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[PA_dud3]

Hi All,

Hope you are well. I am starting to have second doubts about my Pre-Medical Studies, unfortunately. I have just about everything lined up to be ready to apply this coming Spring. However, I have been dealing with a lot of mental health issues since January of this year, and I think I have started to realize the day-to-day of being a Physician would likely compound this, not to mention the stress and anxiety I would go through during 9 years of medical school, residencies, and fellowships. I also feel like I would like to be financially independent sooner rather than later, and I honestly can't justify the opportunity cost that Medicine would entail. I'm pretty young, but I have a lot I would like to do while I am still young, considering my life has been pretty dull so far.

To be quite honest, a large reason for me pursuing medicine to begin with was sort of 'status'. I wanted to be 'the best' but I'm realizing more and more that it isn't important to me to have a certain title or prestige. I just want to have a stable, well-paying job where I can help others. I have also realized that, even if I did become a Physician, I would still have others over my head. Administrators, etc. I think I realize that chasing prestige and status eventually just becomes a never-ending journey and that one can never be truly satisfied if that is their only reason to pursue a goal. The money was also a big motivating factor, I come from a very poor family and it's already driving me crazy with guilt just to have them take out Loans to attend Undergrad, so making two, three hundred thousand dollars a year seemed like a great gig. I just think it would be best for my sanity to pursue something else. I've sat up at night a lot and worried about "what ifs" and I started to realize most of these were relating to my career and if, for some reason, I screw up and can't become a Physician. I started to feel like there would be no point in doing anything if I couldn't be a Physician, and I think this is when I started to question my goals.

Another part of me, however, feels like I am giving up. Not good enough, and that I can't hack it. I have been beating myself up at the thought of changing paths now. All the books about Medicine I have, all the time spent shadowing, all those nights staying up and studying for tests that just seem like wastes of time and money now. And then to consider something like being a mid-level, I feel even worse because I know how many Physicians feel about the subject whom I have grown close to. I have been lying to myself that I could still decide to become a Physician one day after I get done with my graduate studies, but I know that as long as I am able to live comfortably that will probably never happen. Part of me is scared of becoming complacent, and then another part of me is saying "So What?".

I've been looking into Anesthesiologist Assistant School (CAA). The OR has always been interesting to me, and I think it would be a good work-life balance with good pay where I could still help others. There is still a fair bit of liability, but the supervision of the Anesthesiologist would hopefully mitigate any chance for substantial risk, but this requires more research on my part. I also feel like I would not be stepping on any Physician's toes, as AA's are not currently allowed to work autonomously. I have most of the classes needed, but I'm still not sure.

What should I do? I feel so lost right now, I wasn't going to post this, but I honestly don't know what else to do. I hate to come on here and start whining. I just needed to vent a little bit and hear someone's thoughts besides my own. Any help you guys could offer would be much appreciated. Thanks for listening to this catharsis

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[Goro]

Take some time off and ponder. There is no law for you to go to med school at age 21.

 

[deleted1044561]

From personal experience, the sunk cost fallacy is a terrible approach and I think it would just lead to more misery down the road. If I were you, i would put more weight into the prospective costs, which you have acknowledged in your OP, and decide if medicine is for you.

 

[Gilakend]

CAA is a great choice, just keep in mind practice limitations (even though more states will likely adopt them). Any pre-med who says they wanna go anesthesia I tell them to look into CAA first.

It doesn't sound like med school is for your right now, there's nothing wrong with that. Maybe it will be in the future. Med school will always be there if/when you're ready. At the end of the day, there's no shame in not wanting a certain job. You're not giving up, you're just saying "hey, I actually like this job better.".

 

[Rachapkis]

There is no rush to make a decision. Sit with the uncertainty for a while and see if things become clearer. I have often found that, if you keep your options open, and allow time to pass, the course you should take comes naturally.

 

[Damson]

Agree with @Goro that you can take some time off. Not too long of course. A gap year? Look at different professions, talk to doctors, figure out what you want to do. You should try to do something that both makes you happy and pays well.

 

[Rogue42]

I'm going to go against the grain here; apply.

Why you might ask? Because in 12 months you'll likely be faced with four different but very real realities.
1. You've been accepted. You no longer question yourself, you know this is what you wanted to do all along, you just had some cold feet.
2. You've been accepted. But it doesn't matter anyways, because after all this time that you had to think about it, you 100% know this is not what you want for your life. You move on, and find happiness elsewhere.
3. You've been rejected. You no longer question yourself, you know medicine is what you wanted to do all along, so you pony up and try again.
4. You've been rejected. But it doesn't matter anyways, because after all this time that you had to think about it. You 100% know this is not what you want for your life. You move on, and find happiness elsewhere.

IF you do not apply, and in 12 months you realized this is what you wanted to do all along, you'll be mad at yourself for wasting a year, and you'll never get past the what-ifs of getting in had you applied.

 

[LunaOri]

I totally disagree with Rogue42. You are very young. Medicine is a long, tough path, and starting on it when you are feeling uncertain is not a good idea (that uncertainty is sure to come through in essays and interviews). I was in your situation many years ago--poor, working a job in college to support myself, uncertain if medicine was in my future. I took a few years to work and consider my options. At first, it was great to make money and not have to go to classes. Eventually, I realized that I wanted more, and got back on track for medicine. I've never regretted taking time off, and I felt great going to medical school when I was really ready.

 

[Med Ed]

I'm going to go against the grain here; apply.

Why you might ask? Because in 12 months you'll likely be faced with four different but very real realities.
1. You've been accepted. You no longer question yourself, you know this is what you wanted to do all along, you just had some cold feet.
2. You've been accepted. But it doesn't matter anyways, because after all this time that you had to think about it, you 100% know this is not what you want for your life. You move on, and find happiness elsewhere.
3. You've been rejected. You no longer question yourself, you know medicine is what you wanted to do all along, so you pony up and try again.
4. You've been rejected. But it doesn't matter anyways, because after all this time that you had to think about it. You 100% know this is not what you want for your life. You move on, and find happiness elsewhere.

IF you do not apply, and in 12 months you realized this is what you wanted to do all along, you'll be mad at yourself for wasting a year, and you'll never get past the what-ifs of getting in had you applied.

You left out 5. You've been accepted. You still have a huge amount of trepidation, but it's a freakin' acceptance to medical school! You could just start the program and see how it goes. Then 2-3 years later you're posting one of the "Should I quit?" threads in the Medical Students forum.

 

[Med Ed]

What should I do? I feel so lost right now, I wasn't going to post this, but I honestly don't know what else to do. I hate to come on here and start whining. I just needed to vent a little bit and hear someone's thoughts besides my own. Any help you guys could offer would be much appreciated. Thanks for listening to this catharsis

What should you do? Not medicine right now (or possibly ever).

It's really tough when you close one door but the next one doesn't open right away. But this is also an opportunity to do something really valuable, which is to go back to the mental drawing board and truly reevaluate your strengths and talents. There are paths through life that you probably haven't even considered because you've been on the premed train. Most of us spend the large majority of our lives pursuing goals, and very little time in between them. Use this interval wisely.