May 22, 2012
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Hello all,

Thank you for reading my post.

I am currently in a long distance relationship of a few months with a student doctor who is completing his final year of surgical residency, then will continue with fellowship.

As he is often very busy, we have very little communication. While I write him daily, I would hear from him once in a few days in a form of a short few lines email or a ten minutes chat when I happen to catch him online, somedays when I am really lucky then we would skype. Lately, the already little communication have became even less. He said he have gotten more busy and stressful lately but didn't have the time to explain.

I trust him very much. Honestly, I do feel neglected. Sometimes I wonder if I am indeed in a relationship... it makes a long distance relationship harder, but I never expressed negatively and remained understanding because I feel very sorry about the stress and workload his is under. I don't ever wish to add on to his stress. Towards him, I am always cheerful and lovely.

I am not in the health field and have not a clue about what sort of schedule, timeline, workload you poor student doctors are under. He have never really filled me in either as he doesn't talk much about his work, or had much time to talk. Therefore, I wish some of you can shed some light on the workload, schedule, timeline, or any opinions your would like to share. Or maybe I am being led on and it is just his way of saying that he has started to dislike me and it is time for me to disappear.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Any comments are greatly appreciated. :)
 

ljpm8224

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While I write him daily, I would hear from him once in a few days in a form of a short few lines email or a ten minutes chat when I happen to catch him online, somedays when I am really lucky then we would skype. Lately, the already little communication have became even less. He said he have gotten more busy and stressful lately but didn't have the time to explain.

I trust him very much. Honestly, I do feel neglected. Sometimes I wonder if I am indeed in a relationship... it makes a long distance relationship harder, but I never expressed negatively and remained understanding because I feel very sorry about the stress and workload his is under. I don't ever wish to add on to his stress. Towards him, I am always cheerful and lovely.
a life where you have to tip-toe around your own feelings wants/needs to not ruffle ur sig others feathers is not a relationship worth having.

respek urself. u dont have 2 dtmfa but at least frigging dont be afraid to express your feelingz, yo. cuz if you don't respect your own needs & speak up, he might not even know there's a problem.

I'm sure he's busy and stressin and it sux and wutever, but c'mon... it's a surgery residency... lots of people go through them every year and maintain healthy, happy relationships with their sig-os. He's not in witness protection, on lockdown in pelican bay SHU, or infiltrating a war zone as a marine scout sniper. I mean, the guy can freaking park himself in front of the comp and skype for 10 minutes.
 
OP
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May 22, 2012
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I'm not a medical student, and...while my boyfriend is a medical student, he is just finishing up his first year. So, I don't have much insight as to how busy your significant other might be and how this would be affecting his communication to the extent that it is currently.

I'm assuming you haven't asked him questions regarding some of these concerns? If not, why haven't you?
I actually have been upset at him before. He told me he would be online one night. I waited and waited until very very late, but he didn't come on. Before I went to bed, I wrote him an upset email expressing that I felt like I have been stood up! The next night, he wrote back with a rather frustrating tone about he is sorry, how he is under a lot of stress, over worked, over tired. I felt terrible about myself after reading that... I feel like I am not being understanding enough, not showing enough compassion. However, I did speak to him that night, we both apologized and he stayed up to chat with me.

Towards the beginning of the relationship, I have asked if he could write me a little something daily, a line or 2 would do, I am not greedy. He did do this for about a week then no more. I don't want to be a nag either so I let it go.

He tells me the sweetest words, however the lack of contact makes it hard for me to feel them. It is very frustrating. I want him to be a little more present in my life yet all I can really do for him, or what I can do to help him is to give him space and my unconditional support and understanding.
 

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I am not a surgical resident but I know some.

It is HELL. I would not even attempt a relationship. So, you will have to be there and take what you can get until he has time.

He might not have much time either after being done with training depending on his specialty and where he ends up.

It is hard to the SO of a surgeon......if you want to see that surgeon.

Just get used to it or find someone else.

What specialty is he in?
 
OP
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May 22, 2012
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I am not a surgical resident but I know some.

It is HELL. I would not even attempt a relationship. So, you will have to be there and take what you can get until he has time.

He might not have much time either after being done with training depending on his specialty and where he ends up.

It is hard to the SO of a surgeon......if you want to see that surgeon.

Just get used to it or find someone else.

What specialty is he in?

His speciality is vascular surgery.
He is doing his final year of surgical residency in vascular surgery.
Is his life going to be a forever living hell?
 

J ROD

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His speciality is vascular surgery.
He is doing his final year of surgical residency in vascular surgery.
Is his life going to be a forever living hell?
It will not be a picnic......probably 70hrs/wk.

Love his money and not him. then you are good! :thumbup:


It will get better but not much better. He will work long hrs and be gone a lot.
 
Jan 18, 2006
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As incredibly time-consuming as a surgery residency is, I don't think it would be that hard to take two or three minutes a day and just send a few lines of text or email......
 

J ROD

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As incredibly time-consuming as a surgery residency is, I don't think it would be that hard to take two or three minutes a day and just send a few lines of text or email......

there it is......he just aint that into you!
 

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Years ago I was in a relationship with a med student much like you're describing , and my advice is to dump him as soon as possible. No one in the world is too busy to send a text whilst taking a crap. You're not as important to him as he is to you. I'm sorry.
 
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How long have you two been dating? That might factor in as well.

You sounds like a truly nice, supportive girlfriend with a good heart, and it's a shame was seems to be happening. To be honest...if you don't feel like you're in a relationship, you may not be in one.
 

J ROD

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Years ago I was in a relationship with a med student much like you're describing , and my advice is to dump him as soon as possible. No one in the world is too busy to send a text whilst taking a crap. You're not as important to him as he is to you. I'm sorry.
nice use of whilst :thumbup:
 
OP
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May 22, 2012
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Love his money and not him. then you are good! :thumbup:
Unfortunately, I am not that kinda girl. If I was the gold digging type, things would be easy to cope... but I am not so this is frustrating. Whats all the money in the world if you can't feel love and be loved in return.

As incredibly time-consuming as a surgery residency is, I don't think it would be that hard to take two or three minutes a day and just send a few lines of text or email......
I absolutely agree! It is always me who initiate the conversation. I feel like if I don't then we are going to lose touch... This is really different for me. I am used to being contacted by men to show his affection, so this lack of contact makes me think he feels otherwise towards me.

How long have you two been dating? That might factor in as well.

You sounds like a truly nice, supportive girlfriend with a good heart, and it's a shame was seems to be happening. To be honest...if you don't feel like you're in a relationship, you may not be in one.
We have only been dating for 4 months.
Yesterday night, we were able to speak. Like a needy, insecure girl, I asked if he actually loves me. (I hate feeling insecure... because I never did. I am an attractive girl and very down to earth. I get hit on regularly. I am confident and know I have much to offer). He said he loves me so much along with a bunch of sweet things.. I said I know you do... I just can't feel it. If you are leading me on, I want to know sooner rather than later. He said sorry, we didn't resolve anything and he soon moved on to phone sex instead. Oh well, the guy is stressed out, the best way to take a load off the back is by shooting a load.. lol...
Maybe he is keeping me around for phone sex, real sex when he visits, or maybe he really does love me and I just have to cope with this.
 
Jan 18, 2006
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I gotta say....4 months is an awful shaky foundation to build and LDR on. I should know - I tried the same and got burned badly :( Of course, not everyone is me, and I don't know you two personally....but for such a huge undertaking as maintaining 1) a relationship during a surgery residency and b) an LDR relationship, 4 months isn't enough time to even really know you are truly in love (for the vast majority of cases), let along put in the time and effort for something like that.

I think you two need to have a really serious talk....not about the communication issues, but about the future of the relationship. Ie, where do you see yourselves in 6 months, a year, three years, etc.
 

J ROD

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My bet is he wants her when he wants her. He loves you in the sense he wants to phuck you and not give up that while he is in residency.

He basically is using you for his needs and for some reason this is what women look for. You say you want the nice guy but you end up with the ******* until you get your ass widen out enough you cant take it anymore and then settle for a nicer guy.