Veterinary Medicine and Death...

[mollywt]

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Dear Veterinarians and pre-Veterinary students,
I am an upcoming senior in high school who has aspired to become a veterinarian. I have grown up around many different kinds of pets and love the natural sciences. My plan was to, of course, work extremely hard in undergraduate school to get accepted to University of Florida's veterinary medicine school (I live in Florida).
I always knew euthanasia and unfortunate death would be present in the career, however I am starting to doubt if I will really be able to handle it or not. Last night I just lost the precious golden retriever I grew up with. I had her since I was 3 years old and now am turning 18 this year. The loss is completely heartbreaking and I knew as soon as she passed away I do not want to have to associate myself with death anymore than I need to, especially in a career.
What I am here for is to ask -- for all of you much closer to becoming veterinarians than I am, how do you plan on coping with witnessing the losses of so many beloved pets? Is there a secret understanding of the Circle of Life learned by the time you are finished with veterinary school? Is there any other career path I can consider that is heavily based in the sciences where I can work with animals, without all of the heartbreak? I am still very interested in disease and surgery, but I am afraid of how depressing life as a vet may be. Please, any insight would be greatly helpful. Thank you.

 

[MarxistPreVet]

I know of at least one veterinarian who still struggles with companion animal deaths, and he has been practicing for many years. His strong feelings of empathy do make him better able to comfort the owners, but it is a trade-off.

I've been through the deaths of several pets and each one breaks my heart anew. But, everyone and everything dies eventually. You are very young still and it sounds like this was your first peek at death up-close. It gets...well, if not better, at least more manageable. I don't know if anyone, even livestock farmers who see it regularly, ever manages to brush it off without feeling something.

Taking a philosophy course definitely made me confront death all over again and come to terms with it a bit more. From Socrates all the way to modern theories of mind, there is a lot of material out there to help process the concept.

 

[adams30]

Hello, I am very sorry to hear about your loss. Losing an animal so close (and a human too) to you is very heart-breaking and it has happened to me multiple times.

I can understand your hesitance to entering the field regarding this situation. I felt the same way (for a split second) when my first pet died (which was last year) and I was already more than half-way through my pre-vet career.

Your reason for doubting if you'll be okay with being a vet is actually the same reason why my dad was originally concerned about me becoming a vet (when I first had the idea at age 12). He was worried if I'd be truly happy in the field since he read up about vets dealing with euthanasia. Ironically I lost my father due to a tragedy when I was a teenager and I was the very first person to find out so I am no stranger to death.

I believe that the 'secret' do handling death as a veterinarian is proper mindset and conditioning. I don't necessarily want to call it 'desensitization' but what helps me overcome the sadness of euthanizing any animal (and I have euthanized many animals and helped with euthanasias. It is definitely MUCH harder if it's your own animal) is knowing that the animal is no longer in pain and suffering, whether that be physical or mental. It is very important to consider the animal's quality of life and unfortunately medicine only goes so far and humane death is the best option in the end. Knowing that I tried my best to save / reduce the suffering of the animal is what helps the most. And for me personally, my faith helps me overcome the grief. I feel like I help them over the 'rainbow bridge'.

I wouldn't give up on vet med yet. Give yourself some time to mourn and then decide if this is still the path you want to take.

 

[DVMDream]

Losing your own pet is much harder than seeing a client lose their pet... it is hard to explain, but your pet is your pet and you have a personal attachment to him/her. You do get attached to the patients that you see and the clients that you help and it is hard to witness a client's pain over the loss of their pet but it is not quite the same as losing your own....

Euthanasia and unexpected death is common in vet med... it is never easy but it gets more bearable as time goes on. I would suggest that you try shadowing or volunteering with a vet to gain exposure to this as it is very much a part of vet med. I do promise though that it is never easy, just that you learn to manage the emotions and pain and over time that becomes easier to do.

 

[Rainheart]

First off, I want to say I am very sorry for your loss.

Being that I have helped in a lot of euthanasia's, hopefully I can give you some insight. Also, think of it as a gift we give our precious pets so that they don't have to be in pain anymore. People handle the death of their pet in very different ways. I have been in ones that are not emotional at all and then also in ones where I am crying with the owners. It has gotten easier from my first few I have helped in, but there will always be patients we are attached to and it is hard to see them go, but don't be afraid to be emotional with the owners, there is nothing wrong with that.

 

[catlady816]

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. My dog was euthanized when I was 19 and we got her when I was 2. It practically feels like losing a family member (and in some ways that's entirely the truth). However, the way I choose to look at it is that it's a blessing that our pets have this option. My grandfather was placed on hospice over the summer and within the last two weeks of his life he was literally begging to die. As a veterinarian you have the option to painlessly end an animal's suffering. It's always a sad day at work when we have to euthanize a patient, and every now and then we even cry, but it's even sadder when we have animals suffering and the owner refuses to end it. Chances are, with a little more experience you'll become a little more comfortable with death and find your own way of coping.
Like adams30 said, it's not necessarily desensitization. At work we say, you learn how to put your game face on, but you never lose your heart 🙂

 

[ThePiedPiper]

I seem to have the opposite problem of some people. I'm not sure if you can really go into spirituality on the forums, but all I will say is that my spiritual practice allows me to not only come to terms with the death of my animals but to be at peace with it. I truly believe that an animal will tell you when it's his or her time to go, if they are not able to pass on their own, and knowing intuitively that I was making the right decision for my animals when opting for euthanasia helped me through those decisions. It was through losing my cat this past October that I honestly learned the intimacy of the death experience. It was handled beautifully and I would not have had it any other way. Knowing that does not ease the pain, it does not make the grief go away, but it does make me feel less burdened by the decision.

It's often harder for me when it comes to other's animals, because as a veterinarian, euthanasia won't always be because of old age or because the animal was sick. Sometimes it will be because there's no room, no place else for it to go, and sometimes it will be because the people cannot afford the treatment and euthanasia is, unfortunately, the next best thing to prevent suffering. I have not had experience with euthanasia, but I know that this will be a hurdle I will have to get over. I do not, however, plan on shutting down to it. Getting stronger in dealing with it? Maybe, but not shutting down to it. As someone else on the forum mentioned, one of the vets in our area has been doing at-home companion animal euthanasias for years. He is honestly one of the most empathetic, present people I have ever met, even if the euthanasia of my cat (he did both my cat's and dog's) led to tears running down his face. I would rather a vet be able to cry with me (not sob, but just be moved to tears) than look at me down his hardened nose with seasoned eyes that don't even remember what it feels like to hurt. I aspire to be the vet who can still feel and empathise as a result. I do not know how this man can handle doing 3-4 euthanasias some nights, but he does. I am honestly hoping that I get the opportunity to shadow him at some point, because I want to ask him how he does it.

I know that for me, a part of what I plan to bring me to peace with euthanasia is that I am the one who has the opportunity to make euthanasia as peaceful as possible for both the animals and owners. In cases where the owner does not want to be there, I will be there to be with the animal and help them through their last breath. In the case that the owner does, I will be responsible for creating a space and for honouring the animal as much as I possibly can by creating the space in order to do so. I've seen veterinarians who will spend an hour or more with you during a euthanasia and I've seen vets who won't spend 20 minutes. I think that the death is worthy of the time it takes to go through. I feel different from a lot of people in the sense that death has never effected me in the same way it's effected a lot of people in my family and my friends. Even before I had spiritual affiliation, I saw death as a natural part of life and as a chance to honour the passed individual. I think for me, I plan to keep viewing it that way, as I always have. Seeing the death as either ending the suffering or, if not ending the suffering but as honouring the animal from one lifetime to the next, celebrating their lifetime, however long, has always helped me handle it a bit better.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Losing a pet, especially one you were very close to, is difficult, but I'm inclined to say that handling death is almost something you get better at with age, experience and with learning what belief system surrounding death works best for you to help ease your pain. To an extent, we all use some form of rationalisation or our own inner truths to help us get by. I would say that, before giving up on veterinary medicine, shadowing a vet or working with a shelter vet and getting to experience the process of euthanasias hand in hand with the process of being a vet in general might give you a better idea than the loss of your own pet. I know a vet tech who sobbed for weeks after losing her dog, but she's become very good at remaining strong through euthanasias, so I definitely think they're two separate experiences.

 

[ThePiedPiper]

First off, I want to say I am very sorry for your loss.

Being that I have helped in a lot of euthanasia's, hopefully I can give you some insight. Also, think of it as a gift we give our precious pets so that they don't have to be in pain anymore. People handle the death of their pet in very different ways. I have been in ones that are not emotional at all and then also in ones where I am crying with the owners. It has gotten easier from my first few I have helped in, but there will always be patients we are attached to and it is hard to see them go, but don't be afraid to be emotional with the owners, there is nothing wrong with that.

This. One of my favourite professors was a clinical psychologist and he says some branches of psychology will tell you never to show emotion with your clients but he does. He asked what's wrong with crying if you're moved to tears? Don't sob and snivel and make the session about you, but be real. Be genuine. Be authentic. The best vets I've been in touch with are the vets that have been able to be real with me. I think this one of the greatest gifts you can get in touch with when doing any form of service work.

 

[mollywt]

Thank you so much for your replies, they really mean a lot to me.
Marx, the philosophy course does sound interesting. That is what I feel like I am struggling with the most; I have lost a grandparent, but I was younger and I dealt with it, most particularly because I was sheltered from it by my parents and grandmother. However, my dog passed away right in my arms. I am having the hardest time understanding death as a whole just from this.
Also, I'm very sorry about your dad, Adams... I know you must struggle with that fact every day and I am very inspired that you are still pursuing medicine.
DVMDream -- I also wondered this. I wondered if it would be less difficult because you don't have the emotional bond to a client's pet that you would have towards your own, but I do wonder if I could contain myself watching them cry over their loss...
Rain, I do understand. While my dog was aging (she spent the last couple years of her life suffering from hip dysplasia, and then her last two days panting and unable to get up from that and possible heart failure combined) I was praying that her suffering could be ended. We were reluctant to take her to be euthanized because she was stable, and luckily she passed away on her own, which I had hoped for. However, I still feel like it is the loss of a family member, just as catlady816 put it.
All of your input is inspiring and I am very, very thankful. Thank you...

 

[mollywt]

ThePiedPiper, thank you for your reply. I too am unsure what kind of religious conversation is allowed on the forum, but I know that one of my problems has been that I am unsure of what I believe in and what I am faithful to, and this has made loss hard on me. I do wonder if spiritual beliefs such as yours can ease the feelings of guilt and uncertainty I fear in euthanasia... I also agree that an empathetic veterinarian would be much better than one with "seasoned eyes". Thank you so much for your comfort, I really appreciate it...

 

[Trilt]

I still almost (or do) cry when I think about my dog I lost a year and a half ago. Not going to go into it because I'm sitting in public and might get some weird looks, but suffice to say, I've helped with a lot of euthanasias and personally done a couple on lab animals and it doesn't impact me in even close to the same way.

Kind of silly, I guess, but this poem helped me a lot when we put him down. I'm not religious so the rainbow bridge doesn't do it for me:

Treat me kindly, my beloved friend, for no heart in all the world is more grateful for kindness than the loving heart of me.

Do not break my spirit with a stick, for although I should lick your hand between blows, your patience and understanding will quickly teach me the things you would have me learn.

Speak to me often, for your voice is the world’s sweetest music, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footsteps falls upon my waiting ear.

Please take me inside when it is cold and wet, for I am a domesticated animal, no longer accustomed to bitter elements. I ask no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside the hearth. Keep my pan filled with fresh water, for I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst.

Feed me clean food that I may stay well, to romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my life, should your life be in danger.

And, my friend, when I am very old, and I no longer enjoy good health, hearing and sight, do not make heroic efforts to keep me going. I am not having any fun. Please see that my trusting life is taken gently. I shall leave this earth knowing with the last breath I draw that my fate was always safest in your hands.

Author Unknown​

 

[ThePiedPiper]

ThePiedPiper, thank you for your reply. I too am unsure what kind of religious conversation is allowed on the forum, but I know that one of my problems has been that I am unsure of what I believe in and what I am faithful to, and this has made loss hard on me. I do wonder if spiritual beliefs such as yours can ease the feelings of guilt and uncertainty I fear in euthanasia... I also agree that an empathetic veterinarian would be much better than one with "seasoned eyes". Thank you so much for your comfort, I really appreciate it...

I definitely think they can for some people, and not for others. Like for example, a lot of the popular religions never worked for me. I have become a lot more Eastern, so to speak, than Western and that has particularly helped me, but I do know that even before I had any sort of affiliation, I still dealt with death in a way that left me at peace with it. I think it helps learning how to trust the animal, if that makes sense. For example, my cat stopped responding to veterinary care and when I took the time to hold him and simply be present with him, I was just overwhelmed with the sensation that he was ready. I think this goes for natural deaths, as well. An animal is ready when they're ready, and contrary to popular belief, I do think animals are aware of the death experience. I think they're at peace with it, and I think that that has helped me come to terms with it as well. That doesn't mean there isn't still grief, like I said. There will still be heartbreak. You will still be miserable. But sometimes it helps to think that your beloved companion was just... well, ready. It was their time and they slipped away in the comfort and presence of the surrounding love and warmth of their human families and their homes. I also think that euthanasia is an act of love and selflessness, when people have to make that decision. I only wish we had it available to people, too. Don't get me wrong, though. Loss will always hurt. It will always be hard, but it has always helped me to think and believe that they died being loved and knowing love and what love was, they died knowing the feeling of unconditional love, they died in a way a lot of us could only hope that all animals got the chance to do: surrounded by love and family and in their home.

 

[ThePiedPiper]

I still almost (or do) cry when I think about my dog I lost a year and a half ago. Not going to go into it because I'm sitting in public and might get some weird looks, but suffice to say, I've helped with a lot of euthanasias and personally done a couple on lab animals and it doesn't impact me in even close to the same way.

Kind of silly, I guess, but this poem helped me a lot when we put him down. I'm not religious so the rainbow bridge doesn't do it for me:

Treat me kindly, my beloved friend, for no heart in all the world is more grateful for kindness than the loving heart of me.

Do not break my spirit with a stick, for although I should lick your hand between blows, your patience and understanding will quickly teach me the things you would have me learn.

Speak to me often, for your voice is the world’s sweetest music, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footsteps falls upon my waiting ear.

Please take me inside when it is cold and wet, for I am a domesticated animal, no longer accustomed to bitter elements. I ask no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside the hearth. Keep my pan filled with fresh water, for I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst.

Feed me clean food that I may stay well, to romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my life, should your life be in danger.

And, my friend, when I am very old, and I no longer enjoy good health, hearing and sight, do not make heroic efforts to keep me going. I am not having any fun. Please see that my trusting life is taken gently. I shall leave this earth knowing with the last breath I draw that my fate was always safest in your hands.

Author Unknown​

Rainbow Bridge has never done it for me either, but this brought me near to tears. Thank you for sharing.

 

[mollywt]

Trilt, thank you so much for the poem, it did bring me to tears. I have read the Rainbow Bridge but this one is also so touching. I am surprised to hear that you have lost your own pet and now you can successfully handle euthanasia.. That is very inspirational. Thank you so much...

PiedPiper, you could not have voiced my thoughts any clearer. I wanted my dog to go in our home without being euthanized, and I prayed so hard for her to pass away on her own when she was ready. She did, right with my parents and I, and yet there is still much grief. Yet I do agree, what more can a pet ask for than dying knowing they were loved and what unconditional love was.

Thank you so much both of you

 

[parula]

I remember working at a SA clinic when I was in high school, euthanasia was always difficult. There were times when the doctor would take a break after putting down someone's pet and just sob. So, I guess for some people it never gets "easy"...but I don't know if it should become something that gets entirely easy to do, it's important to understand and recognize the significance of the situation.

But, I do want to say that not all vets are small animal vets. The wildlife work I did (given we put down a lot of animals) was rarely as emotional. Maybe because they weren't "owned" or maybe because with wildlife it's easier to really grasp the "circle of life" deal. We'd put them down if we knew they couldn't get over the injury and feed them to the predators we had that were healing from their injuries, seemed like a nice, logical thing to me.

There's research too, and although some types of it do involve euthanasia, which is emotional, some research doesn't. There's large animal too.

I think it's great that you're thinking seriously about that aspect of veterinary medicine. It's important to know what you're comfortable with. Sorry for your loss.

 

[DVMDream]

He is honestly one of the most empathetic, present people I have ever met, even if the euthanasia of my cat (he did both my cat's and dog's) led to tears running down his face. I would rather a vet be able to cry with me (not sob, but just be moved to tears) than look at me down his hardened nose with seasoned eyes that don't even remember what it feels like to hurt.

Be careful with this... just because a vet isn't moved to tears or tearing up when doing a euthanasia does not mean they are not feeling the emotions on the inside... you have to remember that as a vet you will have to go from euthanizing a pet in one room, to seeing the puppy in the next, to the cat for vaccines right after and sometimes those tears have to be kept within until the time is appropriate to let them out...

As a tech, I have had to be occupied with 3 or 4 clients at one time... if one of those is a euthanasia I have to try to keep my emotions stable to be able to deal with other clients that are around because they need you to be able to focus on their pet as well. Often times you are going in between rooms and you may go into that euthanasia room 5 or 6 times before the actual euthanasia is performed and it becomes a balancing act of how to control your emotions... when it is the right time to let those emotions show, when it is not, what owners would be ok with seeing the vet cry in front of them, which ones it is better that you don't. Some owners are so emotionally upset that if you break down it will only make the situation worse for them. Every situation is different and it is about learning how to deal with each situation as it comes. Tears does not always equal empathy and lack of tears does not show lack of empathy... I have seen vets euthanize a pet then have to finish taking care of 6 or 7 more patients and when they finally have a moment they cry in the office while writing the sympathy card... emotions in the vet clinic are often held in until the end of the day or at a quiet moment.

 

[mollywt]

DVMDream, do you think that it is easier to cope with euthanizing animals when you do have the opportunity to help other animals at the same time? I mean, do you feel that the veterinary career is more on the "helpful" side compared to the "depressing" side, in the middle, or...?

Parula, I understand how that can be.. Pardon me asking, but what is an SA Clinic and how did you manage to get into working in the field in high school?

Thank you

 

[ThePiedPiper]

Be careful with this... just because a vet isn't moved to tears or tearing up when doing a euthanasia does not mean they are not feeling the emotions on the inside... you have to remember that as a vet you will have to go from euthanizing a pet in one room, to seeing the puppy in the next, to the cat for vaccines right after and sometimes those tears have to be kept within until the time is appropriate to let them out...

As a tech, I have had to be occupied with 3 or 4 clients at one time... if one of those is a euthanasia I have to try to keep my emotions stable to be able to deal with other clients that are around because they need you to be able to focus on their pet as well. Often times you are going in between rooms and you may go into that euthanasia room 5 or 6 times before the actual euthanasia is performed and it becomes a balancing act of how to control your emotions... when it is the right time to let those emotions show, when it is not, what owners would be ok with seeing the vet cry in front of them, which ones it is better that you don't. Some owners are so emotionally upset that if you break down it will only make the situation worse for them. Every situation is different and it is about learning how to deal with each situation as it comes. Tears does not always equal empathy and lack of tears does not show lack of empathy... I have seen vets euthanize a pet then have to finish taking care of 6 or 7 more patients and when they finally have a moment they cry in the office while writing the sympathy card... emotions in the vet clinic are often held in until the end of the day or at a quiet moment.

I'm sorry I didn't make myself clear! 😳 Two euthanasia examples come to mind. One was my experience, one was a friend's experience, where the vet was very cold, demanded payment as the animal was slipping into unconsciousness and literally stormed out of the office to do the euthanasia in the car because the dog couldn't walk and would not even let the animal's owner sit with the body. I think that's more what I meant by being hardened to the point of not feeling. I don't think you have to cry to feel the pain of the euthanasia, but there are some vets who are so hardened by it that you feel like you're watching the execution of a prisoner and not going through euthanasia with your animal.

I can see why I might have confused my point though. >.< However, we're on the same page. I just didn't explain myself clearly enough.

 

[parula]

DVMDream, do you think that it is easier to cope with euthanizing animals when you do have the opportunity to help other animals at the same time? I mean, do you feel that the veterinary career is more on the "helpful" side compared to the "depressing" side, in the middle, or...?

Parula, I understand how that can be.. Pardon me asking, but what is an SA Clinic and how did you manage to get into working in the field in high school?

Thank you

SA is small animal 🙂 Sorry, this forum has a language of its own!

I brought my cat in one time because she was having allergy issues and they offered me a job during the appointment! Sheer luck! It was an amazing experience, one of the doctors there even wrote a letter of rec for my vet school apps 🙂

Good luck!

 

[mollywt]

Oh gosh, that must be true. Wow, that really is lucky. Thank you!

 

[wldlfstdnt]

This one always makes me tear up
http://vetsbehavingbadly.blogspot.com/2012/03/requiem-for-gryffin-guest-post.html

 

[that redhead]

Death is a part of life, as they say. I think of euthanasia as something of a gift to the veterinary profession and one of a vet's most important tools. A huge part of veterinary medicine is caring for an animal and part of caring for an animal means ending its life as humanely as possible when the time comes. At every euthanasia I've been a part of, from someone's family pet to lab rats to cows, the animal is treated with dignity and the process is quick and humane. Sure, there are horror stories out there but I think every vet makes their best effort to minimize suffering and make the death as painless and quick as they're able.

As for death itself, I just think of it as moving on from this life. It is always sad, even if it isn't your own pet, but I would much rather be the one to euthanize an animal in comfort with its people around it than not euthanize it and let it die slowly and potentially in pain. It's what I would want for myself, frankly.

You're in a rough place because you lost an animal you had known for a long time. Time will make it easier but it's one of those burdens associated with pet ownership. I wouldn't turn away from vet med just because of this, but it would be a good thing to discuss with a vet you become familiar with - either your family vet or one that you work with to gain experience for your application. As one of my professors has told us, it's OK to cry or feel upset about it, but it isn't about you - it's about the animal and their people and doing the best you can for both.

 

[mollywt]

wldlfstdnt, I really enjoyed the story. It was sweet.. Thank you..

that redhead, I understand what you mean. I just wonder if it tips the scale from a career in veterinary medicine from being pleasurable to being heartbreaking.
Thank you for your replies..

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

Be careful with this... just because a vet isn't moved to tears or tearing up when doing a euthanasia does not mean they are not feeling the emotions on the inside... you have to remember that as a vet you will have to go from euthanizing a pet in one room, to seeing the puppy in the next, to the cat for vaccines right after and sometimes those tears have to be kept within until the time is appropriate to let them out...

I'm sorry I didn't make myself clear! 😳 Two euthanasia examples come to mind. One was my experience, one was a friend's experience, where the vet was very cold, demanded payment as the animal was slipping into unconsciousness and literally stormed out of the office to do the euthanasia in the car because the dog couldn't walk and would not even let the animal's owner sit with the body. I think that's more what I meant by being hardened to the point of not feeling. I don't think you have to cry to feel the pain of the euthanasia, but there are some vets who are so hardened by it that you feel like you're watching the execution of a prisoner and not going through euthanasia with your animal.

I can see why I might have confused my point though. >.< However, we're on the same page. I just didn't explain myself clearly enough.

Glad you clarified 🙂

That struck a chord with me because of what I do - I'm a pathology resident, so most of my job is necropsy (and biopsy, although that often involves handing out death sentences).

To an extent, I have HAD to desensitize myself, or else I could not do my job. When I'm on duty, we're dissecting people's pets (yes, livestock too, but a lot of it is companion animals) every day. And animal necropsy is not like human autopsy. This is not a delicate procedure. When we have a horse on the floor, there are gallons of blood everywhere, organs on different tables...it looks like a butcher shop to the outside observer. Even with dogs and cats, it isn't exactly a loving, pleasant procedure. It is a necessary one for the profession, though. There's no crying in necropsy.😉

And I am sure to some people, I may seem desensitized. I play classic rock on the floor, I make jokes and ooh and aah at organs and lesions, I laugh if someone drops the liver and it makes a splat sound, I make jokes, etc. But that is just my way of coping, and it is also my way of trying to relax students who may be scared of or sensitive about this rotation. If I became sad when reading the history (some of them terribly sad - acute deaths, the owners that tried everything, the abuse cases, etc) and let it get to me while I did the necropsy, I would burn out within a matter of months.

That being said, my own animals are a COMPLETELY different story. I would bawl my mother****ing eyes if anything happened to my dog, and I fear how I will react when it is her time to go. Your own animals are always different.

 

[DVMDream]

DVMDream, do you think that it is easier to cope with euthanizing animals when you do have the opportunity to help other animals at the same time? I mean, do you feel that the veterinary career is more on the "helpful" side compared to the "depressing" side, in the middle, or...?

I would say that veterinary medicine can be both helpful and depressing...

You do save animals and see them recover and go on to live full and happy lives but you do also deal with accidents and illness that you often times can not cure and you will have to deal with euthanasia.

I found that each day is different. I spent 7 years as a tech and we had days that were puppy/kitten days full of cuteness, happiness and a bit of boredom... we had days where all we saw was illness and while some we were able to help, others we could not... we had days full of emergencies where we didn't have time to breathe and often couldn't recall what had even occurred during the day because it was that busy... we had days full of euthanasia and heartache... and we had days that were mixed with the normal puppy exam/vaccine appointment/ear infection but also saw the sick animals and had emergencies and some scheduled euthanasias... you just never know what the day will bring you and some days are easier than others...

Sometimes it is nice to be able to break up that euthanasia room by going to see something like a vaccine room or a simple ear infection but other times you just want to hang out with the owner that is putting down their pet and not leave their side until the process is over. It is hard to explain, but as you gain experience with it; it does become easier. I found the best thing I have done is to just talk with the client... explain to them the process, ask them if they need anything. I tell them that they can have as much time as they need or if they want to get this going quickly then we can do that too (some clients want to be in and out when it comes to euthanizing their pet; some prefer to take their time.) I often find that if I am occupying myself with making them comfortable with the process it helps me as well and I become more in control of my emotions because I know that I am doing what I can to make the situation as painless as possible for them and that helps me in a way.

I had to put down my dog about 2 years ago now and it was the hardest thing I have ever done... it is still hard on occasion to think about him because he was literally the best dog in the world (isn't everyone's dog the best dog in the world? 🙂). But I know that he is pain-free now and that makes it easier. I know that had I not put him down he would have suffered and eventually died (he was in multi-organ failure after surgery to remove a splenic tumour). It was his time to go, he was no longer responding to us and he was in horrible shape and I am sure in some pain, so as difficult as it was, I was able to give him the gift of stopping his pain. Time does slowly heal the wound but there will always be a hollow scar on my heart where he made his impression and it is filled with so many wonderful memories of him. As time passes, I can recall those memories of him and they bring a smile to my face (at first it was tears and occasionally those still come).. he may no longer be here but his memory always is and that is what matters now, remembering him as he was when he was happy and healthy.

Don't discount vet med entirely... I am sorry for your loss, but with time it gets better and you will always have the memories to cherish. Losing your own pet is going to be much more difficult than a client's simply because of that connection you have with your pet. It would be similar for any family member... losing a member of your family is going to be much harder on you than hearing about a neighbor or someone else losing a family member, while you still feel sad for them, it isn't nearly the sadness you feel for the loss of your loved ones.

 

[Emiloo4]

This may sound strange, but being able to humanely euthanize is actually one of my favorite parts of veterinary medicine. Not because it's killing an animal, but bc you're letting it pass in peace before it suffers. I had to watch my grandmother die a terrible, painful death for years and all she did was beg to be put out of her misery, daily. We get to help patients and owners have a peaceful experience and allow animals to pass when they no longer have a good quality of life. To me it's an amazing thing. It's sad and takes some getting used to, but it's a blessing in my mind.
Hope that helps a little.

 

[DaBears90]

First, let me say I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know exactly how you must be feeling, but I can imagine it must be so hard after 15 years to lose your beloved dog. Our pets are like family, and it's never easy to say goodbye.

Over the years, I have lost three family dogs, most recently last summer. I watched as my dog coded on the emergency table at the specialty center I work at, and I knew that even if they brought him back it would only be for me to euthanize him. I think he was doing me a favor, and I love him everyday for that. However, it never is easy to see one of your best friends and most loyal companions pass away.

Over the years, when I've said I wanted to be a veterinarian, people have admired this and remarked, "I always wanted to be a vet when I was a kid, but I couldn't come to terms about putting them to sleep. That's so sad." Like catlady816 said, the veterinary profession is somewhat fortunate to have the ability to end suffering and pain in animals, unlike other fields.

I was recently admitted to veterinary school, and I am ecstatic about the opportunity to help animals, and I see it as the glass half full. I try not to look at it as, "I'm going to have to put animals down for the rest of my career," but more like, "Wow, I have the opportunity to save this animal's life, and all the others after it, too,". Death does come with the territory, but if you can see at it as preventing pain and suffering, and saving many more than those lost, it may make it easier to accept the field you're hoping to enter.

It is death, so it may never be "easy", and it's not meant to be. I think it's definitely an acceptance that comes as you age, and hopefully with more experiences under your belt with animals you will see the many wonderful aspects of the career that outweigh the death and dying involved.

Again, my deepest condolences to you and your family during this difficult time.

 

[goldengirl90]

Dear Veterinarians and pre-Veterinary students,
I am an upcoming senior in high school who has aspired to become a veterinarian. I have grown up around many different kinds of pets and love the natural sciences. My plan was to, of course, work extremely hard in undergraduate school to get accepted to University of Florida's veterinary medicine school (I live in Florida).
I always knew euthanasia and unfortunate death would be present in the career, however I am starting to doubt if I will really be able to handle it or not. Last night I just lost the precious golden retriever I grew up with. I had her since I was 3 years old and now am turning 18 this year. The loss is completely heartbreaking and I knew as soon as she passed away I do not want to have to associate myself with death anymore than I need to, especially in a career.
What I am here for is to ask -- for all of you much closer to becoming veterinarians than I am, how do you plan on coping with witnessing the losses of so many beloved pets? Is there a secret understanding of the Circle of Life learned by the time you are finished with veterinary school? Is there any other career path I can consider that is heavily based in the sciences where I can work with animals, without all of the heartbreak? I am still very interested in disease and surgery, but I am afraid of how depressing life as a vet may be. Please, any insight would be greatly helpful. Thank you.

I know others have said this already, but I just want to reiterate -- speaking from experience -- that nothing else compares to losing your own pet. Your post really resonated with me because I, too, have grown up with Golden Retrievers and lost my childhood Golden a couple of years ago. Losing her was like ripping my heart out, and it took me a very long time to get over. That being said, I almost feel guilty to report that watching other animals die has not been NEARLY as bad. I've teared up on a few occasions, and it certainly is a sad part of the profession, but it really hasn't been as much of a problem for me as I thought it would be. Of course everyone is different, but I just wanted to throw in my two cents. And again, I'm so, so sorry for your loss! Hang in there! <3

 

[that redhead]

that redhead, I understand what you mean. I just wonder if it tips the scale from a career in veterinary medicine from being pleasurable to being heartbreaking.
Thank you for your replies..

I'm not a vet, and I don't intend to go into tradition practice, but I'd venture to say that the times that you do good for an animal and/or family (even by vaccinating, you might be saving a life) outweigh the heartbreaking times enough to make it worth it. You may have to euthanize a treasured family pet one day and save a hit-by-car the next; you may have to euthanize a tough old farmer's favorite cow and then turn around and perform a C-section to save a calf's life. Unfortunately death is just a part of being a vet, no matter what field you go into, but I think you may find that with experience and some good mentors around you, you will find a way to cope. If not, and vet med isn't for you, don't feel like a failure though. This is an important time to learn something about yourself!

 

[LetItSnow]

What I am here for is to ask -- for all of you much closer to becoming veterinarians than I am, how do you plan on coping with witnessing the losses of so many beloved pets? Is there a secret understanding of the Circle of Life learned by the time you are finished with veterinary school? Is there any other career path I can consider that is heavily based in the sciences where I can work with animals, without all of the heartbreak? I am still very interested in disease and surgery, but I am afraid of how depressing life as a vet may be. Please, any insight would be greatly helpful. Thank you.

I'm sorry about your golden. That's very sad.

Two thoughts that maybe aren't worth much. First, I *value* euthanasia. It makes me sad, yeah, but to me it embodies a value of taking responsibility for the quality of life of our pets (I'm companion-animal focused, so I think about it from that perspective). I recognize people have different values, so this isn't a criticism of other feelings about it, but for me we have a responsibility to care of our animals throughout their life, and that includes giving them the most painless, compassionate death that we can. So being able to assist people with that is an honor. I don't have rose-colored glasses - I'm intimately familiar with the sucky euths (convenience, whatever). But on the whole I value the service we provide.

Second, there are branches of vet med that don't require you to deal face to face with euthanasia on a day-to-day basis. At least, I have to think so. Perhaps you should investigate one of those areas.

 

[adams30]

This may sound strange, but being able to humanely euthanize is actually one of my favorite parts of veterinary medicine. Not because it's killing an animal, but bc you're letting it pass in peace before it suffers. I had to watch my grandmother die a terrible, painful death for years and all she did was beg to be put out of her misery, daily. We get to help patients and owners have a peaceful experience and allow animals to pass when they no longer have a good quality of life. To me it's an amazing thing. It's sad and takes some getting used to, but it's a blessing in my mind.
Hope that helps a little.

I actually feel the same way Emiloo. I feel that after I've done all I could and the only way to end an animal's suffering is humane euthanasia I am happy to do that.

I think it is worse watching animals and people die slowly and painfully rather than having a fast peaceful death. very sorry to hear about your grandmother too.

 

[adams30]

Also, I'm very sorry about your dad, Adams... I know you must struggle with that fact every day and I am very inspired that you are still pursuing medicine.

Thank you. yeah it's hard every day but you can't let it hold you back from living life and doing what you love!

 

[mollywt]

Thank you so much everyone who replied. It seems to be the overall opinion that euthanasia is a part of veterinary medicine, but that it is a necessary part of medicine to save the animals from their suffering. I guess it can be also considered that the animals you euthanize on a regular basis generally aren't animals you share emotional ties with like your own pets.
@DVMDream, I'm sorry about your dog, I know that everyone's dogs are definitely the best dogs in the entire world. Thank you so much for your advice and kindness.
@Emiloo, I understand, I'm also very sorry about your grandmother, thank you...
@DaBears, congratulations on getting into vet school! I'm very sorry about your losses as well, but I think everything you have said is very inspirational to me. Thank you so much.
@goldengirl, I totally understand. My golden was my childhood friend, along with a rat terrier and a diabetic cat. The other two preceded her in death, but I was younger and this last one hit me very hard. I still have the memories of getting her as a puppy. They are such wonderful dogs, she didn't have a mean bone in her whole body. Thank you so much for sharing that with me..
@redhead, I agree. This is what has to be considered...
@LetitSnow, thank you so much. I will definitely do some reading.
@adams, this is true.

Thank you all so very much. All of this really means so much to me, I have been so heartbroken by the loss of my poor dog and it is comforting to know that everyone, even soon to be/already are veterinarians deal with these feelings all the time. Thank you so much everybody, I wish you all the best in life and your careers.

 

[adams30]

Thank you all so very much. All of this really means so much to me, I have been so heartbroken by the loss of my poor dog and it is comforting to know that everyone, even soon to be/already are veterinarians deal with these feelings all the time. Thank you so much everybody, I wish you all the best in life and your careers.

You're very welcome and let us know if you need more advice / support!

 

[bbeventer]

This may sound strange, but being able to humanely euthanize is actually one of my favorite parts of veterinary medicine. Not because it's killing an animal, but bc you're letting it pass in peace before it suffers. I had to watch my grandmother die a terrible, painful death for years and all she did was beg to be put out of her misery, daily. We get to help patients and owners have a peaceful experience and allow animals to pass when they no longer have a good quality of life. To me it's an amazing thing. It's sad and takes some getting used to, but it's a blessing in my mind.
Hope that helps a little.

I think humane euthanasia is one of the veterinarian's greatest gifts, I am thankful we are trusted with this service.

 

[ViaBea]

I'm sorry about your dog 🙁

I lost one of my goats that I was really attached to a little over three years ago, and to be honest I still think about her everyday and tear up about it from time to time.

After she passed on, I really did not think that I could handle being a vet because I didn't think I could handle the death. Immediately after she died, I didn't even want to be around my other goats and I didn't go out to the barn for about a week even though I love goats😍

Additionally, I also blamed myself for the death in a way because of the way that she died (she died of complications after a c-section and the kid died as well). I can still remember the c-section in horrifying detail because I had to help with it, and I have pictures from the day. I blamed myself because before that she was healthy (she would have turned 3 five days after she died), but I really wanted to breed her even though she had a c-section the year before and I doubted my parents would have let me keep her without her having kids. However, both vets that I talked to said that they didn't think she would have any problems having kids. To make it worse,part of the reason that she had problems having the baby was it was too big. So, I thought it was my fault for feeding her too much.

The most important thing for me though was finding ways to cope with it. I happened to have to keep a daily journal for an English class that could be about anything not long after her death. I wrote about her and what a huge impact she had on my life, and it helped me a lot (my professor liked it to). I still write about her from time to time when I really miss her, but it helps me a lot. You just have to find what works for you.

Additionally, now, I don't blame her death quite as much on myself because I recognize there were a combination of factors that went into it. For example, she wasn't able to have her c-section until about 7 hours after she went into labor , and the kid was already dead because of how long her mother was in labor. Also, one of the complications that she had was pneumonia and it was a very cold winter where she was spending a lot of time in the barn lying around (other than when I made her go out for walks).

Eventually, her death became a motivator to me. In her case, she would of died a year earlier if it wouldn't have been for the vet doing her c-section. Also, the year before her mother coincidentally also had pneumonia when she was pregnant with triplets. When the vet came out to see her mother, she thought that there was only a fifty percent chance she would live. So, the vet decided to induce her to go into labor even though we weren't sure how close she was to her due date, but the vet thought that it was the only way to save the mother. In the end, the mother survived (she's still going strong) and she had three healthy kids.

Just a few weeks ago we had a dog that came into the vets that I shadow at, and we all thought he was going to die (he was an older dog, extremely weak, and had a lot of fluid around his heart). The vet ended up taking out some of the fluid from around the heart which was something he had never tried before, and to be honest, he thought it was only going to make the dog more comfortable. A few days later, the dog went home which shocked all of us. So, there is a lot of good that you can do as a vet that outweighs the bad most of the time.

 

[485501]

I'm very sorry for your loss. When I was 13, my family's dog, who had been around since before I had, died, and I was wrecked for weeks. I agree with what several people have said, that you should give yourself time to grieve and come to terms with this specific death before you make any decisions about how involved you want to be with euthanasia and death.

Is there any other career path I can consider that is heavily based in the sciences where I can work with animals, without all of the heartbreak? I am still very interested in disease and surgery, but I am afraid of how depressing life as a vet may be.

There are many other careers involving animals and science. Research is one possibility (actually it's many many possibilities), but there are others. I recommend when you get to college you go to the Career Center (or whatever the school you go to calls it) and talk to the people there about possibilities. They should be able to tell you what's out there for you to explore.

Good luck!

 

[mollywt]

ViaBea, wow. Goats? That is so cool! I am so sorry for your loss, but it seems that you were already very lucky with the mother.. Unfortunately our dog also had fluid around her heart like you said you saw with the other dog, but she was unable to get up on her own and I don't know that removing the fluid would have helped her. It makes me sad to maybe think we missed an opportunity to help her, but I have to accept the reality probably was she was ready to go anyway... I am excited to hear that you still are pursuing vet med.. Thank you for sharing your story with me. 😍

Thank you very much washbucket. I will keep this in mind.

 

[prevetdreamer]

I lost my dog just a few weeks ago so I'm going through some of the same stuff as you are. It is so hard... I'm sorry you have to experience it.

Death and euthanasia in a clinic can be very hard to deal with, but my advice would be to try and get some experience in a clinic before you throw the whole field out. you may be surprised at how you handle those situations. Or you may find that it is just to emotionally taxing, but you'll never truly know until you have been around it. Like others have mentioned, it is usually a little easier when the pet is not your own because you can take a step back emotionally and realize that this is (usually) a good and peaceful thing for them. Also, you do get better at handling it over time.

Personally, I handle death pretty well. It is a natural part of life and I find euthanasia to be a very peaceful gift in our field. I am religious, so that probably has something to do with how I handle it. I've cried very few times during a euthanasia (besides my own animals). The hardest for me was when a very old but friendly dog came in but his family didn't want to stay. I definitely cried that time. But I'm okay with that because I'm human and I have feelings. But if I cried for every one I would get emotionally spent and depressed, so I usually try to separate myself from the situation a bit.

Aaaaanyway, my point is, try to get some more experience. you may find that you handle it well or that you have a very hard time with it. Either is ok, but I think you should know. I hope you feel better 😍

 

[prevetdreamer]

Just a few weeks ago we had a dog that came into the vets that I shadow at, and we all thought he was going to die (he was an older dog, extremely weak, and had a lot of fluid around his heart). The vet ended up taking out some of the fluid from around the heart which was something he had never tried before, and to be honest, he thought it was only going to make the dog more comfortable. A few days later, the dog went home which shocked all of us. So, there is a lot of good that you can do as a vet that outweighs the bad most of the time.

That is so crazy, that sounds like what just happened to my boy dog... weird!

And I too feel guilty about my animal's deaths. I think it's like survivor's syndrome, we always find some thing that we should have done or noticed and think that because of that the death is our fault. it's not. things just happen and we can't always stop them, even if we do everything right. I repeat this to myself often...

I'm glad you're trying to focus on the positive 🙂

 

[sunshinevet]

ViaBea, wow. Goats? That is so cool! I am so sorry for your loss, but it seems that you were already very lucky with the mother.. Unfortunately our dog also had fluid around her heart like you said you saw with the other dog, but she was unable to get up on her own and I don't know that removing the fluid would have helped her. It makes me sad to maybe think we missed an opportunity to help her, but I have to accept the reality probably was she was ready to go anyway... I am excited to hear that you still are pursuing vet med.. Thank you for sharing your story with me. 😍

Thank you very much washbucket. I will keep this in mind.

I just wanted to clarify this point as I know how it feels to second guess yourself about your own pet - when you drain that fluid, it almost inevitably comes back and quickly. So don't go thinking you missed an opportunity to help her.

As others have said, nothing compares to losing your own pet. Nothing. Performing euthanasia on others pets is not the same. I lost my dog a few months ago. She was my world and I still get very emotional thinking about her.

However, that said, that doesn't mean there won't be days that suck. I lost 10 patients in a 10 hour shift on sunday. Pretty much every single one of us who worked that shift shed some tears and im pretty sure we all went home and had some stiff drinks. Nothing stops that kind of suck.

That said the thing that sucks most about euthanasia and death is not the dying of the ready. Its the 1 year old dog euthanasias for behavioural reasons, the people who want to euth their cats because they're moving, the abused and the neglected, the people who refuse to spend any money on a fixable problem. They are the euthanasias that suck, that burn people out and that tip the scales for people that end up leaving the profession. The only way to know if the good is going to outweigh the bad for you, is if you see some practice and actually see it. You can talk about semantics and philosophy all you like, but until you see it and experience it you will not know what you can and can't cope with. But yeah, there are things worse than death - especially for the ready.

 

[WelshCob]

I currently work as an emergency medicine technicians and we see a lot of euthanasia due to traumatic injuries, toxin ingestion, attacks, gun shots, hit by cars or long term chronic illness that makes the animal take a turn for the worse in the middle of the night. We can euthanize a staggering amount of animals in one night. I've become I guess immune to it, we have to laugh and have fun and joke or we'd all be so miserable that we couldnt stand it. I rarely find myself crying about it, if I look at the animal. If we euthanize and animal in the back and the owner doesn't wish to be present I make sure it is held closely and told that its is loved before it passes. It's my way of ensuring that they aren't alone. It's actually when you look into the owners eyes that I get most upset.

We have a 7 year old Boxer in for Immune Mediated Thrombocytopenia, which means that the immune system basically attacks the platelets. The CBC showed that the animal has zero, no joke zero platelets. The owners wanted to do EVERYTHING and so we did. During the plasma transfusion the dog coded and we were instructed to do extensive CPR until the owners arrived. The owners were throwing themselves on the dog asking him to come back, and wake up while I was breathing for him. Seeing a grown man sob uncontrollably was the worst. When the lady said to me hes gone isn't he and I had to nod is when I lost it. It was the first time I've cried at a euthanasia in a very long time. My personal experience with my own horse came flooding back as I sat on the ground with his head in my lap sobbing for a very long time. I could relate to them.

Everyone handles it, in a different way. Start by gaining experience you are going to cry the first time you see it but it will get easier I promise.

 

[Meatballerina]

I agree with the several people who have said that euthanasia is one of our greatest gifts. I was actually just thinking about this today and wondering if any other vet med professionals felt the same. This forum seems to always read my mind and prove to me that we are "great minds think alike" types!
I have lost pets of my own and I have been present at many more euthanasias and done a few necropsies. I will say openly I seem to have an issue with dead bodies. It is something I really don't understand about myself and I hope to investigate as I begin my career. Illness, injury, even the dying process and euthanasia procedures do not deeply bother me (unless its my own animal - but I think we're all pretty unanimous there). Dissection and necropsy don't bother me (first necropsy was a horse, and I definitely got woozy when we first opened her up... so. much. blood. everywhere). The time between death and postmortem slicing and dicing really, really, really bothers me. There is something about a dead body that simply unnerves me. I have become slightly desensitized in the sense that I can move the body and dispose of it and be fine, but the longer I look at a dead body, the more freaked out I get. I'm just throwing this out there in case anyone else feels the same.
Now on to my advice to the original poster.
I think that it's a good thing that euthanasia moves you. If you want to go into small animal practice, I don't think you should lose that. To me, SA is 1 part the animal, 2 parts the client. A client in this position, ideally, is coming in with their heart breaking and they need to be comforted in this time. Whether or not you become desensitized to putting down animals, you need to access those feelings you had for your own pet to at least a small degree, and make them available to the client that just lost a pet. A lot of times the grieving process is vastly underestimated, but I feel like it's a big part of customer service. Being able to comfort someone who has raised their animal under your healthcare is the best way to give back to them.
Most of my experience has been in large animal practice, and when I started working at the SA hospital I work at now, I was surprised, shocked, and a little disgusted with the coldness some of my coworkers displayed about the procedure. All of our doctors are very compassionate, and they know how to make the experience comfortable and dignified for everyone. However, some of the technicians can be downright disrespectful, making comments about the animal's health or the client's financial situation, removing the body asap and without delicacy, ect. I get having to distance yourself emotionally, but I think if you really feel that dispassionate about death in this situation, you've lost something along the way that you need to be a good doctor.
I think an animal lover will be emotional and fearful when it comes to death, and they may have to conquer that a few times in their lives to euthanize their pets. But, I think a doctor is an animal lover who is willing to experience euthanasia after euthanasia after euthanasia so that they have the opportunity to provide the pet with a painless passing and the owner with compassion during that period.

 

[ThePiedPiper]

I agree with the several people who have said that euthanasia is one of our greatest gifts. I was actually just thinking about this today and wondering if any other vet med professionals felt the same. This forum seems to always read my mind and prove to me that we are "great minds think alike" types!
I have lost pets of my own and I have been present at many more euthanasias and done a few necropsies. I will say openly I seem to have an issue with dead bodies. It is something I really don't understand about myself and I hope to investigate as I begin my career. Illness, injury, even the dying process and euthanasia procedures do not deeply bother me (unless its my own animal - but I think we're all pretty unanimous there). Dissection and necropsy don't bother me (first necropsy was a horse, and I definitely got woozy when we first opened her up... so. much. blood. everywhere). The time between death and postmortem slicing and dicing really, really, really bothers me. There is something about a dead body that simply unnerves me. I have become slightly desensitized in the sense that I can move the body and dispose of it and be fine, but the longer I look at a dead body, the more freaked out I get. I'm just throwing this out there in case anyone else feels the same.

I was terrified of dead bodies (couldn't even look at the dead bodies of my rats) until I put my cat to sleep. He'd been my best friend for 14 years; there was no way he was going through euthanasia alone. I think sitting with the body and being present with the process and watching it as objectively as I could through tears really helped me become more comfortable with the death process. I can't say the same if I had to watch him get sliced and diced, but I can say that it wasn't until I was a present part of the death process that I stopped being so freaked out by it and bodies.

 

[futurehealervet]

The first time I saw a dog euthanized, the owners, a father and son, were crying. When the dog's chest stopped rising, the father looked at me and his expression will stay with me for the rest of my life. I barely made it out of the room before I started crying. The vet later told me that the owner had seen how upset I was and he was touched and grateful to have people there who really cared. Its hard to euthanize animals but I think the people like us who really know their worth as friends and family members are the best ones to do it.

 

[Meatballerina]

@thepiedpiper - maybe its because we spend so much time and energy trying to avoid making a dead body! hahaha
@futurehealervet - yes, exactly.