Using Grindr as a resident

[Sleepy1hollow]

What with all the talk of professionalism and doctors' doings in their private lives affecting their work-life especially during residency, is it a mistake to use grindr at all for LGBT residents even when outside the hospital in the general community? Should all pictures be removed? I suppose this applies similarly to straight residents using apps like Tinder. How do you guys go about it?

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[0ncogene]

I have a friend who is a 2nd year resident. He uses it and some of his co-residents use it also. Nobody cares. Heck, your attendings may even be on there.

 

[gutonc]

If you're out, I personally see no difference than using any other dating app/service. If you're closeted (or trying to pass at work), there may be a slightly greater risk of being outed. But honestly, I think it's fine.

 

[northernpsy]

Personally, I do think that it is smart to be cautious and try to keep a low profile on social media/dating apps even if you're not worried about being outed - at least in certain specialties.
For example, I'm a psychiatrist. Many of my friends in psych use fake names on social media and avoid showing their face in their profile pic to try to avoid boundary issues or other awkwardness if patients look for them online. Personally, I think that's smart in psychiatry since many psych patients like to push boundaries and obviously none of us want to end up in trouble for any allegations of inappropriate conduct. Now, if I was in anesthesiology or EM, then I probably wouldn't be so worried, but if I was a primary care doc or other specialty with more continuity/relationship focus, then I probably would still be very careful to avoid making it possible for patients to blur the boundaries online.
You also have to keep in mind that some people out there might be interested in hooking up with a "rich doctor" for the wrong reasons, so that's another reason it might be good to avoid being identifiable as a doctor right off the bat.

 

[Etorphine]

Personally, I do think that it is smart to be cautious and try to keep a low profile on social media/dating apps even if you're not worried about being outed - at least in certain specialties.
For example, I'm a psychiatrist. Many of my friends in psych use fake names on social media and avoid showing their face in their profile pic to try to avoid boundary issues or other awkwardness if patients look for them online. Personally, I think that's smart in psychiatry since many psych patients like to push boundaries and obviously none of us want to end up in trouble for any allegations of inappropriate conduct. Now, if I was in anesthesiology or EM, then I probably wouldn't be so worried, but if I was a primary care doc or other specialty with more continuity/relationship focus, then I probably would still be very careful to avoid making it possible for patients to blur the boundaries online.
You also have to keep in mind that some people out there might be interested in hooking up with a "rich doctor" for the wrong reasons, so that's another reason it might be good to avoid being identifiable as a doctor right off the bat.

good points. spoken like a true psychiatrist

 

[armybound]

I see no reason why you couldn't. Like you said, a lot of residents are using Tinder and others. You're a human being who happens to have a job as a resident. Do what any other human being with a different job would do.

 

[Crayola227]

edit doublepost

 

[Law2Doc]

What with all the talk of professionalism and doctors' doings in their private lives affecting their work-life especially during residency, is it a mistake to use grindr at all for LGBT residents even when outside the hospital in the general community? Should all pictures be removed? I suppose this applies similarly to straight residents using apps like Tinder. How do you guys go about it?

You are actually probably safer than Tinder. Nobody can ever hold it against you without having to reveal that they themselves were perusing Grinder in the first place...

 

[Raryn]

I think it's perfectly safe, or at least as safe as any other social networking app. That said, I graduated a program where we all knew a portion of the house staff was out LGB and so were a few of the faculty members (including at least one in program administration).

Common sense does apply though. Your public face on Grindr (or Tinder, or Facebook, or Twitter) shouldn't have anything totally outside of the professional norm like photos of you abusing illicit drugs or anything along those lines... but thats generic advice to anyone regardless of your sexuality.

 

[Crayola227]

I see no reason why you couldn't. Like you said, a lot of residents are using Tinder and others. You're a human being who happens to have a job as a resident. Do what any other human being with a different job would do.

show me your genitals
love that song from Jon Lajoie,

he has one other I like, for 2 girls 1 cup


don't use Lajoie's pick up methods when dating

Plenty of docs use OKC, POF, Tinder, Grindr
just be mindful that patients might see your profile

don't be *too* forthcoming on some of those questions about sex, drugs, rock 'n roll

 

[KnuxNole]

Residents need lovin too 😛

I would say it's definitely not a mistake. Like mentioned before, the only people who would know is if they are using it themselves. Residents are still people, and it's an app that can help to persue a love interest. I've browsed on Grindr and similar apps, and have had no problems.

 

[keifernny2]

Residents need lovin too 😛

I would say it's definitely not a mistake. Like mentioned before, the only people who would know is if they are using it themselves. Residents are still people, and it's an app that can help to persue a love interest. I've browsed on Grindr and similar apps, and have had no problems.

It seems as though the app itself isn't a problem, the big issue would be to make sure you don't say / show anything about yourself that you wouldn't feel comfortable discussing with your program director or HR at your hospital, should someone in the future decide to accuse you harassment or a boundary violation.


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[gutonc]

It seems as though the app itself isn't a problem, the big issue would be to make sure you don't say / show anything about yourself that you wouldn't feel comfortable discussing with your program director or HR at your hospital, should someone in the future decide to accuse you harassment or a boundary violation.


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Again...spoken like a psychiatrist (and yes, I realize it was another psychiatrist, not you, with a similar response above). As if boundary issues are some sort of LGBTQ-specific issue.

 

[hamstergang]

As if boundary issues are some sort of LGBTQ-specific issue.

Are you really reading that in his post?

 

[gutonc]

Are you really reading that in his post?

Yes I am.

Honestly, if the OP replaced Grindr with Christianmingle.com or Farmersonly.com, I doubt anyone (myself included) would have bothered to reply at all.

 

[hamstergang]

Yes I am.

Honestly, if the OP replaced Grindr with Christianmingle.com or Farmersonly.com, I doubt anyone (myself included) would have bothered to reply at all.

I see no reason to think so poorly of the posters on here.

 

[northernpsy]

Speaking for myself, I wasn't thinking of the boundary problem as specific to LGBT residents. I think heterosexual residents should also be really careful about how they present themselves on social media and dating apps just in case a patient finds them on there. Sure, doctors are people too and we all have to find dates somehow, so I'm not saying stay off these sites, but I wouldn't broadcast the fact that I am a doctor or make it easy to identify me from the profile.

 

[keifernny2]

As a proud member of the lgbt community AND a psychiatrist, I am well aware of the difference in profile pictures and the type of data often provided in profiles on gay sites vs those on straight or mixed sites. Christianmingle.com doesn't have a spot to showcase your body parts or market yourself based on your sexual proclivities. If those are your favorite attributes about yourself, I'm only suggesting that you refrain from publishing them on any website that someone may later copy and paste in an email / Facebook / Twitter to your boss. These things can (and do) happen.


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[Crayola227]

As a proud member of the lgbt community AND a psychiatrist, I am well aware of the difference in profile pictures and the type of data often provided in profiles on gay sites vs those on straight or mixed sites. Christianmingle.com doesn't have a spot to showcase your body parts or market yourself based on your sexual proclivities. If those are your favorite attributes about yourself, I'm only suggesting that you refrain from publishing them on any website that someone may later copy and paste in an email / Facebook / Twitter to your boss. These things can (and do) happen.


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this is an excellent point

of course, I really wonder what happens with my PD when my dating app profile hits their desk, and if it said things like "into BDSM, spanking, and leather"
it makes me laugh

I mean, embarassing, but does this hurt me in a malpractice case?
Does this make the PD wanna fire me?
In general, I would think I just gained cool points.
J/k.

I can see patients being pretty put off by this.... which of course if there was public outrage over this discovery could definitely get you canned
like that neurology resident and Uber

god, the the professional image sainthood of medicine. which I always defend
srsly, gonna go edit my dating app profile now 😛

 

[rokshana]

I can see patients being pretty put off by this.... which of course if there was public outrage over this discovery could definitely get you canned
like that neurology resident and Uber

seriously? did you just compare being gay and on grindr to assaulting an uber driver?

 

[Raryn]

this is an excellent point

of course, I really wonder what happens with my PD when my dating app profile hits their desk, and if it said things like "into BDSM, spanking, and leather"
it makes me laugh

I mean, embarassing, but does this hurt me in a malpractice case?
Does this make the PD wanna fire me?
In general, I would think I just gained cool points.
J/k.

I can see patients being pretty put off by this.... which of course if there was public outrage over this discovery could definitely get you canned
like that neurology resident and Uber

god, the the professional image sainthood of medicine. which I always defend
srsly, gonna go edit my dating app profile now 😛

The few PDs I've met would either just ignore it or call you in, inform you that someone reported this, and that you're not in any trouble but you should probably be more discrete in the future. Nothing like the uber driver where she not only committed a crime, but subsequently had her face, name, and program affiliation plastered all over national news.

No program I know of would fire you for being into BDSM in your personal life as long as you weren't doing anything illegal or in a gray zone. For example, if you were moonlighting as a professional dominatrix, that may be an actual problem. But if you got together with your friends in your basement dungeon, .

 

[IMPD]

As a proud member of the lgbt community AND a psychiatrist, I am well aware of the difference in profile pictures and the type of data often provided in profiles on gay sites vs those on straight or mixed sites. Christianmingle.com doesn't have a spot to showcase your body parts or market yourself based on your sexual proclivities. If those are your favorite attributes about yourself, I'm only suggesting that you refrain from publishing them on any website that someone may later copy and paste in an email / Facebook / Twitter to your boss. These things can (and do) happen.


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Privacy, as it was once called, is viewed very differently by those wholy immersed in the digital epoch. Another thread on the Allo forum discusses everyone changing their FB account names to avoid scrutiny with the upcoming Residency application season. I am sure that some programs out there are strolling through any "open" accounts to see what you're posting, but dear mother of G*d, I don't have the time or interest in that.

What I've seen people get in actual trouble over always relates to use of your professional gear (think, identified lab coat) or comments directly related to your work. So, the resident who wrote extensively on her FB about how much she hated her experience at a local hospital was brought in. Not sure if she represented herself as a resident in that capacity, but probably.

So, yeah, if you have a medical fetish and have your dating profile full of you in your hospital scrubs with your ID badge visible, change it.

If you are otherwise in the 95% of people who use some non-vanilla language on your dating sites, give yourself the usual amount of privacy. If someone wants to try to shame you by sending detailed screenshots to HR or the IM PD listserv, that person will be the one that appears to be in need of counseling.

NB: I know from experience I am maybe 1+ standard deviations less paranoid than most medical professionals.

 

[n618ft]

I know several residents using Grindr. So what? Good for them that they're open and living their lives. I haven't hesitated using social/dating apps - just keep it professional. Back in med school, there were a few extremely conservative admins that tried to scare us away. They were all married for 20+ years and I don't think they understand how hard it is to meet people nowadays, especially outside of the medical field in a foreign town.

 

[Crayola227]

seriously? did you just compare being gay and on grindr to assaulting an uber driver?

as usual, you totally missed my point

keep in mind, I mentioned other dating apps, so I was clearly talking about dating apps in general so anything I said has nothing to do with the other-than-hetero bent that Grindr has, so please don't make anything I said as anti-gay because there's really no room for that in what I wrote. I was writing about doctors using dating apps and what sexual proclivities they may reveal, and how as docs we have to be careful about any public outrage generated by social media presence or things "going viral"/being shared/going to the hospital where you work.

I used the uber driver scenario as an example where public outrage about "inappropriate conduct" that went viral led to the loss of a job, moreso than any actual legal proceedings. I used that example because it was the most recent and widely discussed case on SDN where a doctor went afoul of public opinion and got canned. It is obviously a flawed analogy and the only thing analogous between being a BDSM resident on a dating app and being a resident caught on video drunk and assaulting someone is the concept that any non-Dr. Marcus Wellenby-esque behavior on your part that offends enough people can technically get you in hot water with the hospital, whether or not it's right, wrong, or legal.

The only person that made this about being gay was you.
I didn't even imply that being gay would be the sorta thing on a dating app that could lead to complaints that would be fired. We were talking more about how graphic you are in your profile or answers to questions getting you in trouble.

I apologize that the Uber case was not the best example or analogy for getting ****-canned at work for being too whatever adjective I just can't even deal with this anymore.

 

[Doctor4Life1769]

I added myself to bumble and tinder and have netted about 3 single women without kids (finally). Programs don't care.

 

[rokshana]

as usual, you totally missed my point

keep in mind, I mentioned other dating apps, so I was clearly talking about dating apps in general so anything I said has nothing to do with the other-than-hetero bent that Grindr has, so please don't make anything I said as anti-gay because there's really no room for that in what I wrote. I was writing about doctors using dating apps and what sexual proclivities they may reveal, and how as docs we have to be careful about any public outrage generated by social media presence or things "going viral"/being shared/going to the hospital where you work.

I used the uber driver scenario as an example where public outrage about "inappropriate conduct" that went viral led to the loss of a job, moreso than any actual legal proceedings. I used that example because it was the most recent and widely discussed case on SDN where a doctor went afoul of public opinion and got canned. It is obviously a flawed analogy and the only thing analogous between being a BDSM resident on a dating app and being a resident caught on video drunk and assaulting someone is the concept that any non-Dr. Marcus Wellenby-esque behavior on your part that offends enough people can technically get you in hot water with the hospital, whether or not it's right, wrong, or legal.

The only person that made this about being gay was you.
I didn't even imply that being gay would be the sorta thing on a dating app that could lead to complaints that would be fired. We were talking more about how graphic you are in your profile or answers to questions getting you in trouble.

I apologize that the Uber case was not the best example or analogy for getting ****-canned at work for being too whatever adjective I just can't even deal with this anymore.

surprise, surprise...you post something without thinking about the ramifications of your words and now are backpedalling that that isn't what you meant at all...dude, you are a rising junior resident...you need to learn to think before you write...a filter needs to develop...

 

[<L>]

The only word of warning I'd use is to be careful on sites that let others see that you've viewed them. Back in my single days, I was clicking through profiles on a certain popular dating site when I opened up the full profile and realized it was the profile of a patient from the clinic.

 

[Crayola227]

surprise, surprise...you post something without thinking about the ramifications of your words and now are backpedalling that that isn't what you meant at all...dude, you are a rising junior resident...you need to learn to think before you write...a filter needs to develop...

don't presume to know a gorram thing about me

you just love to go after me in these threads for like no reason

you read into it what you wanted, in the future, just use the ignore button, I'm not filtering jack for you

 

[wholeheartedly]

From the patient side, I came a across my primary care residents profile on a dating site. Nothing too crazy, except I really swore the guy was gay. He also lied about his height by a good +3 inches. It was a bit awkward because it was a site that tells you who has viewed your profile, but mine was pretty anonymous with no pic so I'm not sure he ever figured it out. Turns out he lied in medical practice as well...

 

[Crayola227]

From the patient side, I came a across my primary care residents profile on a dating site. Nothing too crazy, except I really swore the guy was gay. He also lied about his height by a good +3 inches. It was a bit awkward because it was a site that tells you who has viewed your profile, but mine was pretty anonymous with no pic so I'm not sure he ever figured it out. Turns out he lied in medical practice as well...

I freaking hate that. They really think they're gonna get away with it. I can't promise that I can tell it's a lie if we're horizontal, but most dates I've been on start vertical. I can always tell by the end of first date hug.

 

[rokshana]

don't presume to know a gorram thing about me

you just love to go after me in these threads for like no reason

you read into it what you wanted, in the future, just use the ignore button, I'm not filtering jack for you

low hanging fruit, hon...you make it too easy.

 

[fantasty]

Just my $0.02. as a user of Scruff but not Grindr or other gay social apps....

I generally agree with most of the caution. I (honestly, I swear) used to use Scruff as a way to meet new guys & couples (for friends, networking, getting to know my new city). My husband is also one it and our profiles are linked. And we're pretty honest about why we're on there. But, the first few years it was a lot easier to meet normal guys and couples, then there seemed to be a wave of it turning more into Grindr equivalent.

Points that I agree with:

-- As others said, in general, don't post anything on your public profile that you wouldn't post on your own facebook profile.

-- It's 2016, so I personally was less afraid of being "outed" by being on an app. As others said, if someone's on the app, they're probably "family", and [relatively] highly unlikely to want to cause you harm.

But caveat:

-- People are weird (on Grindr, on Craigslist, or even just walking down the street). So, I've cautioned guys from specifically mentioning that they're docs or details about training (like, med student, peds resident, whatever), unless that the kind of thing that you'd paint on the side of your car or shout as you were walking down the street. I (personally) opt for "healthcare", "academics", etc. I think it's less likely that someone will "out" you, but I'm slightly paranoid that they that might put a target on your back (both by gold-digger / sugar-daddy seekers, or doxxers [if that's the right word]).

Edit: After thought on this point, since I didn't really explain it well. I'm just saying that I wait to bring up being a doctor until after I've already chatted with someone, assuming I feel like he's sane. By throwing your occupation up there in your public profile, it's like putting a target on your profile (unless that's what you want).

And, while we're at it... pics... (Edit: Nevermind)