W.W.M.D. (What Would MacGuyver Do?)

[coprolalia]

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MacGuyver (not MacGruber on SNL), if he was an anesthesiologist...

3:00 AM and 3rd bring back on a 185 kg abscess drainage. Vitals are unstable. MacGuyver looks over at the anesthesia machine, and it's broken. Patient is a Mallampati "class 5" airway. One 22g in her left hand, poor peripheral venous access, and a large accumulation of neck fat.

MacGuyver has a cocktail straw, a pack of bubble gum, a pen light, a set of rusty keys, and a half-bottle of "Old Grandad" bourbon.

W.W.M.D.? Discuss.

-copro

 

[radslooking]

slice her trachea with the rusty keys, shove in the cocktail straw, and hold it in place with the gum. then drink the bourbon. i suppose the patient can have some too for anesthesia. but if an airplane is crashing, the first thing you do is put your own mask on first. so you get the first shot of old grandad.

 

[Endee]

Using the keys is just asking for an infection, not to mention it won't be nearly sharp enough to cut away all that fat. I think he pours out the bourbon, smashes the bottle, takes a shard of glass, sterilizes it in the alcohol, and cuts her open. Liquor is saved for a later post-call victory celebration.

 

[radslooking]

Using the keys is just asking for an infection, not to mention it won't be nearly sharp enough to cut away all that fat. I think he pours out the bourbon, smashes the bottle, takes a shard of glass, sterilizes it in the alcohol, and cuts her open. Liquor is saved for a later post-call victory celebration.

you're going to pour out the bourbon? into what? his pants?

 

[coprolalia]

What does he do with the bubble gum and the pen light?

[YOUTUBE]l1uw40An-A4[/YOUTUBE]

-copro

 

[geogil]

I love the mullett

 

[Endee]

you're going to pour out the bourbon? into what? his pants?

There must be a container somewhere!

 

[Leverage]

you're going to pour out the bourbon? into what? his pants?

How about your danskos

 

[ozzie20]

what flavor gum?

 

[lord_jeebus]

Obviously, the volume of bourbon is adjusted so that the resonant frequency of the bottle is equal to that of the patient's body fat. The remaining bourbon is ignited using the pen light battery and keys to form a circuit, and the rising heat is funneled through the straw running over the top of the open bottle, secured in place with gum (of course, MacGyver always carries duct tape so he would use that instead).

As vibration in the bottle increases, it is placed on the patient, causing the adipose to melt. An incision is made in the skin using a laser made from the pen light and a giant ruby that MacGyver conveniently finds under the hospital. The fat and abscess drain away, revealing the patient to be Murdoc in disguise.

Knowing that Murdoc is killed at the end of every episode, only to return miraculously alive in the next season, MacGyver decides to call it a day and allow him to die for now.

 

[TheSandMan]

Sweet! Just found free first season episodes on CBS site

 

[MacBook]

what flavor gum?

speechless...