What happens to your significant other?

[MKA55]

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Dude, I'm gonna be in the same boat. I've been with my gf for six years now, and we're gonna be making a go at the long distance med school thing. I know it's gonna be tough, but I am very confident in our ability to do it, and I have every intention of marrying her at the end of it. We've already done the long distance relationship several times, including part of a military stint and throughout undergrad, and we've always managed to make it work. It takes a long of hard work, maturity, and sacrifice, but if you both know the other person is worth it, and you're both devoted to each other, it's definitely possible.

And I think you're on solid ground to have her not move down with you. If she's got a good job where she is, and there are other financial issues to consider, then by all means, have her stay where she is. My gf has a tenured teaching position where she is, with good pay, so she'll be staying home while I'm in med school. Once I graduate med school and find a residency (I plan on staying in the same city as my med school), she'll come and join me, with a stronger work history because of it.

Ignore the naysayers dude, I say go for it. 👍

 

[katarina90]

My gf lives up North and I am going to med school down south. She doesn't plan on moving down south anytime soon, and I don't plan on hanging around the south following med school. With that being said, what does everyone usually do in these situations? I don't want her to basically just 'tag along' with wherever I am, and she doesn't either. Even after school with the chance of my internship and residency being in different spots, what do people usually do? She wants/needs to further her career and that just isn't possible if she picked up and moved 3 times over 5 years.

Just wondering on what to expect I guess...

Thoughts?

Ouch, we have some harsh responses at the beginning of the thread : /

Plenty of couples and even married ones (yes even people with kids, because their spouse's job/school is somewhere else) make it work in med school. The reality is that this is an uber-competitive process and there isn't always a choice of location.

The key is that there needs to be an end point--in my case, it will be that I apply specifically to residencies near my husband's graduate program which is in NYC (i plan on doing IM or psych, so its most likely doable). And worst case is that I end up somewhere around there (we will look at programs together from the beginning), we commute and after he graduates we'll be in the same spot.

I think you two should sit down and talk about what your 'end point' would be where you are definitely going to just make a way to live in the same place. I don't think long distance is sustainable forever but for a few years it can definitely work (and does for a lot of people). I have seen some successful long-distance relationships work out.

Get a good cell phone plan, set up Skype accounts, and plan to spend a lot of vacations traveling to each other. Email, write notes, and keep each other involved.

The reality is when you are young you have to work towards your career goals, because that is the best time to make them happen. But that doesn't mean you need to give up on your relationship.

 

[UAAWolf]

Ouch, we have some harsh responses at the beginning of the thread : /

Plenty of couples and even married ones (yes even people with kids, because their spouse's job/school is somewhere else) make it work in med school. The reality is that this is an uber-competitive process and there isn't always a choice of location.

The key is that there needs to be an end point--in my case, it will be that I apply specifically to residencies near my husband's graduate program which is in NYC (i plan on doing IM or psych, so its most likely doable). And worst case is that I end up somewhere around there (we will look at programs together from the beginning), we commute and after he graduates we'll be in the same spot.

I think you two should sit down and talk about what your 'end point' would be where you are definitely going to just make a way to live in the same place. I don't think long distance is sustainable forever but for a few years it can definitely work (and does for a lot of people). I have seen some successful long-distance relationships work out.

Get a good cell phone plan, set up Skype accounts, and plan to spend a lot of vacations traveling to each other. Email, write notes, and keep each other involved.

The reality is when you are young you have to work towards your career goals, because that is the best time to make them happen. But that doesn't mean you need to give up on your relationship.

Sure you can "make it work"...but you have to sacrifice aspects of your life to do so. Do you really want to do this during medical school? I don't...for me this a time where I need to focus 100% on myself to be my best. If other people can do it in relationships thats great and I commend them...I just know if I'm dating someone I'm really not doing 100% as good as I could be.

Maybe I'm just angry I don't have a girlfriend right now

 

[Perrotfish]

Dude, I'm gonna be in the same boat. I've been with my gf for six years now, and we're gonna be making a go at the long distance med school thing. I know it's gonna be tough, but I am very confident in our ability to do it, and I have every intention of marrying her at the end of it. We've already done the long distance relationship several times, including part of a military stint and throughout undergrad, and we've always managed to make it work. It takes a long of hard work, maturity, and sacrifice, but if you both know the other person is worth it, and you're both devoted to each other, it's definitely possible.

And I think you're on solid ground to have her not move down with you. If she's got a good job where she is, and there are other financial issues to consider, then by all means, have her stay where she is. My gf has a tenured teaching position where she is, with good pay, so she'll be staying home while I'm in med school. Once I graduate med school and find a residency (I plan on staying in the same city as my med school), she'll come and join me, with a stronger work history because of it.

Ignore the naysayers dude, I say go for it. 👍

If you're 100% sure you're going to marry her eventually why not just marry her? Why is a long distance girlfriend better than a long distance wife?

 

[MKA55]

^Perrotfish, to answer your question:

Because we both see marriage as the beginning of the next stage of our lives, and its something that I want to be around for (and that she wants me to be around for). I don't want to marry her and then constantly be leaving, and to miss out on the first four (or more) years of our lives together. I'm not criticizing those who do this, but we've both talked about this ad nauseam, and we agree, and we both would rather wait to get married, and then be able to spend large amounts of time together (rather than having to say goodbye almost immediately).

 

[Telekinesis]

^Perrotfish, to answer your question:

Because we both see marriage as the beginning of the next stage of our lives, and its something that I want to be around for (and that she wants me to be around for). I don't want to marry her and then constantly be leaving, and to miss out on the first four (or more) years of our lives together. I'm not criticizing those who do this, but we've both talked about this ad nauseam, and we agree, and we both would rather wait to get married, and then be able to spend large amounts of time together (rather than having to say goodbye almost immediately).

If you intend to only marry one person for a lifetime, a few years is a drop in the bucket compared to the lifetime of happiness you would have with this person.

 

[miniagent007]

Sure you can "make it work"...but you have to sacrifice aspects of your life to do so. Do you really want to do this during medical school? I don't...for me this a time where I need to focus 100% on myself to be my best. If other people can do it in relationships thats great and I commend them...I just know if I'm dating someone I'm really not doing 100% as good as I could be.

I think this may depend on the study habits of the person or what med school they're at. I'm in an LDR and this last year I did really well! I think it's been good for me, because it means I CAN'T spend all my time studying. Keeps me well-rounded. Many of my classmates stressed all the time and stayed up till midnight or 1 every night to study, but I usually got at least 7-8 hours of sleep every night because my bf and I had a nightly phone date at a set time before bed. I had fun too, and volunteered a lot and kept up on my TV shows. Maintaining a long-distance relationship takes time but it doesn't have to eat your life! My bf also gave me some stability - singleness has it's own stress, and I'd rather have to be away for a time but know he's there than be alone. A little bit of the person you love is better than none, in my opinion!

To the OP I'd say give it a go, get a routine going and make sure you and your SO are on the same page as far as expectations. Good communication and a little optimism helps. Remind yourself it's not forever. Know that it'll be hard and that it might not work, but it could. Bam.