteer on campus, look for random events to do throughout the city (doing things alone isn't as bad as you think it is). Realize when you get to third year you'll be forced to be more social than you likely want to be.

Your social skills will get better with practice, so get out there!

Thanks man! You give very concise, but encouraging advice.

 

[Meeehai]

I've tried OKCupid, Tinder, Dil Mil, and others off and on during the summers, etc. Also, another thing I haven't mentioned is that I have the reputation of kind of being kinda awkward so if I were to do that, no one would like my FB post, much less show up.

Ok let me tell you about Tinder and why you shouldn't use it.

A long time ago Tinder used to be more of an underground dating app that was popular with college kids. It had a solid user base in appropriate age ranges and people on there knew what they were looking for. Those glory days are long gone. Soon, word got out that it was this easy to use app that gets you laid and it gained a lot of popularity. Who doesn't wanna get laid by uploading a few pics and not having to deal with rejection? It was seriously marketed as an app where you can instant message some babe and she would be at your place in minutes. This ultimately killed the app because it became saturated with a bunch of desperate losers and people that had no business using the app (kids under 18, people just swiping for the hell of swiping, trolls, etc.). I was hanging around with a friend a couple years back while he was on Tinder and laughing at a profile that said something along the lines of "just looking to talk, not interested in meeting/hooking up" - to which we were puzzled as to why this person was on a dating app to begin with. This was a few years back, now I understand that the app is filled with advertisements, bots and you need to pay to bypass a swipe limit.

Use Tinder to cast your net even wider while also being social in real life if you want, but don't use it as a substitute.

 

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

Ok let me tell you about Tinder and why you shouldn't use it.

A long time ago Tinder used to be more of an underground dating app that was popular with college kids. It had a solid user base in appropriate age ranges and people on there knew what they were looking for. Those glory days are long gone. Soon, word got out that it was this easy to use app that gets you laid and it gained a lot of popularity. Who doesn't wanna get laid by uploading a few pics and not having to deal with rejection? It was seriously marketed as an app where you can instant message some babe and she would be at your place in minutes. This ultimately killed the app because it became saturated with a bunch of desperate losers and people that had no business using the app (kids under 18, people just swiping for the hell of swiping, trolls, etc.). I was hanging around with a friend a couple years back while he was on Tinder and laughing at a profile that said something along the lines of "just looking to talk, not interested in meeting/hooking up" - to which we were puzzled as to why this person was on a dating app to begin with. This was a few years back, now I understand that the app is filled with advertisements, bots and you need to pay to bypass a swipe limit.

Use Tinder to cast your net even wider while also being social in real life if you want, but don't use it as a substitute.

Couldn't agree more. I'm sure there are more guys with girls profiles on there trolling than actual girls. Like learning how to navigate socially and find a girlfriend isn't as easy as going on a dating website and like hooking up with someone. It's like a long, time-consuming path.

 

[scootad.]

Tiredofbeingsingle should hook up with tiredofbeinganintrovert.

Just an idea.

 

[trs88]

Also, another thing I haven't mentioned is that I have the reputation of kind of being kinda awkward so if I were to do that, no one would like my FB post, much less show up.

Meeehai was kind enough to touch on it, but eye contact is key along with body language. Being social is like a muscle, the more the work at it, the stronger/better you get at it. A ton of med students are varying levels of awkward but they all work at it to make sure that that isn't their sole defining characteristic. See if there are any volunteer activities going on at your school, look for the ones that need groups to do something and sign up for a spot on the group. Groups need to talk to one another, so it'll be good practice to introduce yourself to your classmates as a chill type guy instead of the awkward type. If you are that worried about how you will appear to others, let the other students do the majority of the talking - ask about their interests and hobbies and be genuinely interested when you do so.

 

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

Tiredofbeingsingle should hook up with tiredofbeinganintrovert.

Just an idea.

But I'm not gay

 

[AshNiffler]

Go out and talk to people?
Being extroverted is draining and overrated.

Emphasis on the 'draining'. I'll stick to being an unapologetic introvert for a couple more months...until rotations.

 

[chibaddie]

Tiredofbeingsingle should hook up with tiredofbeinganintrovert.

Just an idea.

Are you perhaps "tiredofthesethreads"? 😉

 

[twospadz]

Yea man, I guess I can give you some insight about the game. You may not think so but there are girls who are interested in you. Some might be in your class. It definitely helps to talk to more people so it increases your chances. If a girl is into a guy, she will let you know (not stop smiling, become suddenly happy talking to you, try to touch you, always want to be around you). Those are the ones you have to pick up on, even if she isn't the best looking. Unfortunately, around your 20-29s, women can afford to be choosy which makes men have to date down or equal (not often) looks wise on average. At your age (20-28), most girls are out here trying to get the best looking guy they can get it or trying to date or make connections with guys for money/status. Women know 18-29 are their prime years so they try to make the most of it. If you ever been to a club, you will notice ratio of male to female is 10 to 1. That's because the women (especially the best looking women) are in VIP, were famous guys are at (concerts, sports arenas), or places with guys who have money (certain spots). Women use their beauty in these places and in general to either establish connections (think modeling, music videos etc), get guys to buy them expensive things (vacations, restaurants, etc) or try to get the best looking to settle down with them. The truth is many women sometimes over value themselves and think they deserve a certain type of guy and should not settle. That's why there are a lot of average guys left in the cold from 18-29 unless they find a woman who either is a couple of notches below their level or luckily on their level (in terms of looks). When some of the left over women who didn't get picked hit 30 (which is quite a bit), they then realize they only have so much time left to find someone to marry and have kids with since their clock is ticking and so they expectations/standards lower. They also aren't being chased as much because most of the guys are going for the 20 year old girls. So it gets easier to date for a male but not quite. Nowadays, some women still think they are young in their 30s so they think they can continue to play the game. Their standards and views of dating also become more rigid after being burnt some many times which also applies to men too. I wish I could give you a solution but the game is the game. Try to get your hygiene in order, improve your appearance, work out more and at this point lower your standards in terms of women. If you improve your appearance drastically or/and once you get status and money you can date better looking women. Women will also be more interested in you too. But lastly, try to meet more people in general. People have different preferences, you never know. Until then, stay true my friend.

 

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

Emphasis on the 'draining'. I'll stick to being an unapologetic introvert for a couple more months...until rotations.

I mean yeah, I'm just taking a break from step studying right now and am also playing the "unapologetic introvert" game, but yeah, that was my the pre-determined time I was going to try to initiate my branch out phase as well, but here's the thing. Will I really? Like, the reason I stayed introverted throughout pre-clinical is being I wanted to do well, but if anything, the stakes are even higher in clinical years? Just something to think about...

 

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

Yea man, I guess I can give you some insight about the game. You may not think so but there are girls who are interested in you. Some might be in your class. It definitely helps to talk to more people so it increases your chances. If a girl is into a guy, she will let you know (not stop smiling, become suddenly happy talking to you, try to touch you, always want to be around you). Those are the ones you have to pick up on, even if she isn't the best looking. Unfortunately, around your 20-29s, women can afford to be choosy which makes men have to date down or equal (not often) looks wise on average. At your age (20-28), most girls are out here trying to get the best looking guy they can get it or trying to date or make connections with guys for money/status. Women know 18-29 are their prime years so they try to make the most of it. If you ever been to a club, you will notice ratio of male to female is 10 to 1. That's because the women (especially the best looking women) are in VIP, were famous guys are at (concerts, sports arenas), or places with guys who have money (certain spots). Women use their beauty in these places and in general to either establish connections (think modeling, music videos etc), get guys to buy them expensive things (vacations, restaurants, etc) or try to get the best looking to settle down with them. The truth is many women sometimes over value themselves and think they deserve a certain type of guy and should not settle. That's why there are a lot of average guys left in the cold from 18-29 unless they find a woman who either is a couple of notches below their level or luckily on their level (in terms of looks). When some of the left over women who didn't get picked hit 30 (which is quite a bit), they then realize they only have so much time left to find someone to marry and have kids with since their clock is ticking and so they expectations/standards lower. They also aren't being chased as much because most of the guys are going for the 20 year old girls. So it gets easier to date for a male but not quite. Nowadays, some women still think they are young in their 30s so they think they can continue to play the game. Their standards and views of dating also become more rigid after being burnt some many times which also applies to men too. I wish I could give you a solution but the game is the game. Try to get your hygiene in order, improve your appearance, work out more and at this point lower your standards in terms of women. If you improve your appearance drastically or/and once you get status and money you can date better looking women. Women will also be more interested in you too. But lastly, try to meet more people in general. People have different preferences, you never know. Until then, stay true my friend.

😡 (at bolded)

 

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

Yea man, I guess I can give you some insight about the game. You may not think so but there are girls who are interested in you. Some might be in your class. It definitely helps to talk to more people so it increases your chances. If a girl is into a guy, she will let you know (not stop smiling, become suddenly happy talking to you, try to touch you, always want to be around you). Those are the ones you have to pick up on, even if she isn't the best looking. Unfortunately, around your 20-29s, women can afford to be choosy which makes men have to date down or equal (not often) looks wise on average. At your age (20-28), most girls are out here trying to get the best looking guy they can get it or trying to date or make connections with guys for money/status. Women know 18-29 are their prime years so they try to make the most of it. If you ever been to a club, you will notice ratio of male to female is 10 to 1. That's because the women (especially the best looking women) are in VIP, were famous guys are at (concerts, sports arenas), or places with guys who have money (certain spots). Women use their beauty in these places and in general to either establish connections (think modeling, music videos etc), get guys to buy them expensive things (vacations, restaurants, etc) or try to get the best looking to settle down with them. The truth is many women sometimes over value themselves and think they deserve a certain type of guy and should not settle. That's why there are a lot of average guys left in the cold from 18-29 unless they find a woman who either is a couple of notches below their level or luckily on their level (in terms of looks). When some of the left over women who didn't get picked hit 30 (which is quite a bit), they then realize they only have so much time left to find someone to marry and have kids with since their clock is ticking and so they expectations/standards lower. They also aren't being chased as much because most of the guys are going for the 20 year old girls. So it gets easier to date for a male but not quite. Nowadays, some women still think they are young in their 30s so they think they can continue to play the game. Their standards and views of dating also become more rigid after being burnt some many times which also applies to men too. I wish I could give you a solution but the game is the game. Try to get your hygiene in order, improve your appearance, work out more and at this point lower your standards in terms of women. If you improve your appearance drastically or/and once you get status and money you can date better looking women. Women will also be more interested in you too. But lastly, try to meet more people in general. People have different preferences, you never know. Until then, stay true my friend.

Well look at you man, keeping it real!
I mean, yeah, deep down I know this is the cold hard truth about women in general but I mean, lots of my friends pull girls because they're taller or more confident I guess. I feel like I should be able to get at least something.

 

[AshNiffler]

I mean yeah, I'm just taking a break from step studying right now and am also playing the "unapologetic introvert" game, but yeah, that was my the pre-determined time I was going to try to initiate my branch out phase as well, but here's the thing. Will I really? Like, the reason I stayed introverted throughout pre-clinical is being I wanted to do well, but if anything, the stakes are even higher in clinical years? Just something to think about...

Agreed, staying completely focused was part of the reason I kept to myself and therefore stayed at the top of the class throughout most of basic med. I should be taking the step next month and I'm starting to ask myself what then? I can't get rid of my worsening social awkwardness in a day, maybe I should get out more? Why though? I'm not lonely, never have been, all I just need to do is get along with patients etc during rotations, it shouldn't be that difficult I think.

 

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

Agreed, staying completely focused was part of the reason I kept to myself and therefore stayed at the top of the class throughout most of basic med. I should be taking the step next month and I'm starting to ask myself what then? I can't get rid of my worsening social awkwardness in a day, maybe I should get out more? Why though? I'm not lonely, never have been, all I just need to do is get along with patients etc during rotations, it shouldn't be that difficult I think.

OK, then we're fundamentally different. You, I guess, are satisfied with being lonely and DUDE, you're fine. You don't have to go out if you don't want to and don't worry, you will not be awkward with patients. The thing with me is that I've noticed you first have to be like popular/social/confident/etc. in order to get CERTAIN girls. The problem is that I guess my "looks" standards are too high. I probably need to lower them because there are a lot of girls who are nice people out there. Who knows, one of them will be a hot girl waiting to bloom.

 

[AshNiffler]

OK, then we're fundamentally different. You, I guess, are satisfied with being lonely and DUDE, you're fine. You don't have to go out if you don't want to and don't worry, you will not be awkward with patients. The thing with me is that I've noticed you first have to be like popular/social/confident/etc. in order to get CERTAIN girls. The problem is that I guess my "looks" standards are too high. I probably need to lower them because there are a lot of girls who are nice people out there. Who knows, one of them will be a hot girl waiting to bloom.

lol bro I'm neither a dude nor lonely, I enjoy my own company but yes we are fundamentally different, and yes your standards are probably a wee bit high...

 

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

lol bro I'm neither a dude nor lonely, I enjoy my own company but yes we are fundamentally different, and yes your standards are probably a wee bit high...

lol, ok...

 

[Plastic156600sub3]

As suggested above, try looking into getting into a club. If clubs don't work out, maybe try joining a sport or church group or, well, anything that strikes your fancy. As for being an introvert, you can always do what I did. You can do public speaking.
In my case, I taught high school, which, by the way, I am normally an introvert. I also worked with all truckers for several years after college (I'm a woman).

I think what I'm trying to say is get yourself out of your comfort zone. You'll get the sink or swim thing going on and get used to it.

 

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

OK, I'm done here and with SDN for a while. Mods, you can take off this thread if you want. Thanks everyone 🙂

 

[Plastic156600sub3]

OK, I'm done here and with SDN for a while. Mods, you can take off this thread if you want. Thanks everyone 🙂

I wish you'd stop being such an introvert on here! Of all places, we can't even see you and you're still acting the part of an introvert.
I think your question was a perfectly good one.

 

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

I wish you'd stop being such an introvert on here! Of all places, we can't even see you and you're still acting the part of an introvert.
I think your question was a perfectly good one.

Thanks, I appreciate the support. I actually like teaching too and taught high school students as well as an assistant and then at a summer camp. It's pretty cool. Yeah, I need to put myself in that uncomfort zone because right now it feels like all I do is wake up, brush my teeth, lift, drink caffeine and l-theanine while watching youtube and eating subway, study, run, study, walk home, rub icy hot on my back from sitting all day long, listen to Jim Dale's Harry Potter to make myself fall asleep. Today I broke this pattern by spending a couple of hours on SDN but yeah...that's usually what I do.

 

[Plastic156600sub3]

Thanks, I appreciate the support. I actually like teaching too and taught high school students as well as an assistant and then at a summer camp. It's pretty cool. Yeah, I need to put myself in that uncomfort zone because right now it feels like all I do is wake up, brush my teeth, lift, drink caffeine and l-theanine while watching youtube and eating subway, study, run, study, walk home, rub icy hot on my back from sitting all day long, listen to Jim Dale's Harry Potter to make myself fall asleep. Today I broke this pattern by spending a couple of hours on SDN but yeah...that's usually what I do.

There's nothing wrong with that. I'm a non trad applicant. I worked in the trucking industry for several years after getting my teaching certification. It pays more.
I would work very long days in the heat and freezing cold. Believe me, I understand the feeling of not being able to think and walking around like a zombie. Getting past being an introvert takes time and practice. Little by little you'll start feeling more confident. You can do it!

 

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

There's nothing wrong with that. I'm a non trad applicant. I worked in the trucking industry for several years after getting my teaching certification. It pays more.
I would work very long days in the heat and freezing cold. Believe me, I understand the feeling of not being able to think and walking around like a zombie. Getting past being an introvert takes time and practice. Little by little you'll start feeling more confident. You can do it!

Yeah, I feel like Ritalin really screwed up my life and I've spent these last 6 months trying to reclaim it. You wouldn't understand unless you're ADHD but the medication actually only works for like a couple months and then it just makes you a terrible unemotional person. That being said, I'm not sure that I had ADHD to begin with and I hope I am not offending anyone who has ADHD and benefits from Ritalin or Adderall or Strattera or whatever else. The drug is nonetheless effective at suppressing impulses.

 

[Plastic156600sub3]

Yeah, I feel like Ritalin really screwed up my life and I've spent these last 6 months trying to reclaim it. You wouldn't understand unless you're ADHD but the medication actually only works for like a couple months and then it just makes you a terrible unemotional person. That being said, I'm not sure that I had ADHD to begin with and I hope I am not offending anyone who has ADHD and benefits from Ritalin or Adderall or Strattera or whatever else. The drug is nonetheless effective at suppressing impulses.

Speed, huh? I personally have never used Ritalin. I have a couple younger sisters who have been on Adderall. I hated how it made them act. It was like they were high (and jittery) all the time. They said it helped them focus, though. I'm not sure how much better their focus was than without. It seemed to be the same, but maybe it took some of the "white noise" out of tasks for them. Maybe try a different drug?

 

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

Speed, huh? I personally have never used Ritalin. I have a couple younger sisters who have been on Adderall. I hated how it made them act. It was like they were high (and jittery) all the time. They said it helped them focus, though. I'm not sure how much better their focus was than without. It seemed to be the same, but maybe it took some of the "white noise" out of tasks for them. Maybe try a different drug?

Haha, it's not methamphetamine. Ritalin is like a milder version, but Adderall is actually half amphetamine and half dextrose salt or something like that but my psychiatrist said both drugs were the same clinically so I chose Ritalin because that's what I was prescribed for a month when I was 10. The other drug that my psyciatrist was going to subscribe was going to decrease my seizure threshold substantially and I've already had history of epilepsy in the family. The problem in my case is that with the drug I focused on really stupid low yield facts and I notice I'm much more intelligent than I was off it than on it (again, just my own experience, nothing against the drug). That being said, I scored my highest on my second medical school exam (I was prescribed right after my first) but then it was downhill from there. After quitting I cried over the simplest things, got really mad at the world, and slept ALOT. Then after that, I felt like my old self except happier. Then I was able to lift weights again and put on more muscle (for the ladies of course) but my abs disappeared. Now I'm wondering if all that was a waste of time lmao!

 

[sliceofbread136]

Agreed, staying completely focused was part of the reason I kept to myself and therefore stayed at the top of the class throughout most of basic med. I should be taking the step next month and I'm starting to ask myself what then? I can't get rid of my worsening social awkwardness in a day, maybe I should get out more? Why though? I'm not lonely, never have been, all I just need to do is get along with patients etc during rotations, it shouldn't be that difficult I think.

False dichotomy right there. Being a good student doesn't preclude you from being atleast somewhat social. I implore to try getting out a bit more. Being able to work with people is a very important skill that you should hone.

I'm pretty introverted too and even though it feels like a chore most of the time I do it anyway

 

[Plastic156600sub3]

Haha, it's not methamphetamine. Ritalin is like a milder version, but Adderall is actually half amphetamine and half dextrose salt or something like that but my psychiatrist said both drugs were the same clinically so I chose Ritalin because that's what I was prescribed for a month when I was 10. The other drug that my psyciatrist was going to subscribe was going to decrease my seizure threshold substantially and I've already had history of epilepsy. The probably in my case is that with the drug I focused on really stupid low yield facts and notice I'm much more intelligent than I was off it than on it (again, just my own experience, nothing against the drug). That being said, I scored my highest on my second medical school exam (I was prescribed right after my first) but then it was downhill from there. After quitting I cried for over the simplest things, got really mad at the world, and slept ALOT. Then after that, I felt like my old self except happier. Then I was able to lift weights again and put on more muscle (for the ladies of course) but my abs disappeared. Now I'm wondering if all that was a waste of time lmao!

I could see the epilepsy being scary. I was on this weird drug for epilepsy when I was being treated for migraines in college several years back. I had to get my liver enzymes checked often. It made me gain 60 lbs in a span of two months. In the same way, I dropped all 60 lbs in a month when I cut off the drug. It made me feel lousy. The humorous part about the whole ordeal was that my neurologist told me it didn't work because I didn't want it to work. I ended up finding out that I had a soy allergy that I didn't know about. Ramen noodles and Chef Boyardee for college kids, right? Well, I learned the hard way. $$$.

You'll probably get your abs back. Your work hours are probably hard on you. I'm glad to hear it works, though. I guess you have to consider what your quality of life is like with and without it and weigh out the pros and cons.

 

[lymphocyte]

I'm tired of being an introvert. It's made the first two years of medical school extremely depressing and I may even be depressed which will just make my ADHD worse.

If you think you may be depressed (as you write), you should circle back with your psychiatrist.

 

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

False dichotomy right there. Being a good student doesn't preclude you from being atleast somewhat social. I implore to try getting out a bit more. Being able to work with people is a very important skill that you should hone.

I'm pretty introverted too and even though it feels like a chore most of the time I do it anyway

Right, I think that learning how to read people and understand social dynamics in order to help others and get ahead myself is far more important for me than doing well in med school for myself. I heard that becomes important later on as medicine progresses.

 

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

Thanks, I think that the depression stems from my lack of success with women but you can never be sure with mental health. Thanks for the advice Lymphocyte 🙂

 

[Plastic156600sub3]

.

 

[Plastic156600sub3]

@TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert As a little aside, you may get a bunch of people who will be able to give you pointers in the nontrad forum on here. Most of these people are older and possibly more mature after several years of working other careers. They probably have their own methods other than mine. Many may be introverts but confronted it. They also would most likely have no qualms about chatting about it.

 

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

.

 

[Plastic156600sub3]

Thanks Plastics! (that sounds like a nickname for someone going into Plastic Surgery)

It does, doesn't it? Lol. Nah, I'm unsure what I want to do in medicine.

It has to do with my auditing. I've done auditing for the trucking industry for a long time. Everything has a legal classification that is based on insurance value, whether it is hazardous, how much it weighs (on average), and density. I had to memorize hundreds of the most common. Then I would go around, find the people who try to scam the trucking company, photograph, research, document, and write them a nice bill. It's actually a lot of fun. You learn a lot about different devices and you end up being able to identify a lot of objects on sight. 156600 is the general NMFC classification for plastic articles. It's the first one you memorize and the one you use most often, really. It sounds weird, but you start naming things by number after a while off the job because you're so used to doing it on the job. I got to see a lot of state- of-the-art new devices for the world of medicine, too. Very fascinating.

See you on the dark, I mean NonTrad side!

 

[TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert]

It does, doesn't it? Lol. Nah, I'm unsure what I want to do in medicine.

It has to do with my auditing. I've done auditing for the trucking industry for a long time. Everything has a legal classification that is based on insurance value, whether it is hazardous, how much it weighs (on average), and density. I had to memorize hundreds of the most common. Then I would go around, find the people who try to scam the trucking company, photograph, research, document, and write them a nice bill. It's actually a lot of fun. You learn a lot about different devices and you end up being able to identify a lot of objects on sight. 156600 is the general NMFC classification for plastic articles. It's the first one you memorize and the one you use most often, really. It sounds weird, but you start naming things by number after a while off the job because you're so used to doing it on the job. I got to see a lot of state- of-the-art new devices for the world of medicine, too. Very fascinating.

Wow, talk about diversity in medicine.

 

[FIREitUP]

Haha, it's not methamphetamine. Ritalin is like a milder version, but Adderall is actually half amphetamine and half dextrose salt or something like that but my psychiatrist said both drugs were the same clinically so I chose Ritalin because that's what I was prescribed for a month when I was 10. The other drug that my psyciatrist was going to subscribe was going to decrease my seizure threshold substantially and I've already had history of epilepsy in the family. The problem in my case is that with the drug I focused on really stupid low yield facts and I notice I'm much more intelligent than I was off it than on it (again, just my own experience, nothing against the drug). That being said, I scored my highest on my second medical school exam (I was prescribed right after my first) but then it was downhill from there. After quitting I cried over the simplest things, got really mad at the world, and slept ALOT. Then after that, I felt like my old self except happier. Then I was able to lift weights again and put on more muscle (for the ladies of course) but my abs disappeared. Now I'm wondering if all that was a waste of time lmao!

adderall is half amphetamine and half dextroamphetamine, not dextrose salt. anyhow, it looks like you have issues beyond just "being an introvert", it might be good to sort them out, then maybe you'll have more success with the ladies.

 

[Redpancreas]

1. Go Out. Go Out. Go Out. It's natural human behavior and it's a solid natural source of happiness. Also, in your case, you'll meet more people and that's the only way to increase your chance of finding someone. The 4-5 times I did go out this year, I met nice female classmates and others girls and got a few of their numbers. While nothing serious ever came out of it, having female friends that really care about you will only make you better with women, less frustrated with them, and who knows, maybe you'll find someone through a mutual friend. If you don't want to go out, try inviting people to your place to do something you enjoy. It doesn't have to be super impressive. It could be a movie night where you all like watch the latest episode of a show. Then, slowly form a group that you're comfortable going to med school events with and from there keep going. Never underestimate the value of a true friend. You seem to kind do that when talking about your current medical school friends. Just accept them for what they are.

2. Get out of you own head. Your initial post is quite all over the place. This comes as a product of like talking to yourself continuously and letting the same thoughts reverberate around your head. If you prefer to be introverted, playing an instrument and working out will do wonders because it will reduce the time you're in that mode.

3. Be very careful about what you reveal to others. I enjoyed reading your post and it sounds like you're a very friendly dude, but be careful with how much you tell your non-close family & friends. It's perfectly o.k. on here where your identity is protected, but when talking to others, don't tell them that you're "ADHD", used to use psychotropic medication, etc. There's still a huge stigma for it in society and unfortunately that's not changing anytime soon no matter how many try to raise awareness for mental health. Even with people who are understanding, you will come off as weak and people will subconsciously see you as inferior after revealing these kinds of things and will seek to exploit you in subtle ways. Also, did you tell your psychiatrist you stopped taking Ritalin? I feel like you need to channel all this energy you have and display it to your psychiatrist or possibly counselors/therapists. Don't feel bad about doing it. Mental health problems are EXTREMELY common in medicine and it's best to get such things sorted out now than later.

4. Take TwoSpadz advice with a grain of salt. The guy seems like someone who I'd love to have a beer with while discussing my problems and I'm not saying he's got the wrong idea. I actually agree with him for the most part and humor is definitely a healthy way of looking at your situation of being single. On the other hand, don't be so close-minded about how women are. Society's rapidly changing and there are millions of women who don't conform to the general trend described above. There are plenty of guys who I know with average looks, aren't even built well, aren't setting themselves for success who still end up getting good looking women because they're just good people to be around. Strive to be that kind of guy. Always try to look on the bright side and always look for positive relationships.

5. Focus on Your Boards. SDN can forgive you for mixing up a sugar with a synthetic drug, but the boards won't.


Feel free to message me if you want to talk 🙂