What happens to your significant other?

[jdh71]

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I'm glad you realize that. Maybe you could try it out sometime?

Oh the IRONY!!!! It burns my eyes!!!!

 

[MedStudentWanna]

Are you always this much of an intellectually dishonest douchebag?

There's nothing dishonest about quoting your own words. If you've been misunderstood, clear it up, but the whole "out of context" nonsense is the lying politician's way out.

The next point you try to make is a quote about an observation about this thread up to that point, an observation about the thread does not equal men are reasonable and women are not. Two big swings and misses there champ. Your mother would be proud.

In your words own words, you said that the women are desperately pushing this idea and the men are much more reasonable about it. I'll agree it doesn't mean that men are always reasonable and women aren't (and I never said it did), but in your own words, in black and white, you said that. So like I said above, if you were misunderstood, clear it up. Don't get all touchy when someone requotes your words.

I'm not surprised when some flames me. It happens all the time. I have strong opinions which I often share and too often people don't like my opinions, so they flame me. I'm not surprise, she's merely wrong. The wrongness does surprise me a little.

You don't have a shred of self-awareness, do you? I don't think people flame you because they don't agree with you. They flame you because of the way you share your opinions, putting others down as if they're less intelligent, less knowledgeable about the world, and less able to communicate simply because they don't agree with what you say. That kind of thing screams insecurity to me, like a boy standing on the rooftop dictating to others "YOU WILL AGREE WITH ME1!!!!!"

I don't think all people of disagree with are delusion - where do you come up with this stuff?

It all comes from the tone and words in your posts. You tell people that they're mad at you because you're "educating them about the world." Why would say such a thing if not to imply that their opinion couldn't possibly work and that if they hold such an opinion, they know nothing about the realities of the world. You're in essence calling them delusional for having that opinion. And you don't think that's offensive?

I think people that create strawmen arguments against positions I've not taken are probably idiots.

No one has created a strawman here. Everything said has come as a response to your posts. If you've been misunderstood, man up and explain. Don't just play the "I didn't say that! That was taken out of context! You lied!" game.

And I think people that refuse to accept certain objective points are probably delusional per that issue. You yourself agree that most LDRs don't work.

Which "objective" points would those be? I never saw anyone say that LDR's definitely work all the time. All I saw was several people say that LDR's can work and for that they were called (implied) unreasonable, (implied) naieve, not in a real relationship, out of touch with reality. And you don't think they should be defensive about that?

 

[Law2Doc]

...
It doesn't shock me that you'd make such an observation based on the fact that most of your posts -- about anything -- are pessimistic and doom-and-gloom. ...

Oh please. We all know you haven't read "most of my posts". I would wager that you haven't even read more than 5% of my posts. In my 20,000 + posts, I'd estimate there are fewer than a few hundred "doom-and-gloom" posts, and they typically are on topics related to how hard folks need to work in med school and residency. Take it from a lawyer, if the only way you can make your point is to try and cast aspersions on someone's posting history and try to marginalize them, then you really don't have a winning argument.

I think plenty of people on here are qualified to attest about whether extended LDRs work, and what typically happens in med school. You don't have to like it, but that doesn't make it not typically true.

 

[Jolie South]

If we can't play like nice boys and girls, this thread will be closed.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to remind you all of the ignore user function. Simply click on the user's name, then click add to ignore list. You won't see their posts in the future.

 

[jdh71]

There's nothing dishonest about quoting your own words. If you've been misunderstood, clear it up, but the whole "out of context" nonsense is the lying politician's way out.

It was dishonest and it was completely out of context. It's not nonsense. You quoted select parts of one post to try and make a dishonest point. Own it. A reasonable person would apologize for it.

In your words own words, you said that the women are desperately pushing this idea and the men are much more reasonable about it. I'll agree it doesn't mean that men are always reasonable and women aren't (and I never said it did), but in your own words, in black and white, you said that. So like I said above, if you were misunderstood, clear it up. Don't get all touchy when someone requotes your words.

I did clear it up. I'm not touchy having my words quoted. I do find myself more than a little annoyed to have someone do it dishonestly. I'd tell you not to get so touchy when someone call you on your nonsense.

You don't have a shred of self-awareness, do you? I don't think people flame you because they don't agree with you. They flame you because of the way you share your opinions, putting others down as if they're less intelligent, less knowledgeable about the world, and less able to communicate simply because they don't agree with what you say. That kind of thing screams insecurity to me, like a boy standing on the rooftop dictating to others "YOU WILL AGREE WITH ME1!!!!!"

It all comes from the tone and words in your posts. You tell people that they're mad at you because you're "educating them about the world." Why would say such a thing if not to imply that their opinion couldn't possibly work and that if they hold such an opinion, they know nothing about the realities of the world. You're in essence calling them delusional for having that opinion. And you don't think that's offensive?

You don't like my style. Noted.

No one has created a strawman here. Everything said has come as a response to your posts. If you've been misunderstood, man up and explain. Don't just play the "I didn't say that! That was taken out of context! You lied!" game.

I'm not playing any games. There are no games. If you argue against a point I have NOT made, you've knocked over a strawman. This is very simple. I'm more than happy to explain any misunderstanding, but that conversation cannot occur while someone is making stupid arguments.

Which "objective" points would those be? I never saw anyone say that LDR's definitely work all the time. All I saw was several people say that LDR's can work and for that they were called (implied) unreasonable, (implied) naieve, not in a real relationship, out of touch with reality. And you don't think they should be defensive about that?

My one an only point here was that LDRs do not often work out. I never said that all LDRs are "unreasonable". I never said that anyone in a LDR was "not in a real relationship". I do think that people that do not understand that most LDRs will not work are both unreasonable and naive. I don't know if people should or should not get defensive about any of that - it's a free country and people can feel however they want to feel. I do think if you're going to be "defensive", perhaps it would be helpful to actually know and understand what is being said.

 

[betsywetsy]

 

[Stixman28]

This thread is ridiculous, and

OP if you're still here, I am in a long distance relationship. I am a med student


I do better in school bc of it. My girlfriend doesn't cheat on me. If anything, our relationship is stronger than it ever was before. it takes maturity.

 

[MedicineMike]

This thread is ridiculous, and

OP if you're still here, I am in a long distance relationship. I am a med student


I do better in school bc of it. My girlfriend doesn't cheat on me. If anything, our relationship is stronger than it ever was before. it takes maturity.

Thanks for your post. I have a feeling this will be the same way with us. Also, this is the first post I have actually read amidst all the garbage pre-allo crap in the last page or so!

 

[Nrohgof]

I have 3 friends who carried on LDRs. One relationship started in 2nd yr undergrad through med-school, and the guy courting my classmate was 6 years older. The other two couples started dating in 4th year undergrad. All three couples eventually got married after one partner finished med-school.

It can work out, but the couple must be very committed to each other. What I observed was that the partner who wasn't in med-school flew across the country every few weeks for quality time with his/her SO.

I hope yours works out OP

 

[dude1344]

Just to throw in my story, I'm in a LDR and we just got engaged recently. Going as strong as ever. 👍

 

[Geekchick921]

This thread is ridiculous, and

OP if you're still here, I am in a long distance relationship. I am a med student


I do better in school bc of it. My girlfriend doesn't cheat on me. If anything, our relationship is stronger than it ever was before. it takes maturity.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. Good for you guys.

My husband and I did the LDR thing twice, for less than 6 months each time. I spent my first semester of college in NYC while he was still home in Philly. A year and a half later he spent 5-6 months in Reading for a paid internship while I was home in Philly. Neither of those times were we more than 2 hours away from each other (door to door), but neither of us had our own car at that point and relied on public transportation or friends to see each other in person. It was hard but we clearly did alright. 🙂

I don't doubt medical school will be hard and will challenge our relationship, but it's been going strong for just over 10 years now. My husband's always been nothing but supportive of me during my prereqs and the application process, our support system is here and thankfully his career is doing more and more telecommuting. I think we'll be just fine.

 

[cbrons]

In my experience/belief, people stay in stressful LDRs mainly because they believe they have no other options.

 

[cbrons]

As someone who's read this thread, I disagree with your assessment. I'm ashamed to say that I'm of the opinion that LDRs are too hard to maintain in med school because I don't want to be associated with the asses who've littered this thread. Jdh has been a prick about an opinion we both share. His post above is proof of that, not only his post to Gabby but to Murphy too. Others have also been *******s. It doesn't surprise me in the least that she got defensive when people tell her crap like she doesn't understand reality or she's not in a real relationship or she's mad that her relationship is failing. It takes a lot of freaking nerve to tell a stranger that and frankly speaking, if someone told me that, I'd slam them, too.

I don't think JDH or any of the others in this thread (L2D, Prowler) who share the same opinion have been *******s at all. Additionally, are you telling me your eyes didn't roll when you read the following:

OP, my fiance and I have been doing the long distance thing. I won't lie, it's hard, but it can help your relationship grow if you're truly in love. We talk on the phone for hours every night. And I mean really talk since we don't have the luxury of just sitting in a room together quietly. It's helped us get closer in some ways because we talk about all sorts of things just to enjoy each others company. We watch TV together on the phone, rent movies together, stuff like that.

Or they may end up like me, planning their dream wedding and life together after years of long distance.

 

[johnmendes]

I don't think JDH or any of the others in this thread (L2D, Prowler) who share the same opinion have been *******s at all. Additionally, are you telling me your eyes didn't roll when you read the following:

this thread is amazing! I wonder how they synchronize the movie though, I can just imagine "omg, he died!!" "wait what? ohh..."

 

[MedStudentWanna]

It was dishonest and it was completely out of context. It's not nonsense. You quoted select parts of one post to try and make a dishonest point. Own it. A reasonable person would apologize for it.

Apologize for quoting your words back to you? I think not. If your quotes sounded assholish, perhaps you're the one who owes an apology.

I did clear it up. I'm not touchy having my words quoted. I do find myself more than a little annoyed to have someone do it dishonestly. I'd tell you not to get so touchy when someone call you on your nonsense.

There wasn't a thing dishonest about my post. You said it. You should own it. If you were misunderstood, admit it and explain. Now grow a pair and quit whining because someone dared to throw your words back at you.

I'm not playing any games. There are no games. If you argue against a point I have NOT made, you've knocked over a strawman.

The strawman, the classic retort for anyone who doesn't have a decent comeback on the issue at hand. How long before you invoke Hitler?

This is very simple. I'm more than happy to explain any misunderstanding, but that conversation cannot occur while someone is making stupid arguments.

And since you don't agree, all arguments are stupid. Got it.

My one an only point here was that LDRs do not often work out.

And had you said that and only that, you could have avoided this whole thing.

I never said that all LDRs are "unreasonable".

No one said you did.

I never said that anyone in a LDR was "not in a real relationship".

No one said you did.

I do think that people that do not understand that most LDRs will not work are both unreasonable and naive.

I haven't seen a single poster here make that claim. What you've done is taken what every pro-LDR person has said, that not all LDR's are doomed to fail, and turn it into ALL LDR's are the best thing since sliced bread! just so you can insult them. Tell me again, who's playing the strawman?

I don't know if people should or should not get defensive about any of that - it's a free country and people can feel however they want to feel. I do think if you're going to be "defensive", perhaps it would be helpful to actually know and understand what is being said.

The only person who seems to not understand what was said in this thread is you. No one else.

 

[MedStudentWanna]

In my experience/belief, people stay in stressful LDRs mainly because they believe they have no other options.

People who stay in ANY stressful relationship do it because they feel they have no other options. Not every LDR is stressful there, bud.

 

[MedStudentWanna]

I don't think JDH or any of the others in this thread (L2D, Prowler) who share the same opinion have been *******s at all.

I do. L2D's posts don't surprise me though. He's always like that.

Additionally, are you telling me your eyes didn't roll when you read the following:

Nope, my eyes don't roll when I read about two people in love watching movies on the phone together. I guess that's what happens when you grow up. You quit rolling your eyes like a petulent teenager. Try it some time (growing up that is).

 

[betsywetsy]

 

[tabascosauce]

lay down your pride and give way to glory of love

 

[BassPlease]

Just wanted to add that my boyfriend (yes, boyfriend, no ring) have been LDR for my first 2 years of med school. He had originally planned to "follow me anywhere" but once he landed a fantastic job, it wasn't the right decision for him to move to be with me, especially given how busy I was/am.

We see each other every 3-5 weeks and we have 300 miles in between. Usually we can spend time for more than just a weekend if he takes a few vacation days or I can miss classes. It has HARD, awful, terrible, but we know it's worth it. And it feels great to be halfway done with the distance!! I also plan to do the max number of away rotations at his location, so really we've just gotta get through third year.

The hardest part is that he is more of a "grown up" with a paycheck, growing 401k, and desire to buy a house. My residency future is uncertain, but thankfully I don't have an interest that is so competitive that I will be limited location wise.

We have definitely realized that we have separate lives, and it's awful, especially as you realize that your SO has all these friends/people in his life that you don't know, and who see him waaaaay more than you do. It helps to not be jealous, although we both have our weak days for sure.

Just hang in there. The time FLIES, and you'll be shocked when you look back and realize how much time you've already accomplished.

FWIW, we started dating when we were 16. High school sweethearts FTW? 🙂

-BP

 

[jdh71]

Apologize for quoting your words back to you? I think not. If your quotes sounded assholish, perhaps you're the one who owes an apology.

There wasn't a thing dishonest about my post. You said it. You should own it. If you were misunderstood, admit it and explain. Now grow a pair and quit whining because someone dared to throw your words back at you.

I've explained twice as to a child, what was dishonest about your use of what was said, you inability to understand that what tried did not make your point and was intellectually dishonest is disappointing.

The strawman, the classic retort for anyone who doesn't have a decent comeback on the issue at hand. How long before you invoke Hitler?

I'm not sure what Hitler has to do with anything??? Now why he would be brought up anywhere in this discussion?? A strawman is a strawman, and you created a few. It is "classic" for someone that doesn't understand a conversation to bring up the WRONG argument. You screwed up and your hand-waving, and attempt at misdirection, ostensibly with "hitler", are pretty obvious to how weak you are here.

And since you don't agree, all arguments are stupid. Got it.

I didn't say that. This would be another example of a strawman. Note this. Pay attention to this. It might help you.

And had you said that and only that, you could have avoided this whole thing.

That's been the ONLY thing I've said. What is more interesting to me now is why you and a few choice others were UNABLE to see that, while everyone else has been able to.

No one said you did.

No one said you did.

Then why bring it up?

I haven't seen a single poster here make that claim. What you've done is taken what every pro-LDR person has said, that not all LDR's are doomed to fail, and turn it into ALL LDR's are the best thing since sliced bread! just so you can insult them. Tell me again, who's playing the strawman?

I certainly did not turn "not all LDRs are doomed to fail" and turn it into "ALL LDRs are the best thing since sliced bread" I told you what my one and only point was in this entire thread. I should know, because it's my point. And even after you have addressed that you have the temerity to continue your temper tantrum with this little gem, playing a strawman and then accusing me of a strawman, AFTER it's already been discussed what argument I've been making - clarified for you because you lacked the ability to see it, no less. I mean what am I even supposed to do with you now after you've shown such an inability to hold and have an intellectually honest discussion?

 

[MedStudentWanna]

I've explained twice as to a child, what was dishonest about your use of what was said, you inability to understand that what tried did not make your point and was intellectually dishonest is disappointing.

You tried to explain? By saying repeatedly "it was taken out of context." As I said, if you were misunderstood, explain yourself. You elected not to do that. That's fine. But then don't point a finger at me, saying that I was dishonest when it couldn't be further from the truth. The fact that instead of explaining yourself, you've chosen to go on the defensive and blame others for your ill-chosen words sends a message loud and clear.

I'm not sure what Hitler has to do with anything??? Now why he would be brought up anywhere in this discussion??

Godwin's Law. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin's_law

A strawman is a strawman, and you created a few. It is "classic" for someone that doesn't understand a conversation to bring up the WRONG argument. You screwed up and your hand-waving, and attempt at misdirection, ostensibly with "hitler", are pretty obvious to how weak you are here.

This would be humorous if it wasn't so sad.

I didn't say that. This would be another example of a strawman. Note this. Pay attention to this. It might help you.

It's not a strawman at all. In fact, it was no different than your response to Gabby after you asked her to tell you what your point was and she ignored you. But then it seems that you're the only one who can play those games. You suddenly call foul when anyone throws it back in your face. ::::awaiting another 'strawman' argument with the obligatory stomping of your feet::::

That's been the ONLY thing I've said. What is more interesting to me now is why you and a few choice others were UNABLE to see that, while everyone else has been able to.

Everyone else counts as what? A few others on this thread that are just as big a jerk as you? I could easily say that "Everyone else thinks LDR's are great!" because a few others have said that. Doesn't make it true now, does it? If your argument were strong enough, you wouldn't need to repeatedly claim that others agree with you.

Then why bring it up?

Because Oh Narcassitic One, that first post wasn't dedicated to you. You were not the end-all-be-all focus of my argument.

I certainly did not turn "not all LDRs are doomed to fail" and turn it into "ALL LDRs are the best thing since sliced bread" I told you what my one and only point was in this entire thread. I should know, because it's my point.

Your one and only point? Then why did you go on, arguing other things? Such as how the world works? If you had one and only one point to make, you would have stopped arguing after post number one.

And even after you have addressed that you have the temerity to continue your temper tantrum with this little gem, playing a strawman and then accusing me of a strawman, AFTER it's already been discussed what argument I've been making - clarified for you because you lacked the ability to see it, no less. I mean what am I even supposed to do with you now after you've shown such an inability to hold and have an intellectually honest discussion?

It seems you're the only person in this thread having a temper tantrum, dear. I'm cool as a cucumber. As to "intellectually honest discussions," I doubt you have many of them. In this post alone, you lied about having one and only one point. It's quite clear that you're devoid of any self awareness whatsoever and think that anyone who looks at you the wrong way is out to get you by mis-quoting you or turned off by you just because they disagree. Let me know when you get your reality check.

 

[Amalgamate]

In my experience/belief, people stay in stressful LDRs mainly because they believe they have no other options.

the smartest thing I've ever heard

 

[Just Joshin]

the smartest thing I've ever heard

You should get out more.

 

[twentyone]

Thanks for your post. I have a feeling this will be the same way with us. Also, this is the first post I have actually read amidst all the garbage pre-allo crap in the last page or so!

Oy. OP you seen reasonable. I had one year of LDR before med school and while dating then a couple more years in med school while married. It was expensive. Before the family plans on cell phone and stuff. And yeah, we did watch TV over the phone.

You have choices to make (like not hooking up with someone else) but otherwise there's nothing real magical about it. Good luck with whatever you do.

 

[ToldYouSo]

This thread started out ok then got derailed pretty badly... Gabby I don't deny that some people are able to make LDR's work, but you come across as very bitter and while you support those who agree with your all-or-nothing philosophy about love, you rebuke anyone who doesn't agree with you and then dismiss them off as spouting "arm chair psychology...

Jdh you sound really defensive also... you called medstudent a douchbag for quoting you, then go on to say a reasonable person would apologize... (yet they wouldn't resort to personal attacks like you did) Why are you guys so bitter?

 

[Narmerguy]

Putting things on their level is different than descending to that level. I don't throw my food on the floor when I'm talking to my toddler.

In my experience/belief, people stay in stressful LDRs mainly because they believe they have no other options.

A lot of truth but not always true. Sometimes people stay in stressful LDR's because they're determined to make it work. Hell, people do this in normal relationships as well.

I don't think JDH or any of the others in this thread (L2D, Prowler) who share the same opinion have been *******s at all. Additionally, are you telling me your eyes didn't roll when you read the following:

I agree. Look, can we stop pretending like there aren't drawbacks and dangers to LDR's that local relationships don't have? Continuing to argue like both of these modes of relationships are equally successful is absurd and makes the supporters of it look very bigoted.

Reading all 3 pages of this felt like a waste of my life so I'll be ****ed if I don't write something now. If I'm not being too presumptuous, let me try my best to succinctly summarize the points that the "evil" side supports.

1. Long distance relationships (LDR) can work.
2. So can relationships where one person lives in antartica without communication and the other is chilling in rockies...point being, "anything" can work. That we all agree on this point establishes little and effectively helps the OP in no way. However, the hyperbole ends here. We ALL AGREE. It CAN WORK.
3. A very large portion of the relationships in medical school end, be them to med students, non health-related individuals, or something else.
4. Long distance relationships are hard. Very hard. They require more sacrifice than other relationships and usually are not attempted for 4+ years at a time.
5. A significant # of LDR that work do so because the individuals involved A) Are married, B) Plan to get married, C) Plan to do the LDR for only a little while
6. Planning to do a long distance relationship for 4+ years when you are not married, not willing to sacrifice careers, and not planning to get married is NOT in keeping with the traits that have identified the vast majority of successful long distance relationships, and thus makes it seem very unlikely that you will be one of them.

Is this mean? Maybe it's not pretty and maybe it doesn't jive with some poster's life story or that of someone they know, but it is the reality for the vast majority of adults in the world. Relationships are hard, medical school relationships can be harder, LDR relationships without significant sacrifices seem perhaps the worst.

Please, if something in that list seems just too crazy to accept, point it out and we can go there. But continuing to fight over stances that no one is seriously advocating is wasting space and time. Let's stop the character attacks and just address the points and reasoning that is being brought up.

I don't know if I've ever felt more frustrated reading a thread before since Hoody departed us.

 

[cbrons]

People who stay in ANY stressful relationship do it because they feel they have no other options. Not every LDR is stressful there, bud.

Well the straight-up truth is that most LDRs are stressful, dawg. Seriously, let's just get down to brass tacks. Most people in LDRs that are ultra stressful/difficult (the majority of them) stay in said LDR because they have little or no other options for love. Maybe they are too insecure, too fat/ugly, have too much of an annoying personality, have too much emotional baggage, and/or have no friends to listen their problems (typically girls suffer from this problem).

Another reason people stay-in is that they feel like they have already invested way too much in the LTLDR (Long-Term, Long-Distance Relationship) to give it up. It's like they've pushed most of their chips in and wanna see how the hand plays out. Problem is they're all-in with a low pair. There is a time to fold, and walk away from the table with some chips and some time left

 

[addo]

Well the straight-up truth is that most LDRs are stressful, dawg. Seriously, let's just get down to brass tacks. Most people in LDRs that are ultra stressful/difficult (the majority of them) stay in said LDR because they have little or no other options for love. Maybe they are too insecure, too fat/ugly, have too much of an annoying personality, have too much emotional baggage, and/or have no friends to listen their problems (typically girls suffer from this problem).

Another reason people stay-in is that they feel like they have already invested way too much in the LTLDR (Long-Term, Long-Distance Relationship) to give it up. It's like they've pushed most of their chips in and wanna see how the hand plays out. Problem is they're all-in with a low pair. There is a time to fold, and walk away from the table with some chips and some time left

qft.... speak da truf man.

 

[MedStudentWanna]

I agree. Look, can we stop pretending like there aren't drawbacks and dangers to LDR's that local relationships don't have? Continuing to argue like both of these modes of relationships are equally successful is absurd and makes the supporters of it look very bigoted.

I don't think anyone said that the relationships are equally successful. Every single person who said that it worked for them prefaced it by saying that was extremely difficult. Just not impossible. How is that different than what you said? Where things got ugly is when other posters came out and said things about these relationships not being real relationships, about people who are in LDR's dont' understand how the world works, and being condescending to those other posters.

1. Long distance relationships (LDR) can work.
2. So can relationships where one person lives in antartica without communication and the other is chilling in rockies...point being, "anything" can work. That we all agree on this point establishes little and effectively helps the OP in no way. However, the hyperbole ends here. We ALL AGREE. It CAN WORK.
3. A very large portion of the relationships in medical school end, be them to med students, non health-related individuals, or something else.
4. Long distance relationships are hard. Very hard. They require more sacrifice than other relationships and usually are not attempted for 4+ years at a time.
5. A significant # of LDR that work do so because the individuals involved A) Are married, B) Plan to get married, C) Plan to do the LDR for only a little while
6. Planning to do a long distance relationship for 4+ years when you are not married, not willing to sacrifice careers, and not planning to get married is NOT in keeping with the traits that have identified the vast majority of successful long distance relationships, and thus makes it seem very unlikely that you will be one of them.

Is this mean? Maybe it's not pretty and maybe it doesn't jive with some poster's life story or that of someone they know, but it is the reality for the vast majority of adults in the world. Relationships are hard, medical school relationships can be harder, LDR relationships without significant sacrifices seem perhaps the worst.

Please, if something in that list seems just too crazy to accept, point it out and we can go there. But continuing to fight over stances that no one is seriously advocating is wasting space and time. Let's stop the character attacks and just address the points and reasoning that is being brought up.

If everyone had posted their opinions like that, there wouldn't be an issue. As someone who would never do an LDR again, I have no trouble understanding where the other side is coming from thanks to the slams by people whose opinion I actually agree with.

Well the straight-up truth is that most LDRs are stressful, dawg. Seriously, let's just get down to brass tacks. Most people in LDRs that are ultra stressful/difficult (the majority of them) stay in said LDR because they have little or no other options for love. Maybe they are too insecure, too fat/ugly, have too much of an annoying personality, have too much emotional baggage, and/or have no friends to listen their problems (typically girls suffer from this problem).

Please. This is true for most regular relationships too. To attribute it to LDR's makes me think you don't have enough experience in regular relationships to see this pattern there.

Another reason people stay-in is that they feel like they have already invested way too much in the LTLDR (Long-Term, Long-Distance Relationship) to give it up. It's like they've pushed most of their chips in and wanna see how the hand plays out. Problem is they're all-in with a low pair. There is a time to fold, and walk away from the table with some chips and some time left

Once again, this is true for most regular relationships as well. This is not unique to LDR's.

 

[cbrons]

Please. This is true for most regular relationships too. To attribute it to LDR's makes me think you don't have enough experience in regular relationships to see this pattern there.
.

no, most regular relationships aren't extremely stressful most of the time. The distance, the uncertainty, the lack of physical contact... couple this with the day-to-day rigors of med schools makes LDRs uniquely challenging. To not understand this makes me know that you don't have enough experience in non-stressful versus stressful exclusive sexual relationships of both the long and short distance typologies.

 

[MedStudentWanna]

no, most regular relationships aren't extremely stressful most of the time. The distance, the uncertainty, the lack of physical contact... couple this with the day-to-day rigors of med schools makes LDRs uniquely challenging. To not understand this makes me know that you don't have enough experience in non-stressful versus stressful exclusive sexual relationships of both the long and short distance typologies.

If that wasn't a projection, I don't know what is. You have no idea whatsoever if most LDR are stressful "most of the time." To say that you do is untrue. Many regular relationships feel the stress of the rigors of med school. Hell, even regular relationships where one person isn't in med school feel the stress of everyday life. So what? Stress isn't something unique to LDR's. LDR's are tough, but that doesn't mean that the people in "feel they have no other option" as you propose. Some are too in love to let a temporary problem like living arrangements ruin it for them.

The more I debate the judgmental posters on this board, the more I'm leaning toward the other side. As with all things in life, med students think they know all and never hesitate to cast judgment on others.

 

[juliedi]

Going? Gone.

 

[surftheiop]

My girlfriend and I dated long distance for 4 years during college (granted we did see each other all summer and over Christmas) and we are getting married this summer before medschool starts.

It was tough, but in the grand scheme of things I think its going to make married life much easier, we are really good at talking now and the fact that we already did long distance will make the hectic hours of residency seem more manageable.

 

[poppy0]

Ok so i have no idea where this thread is headed- didn't read the last page... but to give my experience of a long distance relationship.

My boyfriend and i have been together for 5 years. We have been dating since the end of high school. We went to the same undergrad university and lived together briefly. Somehow we ended up going to medical schools far far away from each other, with no money for monthly "vists". We came home for Christmas, and we saw each other over Easter.
So far so good- our 1 year long distance relationship has survived! only a few more to go!

it was hard at times but we were both SOO busy we didn't even have time to talk on ichat. we would just sit there with it open (i think i read someone else mentioning this- its awesome to see other couples do this too!!! 😀).

Anyway- it is possible. i think the only reason a couple has to break up while in a long distance relationship is if one partner can't (excuse my language) keep it in their pants.

And this will end my posting for the night. i have been thread hoping like never before😛

 

[Frozen]

We did married LDR MS1. Got to move back in together after 1st year though. Still in love.

 

[deleted332297]

My girlfriend and I dated long distance for 4 years during college (granted we did see each other all summer and over Christmas) and we are getting married this summer before medschool starts.

It was tough, but in the grand scheme of things I think its going to make married life much easier, we are really good at talking now and the fact that we already did long distance will make the hectic hours of residency seem more manageable.

This is so true. My husband and I met just before we each moved to different states. We started our relationship long distance, but we were only apart for one year. Our communication skills improved dramatically in that time. We got engaged when he moved here, and married the following summer. I wouldn't want to go long distance again, but I think it actually gave us a very solid foundation.

I think the most important thing (aside from open communication) is to commit to a time when you will reunite, rather than an ambiguous "later". Having a light at the end of the tunnel makes it so much more doable.

 

[docelh]

Us homos can't be too picky when it comes to relationships. Sex is easy to come by, but decent guys are not.

that's funny dude.

 

[cbrons]

Well regardless of my own personal opinion, how many of you would say that most relationships don't last the first year of medical school? Even those of you saying that it can work...

 

[Gabby]

I'm glad so many people are coming out and sharing their stories of LDRs. Just proves that LDRs can work!

 

[MilkmanAl]

I'm glad so many people are coming out and sharing their stories of LDRs. Just proves that LDRs can work!

Quantum tunneling works, too.

how many of you would say that most relationships don't last the first year of medical school?

Hard to give you a number, but 2 engagements ended in the first 8 weeks. One marriage broke up during the first semester, and one guy quit to prevent his from breaking. It's hard to remember how many relationships ended, but I can think of 4 off the top of my head. There were also 3 couples that got and have remained together.

P.S.: Here's offering 2 LDR's that struggled mightily but didn't work out just to piss on the parade. 😛

 

[swedishfish]

here's how it is for my class:

we're at the end of M2: 2 breakups, 2 engagements ended this year (that was pretty sad, both were in relationships of 5+ years), a lot of people hooked up in M1 year and are currently dating now (i can think of at least 3 off the top of my head). for the good news: 1 wedding after M1 summer, three more people got engaged, and another person is getting married this summer.

soo it's possible. give it a try, life's worth living and even if you do break up, at least you can cherish what time you did have together. (but do break up if it starts to negatively affect you, and you will know if that happens).

as for me: i ended a four year relationship in august before M1 started (the ***** broke up with me b/c he was starting med school too, and it would have been long distance), but in hindsight i am SO glad we ended things. we were not compatible.

anyways, i met my current SO of over a year now at a coffee shop (haha, i was just minding my own business and studying..) and he is in grad school for history. it works out very nicely and it is not long distance. i don't know if it will last (realistically we both think no. we have discussed it because we both graduate the same year and will likely move to different parts of the country). but like i said, there are very few people you meet that you have a connection with, so while the possibility exists that it does not last forever, enjoy what you do have, and learn/grow from the relationship. To the OP, good luck!

 

[sindadel]

I think it's a great idea to do an LDR for the first year or so. If I were your girlfriend, there's no way I'd leave a job and a lease to be with you without a commitment at what will be a stressful transition in your life. This will give you freedom to focus on learning medicine, participating in friend activities etc. without always have to balance on a daily basis. You may find that you naturally grow apart and, after all, it is OK to break up with someone you are dating because you're no longer compatible. As far as relationships in our class which have ended, there's maybe a handful.

If you decide that the relationship is still working and that you'd rather be together, then I think it's more realistic to pursue her getting a job where you are and moving (regardless of the cost in breaking the lease - look into options such as sub-letting, tenants advisory boards, just plain up finding a new awesome tenant and pleading your case with the landlord) than to plan on infinite long-distance time, since she doesn't have a defined program holding her in place.

FWIW - I've done one year of LDR before I got married - we saw each other twice in 10 months. And for the first 18 months of med school, we've seen each other on weekends only, as I was only accepted to a school 3 hours away and we decided not to uproot our kids and family life. We've both had more time to pursue hobbies with spending time apart, and although it is tough, it's certainly not the hideousness many people have made it out to be. If it wasn't working, of course, we would have moved to be together, because we are married (and have kids), but if we had been dating, we might well just have broken up. It really is ok to break up if things aren't working.

 

[Regal Regan]

Hard to give you a number, but 2 engagements ended in the first 8 weeks. One marriage broke up during the first semester

I'd say those relationships had other problems besides med school.

I think it's a great idea to do an LDR for the first year or so. If I were your girlfriend, there's no way I'd leave a job and a lease to be with you without a commitment at what will be a stressful transition in your life.

Bingo. I sure wouldn't do it without a commitment and if any of my girlfriends considered it without a commitment, I'd think it was a mistake.

LDR worked for me. We did it for two years and we're getting married soon. Agree with the few posters who said it actually strengthened their relationship by strengthening their communication skills. Two years and we never once ran out of things to talk about (and this was after we'd already been together a year). Oh, and we also watched TV together.

 

[ar2388]

OP, i think it depends on the people. my boyfriend and i have been together for 6.5 years now but we are together bc we stayed in the same city. if i would have gone off to boston for college, we would have been done. if i would have not stayed in nyc for med school, we would have been done. I am just not the kind of person who can do a LDR... being far away from a loved one with teh stress of school and the potential stress of worrying whether the SO is cheating on oyu or going out drinking and partying all the time or stuff would have ogtten to me.

i have to say, what were you guys thinking? were you together before you applied to med school? if so, why did you apply to schools so far away and not think about the possibility of being on opposite ends of the country for 4 yrs? i have to agree with whoever said "poor planning." we knew we wanted to stay together so we applied to grad schools (diff schools, Md for me, PhD for him) in the same city bc we knew we wanted to stay together. and honestly, living with my bf during med school has been the best.granted, my grades would maybe be a tiny bit better if i were single bc i would have more time to study, but i am happy... (hopefully residency works out)

 

[UAAWolf]

My gf lives up North and I am going to med school down south. She doesn't plan on moving down south anytime soon, and I don't plan on hanging around the south following med school. With that being said, what does everyone usually do in these situations? I don't want her to basically just 'tag along' with wherever I am, and she doesn't either. Even after school with the chance of my internship and residency being in different spots, what do people usually do? She wants/needs to further her career and that just isn't possible if she picked up and moved 3 times over 5 years.

Just wondering on what to expect I guess...

Thoughts?

Dated a girls 3 yrs and broke up within first month of med school.

Gotta just....

You'll meet new girls

 

[UAAWolf]

Thanks for all the posts so far. I am 26 and so is she. I am not trying to defend at all, just providing more information!

We started off long distance for over a year while I was doing post-bacc, and we have lived together the past year working full-time in the same city, NYC. And breaking a lease in NYC is ~$10000+ at our apartment! Ive checked into it.

Anyways, I plan on doing some rotations up there during 3rd and 4th year for obvious reasons. I am not exactly sure how that works though.

I am not asking for advice on my relationship or whether it will last. I just want to know what other people do in similar situations.

I know you are in a different situation than me and stuff...but in my opinion you can't do as good in medical school with a girlfriend. You have less time....SOMETHING will take a hit- either you'll work out less, have less free time for fun, and most commonly less study time. Not to mention many girls will guilt trip you about studying all day and not paying attention to them (this was my demise).

I REALLY hope you have a special girl and that I'm wrong about all these stereotypes...because it is very hard. For me, I've found that if I want to be my best I have to be single til after step 1 (or later)

 

[boo5000]

Sure. Much like the ghost orchid. I know it exists because I've seen one in a texbook. I woudln't bank on long distance working out for four years especially with two people pursuing two separate careers.

Here's a cake. You may either have it and look at it all pretty, or you may eat it. Impossible to have both.

Because you mentioned it, I hiked into a Florida swamp and pollinated three ghost orchids. They are smaller than you think, but as beautiful as you can imagine! They only grow on the side of pond apples in the region I was in, but eye-level compared to the ones on pines.

They do exist! 😀👍

As to the argument here, I chose my medical school (Florida) to cater to my GF of 3 years, relinquishing my acceptance to Duke and Wake Forest for a much lesser-known school. She is important to me, and I think there must be compromise NO MATTER WHAT comes our way. I would take the harder road to make things work.

Long distance can work, but it should be a last resort and approached with eyes wide open, knowingt full well the challenges it brings.

Good luck to you OP!

 

[Ilovewater]

LDRs definitely work if both people are committed. I've been doing long-distance for 5+ years, and we're still going strong. The first 4 years, we were only a couple hours apart and saw each other once a month or so. Then, I moved 3000 miles away for med school, and we now see each other only once every 3 or 4 months. Like any relationship, you will just have to work to make it last.

 

[2012mdc]

Thanks for all the posts so far. I am 26 and so is she. I am not trying to defend at all, just providing more information!

We started off long distance for over a year while I was doing post-bacc, and we have lived together the past year working full-time in the same city, NYC. And breaking a lease in NYC is ~$10000+ at our apartment! Ive checked into it.

Anyways, I plan on doing some rotations up there during 3rd and 4th year for obvious reasons. I am not exactly sure how that works though.

I am not asking for advice on my relationship or whether it will last. I just want to know what other people do in similar situations.

If you see her as wife material you can make it work.

There were people who have had successful long-distance relationships in med school but they were always very serious - either engaged or planning to be engaged.

The ones who weren't on that level all fell apart.