Unsupportive Family

[mph2pharm]

Advertisement - Members don't see this ad

Well as some of you may know, I received my first acceptance on Friday. You would think that this would have made for a great weekend right....wrong. 😡

I intentionally didn't tell my parents that I was applying to pharmacy school because I wanted to wait until I had actually been accepted somewhere. When I finally told my Dad he was really happy and excited for me BUT when I told my Mom her response was...."why would you want to do something like that....for all of those years of school you might as well go to medical school and be a "real" doctor." I couldn't believe her attitude...we usually talk several times a day but we really haven't spoken much at all since Saturday.

I truly admire and respect physicians but everyone who is smart and wants to enter the healthcare field doesn't necessarily want to or "need to" be a physician in order to make a difference. I guess I should focus on the fact that my husband, father and sister (who is a physician) are behind me 100% It just hurts to think about the fact that I may have to go through life justifying to my Mom and others why I have chosen a career in pharmacy. 🙁

 

[erinlindsey]

I know how you feel. When I told my dad I got in he started telling me about a student of his that got into med school and that he'd pay for me to take the MCAT's. funny thing is that when I was thinking about applying to med school years ago, he would tell me that med school wasnt necessarily the best option for me.

 

[Genuine]

oh that breaks my heart... I'm sorry that u both had these bad experiences. That must be tough. But, Congratulations on getting in... I'm glad u chose the field that YOU wanted, because it will be YOU working and spending the majority of the time at that job, not your parents.

I know a lot of people get into a field because of their parents, and then are sooo unhappy... since they never liked it in the first place.

So dont let this bring you down... enjoy your time and go celebrate getting in... It's not easy to get into pharm. school... and u must have worked sooo hard for it... so smile, and try to let those things not bring you down.

Congratulations again!

 

[rxlynn]

Well as some of you may know, I received my first acceptance on Friday. You would think that this would have made for a great weekend right....wrong. 😡

I intentionally didn't tell my parents that I was applying to pharmacy school because I wanted to wait until I had actually been accepted somewhere. When I finally told my Dad he was really happy and excited for me BUT when I told my Mom her response was...."why would you want to do something like that....for all of those years of school you might as well go to medical school and be a "real" doctor." I couldn't believe her attitude...we usually talk several times a day but we really haven't spoken much at all since Saturday.

I truly admire and respect physicians but everyone who is smart and wants to enter the healthcare field doesn't necessarily want to or "need to" be a physician in order to make a difference. I guess I should focus on the fact that my husband, father and sister (who is a physician) are behind me 100% It just hurts to think about the fact that I may have to go through life justifying to my Mom and others why I have chosen a career in pharmacy. 🙁

I think that some mothers always want to be the one who controls what happens to their kids, and it's difficult for them to let go. I got a similar reaction from my mom when I told her I was applying to pharmacy school - she started telling me all the bad things that she knew to say about being a pharmacist. Now, I am 39, so I am long past needing her permission or approval to do anything in my life, but it still hurts that she can't just say "That's wonderful, and I'm so happy that you are going to have the chance to do something you really love. " I totally understand how you feel - maybe over time your Mom will realize that pharmacy is a good career and that it's good for you to do something that you love to do. I personally just took my mom's disapproval as even more motivation that I WAS going to get in to pharmacy school.

 

[mph2pharm]

I think that some mothers always want to be the one who controls what happens to their kids, and it's difficult for them to let go. I got a similar reaction from my mom when I told her I was applying to pharmacy school - she started telling me all the bad things that she knew to say about being a pharmacist. Now, I am 39, so I am long past needing her permission or approval to do anything in my life, but it still hurts that she can't just say "That's wonderful, and I'm so happy that you are going to have the chance to do something you really love. " I totally understand how you feel - maybe over time your Mom will realize that pharmacy is a good career and that it's good for you to do something that you love to do. I personally just took my mom's disapproval as even more motivation that I WAS going to get in to pharmacy school.

Thanks everyone for the support. I know what you mean rxlynn...I am over 30 years old as well and although I definitely don't need her permission to do anything anymore, it really would be nice to have her support. My mother is from the "old school" where you worked a job you hated because that was what you felt you had to do. I am sorry but I have worked too hard to be in a job or career that is not satisfying to me so if that means going back to school at my age then that is what I will do. Again, the most important thing is that I have an absolutely wonderful and supportive husband who is by my side every step of the way.

 

[futurepharm.d.?]

Thanks everyone for the support. I know what you mean rxlynn...I am over 30 years old as well and although I definitely don't need her permission to do anything anymore, it really would be nice to have her support. My mother is from the "old school" where you worked a job you hated because that was what you felt you had to do. I am sorry but I have worked too hard to be in a job or career that is not satisfying to me so if that means going back to school at my age then that is what I will do. Again, the most important thing is that I have an absolutely wonderful and supportive husband who is by my side every step of the way.

it's SAD when your mom doesn't support of you choosing pharmacy as yr career, but if YOU will enjoy pharmacy school and enjoy yr job, then i'm pretty sure that she'll come around....Just relax, go celebrate because you got in (some people are still waiting and may have to reapply next year)..Congras, you're in!!!!!!! Don't be too sad, she's yr mom and she'll forever be... 🙂

 

[Ritzy]

it's SAD when your mom doesn't support of you choosing pharmacy as yr career, but if YOU will enjoy pharmacy school and enjoy yr job, then i'm pretty sure that she'll come around....Just relax, go celebrate because you got in (some people are still waiting and may have to reapply next year)..Congras, you're in!!!!!!! Don't be too sad, she's yr mom and she'll forever be... 🙂

Don't worry about it, there are a lot of people out there that don't give pharmacists the respect they deserve. My mom did a similar thing when I told her four years ago I was going to go for pharmacy school. She kept bringing up all these articles she was reading about how computers are taking over pharmacies, and how they are going to outsource pharmacists and make everything online (I have no clue where she was getting these ideas from). When I took the PCATs, as soon as she saw how good I did, she asked "Don't you want to try and take the MCAT too?". I personally know my grades are good enough for medical school... at least not the schools I'd want to go to. I don't take anything she's said personally, and I know she's exteremly proud of me. I'm sure your mother is as well, even if she isn't showing it at the moment.

 

[darkangel77]

I'm sure that your mom WILL eventually support you, or at the very least, accept it. Parents are that way...they want to see their children happy and doing what they love, even if they seem unsupportive at first.
I know how unsupportive parents can be, though...my mom was the same way when she first found out I was applying to pharmacy school. She kept asking why I'd want to do pharmacy when I could be a doctor and make more money in the same amount of time, and how doctors were "superior" to pharmacists, etc... When I got an interview to USC for 3/18 she initially told me not to go because it was too far from home (my home state is New York)...and kept telling me that I wouldn't like living in LA and I was better off staying in NY and working next year. I wanted to attend summer school in CA as well this summer and she flipped when I mentioned that to her...again, the whole "too far from home" thing. And she still wants me to take the MCAT and apply to medical school if I don't get in this year.
I'm still waiting for the right time to mention summer classes to her again, but as far as pharm school goes, after several weeks she finally warmed up to the idea and she's saying she'll help me get a car and move/settle in, and help me pay for air tickets to go home over the holidays if I get an acceptance letter. She also did some research on the pharmacy career and she's being a lot more supportive now, and is very happy for me.
Congratulations on your acceptance!

 

[alwaystired]

I think my mom was jealous. When I got in, she enrolled to get her doctorate in education and she keeps comparing her workload to mine. Whatever.

 

[mirelseoane]

I think that you should do what you want and not what your parents want. I am from Cuba, country were you have to live with your parents while your are in school no matter what (communist country). My father (civil engineering) forced me to go into architecture, I hated it since day one and I told them about it, they just ignored me. I just could not change majors because they supported me and I had nowhere else to live (part time jobs do not exist in CUBA). After two years of agony, one day I went to the dean's office and dropped myself from the program without my parents’ permission. I was feeling great even though I knew that there was going to be a big fight. Well, I won that fight but I lost two years of my life. I finally immigrated to Canada because I wanted to be far away from home, I called home once a month. Later, I moved to the US. Right know I am living with my parent in Miami but they have change a lot. Now they support my decision and realize the huge mistake from the past, but who wasted and suffer two years of her life? Me! 😡 Go for what you want, that’s definitely the best option

 

[Serenity Now!!!]

I guess I should focus on the fact that my husband, father and sister (who is a physician) are behind me 100% It just hurts to think about the fact that I may have to go through life justifying to my Mom and others why I have chosen a career in pharmacy. 🙁

Some parents try to live through their kids 'success.' All you have to do is go to the nearest little-league game and watch the parents turn into jerks b/c little johnny isnt a star athlete. Your mom is probably one of those who sees a pharmacist as little more than a 'pill-dispenser' and she; in her own mind is trying to prevent you from going down the 'wrong' career path. Its even worse since your sister is 'a real doctor' in her eyes, I mean.You mentioned that she was 'old-school' thats just textbook for her to think that. She'll see her error eventually when you are a successful pharmD and learns more about the profession. Its good that the majority of your family is behind you b/c that increases the possibility that she'll eventually come around

 

[karariki]

my story is diff from yours. my mum was actually kicking my butt to make me take more serious w/ the pharmacy career.
at one point, i was considering of putting her name on the pharm application.
😀 😀 😀

 

[meg]

Yeah, my dad was dissapointed when I told him I was going to write about science for a living instead of actually practicing it. (Went to school for Biochem and ended up a journalist.)

My mom was also very upset when my brother dropped out of school and took a job stocking vending machines.

However, we're both happy and that's what counts. It's your life, it doesn't need to make anyone else happy except you.

 

[spacecowgirl]

My mom was less than pleased when I told her I was applying. She thought I wouldn't like being a pharmacist, and that it's a "boring" job. As opposed to the mind-numbing job I had at the time??? 😕 I am also older but it still stings; I think you want your parents' support and acceptance regardless of how old you are. I know it hurts.

Of course now she's proud and tells everyone that I'm in pharmacy school. 🙄 I'm sure she'll have plenty more opportunities to disapprove of the different career paths I choose Your mom will probably come around eventually.

 

[Mangosteen]

I know someone who's in an opposite situation that you're in. Her mom is super duper pushy and forced her into pharmacy but pharmacy depresses her. She applied anyways (with an incomplete application and incomplete pre-reqs) and got in but she's planning to decline the offer. However, her mom is forcing her to go to pharmacy school, then go to dental school after she graduate (dentistry is what she really wanted).

But I know how that must feel to not have your parents' support. They probably do not know everything that we had to go through to get in and the crap we have to put up to graduate. It's the stupid taboo about pharmacy too, how many regular people think pharmacy is much easier than other health field like medicine, dentist, or optometry, etc. Most people hate doctors and trust pharmacists more plus doctors get sued too often anyways.

I think it's admirable that you didn't let her stop you from applying and congrats for getting in! You've already gone this far, don't let her stop you from finishing. 🙂

 

[sexxygeek]

I know someone who's in an opposite situation that you're in. Her mom is super duper pushy and forced her into pharmacy but pharmacy depresses her.

That's like my story: i was forced into a pharmacy school ( i wanted and still want to be a phtographer). I hated pharmacy (which then was = retail pharmacy to me) with passion.. Later on i got a job at a research institution, found out about opportunities in industry, and im loving it now. My mom is happy, too 🙂

 

[pokey83]

I feel everyone here.....i was in the very same situation. I graduated last year and the plan was to attend medical school.....but as it turns out i am going to be starting pharmacy school in august.
I thought medical is what i wanted to do....but it turned out that it was what my parents wanted and what i thought i wanted. Medicine is a great field....but it is not for everyone. I am sure everyone would love to be a doctor and make lots of money....but not everyone can and wants to.
When i told my parents...they thought that i was giving up. That i was just scared of the MCAT and that i slacked off...that is reason why i don't want to go. But i know deep down they are proud that i got in and i will be a pharmacist someday.
I think every parents want their children to be a doctor, lawyer and engineers....but there are lot of other things just as respectable and good. I love pharmacy and i think it is a great field....and i feel blessed that i get a chance to work in this field.

Hopefully someday parents and other srealize that pharmacy is respectable not just medicine!!!!!

 

[crossjb]

My parents are actually quite thrilled I chose to become a pharmacist as my original goal was to go to clown school...

 

[Mangosteen]

My parents are actually quite thrilled I chose to become a pharmacist as my original goal was to go to clown school...

hahhaahah you can still do that as a side job during pharm school

 

[RxGirlie]

hahhaahah you can still do that as a side job during pharm school

cross jb---clown school...that is so ridiculously hilarious...

Do what your heart desires.. in the end IT'S YOUR LIFE.

 

[dreaminpharmd]

I am in the same situation....My mother didn't want me to pursue a higher degree because she was worried that I'll be in debt and she couldn't support me after I graduated from undergrad. Yes, my first day coming home from undergrad was....I am not giving you anymore money if you go onto graduate school ( 😡 ) Plus, she asked why the heck I went to undergrad if I wanted to go into pharmacy. Okay...okay....I had to constantly remind her that many people have a bachelor's degree and pursue higher education...such as my sister's friend who has a BS and Pharm D (I know this is not true...just finish the pre-reqs), but my communication with my Chinese mother is not that great. She is VERY unaware of what people are doing to get into higher degree professional programs (she's old school).

Every time I tell her that I am heading somewhere for an interview...she would ask what it's for (a job?). When I come back, she would ask me if the school wanted me? And when I did tell her that a school accepted me, she said that they took me because no one wants to go there. AAAAAAHHHHH!

Why can't she be happy for me!? She doesn't want me to go far and would rather have me work as a research assistant for the rest of my life (not that there is anything wrong with that).

In the end, I am a grown adult and will do whatever I please, even going into debt, to make me happy!

Sorry for the rambling....I can relate with others. This is just another personal stress for this whole application process (especially, if I didn't get in this year...I can picture my mother rubbing it in my face about how costly this process has been for no result).

Keep your head up and block out all negative thoughts!

 

[doublezero]

thanks for sharing your experience..i can totally relate. while my parents seem to be okay with my decision, i overheard my aunt telling someone that i'm going to med school to be a physician (um, no..) and even my major advisor tried to persuade me to go to grad school, med school or dental school (basically anything except for pharm). i felt so hurt. 🙁 i hate the fact that pharmacists don't get the recognition they deserve, but i guess it'll be up to us to change that. 😉

 

[PharmGirl85]

Maybe your mom is just trying to use reverse psychology 🙂 . lol

My mom is very supportive of me going to pharmacy school. She's the one that got me a job at a pharmacy when I was 16 to show me how great it is. But my dad is a whole different story. When I was in high school, he kept telling me that I should forget about pharmacy and just be a nurse 😱 He always made me feel that no matter how hard I work, its never good enough for him. I always felt like he was disappointed with me 🙁, until one day I overheard him on the phone with one of his friends bragging about how great I am. I finally realized that he criticizes me so that I work harder, trying to prove myself to him. So now when he criticizes me, I just smile cuz I know he doesn't mean it. 🙂

 

[mugen99]

Well as some of you may know, I received my first acceptance on Friday. You would think that this would have made for a great weekend right....wrong. 😡

I intentionally didn't tell my parents that I was applying to pharmacy school because I wanted to wait until I had actually been accepted somewhere. When I finally told my Dad he was really happy and excited for me BUT when I told my Mom her response was...."why would you want to do something like that....for all of those years of school you might as well go to medical school and be a "real" doctor." I couldn't believe her attitude...we usually talk several times a day but we really haven't spoken much at all since Saturday.

I truly admire and respect physicians but everyone who is smart and wants to enter the healthcare field doesn't necessarily want to or "need to" be a physician in order to make a difference. I guess I should focus on the fact that my husband, father and sister (who is a physician) are behind me 100% It just hurts to think about the fact that I may have to go through life justifying to my Mom and others why I have chosen a career in pharmacy. 🙁

Lame. Obviously u did it because you want to be in the field and for her to make such a statement is not what any family member or other close person in your life should tell you.

 

[imperial frog]

I guess I should focus on the fact that my husband, father and sister (who is a physician) are behind me 100% It just hurts to think about the fact that I may have to go through life justifying to my Mom and others why I have chosen a career in pharmacy. 🙁

Why do you have to justify your career to anyone?

 

[ginephre]

My parents are very supportive and my mom is the one who wanted me to get into pharmacy in the first place. but my mom always had this little fantasy about me getting into my state school and moving home and commuting to school! when i finally had the heart to tell her that i didn't want to go to my state school, and even if i did i wouldn't be living at home, she got a LOT less enthusiastic! she even tried lecturing my husband to get him to try and force me to go to colorado!

 

[sdn1977]

My parents are very supportive and my mom is the one who wanted me to get into pharmacy in the first place. but my mom always had this little fantasy about me getting into my state school and moving home and commuting to school! when i finally had the heart to tell her that i didn't want to go to my state school, and even if i did i wouldn't be living at home, she got a LOT less enthusiastic! she even tried lecturing my husband to get him to try and force me to go to colorado!

She wanted you & your husband to move back home or just you alone? Either way it sounds a bit difficult......Good thing you are going somewhere else! Better for everyone all around....

 

[ginephre]

yeah, my mom wanted us both to live with them! 😱 she says to "save money." uh, i'll pass!

 

[Baxter81]

yeah, my mom wanted us both to live with them! 😱 she says to "save money." uh, i'll pass!

haha..I moved back home to my parents house. And my mom bought me a new car!!

 

[mph2pharm]

Wow...I definitely see that I am not the only one dealing with this type of situation. My mom and I are at least speaking again but she refuses to acknowledge the fact that I have been accepted to pharmacy school. I think part of the issue is that she doesn't understand why I would quit a pretty good paying job and go back to school for four years to be anything other than a physician. My sister was the first doctor in our entire family so it was a really big deal. I guess in her eyes, I am letting the family down. 🙁 I am over thirty so she also brought up the issue of starting a family. Yes going back to school may change our timeline for starting a family but that is something between me and my husband and if he is fine with it then that is what really matters. I think that it is selfish to push me and my husband into having kids before we are ready just so that you can brag about the fact that you have "grandkids."

You are right imperial frog...I don't have to justify anything to anyone. It would however be nice to know that your family is behind you and is supportive of you. I'm shocked, I'm hurt...but ultimately I am tired and have too many other things to worry about at this point. I still love her (always will) but I see that this will just have to be a part of my life that we will not agree on.

 

[usi]

Wow, I am not the only one with crappy parents!
My parents do not understand what I did for a living (they are too ignorant, on top of being unschooled). So they would not understand why I quit my job, they don't tell me anything, but I know I am a big dissapointment to them. They didn't even show up to my graduation.
My mom secretely wishes I was Shakira, and my dad wishes I was Martha Stewart with a law degree. Actually I think he wishes I was male.

So...I hope to shake it all off, and not do the same to my daughter. She is 12 right now, and I am not going to do the same to her.

All together now, let's get in front of our mirrors and tell ourselves:
I am good enough
I am smart enough
and Doggonit! People like me!

 

[ginephre]

haha..I moved back home to my parents house. And my mom bought me a new car!!

well that would be a sweet deal! but i'll be buying myself a new car this summer and i'm paying for school (loans) so it doesn't matter to her how much money i spend! i think she's doing the "empty nest" thing because my undergrad school was near enough to her to visit and if i go out of state i wont be able to see them as often!

 

[Moxxie]

My mom has been really supportive about me going to pharmacy school, and my dad has made an effort. But there's always been an undercurrent - when I left grad school he was pretty unhappy (even though I was miserable when I was a grad student, and happy when I left). He would call me every few weeks and ask me what I was planning for my life. The first few months after I left grad school I just told him, "I'm not even thinking about that, dad - I've gone full-bore in school since I was 4 years old (I was 25), and I just want some time off to work and not worry about the future." This really ticked him off.

When I really started to work on getting into pharmacy school he was a little relieved, but there was always a subtext in our conversations - like after quitting grad school I was a failure and wasn't good enough for pharmacy school. When I told him that I'd gotten into ISU and was moving back to Idaho, he was happy, but he didn't seem as excited as my mom/grandparents/sister, etc. I think that my dad is just that kind of guy - good at showing disapproval, but not so great at showing enthusiasm/affection.

On another note, my dad has always kind of been this way - if I do anything less than great in school he's upset. The year that my sister made it on the honor roll in high school, he framed the certificate and bragged to his friends. But I actually was grounded for a month when I didn't make it on the honor roll one semester. This has been great for my sister's self-esteem too 🙁 It's like he expects her to fail and me to succeed. Why can't our parents just be happy for us?

 

[karariki]

i think b/c pharmacists don't get much respect so that's why many of you received lukewarm enthusiasm from your family. if you announced you want to be a doctor & have been accepted to med school, the reaction from your family would be totally diff.
makes me sad to think that pharmacists don't get as much recognition & high regard as other health care professions. it's not bad, but it could be better. 🙁

 

[glitterstar]

so true, today I am 24 and I wanted to be in healthcare since i was 18. This was in india, and my dad forced me to take up Computer Science. I finished my b.s. with Computer science, and with flying colors, and then decided waht I wanted in life. Now I am accepted to one school, my dad is still upset with what I have not done i.e. worked as a programmer and by now should be getting married as per the Indian arranged marriage system, where this skeptic idea still prevails that girls after 25 cannot get married. Hopefully, one day he will understand.

 

[Snowcat]

Why do you have to justify your career to anyone?

My sentiments exactly. If you know you want it, it doesn't matter what others think. 👍

 

[JustTiff]

Well as some of you may know, I received my first acceptance on Friday. You would think that this would have made for a great weekend right....wrong. 😡

I intentionally didn't tell my parents that I was applying to pharmacy school because I wanted to wait until I had actually been accepted somewhere. When I finally told my Dad he was really happy and excited for me BUT when I told my Mom her response was...."why would you want to do something like that....for all of those years of school you might as well go to medical school and be a "real" doctor." I couldn't believe her attitude...we usually talk several times a day but we really haven't spoken much at all since Saturday.

I truly admire and respect physicians but everyone who is smart and wants to enter the healthcare field doesn't necessarily want to or "need to" be a physician in order to make a difference. I guess I should focus on the fact that my husband, father and sister (who is a physician) are behind me 100% It just hurts to think about the fact that I may have to go through life justifying to my Mom and others why I have chosen a career in pharmacy. 🙁

That sucks, you need a hug >😀< Congrats on the acceptance!!!

 

[JustTiff]

Wow, I am not the only one with crappy parents!
My parents do not understand what I did for a living (they are too ignorant, on top of being unschooled). So they would not understand why I quit my job, they don't tell me anything, but I know I am a big dissapointment to them. They didn't even show up to my graduation.
My mom secretely wishes I was Shakira, and my dad wishes I was Martha Stewart with a law degree. Actually I think he wishes I was male.

So...I hope to shake it all off, and not do the same to my daughter. She is 12 right now, and I am not going to do the same to her.

All together now, let's get in front of our mirrors and tell ourselves:
I am good enough
I am smart enough
and Doggonit! People like me!

Stuart Smalley? Daily affirmations, lol I remember that guy on SNL