Unsupportive Family

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MaenadsDance

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I have been an undergrad for six years, and will likely be an undergrad for another three. I became very ill in my junior year of college, and had to take two years off; I returned, finished up my junior year with a 4.0... and my illness promptly reared its ugly head and I withdrew again a few weeks into my senior year.

I'm now regrouping and living at home with family members, attending a much, much cheaper local state university while commuting from my parents' house. I've also changed majors, to something that may actually pay the bills if I graduate and don't get into med school (biology). The thing is -- my family are not happy that I still want to be a doctor! My father is fairly supportive, but my mother walks away whenever I talk about my plans for the future, because she says it "makes her sick" to hear me talk about med school. She doesn't think I can do it, that I'm tough enough. My maternal grandfather, who's a psychiatrist in Australia, has told me that if I just can't hack it, I should give up. The only person who's really supportive is my uncle, a scientist in Singapore, who I see only very occasionally and only really speak to online through e-mail or facebook.

None of my family in the US have a science background - I started out studying philosophy, just like both of my parents and my brother - and I know they'd rather I went to law school or grad school, even though their official reasoning is that med school is "too hard" and that I might get sick again. As if first year law school (at any place decent enough that you could get a job after) or grad school (at any program that's fully funded) aren't stressful!

The most infuriating thing is that, of all the doctors I've seen over the years for my illness, none of them have said that medicine or med school aren't an option for me (or for people with my diagnosis in general). NONE of them.

I feel like we're all in shock and stress over how ill I've been and how long I've been ill the past four years. I was precocious as a kid, and I think my parents had this image of my life where I'd be clerking for a federal judge at 25 or something, and now that I have totally different aspirations (not to mention a totally different set of realistic goals) they don't know what to make of me or how to talk to me. They don't understand that I get excited by calculus or biology, they don't want to talk to me about my coursework (I swear to god, my father tries to relate everything back to American political thought - it's sweet, but it's not what I'm looking for!)

I know these are minor, minor, minor gripes. I am blessed to have family that supports education in general, family that has helped me through my illness for better or for worse. But it's hard to keep up the will to do something difficult when people are telling you, "You'll never make it, it's not worthwhile, you should do something else."
 
It doesn't sound like they're unsupportive, it sounds like they're judging you based on your past history, which isn't completely unreasonable considering you have been in and out of school and will be finishing undergrad in 9 years by your own estimates.

This is not an issue of them, rather than an issue of mental fortitude. Do what makes you happy, regardless of what others say.
 
They have every right to be concerned. What's so frustrating is that when I'm not actually ill, I make excellent grades and am an active, happy student. We none of us really know what I should be doing with my life.

For the past nine months or so, as I've been recovering from my latest bout of illness, I'd even decided they were right, no med school for me - I'd do biology, maybe go to grad school for public health. But every time I'd read something about medicine, I'd feel this sick-to-my-stomach sense of failure and loss.

I guess I'm not looking to complain about my family (who are good and supportive people in general, and who I'm blessed to have) as much as to ask, How do you motivate yourself when you don't have any active cheerleaders in your corner?
 
When I was in middle and high school I dealt with the same thing from my family. They always told me that I was so right brained, and I would always go into education or something creative. My dad had little faith in my math and science abilities, which translated into me not doing well in those classes and not being interested in them. It was really a self-fulfilling prophecy. His lack of father translated into me having a lack of faith in myself. I was scared to tell them that I had decided on medicine, and I was scared that everything my dad thought about my abilities were true...however, after I completed the pre-reqs and the MCAT and got into school, I can tell that their attitudes (and my belief in myself) have now changed. It's not "if" I become a doctor...it's when.

I think that your family is against you becoming a doctor because they aren't familiar with it, and everyone falls back on what they know. They might feel like they won't be able to help you at all on our journey, and you need to reassure them that while it is going to be difficult, it is ultimately your life, and you would appreciate their support whether or not they can offer advice. Tell them that you are excited and you welcome the challenge, and that you need to pursue a career you are passionate about. I think if you talk to them as an adult about what you are feeling, they will eventually come around. Since you have been sick, they may just be trying to protect you. But you need to show them that you are a strong adult, that you know the risks, and that you still feel like you need to do this and you KNOW you can succeed. Whether or not they are on board 100% though, in the end it's only you that you need to convince that you are capable of doing what needs to be done to achieve your goal.
I have been an undergrad for six years, and will likely be an undergrad for another three. I became very ill in my junior year of college, and had to take two years off; I returned, finished up my junior year with a 4.0... and my illness promptly reared its ugly head and I withdrew again a few weeks into my senior year.

I'm now regrouping and living at home with family members, attending a much, much cheaper local state university while commuting from my parents' house. I've also changed majors, to something that may actually pay the bills if I graduate and don't get into med school (biology). The thing is -- my family are not happy that I still want to be a doctor! My father is fairly supportive, but my mother walks away whenever I talk about my plans for the future, because she says it "makes her sick" to hear me talk about med school. She doesn't think I can do it, that I'm tough enough. My maternal grandfather, who's a psychiatrist in Australia, has told me that if I just can't hack it, I should give up. The only person who's really supportive is my uncle, a scientist in Singapore, who I see only very occasionally and only really speak to online through e-mail or facebook.

None of my family in the US have a science background - I started out studying philosophy, just like both of my parents and my brother - and I know they'd rather I went to law school or grad school, even though their official reasoning is that med school is "too hard" and that I might get sick again. As if first year law school (at any place decent enough that you could get a job after) or grad school (at any program that's fully funded) aren't stressful!

The most infuriating thing is that, of all the doctors I've seen over the years for my illness, none of them have said that medicine or med school aren't an option for me (or for people with my diagnosis in general). NONE of them.

I feel like we're all in shock and stress over how ill I've been and how long I've been ill the past four years. I was precocious as a kid, and I think my parents had this image of my life where I'd be clerking for a federal judge at 25 or something, and now that I have totally different aspirations (not to mention a totally different set of realistic goals) they don't know what to make of me or how to talk to me. They don't understand that I get excited by calculus or biology, they don't want to talk to me about my coursework (I swear to god, my father tries to relate everything back to American political thought - it's sweet, but it's not what I'm looking for!)

I know these are minor, minor, minor gripes. I am blessed to have family that supports education in general, family that has helped me through my illness for better or for worse. But it's hard to keep up the will to do something difficult when people are telling you, "You'll never make it, it's not worthwhile, you should do something else."
 
I finished my bachelors 16 years after high school. It takes as long as it takes.

Generally nobody's going to begrudge you needing to stop & start undergrad, or grad school, to take care of an illness.

But med school is a different thing. If your illness is difficult to manage, if it's triggered by stress, if you have to have control over your sleep/food/meds schedule, med school would suck. It would just suck.

And that's if you can get in past the doctors who review your app. You have to explain the gaps in your coursework. If you choose not to divulge your illness when you apply, that puts you in a precarious position if/when you have another bout.

Pick a med school and read through the technical standards. (U of Washington's: http://uwmedicine.washington.edu/Ed...ages/expectations-standards.aspx#requirements)

If your illness is behind you, or if it's reliably manageable, then go for it. Don't let anybody get in your way.

But if your illness is chronic, please seriously consider doing research or teaching or another practice within science that will allow you to also have a full and meaningful life. Medicine won't.

Best of luck to you.
 
I have no physical impairments that would prevent me from performing a physical, or cognitive impairments that would prevent me from understanding the material of medical coursework.

It is a chronic illness which every year since diagnosis sees me managing better, though I have not yet found the "perfect" way to manage it (many people go undiagnosed for years, and there are a plethora of confusing and imperfect treatment options). Learning how to live with this illness has made me re-learn how to be in the world; it has made it clearer to me than ever, too, that I want to be a doctor. I know I am a long shot -- but I feel I am no more of a longshot than the single mothers, or older non-trads are.
 
I have no physical impairments that would prevent me from performing a physical, or cognitive impairments that would prevent me from understanding the material of medical coursework.

It is a chronic illness which every year since diagnosis sees me managing better, though I have not yet found the "perfect" way to manage it (many people go undiagnosed for years, and there are a plethora of confusing and imperfect treatment options). Learning how to live with this illness has made me re-learn how to be in the world; it has made it clearer to me than ever, too, that I want to be a doctor. I know I am a long shot -- but I feel I am no more of a longshot than the single mothers, or older non-trads are.

I'd say it depends on the illness. If you're suffering from alcoholism or another addiction type of issue you may want to wait until you've taken care of it. There's no rush here, the beauty of being a nontraditional is that people tend to go for it when they're ready and then excel.
 
I'd say it depends on the illness. If you're suffering from alcoholism or another addiction type of issue you may want to wait until you've taken care of it. There's no rush here, the beauty of being a nontraditional is that people tend to go for it when they're ready and then excel.

Close, but not quite - you'd have to look elsewhere in the DSM lV. I have a diagnosis of a mood disorder (up in the air which "type" of bipolar it is... different docs have had different opinions).
 
Story time, because it seems relevant: I had a friend who started and quit college something like four times because her Abilify wasn't abilifying anything. She's left at least one job because work becomes too much. Sometimes she's fine, and sometimes she gets depressed and her husband or parents have to remind her to bathe and not sleep all day. She talked about getting a master's (never finished the bachelor's) and going off the meds to have children (has dirty clothing and cat litter as a carpet, bought fast food instead of groceries for a year) and didn't like when people suggested these ideas weren't the best. This was a person who was very, very smart. This is a person who starts projects with great enthusiasm, then gets quickly overwhelmed and drowns. Over and over and over.

Point being: If some sort of vicious personal cycle keeps derailing your plans, do break it before you get in over your head. Like dmf2682 said, don't rush it. You don't have to prove anything to anyone.
 
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