Toxic Home Lifes

[fishieFDR]

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I think the main reason I chose my school besides obvious reasons was to get away from home. Since other schools would require me living at home, I was like eff that. Even though I'm not home and rarely go back, my family is having such a negative effect on my life.

I love my parents and sometimes have a great time with them, but other times all they can do is yell at me and judge me for the stupidest things and never let me forget it (being chubby, seeing a therapist ONCE, etc). This has caused me to have such bad anxiety and led to bad decisions. I'm pretty sure I almost considered rushing to take the MCAT/applying because "why not see" - mom. She got so annoyed/mad when I decided on a gap year. Easy solution, I never pick up the phone from them (or rarely to the point the only conversations we have are positive). Two big problems:

1. I completely am supported financially by my parents. I wish I could cut the tie, but it doesn't seem smart to try to find loans for a 60k a year school with interest.
2. They are not healthy, at all. Many times this year, after someone called me multiple times I got a panic attack thinking they had died/were in the ER. Why would I push people I love out of my life who may not be here for much longer.

What do I do? Do I do it all on my own?
Thank you 🙂

 

[masaraksh]

I'm sure they want the best for you & want you to get into 'the professional world' ASAP. Be appreciative of what they have given you & check to make sure they are well.

 

[Awesome Sauceome]

I think the main reason I chose my school besides obvious reasons was to get away from home. Since other schools would require me living at home, I was like eff that. Even though I'm not home and rarely go back, my family is having such a negative effect on my life.

I love my parents and sometimes have a great time with them, but other times all they can do is yell at me and judge me for the stupidest things and never let me forget it (being chubby, seeing a therapist ONCE, etc). This has caused me to have such bad anxiety and led to bad decisions. I'm pretty sure I almost considered rushing to take the MCAT/applying because "why not see" - mom. She got so annoyed/mad when I decided on a gap year. Easy solution, I never pick up the phone from them (or rarely to the point the only conversations we have are positive). Two big problems:

1. I completely am supported financially by my parents. I wish I could cut the tie, but it doesn't seem smart to try to find loans for a 60k a year school with interest.
2. They are not healthy, at all. Many times this year, after someone called me multiple times I got a panic attack thinking they had died/were in the ER. Why would I push people I love out of my life who may not be here for much longer.

What do I do? Do I do it all on my own?
Thank you 🙂

Get a student loan like everybody else.

 

[fishieFDR]

Lives***********

 

[fishieFDR]

I'm sure they want the best for you & want you to get into 'the professional world' ASAP. Be appreciative of what they have given you & check to make sure they are well.

Yes, I love when people say that before they meet my parents. Older sister had a stroke induced by the stress they put on her.

 

[fishieFDR]

Get a student loan like everybody else.

I think so... Do you think I should transfer universities? 120k for 2 years vs 20k is a big difference.

 

[Awesome Sauceome]

I think so... Do you think I should transfer universities? 120k for 2 years vs 20k is a big difference.

There is not a college in America that is worth that kind of money. I was under the same impression you were until I graduated and became disillusioned about what real debt feels like and how unimportant where you went is. I got my current research job at a medical school due to experience gained from an internship I got over the summer between my sophomore and junior year.... talk about being confused...

Go to the cheapest place and still get a good education. A place with internship connections (aka experience) weigh far more heavily on job applications than the name on your diploma (especially for undergrad).
Call home once in a while, just so people dont fly off the deep end
Definitely do holidays
Otherwise dont give a crap. Literally every year older that I get I realize how stupid I was during my teen and early college years for giving a crap what my ignorant family thinks.

 

[ct303]

My 2 cents- quit viewing yourself as the victim of others. In this and many of your other threads you self-victimize by saying things like "This has caused me to have such bad anxiety and led to bad decisions." False, that is how you chose to react to the situation.

To all the threads you have posted- how are you going to overcome being lazy, how can you handle a "toxic" home life, etc.- the answer is the same. Take control of yourself and how you react to the situation. Quit making yourself the victim, find what you want, and then pursue it in life.

 

[Person0715]

Transfer to a state school. 60k a year for undergrad is pretty steep, and not worth it IMO.

 

[LizzyM]

Make an arrangement to call them once a week, at a set time like Sunday evening at 7:30. Tell them that you are otherwise really busy with school/lab etc so a set time to chat every week would be best. Send an email once or twice a week to say "hi" and mention something nice or funny that happened makes them feel like you are staying in touch. Tell them that you can't otherwise chat by phone unless it is an emergency that can't wait until Sunday.

Express gratitude. Tell them you are thankful for the opportunities you have because of them.

Send a greeting card for holidays or a post card from the bookstore just because you want them to have something tangible that they can look at that reminds them of you in a positive way.

Learn to say, "That's a great point." and then do what you want.

 

[Goro]

Seek out a counselor stat. Problems like these are poorly managed on anonymous internet message boards.

I think the main reason I chose my school besides obvious reasons was to get away from home. Since other schools would require me living at home, I was like eff that. Even though I'm not home and rarely go back, my family is having such a negative effect on my life.

I love my parents and sometimes have a great time with them, but other times all they can do is yell at me and judge me for the stupidest things and never let me forget it (being chubby, seeing a therapist ONCE, etc). This has caused me to have such bad anxiety and led to bad decisions. I'm pretty sure I almost considered rushing to take the MCAT/applying because "why not see" - mom. She got so annoyed/mad when I decided on a gap year. Easy solution, I never pick up the phone from them (or rarely to the point the only conversations we have are positive). Two big problems:

1. I completely am supported financially by my parents. I wish I could cut the tie, but it doesn't seem smart to try to find loans for a 60k a year school with interest.
2. They are not healthy, at all. Many times this year, after someone called me multiple times I got a panic attack thinking they had died/were in the ER. Why would I push people I love out of my life who may not be here for much longer.

What do I do? Do I do it all on my own?
Thank you 🙂

 

[DokterMom]

I think the main reason I chose my school besides obvious reasons was to get away from home. Since other schools would require me living at home, I was like eff that. Even though I'm not home and rarely go back, my family is having such a negative effect on my life.

I love my parents and sometimes have a great time with them, but other times all they can do is yell at me and judge me for the stupidest things and never let me forget it (being chubby, seeing a therapist ONCE, etc). This has caused me to have such bad anxiety and led to bad decisions.

See a counselor more than once -- They're not just for crazy people anymore 😉

Seriously. Your parents have some destructive patterns and some problems, and they're pushing those down onto you. Parents aren't perfect - not even the good ones. You won't be able to fix them or even change them, so your job is to accept them for who they are and do the best you can with that. A counselor can help you figure out how best to do that without stroking out in your 20's...

I also like @LizzyM's suggestion to call them once a week at a set time. That will soothe their 'She's ignoring me!' fears, and you're genuinely busy, so a very plausible excuse. Let them send you a text if there's an emergency and use the "I'll call you on Sunday" as needed.

 

[Gauss44]

I think the main reason I chose my school besides obvious reasons was to get away from home. Since other schools would require me living at home, I was like eff that. Even though I'm not home and rarely go back, my family is having such a negative effect on my life.

I love my parents and sometimes have a great time with them, but other times all they can do is yell at me and judge me for the stupidest things and never let me forget it (being chubby, seeing a therapist ONCE, etc). This has caused me to have such bad anxiety and led to bad decisions. I'm pretty sure I almost considered rushing to take the MCAT/applying because "why not see" - mom. She got so annoyed/mad when I decided on a gap year. Easy solution, I never pick up the phone from them (or rarely to the point the only conversations we have are positive). Two big problems:

1. I completely am supported financially by my parents. I wish I could cut the tie, but it doesn't seem smart to try to find loans for a 60k a year school with interest.
2. They are not healthy, at all. Many times this year, after someone called me multiple times I got a panic attack thinking they had died/were in the ER. Why would I push people I love out of my life who may not be here for much longer.

What do I do? Do I do it all on my own?
Thank you 🙂

Get counseling and ask a counselor about this. Counselors are usually good at dealing with difficult people and can teach you how to handle and deal with your parents effectively.

FYI - I am aware that parents are NOT ALWAYS MENTALLY STABLE OR EVEN SAFE. Growing up in foster care, I met many people who were abused psychologically, emotionally, etc. and/or traumatized by family members angry outbursts and cruel behavior. I don't know your situation OP, but I hope it's not too bad.

(In fact, it may take an outside perspective to learn how bad it is or isn't. There may be problems that you don't see because they've always been there and just blend in. It's like when you go to someone else's house and can pick out unusual stuff. But if you grew up around unusual stuff, it might just seem normal since it's always been there...)

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/02/20/signs-of-emotional-abuse/

 

[Aerus]

Make an arrangement to call them once a week, at a set time like Sunday evening at 7:30. Tell them that you are otherwise really busy with school/lab etc so a set time to chat every week would be best.

+1

Establishing a set time to talk once a week is a very healthy way to maintain an otherwise unhealthy relationship. I do this with my parents.

 

[fishieFDR]

Make an arrangement to call them once a week, at a set time like Sunday evening at 7:30. Tell them that you are otherwise really busy with school/lab etc so a set time to chat every week would be best. Send an email once or twice a week to say "hi" and mention something nice or funny that happened makes them feel like you are staying in touch. Tell them that you can't otherwise chat by phone unless it is an emergency that can't wait until Sunday.

Express gratitude. Tell them you are thankful for the opportunities you have because of them.

Send a greeting card for holidays or a post card from the bookstore just because you want them to have something tangible that they can look at that reminds them of you in a positive way.

Learn to say, "That's a great point." and then do what you want.

I will do this! Thank you