Undergrad ... Depression ... Problems ...

[Tatarin1989]

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Hey Everyone,

I don't mean to be a really long and a whiny post. However, I have problems. I haven't enjoyed my experience at an undergrad at upstate new york. I wasn't really able to establish a "social clique" and usually I am all by myself, be it Friday nights, Saturday nights or wtv. It's been like that for four years now (I am a senior). I have managed to make a couple of friends, but probably 1 or two friends with whom I would be somewhat comfortable sharing this. At this point all I think about is graduating and getting the hell out of here.
I really forgot how to enjoy life. Being naturally a very sensitive person doesn't help. All this shallowness of other classmates is really getting to me.
Anyways, hope you are still with me. I have a couple of concerns.

1) It scares me that I have lost a lot of my idealism since I came here. I kind of lost faith in humanity, and even though I hate to think of myself as a victim of a circumstance, i often do. Did that ever happen to you? How can I "reattach" myself with humanity, so I can finally see "people" around me and not just robots.

2) There is a chance that I may go to medical schools at my institution or another upstate school. The prospect that I may spend the next four years spending Friday nights with myself and me, looking at the gray Upstate New York skies scares me. I don't think I can handle that. The question is, does it get better in medical school?

I pray to attend a school at NYC, cause that's where I am from and that's where I feel most comfortable.

Sorry for long post. Sometimes this really gets to me, actually... it always gets to me. Anyone's input is sincerely appreciated.

Thanks!!!!!

 

[DrElliotReid]

I'm going to PM you. Check your mailbox.

 

[MedIsInMyBlood]

Idk about medical school, but I can tell you that you should know there are many others like you...myself included for 3 of my 4 years.

One year I had some great roommates and we all went everywhere together. The next year, my roommates couldn't care less about me (I didn't room with my nice roommates from the previous yr because one of them moved off campus and the other joined a frat) and I had no other real circle. The next year it was more of the same (I wasn't friends with my roommates, and had no other circle of friends).


If I would guess about medical school, I would say it may get better because you'll see the same 200 people in all your classes and labs and it'd be easier to get closer to some of them...as opposed to having undergrad classes with random people from a 20,000 large student body.

 

[DoctaFuture]

OP, what's stopping you from making a ton of friends? are you having depression now? or did you have it throughout college? you have to look inside and figure out "why dont I have many friends right now or what happened that i never fit into a group" at this point, it is definitely not too late to make new friends. go join some school clubs. meet people in classes - that's one of the best things you can do. also figure out what kind of person you are and try to find people who are somewhat like that. don't forget no one is exactly the same as everyone is unique. my friends are all different, however, i make friends w/ nice people so there is that one commonality. also don't spend 24/7 studying. one of the biggest things i've learned especially in senior year and now is to have balance. you can study and still go out. enjoy yourself too.

 

[Musclemass]

If you think you may have true depression in a mental health sense, or if you're not sure, please seek medical attention immediately. And ignore the rest of my post.

If you're still reading, understand that some people accumulate and develop friendships effortlessly while others struggle with it. If it's not something that comes easily to you, why would you think that moving someplace else would make any difference?

If there are things about your personality or manner that people find unattractive or off-putting, you need to find out what those things and work on cleaning up your act. Counseling may also be helpful. It's understandable to be dissatisfied with having a less active and interesting social life than your peers. The fix is within your control to implement.

 

[Nilf]

Hey Everyone,

I don't mean to be a really long and a whiny post. However, I have problems. I haven't enjoyed my experience at an undergrad at upstate new york. I wasn't really able to establish a "social clique" and usually I am all by myself, be it Friday nights, Saturday nights or wtv. It's been like that for four years now (I am a senior). I have managed to make a couple of friends, but probably 1 or two friends with whom I would be somewhat comfortable sharing this. At this point all I think about is graduating and getting the hell out of here.
I really forgot how to enjoy life. Being naturally a very sensitive person doesn't help. All this shallowness of other classmates is really getting to me.
Anyways, hope you are still with me. I have a couple of concerns.

1) It scares me that I have lost a lot of my idealism since I came here. I kind of lost faith in humanity, and even though I hate to think of myself as a victim of a circumstance, i often do. Did that ever happen to you? How can I "reattach" myself with humanity, so I can finally see "people" around me and not just robots.

2) There is a chance that I may go to medical schools at my institution or another upstate school. The prospect that I may spend the next four years spending Friday nights with myself and me, looking at the gray Upstate New York skies scares me. I don't think I can handle that. The question is, does it get better in medical school?

I pray to attend a school at NYC, cause that's where I am from and that's where I feel most comfortable.

Sorry for long post. Sometimes this really gets to me, actually... it always gets to me. Anyone's input is sincerely appreciated.

Thanks!!!!!

lemme guess... UVA, am I right?

 

[Tatarin1989]

OP, what's stopping you from making a ton of friends? are you having depression now? or did you have it throughout college? you have to look inside and figure out "why dont I have many friends right now or what happened that i never fit into a group" at this point, it is definitely not too late to make new friends. go join some school clubs. meet people in classes - that's one of the best things you can do. also figure out what kind of person you are and try to find people who are somewhat like that. don't forget no one is exactly the same as everyone is unique. my friends are all different, however, i make friends w/ nice people so there is that one commonality. also don't spend 24/7 studying. one of the biggest things i've learned especially in senior year and now is to have balance. you can study and still go out. enjoy yourself too.

Thanks for input. I guess you are right about finding people with commonalities. Being the inherently nice and sensitive person, I think I need to find more people like me. Surprisingly, only a 1 or 2 of friends I have would fit under this category. Why don't I fit? I don't know. I think I am different. Too self-conscious and sensitive. That's the problem. I think that's what has kept me from going to clubs, meeting people etc.. I wish I could enjoy myself more. God, I hope this is just part of growing up.

If you think you may have true depression in a mental health sense, or if you're not sure, please seek medical attention immediately. And ignore the rest of my post.

If you're still reading, understand that some people accumulate and develop friendships effortlessly while others struggle with it. If it's not something that comes easily to you, why would you think that moving someplace else would make any difference?

If there are things about your personality or manner that people find unattractive or off-putting, you need to find out what those things and work on cleaning up your act. Counseling may also be helpful. It's understandable to be dissatisfied with having a less active and interesting social life than your peers. The fix is within your control to implement.

Thanks for the post. Don't think I have a condition, but it seems it is definitely something about my personality. People told me they think I look mean, haha. And perhaps you are right that moving won't help. But at least my family will be close by - the only place where I know I belong.

lemme guess... Big Red, am I right?

Nope, not Cornell.

 

[willen101383]

I can totally understand OP. I went to SUNY Cortland as an undergrad and those gray skies are fing horrible. Definitely makes the entire winter up there suck big time. I moved to philly years ago and it is a thousand times better than CNY. Winters only get down past the freezing point for like 2 weeks 🙂

 

[yellowcocopuffs]

Hi there,
Sorry to hear that your undergrad experience hasn't been the best. To address some of your concerns...

First, if you do not like being at the school you chose, why would you chose it again and stay for another 4 yrs for med school? In my opinion, change would be a good thing and you should leave behind the past and start anew somewhere else.

Second, I was wondering whether you were involved in any clubs or organizations. For example, maybe look for some club that deals with the homeless? The environment? Animals? Etc., and maybe people in that club could help you regain your faith in humanity. Or are you religious? If you are, then you should connect with some religious club. Or even if you are not, you should still check some out. I am not saying that all religious people are kind and always accepting, but I am a part of a religious organization at my undergrad institution, and I have met some of the most amazing, accepting, kind, and genuine people there. My undergrad experience would not have been the without them. So I just encourage you to really put yourself out there, even if it may be uncomfortable at times, this last year that you have as an undergrad.

Lastly, being "alone" isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's how you use that time that matters. You can go volunteer or pick up a hobby to spend that time...Go exercise. Find fun things that you can do by yourself. Having too many people around could hold you back from many activities, you know? So do things that people can't do because they have too many people tagging along.

Good luck!

 

[mckittenplan]

There is a chance that I may go to medical schools at my institution or another upstate school. The prospect that I may spend the next four years spending Friday nights with myself and me, looking at the gray Upstate New York skies scares me. I don't think I can handle that.

my mother went to skidmore for a year and got frostbite between class and her dorm and was completely and utterly miserable the whole time. she says transferring to arizona state was the best thing she ever did. there's no shame in not being cut out for certain climates, or certain schools, or anything like that. you deserve to be somewhere you can be happy.

 

[Ischemic]

Honestly, from what you're telling me I don't think it's gonna get any better with medical school. It might actually get worse because everyone tends to be studying all the time and if you're not making friends early, you're probably gonna end up in the same rut you're in now. Which brings me to my next point which is: MAKE FRIENDS EARLY. It's really like starting ugrad again where no one really knows anyone else and everyone wants to make new friends. So, during O-week go out to all the events and be social. Everyone's eager to create themselves anew so they're probably the most receptive to new people. Hang with them and study together etc. Sulking in your room is the fastest way to getting depressed and failing school.

 

[hs396100]

i would suggest seeking some help to address how you are feeling. you may be able to get some help from that route.

however, your concern over whether your life will continue this way if you go to medical school can be very easily answered by reading your own post. if you dont make a continuous effort to meet new people, get out and put yourself in a position to make friends and have positive experiences, then of course it will be the same.

i understand your personality makes this hard, but it is not impossible. so the short answer to your question is yes, if you continue doing what you are doing, medical school will be depressing. but so will anything else you do....


its hard, but you need to make an effort

good luck

 

[Tatarin1989]

First of all, thank you all for the comments. It really means a lot.

Hi there,
Sorry to hear that your undergrad experience hasn't been the best. To address some of your concerns...

First, if you do not like being at the school you chose, why would you chose it again and stay for another 4 yrs for med school? In my opinion, change would be a good thing and you should leave behind the past and start anew somewhere else.

Second, I was wondering whether you were involved in any clubs or organizations. For example, maybe look for some club that deals with the homeless? The environment? Animals? Etc., and maybe people in that club could help you regain your faith in humanity. Or are you religious? If you are, then you should connect with some religious club. Or even if you are not, you should still check some out. I am not saying that all religious people are kind and always accepting, but I am a part of a religious organization at my undergrad institution, and I have met some of the most amazing, accepting, kind, and genuine people there. My undergrad experience would not have been the without them. So I just encourage you to really put yourself out there, even if it may be uncomfortable at times, this last year that you have as an undergrad.

Lastly, being "alone" isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's how you use that time that matters. You can go volunteer or pick up a hobby to spend that time...Go exercise. Find fun things that you can do by yourself. Having too many people around could hold you back from many activities, you know? So do things that people can't do because they have too many people tagging along.

Good luck!

Thanks for the comment. It will surprise you, but no, I am not a part of any clubs and organizations in a way that I am really involved with them. Thanks for the encouragement. I will try to put myself outthere no matter how uncomfortable it gets. I did today already. Usually I just avoid those situations all together. And I do try to enjoy my time a lone by learning guitar! yay 🙂

Honestly, from what you're telling me I don't think it's gonna get any better with medical school. It might actually get worse because everyone tends to be studying all the time and if you're not making friends early, you're probably gonna end up in the same rut you're in now. Which brings me to my next point which is: MAKE FRIENDS EARLY. It's really like starting ugrad again where no one really knows anyone else and everyone wants to make new friends. So, during O-week go out to all the events and be social. Everyone's eager to create themselves anew so they're probably the most receptive to new people. Hang with them and study together etc. Sulking in your room is the fastest way to getting depressed and failing school.

You are right. One thing that I have realized that it is my fault. The cold hard truth is that you have to put yourself out there no matter how awkward it is. In undergrad I kind of failed to join any clubs.. why? Didn't want to attend meetings by myself - it would be just awkward. Also, I was too concerned about what others would think of me and held weird prejudices about others. God I'm flawed.

i would suggest seeking some help to address how you are feeling. you may be able to get some help from that route.

however, your concern over whether your life will continue this way if you go to medical school can be very easily answered by reading your own post. if you dont make a continuous effort to meet new people, get out and put yourself in a position to make friends and have positive experiences, then of course it will be the same.

i understand your personality makes this hard, but it is not impossible. so the short answer to your question is yes, if you continue doing what you are doing, medical school will be depressing. but so will anything else you do....


its hard, but you need to make an effort

good luck

I will make it my priority. I will try to make that effort to meet people.

Thanks everyone for the comments, you kinda have opened my eyes now.

Interesting how not joining clubs/activities can really hinder your social life eh?