I cannot thank you all enough for your kind words. For a moment there, I felt utterly pathetic.
I was getting the mail from my box, saw the thin envelope from UCSF, instantly knew it was bad news, opened it, and I was ok. 2 minutes later I was not OK - I was bawling. My husband's at work and my parents are gone, so I drove to my mother-in-laws for some company & consolation (she was the #1 idealist - always believing 100% w/o doubt that I would get into UCSF).
Anyways, thank you again & again for your support & thoughts, for sharing your stories and experiences. I think I'm ok with this now.
I mean, I was ok w/ it last week when all the news was going out - I was sure i'd be in last weeks batch. And when I hadn't heard, I called SF yesterday and wanted them to double check that something hadn't got lost in the mail. After a lot of back & forth with the guy on the phone, he said that nothing had been mailed. I was full of joy. Little did I know that was cuz they put it in the mail yesterday - received today. Hopes dashed.
I was torn between UCSF and UCLA, figuring fate would determine this for me. Now that UCSF is out, I turn to you, UCLA, my alma mater, my dear, to send me some of that So-Cal sunshine I've been missing. And if it's not to be so, that's ok, too. I have some great options, a wonderful husband, the most loving family.... I'm going to be just fine