Was I wrong?

[Elfie]

---

Members do not see this ad.

Hey y'all.

This has kind of been eating at me for the past couple of hours, so I just thought I'd get a non-biased point of view on a situation that occurred earlier today. Sorry if this is long.

So basically I am taking two biology lectures, and the corresponding labs for each. For the sake of simplicity, we'll call them 101/102 and 201/202. In my 102 lab, I'm doing ok, but not great, but in my 202 lab, I'm doing awesome. I fully attribute my success in my 202 lab to my awesome TA who is great at explaining things (in more than one way too) and really cares about if we (the students) understand. My TA in lab 102, on the other hand, explains things in a not-so-great way in terms of how I understand things and kind of doesn't care to explain since it's a weed out course. He has a very "if you don't understand it you need to figure it out" attitude. It's kind of hard to explain but that's essentially the jist of his demeanor.

So today I had my 202 lab and after class, I stayed behind to ask my TA if she could maybe explain a couple of concepts in my 102 lab that I didn't understand. I emphasized that I understood it wasn't her course and if she simply didn't have time (or didn't want to) i didn't care, I just like the way she explains things. She asks why I hadn't gone to my TA for that course and I explained I had, but he and I both know that I'm not getting it. I'll ask questions and he'll answer and take one look at me and say "you're not getting what I'm saying." So this is where it got a little bit funky. She proceeded to tell me it was rude of me to ask her, and not go to him. I again explained that I had gone to him I just for whatever reason don't understand how he explains some things. I then mentioned that I went to another TA's study session for our upcoming exam (the study sessions were completely optional to begin with but there were different time slots and days available) and she went OFF. She told me it was completely disrespectful to go to another TA and not him especially for a study session, which yeah I could see if it was mandatory and if I hadn't tried to go to him for help in the first place. She told me i was again being very rude and that I needed to talk to him and figure it out. I left kind of confused and hurt because any other professor or teacher in HS I've ever had always said to try to find someone to help you if what they say doesn't make sense. I never blow off my 202 TA and I still continue to ask questions.

Am I in the wrong here? I wasn't badmouthing him in any way (he's actually a really funny and awesome guy) I just don't like how he explains some things. This situation just has been kind of eating at me because I really was never intending to be disrespectful towards either of them by asking for help.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[Wiggly Tuff Da Ruff]

I feel so bad for you, it doesn't sound like a good situation to be in 🙁 I think at this point it isn't about who's right or who's wrong, it's more about 1) what other resources you can find to learn the material and 2) keeping a peaceful relationship with both your TAs. Don't stress, it never helps any (personal experience)!

 

[aalamruad]

Hey y'all.

This has kind of been eating at me for the past couple of hours, so I just thought I'd get a non-biased point of view on a situation that occurred earlier today. Sorry if this is long.

So basically I am taking two biology lectures, and the corresponding labs for each. For the sake of simplicity, we'll call them 101/102 and 201/202. In my 102 lab, I'm doing ok, but not great, but in my 202 lab, I'm doing awesome. I fully attribute my success in my 202 lab to my awesome TA who is great at explaining things (in more than one way too) and really cares about if we (the students) understand. My TA in lab 102, on the other hand, explains things in a not-so-great way in terms of how I understand things and kind of doesn't care to explain since it's a weed out course. He has a very "if you don't understand it you need to figure it out" attitude. It's kind of hard to explain but that's essentially the jist of his demeanor.

So today I had my 202 lab and after class, I stayed behind to ask my TA if she could maybe explain a couple of concepts in my 102 lab that I didn't understand. I emphasized that I understood it wasn't her course and if she simply didn't have time (or didn't want to) i didn't care, I just like the way she explains things. She asks why I hadn't gone to my TA for that course and I explained I had, but he and I both know that I'm not getting it. I'll ask questions and he'll answer and take one look at me and say "you're not getting what I'm saying." So this is where it got a little bit funky. She proceeded to tell me it was rude of me to ask her, and not go to him. I again explained that I had gone to him I just for whatever reason don't understand how he explains some things. I then mentioned that I went to another TA's study session for our upcoming exam (the study sessions were completely optional to begin with but there were different time slots and days available) and she went OFF. She told me it was completely disrespectful to go to another TA and not him especially for a study session, which yeah I could see if it was mandatory and if I hadn't tried to go to him for help in the first place. She told me i was again being very rude and that I needed to talk to him and figure it out. I left kind of confused and hurt because any other professor or teacher in HS I've ever had always said to try to find someone to help you if what they say doesn't make sense. I never blow off my 202 TA and I still continue to ask questions.

Am I in the wrong here? I wasn't badmouthing him in any way (he's actually a really funny and awesome guy) I just don't like how he explains some things. This situation just has been kind of eating at me because I really was never intending to be disrespectful towards either of them by asking for help.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

You didn't do anything wrong. Your TA sounds like an insecure and emotionally unstable insane person. Don't stress about what she said, it's not your fault.

 

[deleted480308]

You weren't being rude to seek help elsewhere for class 101. You were wrong to be annoyed at a 201TA for nt tutoring you in other classes, they are hired for one class and that is their job description. I don't ask my roofer to fix my toilet

 

[aalamruad]

You weren't being rude to seek help elsewhere for class 101. You were wrong to be annoyed at a 201TA for nt tutoring you in other classes, they are hired for one class and that is their job description. I don't ask my roofer to fix my toilet

At what point did OP get annoyed with the 201 TA?

 

[JustAPhD]

Nah, you're okay. She's being a prima donna.
Side note, because we know @efle isn't an elf, are you one?

 

[holycrap]

Lol idk why she's making a big deal out of nothing, it's either she helps you or she doesn't. Next time tell her to save the lecture for some other chump. Only thing you did wrong is taking their crap, both of them. You're 101 TA should do his job properly and you should demand more from him, don't take no for an answer. They both piss me off

 

[chrisjh]

Screw them. Your tuition is paying their stipend. Its their job to help you.
You're there to learn, not to tiptoe over their feelings.
If they wont help you, go to the instructor, or go see one of the schools tutors.
You have nothing to apologize for or feel bad about.

 

[Elfie]

Thanks for all of the replies!!! I won't worry about it! Just kind of a stinky situation. She's kind of petty so I'm just hoping she doesn't go to my 202 TA.

You weren't being rude to seek help elsewhere for class 101. You were wrong to be annoyed at a 201TA for nt tutoring you in other classes, they are hired for one class and that is their job description. I don't ask my roofer to fix my toilet

I wasn't annoyed, I was just taken aback by her response. It was pretty rude. I fully recognize she's under no obligation to help me out for that class.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[Elfie]

She is perhaps making a big deal if you look at the other side of the equation. TA 102 and TA 202 are likely both grad students in the same department and thus they are classmates in a much smaller group (ie grad students). They may even be lab mates or work on the same project. They have to deal with the small group politics and dynamics that effects such small groups. There are both in-group and out-group values and standards. It is not uncommon for criticism amongst members of the in-group but they are loath to be critical of each other to members outside of the group, like a student from another lab section. You may have similar kind of small group dynamic when you are a medical resident and a third year med students says his resident isnt explaining something. When you have roles that cross here like this (ie TA 202 and grad student) its referred to as role strain (see Erving Goffman's 1961 book Asylums: Essays on the Social Situation of Mental Patients and Other Inmates a classic from my own grad school days)

Now this TA 202 seemed to be rather overly defensive in this but we dont know the background between the two TA. My guess is TA 202 has to rely on or work with TA 102 and that project has issues. Maybe 202 is carrying 102 and their PI isnt helpful. Maybe 202 has their probable dissertation research relying heavily on some piece of research from 102.

None of this excuses or defends either TA nor does help you in your course. But it may show the importance of seeing other people's agendas when dealing with them. Also, you in no way or shape wrong in this case

That's a great point. I know they're friends (like you said, small grad student group) I just thought that her response was a little off putting. But like I said I never bad mouthed him because I really do like him. Just unfortunately I'm someone who sometimes has to have thing explained in different ways than everyone else ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[jcve34]

Woah. A simple that isn't my lane please find help through your TA again or consult these x and y resources would have sufficed. Thanks for the lecture mom.

Not your fault OP. Politics or some other connection is involved.

 

[deleted480308]

At what point did OP get annoyed with the 201 TA?

Thanks for all of the replies!!! I won't worry about it! Just kind of a stinky situation. She's kind of petty so I'm just hoping she doesn't go to my 202 TA.



I wasn't annoyed, I was just taken aback by her response. It was pretty rude. I fully recognize she's under no obligation to help me out for that class.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

I'll admit I phrased that quite poorly. I think you were a bit rude (matter of opinion here) to be asking someone to do something that isn't remotely their job. I think it was rude (no longer really a matter of opinion) to say anything but, "my bad, just thought I'd ask, sorry for the bother" when the TA said no the first time

but no, you shouldn't be emotionally wounded by any of this, it's not a big deal. Just a little tone deaf in terms of office social cues

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I'll admit I phrased that quite poorly. I think you were a bit rude (matter of opinion here) to be asking someone to do something that isn't remotely their job. I think it was rude (no longer really a matter of opinion) to say anything but, "my bad, just thought I'd ask, sorry for the bother" when the TA said no the first time

but no, you shouldn't be emotionally wounded by any of this, it's not a big deal. Just a little tone deaf in terms of office social cues

How is it rude to ask? He specifically prefaced it by saying if she doesn't have time or doesn't want to, it's okay.

 

[chrisjh]

No.
No.
No.
No again. Ill keep saying it.
You did nothing wrong. Nothing rude. Nothing whatsoever. You needed help. You werent getting it. You sought help from a different source. Thats what youre supposed to do. The worst that should happen is a no. Not a berating from another student, grad or otherwise. Idgaf if theres office politics involved, that crap needs to stay out of the classroom. Screw politics and keep personal crap out of the classroom.

OP, if the TA isnt giving you the help you need, go to the instructor. Its their job.

 

[nm06003]

She was out of line. I have two or more TAs for most of my science classes and I see the one that fits my schedule best. She needs to relax. It is quite normal to ask your other TA in the same class. I've asked TAs qs for other classes that they weren't teaching and they were always helpful. Make sure to mention this in her review at end of term. Our school gives us the option to give feedback on TAs when classes end. Maybe someone higher up will read it and tell her to check her attitude with the next class.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[DrCaffeinated]

At my school everyone goes to everyone else's TA hours depending on what goes their schedule. The TAs must not be set up to be as cooperative at your school. That's too bad🙁

 

[Noxy]

Man, my TA's at my school were all awful and they knew it and didn't care. Sometimes there was a diamond in the rough, but it was rare and everyone from every class begged them for help. I ran around my entire science faculty asking questions sometimes, regardless of who it was. I remember finding a random guy in the physics department one day and asked him to explain something my TA gave up explaining to our entire class. He had an entire giant wall dedicated to this HUGE equation, so i figured he could help me. It was definitely not rude. your grade is on the line and if you don't understand something, you have the right to seek help elsewhere.

 

[Elfie]

I'll admit I phrased that quite poorly. I think you were a bit rude (matter of opinion here) to be asking someone to do something that isn't remotely their job. I think it was rude (no longer really a matter of opinion) to say anything but, "my bad, just thought I'd ask, sorry for the bother" when the TA said no the first time

but no, you shouldn't be emotionally wounded by any of this, it's not a big deal. Just a little tone deaf in terms of office social cues

I prefaced the entire conversation with her that I knew it wasn't her job, and that if she wouldn't want to I wouldn't be upset or anything. I was by no means asking her to re-teach an entire lab to me. There were just a couple of pieces that didn't make sense, but I recognize that those pieces are key to my success in the class. She didn't even really say no until the end. She just continued to ask if I had approached my TA for that class and everything else I mentioned above. I was never rude, in my opinion, to her and I still respect her and like her a lot. I, again, was just taken aback by the reaction I got.

 

[Lawpy]

Screw them. Your tuition is paying their stipend. Its their job to help you.
You're there to learn, not to tiptoe over their feelings.
If they wont help you, go to the instructor, or go see one of the schools tutors.
You have nothing to apologize for or feel bad about.

No.
No.
No.
No again. Ill keep saying it.
You did nothing wrong. Nothing rude. Nothing whatsoever. You needed help. You werent getting it. You sought help from a different source. Thats what youre supposed to do. The worst that should happen is a no. Not a berating from another student, grad or otherwise. Idgaf if theres office politics involved, that crap needs to stay out of the classroom. Screw politics and keep personal crap out of the classroom.

OP, if the TA isnt giving you the help you need, go to the instructor. Its their job.

I agree with this. No one cares about office politics and grad student struggles, because these are irrelevant to the current matters. The TA should have helped OP in some way or even if she couldn't, she could at least politely decline. Her criticism was unnecessary and unappreciated.. And it's evident the TA was being immature.

You are fine OP, so don't worry about it.

 

[Lawpy]

It matters if for nothing else in trying to deal and understand them in order to get your question answered. In other words,
if the problem is getting additional help on lab questions,
and the process is to ask another TA,
then part of the method is to understand their agenda/position in order to interact/interface with them to reach your goal

This has nothing to do with the manner/ethics/rudeness that OP experience, but just a goal-oriented approach . As I said in my earlier post

Yeah i agree with this and your previous post employing social psychology to understand the TA's situation (which was pretty interesting). But more importantly, i agree with your conclusion that the TA's response was unwarranted