What I learned yesterday...

[jace's mom]

Advertisement - Members don't see this ad

This is in no way earth-shattering knowledge, but it was a good lesson for me. I recently started volunteering at an ER, and so far it's been a very positive experience. The staff are really nice, and pretty much everyone (even docs) let me watch stuff, help out with things, etc. However, there is this one nurse (NOT the charge nurse, thank goodness) who is just...I don't know? Rude? Thinks volunteers are stupid wannabees? Who knows. She doesn't come right out and be hateful, but it's there all the same in her snide replies. She kind of reminds me of those girls in that clique in high school (remember from years and years ago?).

So last night I made two overtures in a last ditch effort - a brief "Hello" and a smile at the beginning of the night that was met with her usual "What are you doing here?" glare, and an offer to run an errand for her later on in the evening because she was too busy to get away. Success! She didn't take me up on it for a perfectly legitimate reason, but she actually smiled and seemed human!

So what did I learn?
1) I have enough sense in the other parts of my life to realize that people might be grumpy for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with me, so why do I have a hard time remembering that in the ER? People are still people there, too. Last night I made a vow to myself: I would try one last time to befriend this woman, and if it didn't work I was done. I've also noticed how much I seem to gloss over my desire to go to med school, or how I almost feel like I have to justify the decision. It's because I'm a nontrad, and I don't want my decision to hurt the people I care about. HOWEVER: I'm done. I want to go to med school. I've always wanted to go to med school. I'm going to med school someday, and it's time I stopped apologizing for it in mind, behavior, or attitude. I have something worthwhile to give, I deserve to be here as much as the next person, and I'm not going to let anyone else determine my self-worth for me. It was a liberating moment, I tell you!

2) Not to take away from #1, but I also learned that sometimes it is worth it to make one more try. That nurse, for whatever reason, seems to be having a hard time, and I was able to get through to her after many previous efforts. It made her smile, and it cost me nothing, so it was success. So I think I came away with the idea to continue trying to reach out, until I'm at the point where giving more would hurt me or damage my self-esteem.

Again, nothing earth-shattering. In fact, I already knew these things in other settings, but being so close to something that matters so much to me threw my reasoning a bit. I'm posting it here in case others have struggled with the same doubts.

 

[oldpro]

This is in no way earth-shattering knowledge, but it was a good lesson for me. I recently started volunteering at an ER, and so far it's been a very positive experience. The staff are really nice, and pretty much everyone (even docs) let me watch stuff, help out with things, etc. However, there is this one nurse (NOT the charge nurse, thank goodness) who is just...I don't know? Rude? Thinks volunteers are stupid wannabees? Who knows. She doesn't come right out and be hateful, but it's there all the same in her snide replies. She kind of reminds me of those girls in that clique in high school (remember from years and years ago?).

So last night I made two overtures in a last ditch effort - a brief "Hello" and a smile at the beginning of the night that was met with her usual "What are you doing here?" glare, and an offer to run an errand for her later on in the evening because she was too busy to get away. Success! She didn't take me up on it for a perfectly legitimate reason, but she actually smiled and seemed human!

So what did I learn?
1) I have enough sense in the other parts of my life to realize that people might be grumpy for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with me, so why do I have a hard time remembering that in the ER? People are still people there, too. Last night I made a vow to myself: I would try one last time to befriend this woman, and if it didn't work I was done. I've also noticed how much I seem to gloss over my desire to go to med school, or how I almost feel like I have to justify the decision. It's because I'm a nontrad, and I don't want my decision to hurt the people I care about. HOWEVER: I'm done. I want to go to med school. I've always wanted to go to med school. I'm going to med school someday, and it's time I stopped apologizing for it in mind, behavior, or attitude. I have something worthwhile to give, I deserve to be here as much as the next person, and I'm not going to let anyone else determine my self-worth for me. It was a liberating moment, I tell you!

2) Not to take away from #1, but I also learned that sometimes it is worth it to make one more try. That nurse, for whatever reason, seems to be having a hard time, and I was able to get through to her after many previous efforts. It made her smile, and it cost me nothing, so it was success. So I think I came away with the idea to continue trying to reach out, until I'm at the point where giving more would hurt me or damage my self-esteem.

Again, nothing earth-shattering. In fact, I already knew these things in other settings, but being so close to something that matters so much to me threw my reasoning a bit. I'm posting it here in case others have struggled with the same doubts.

Hi, I'm a nurse (18yrs) and can tell you, Nurses can be snotty at times not only to volunteers, but to everyone even other Nurses. I left to go into medicine not for the love of nursing but for the love of medicine and my Patients. Don't worry over it and you learned and handled it well, if you keep that up you learn the lesson of "I don't have to like you but we gotta get along" No don't kiss but yes do be civil and kind.

 

[NY Musicologist]

1) I have enough sense in the other parts of my life to realize that people might be grumpy for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with me, so why do I have a hard time remembering that in the ER? People are still people there, too. Last night I made a vow to myself: I would try one last time to befriend this woman, and if it didn't work I was done. I've also noticed how much I seem to gloss over my desire to go to med school, or how I almost feel like I have to justify the decision. It's because I'm a nontrad, and I don't want my decision to hurt the people I care about. HOWEVER: I'm done. I want to go to med school. I've always wanted to go to med school. I'm going to med school someday, and it's time I stopped apologizing for it in mind, behavior, or attitude. I have something worthwhile to give, I deserve to be here as much as the next person, and I'm not going to let anyone else determine my self-worth for me. It was a liberating moment, I tell you!

2) Not to take away from #1, but I also learned that sometimes it is worth it to make one more try.

Again, nothing earth-shattering. In fact, I already knew these things in other settings, but being so close to something that matters so much to me threw my reasoning a bit. I'm posting it here in case others have struggled with the same doubts.[/QUOTE]

Thanks for this post, Jace's mom! I've pretty much got the hang of your lesson #2, but I continually struggle with BOTH components of your #1. Glad to hear I'm not alone...and congrats to you on making these realizations. 🙂

 

[Law2Doc]

This is in no way earth-shattering knowledge, but it was a good lesson for me. I recently started volunteering at an ER, and so far it's been a very positive experience. The staff are really nice, and pretty much everyone (even docs) let me watch stuff, help out with things, etc. However, there is this one nurse (NOT the charge nurse, thank goodness) who is just...I don't know? Rude? Thinks volunteers are stupid wannabees? Who knows. She doesn't come right out and be hateful, but it's there all the same in her snide replies. She kind of reminds me of those girls in that clique in high school (remember from years and years ago?).

So last night I made two overtures in a last ditch effort - a brief "Hello" and a smile at the beginning of the night that was met with her usual "What are you doing here?" glare, and an offer to run an errand for her later on in the evening because she was too busy to get away. Success! She didn't take me up on it for a perfectly legitimate reason, but she actually smiled and seemed human!

So what did I learn?
1) I have enough sense in the other parts of my life to realize that people might be grumpy for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with me, so why do I have a hard time remembering that in the ER? People are still people there, too. Last night I made a vow to myself: I would try one last time to befriend this woman, and if it didn't work I was done. I've also noticed how much I seem to gloss over my desire to go to med school, or how I almost feel like I have to justify the decision. It's because I'm a nontrad, and I don't want my decision to hurt the people I care about. HOWEVER: I'm done. I want to go to med school. I've always wanted to go to med school. I'm going to med school someday, and it's time I stopped apologizing for it in mind, behavior, or attitude. I have something worthwhile to give, I deserve to be here as much as the next person, and I'm not going to let anyone else determine my self-worth for me. It was a liberating moment, I tell you!

2) Not to take away from #1, but I also learned that sometimes it is worth it to make one more try. That nurse, for whatever reason, seems to be having a hard time, and I was able to get through to her after many previous efforts. It made her smile, and it cost me nothing, so it was success. So I think I came away with the idea to continue trying to reach out, until I'm at the point where giving more would hurt me or damage my self-esteem.

Again, nothing earth-shattering. In fact, I already knew these things in other settings, but being so close to something that matters so much to me threw my reasoning a bit. I'm posting it here in case others have struggled with the same doubts.

For this reason it's not uncommon for savvy young doctors to periodically deposit snack food at the nurses' stations.

 

[oldpro]

For this reason it's not uncommon for savvy young doctors to periodically deposit snack food at the nurses' stations.

LOL thats how I gained the WIEGHT!!!!! PUSHING TG'S HUH? LOL

 

[OBRN2MD]

LOL thats how I gained the WIEGHT!!!!! PUSHING TG'S HUH? LOL

I can totally relate to this point too! We have one doc who brings donuts in to us every Saturday and then tells us we shouldn't be eating them. Another one (who is anorexic) brings in treats and then talks about how horrible it is to be fat. But we dooooo love our chocolate! And popcorn. etc etc etc

 

[FutureDocDO]

I've had the same experience with one older nurse in the ER where I used to volunteer. She would pretend to smile and be nice when patients give me compliments and try to compliment me as well. Pathetic. But she retired a month or so after I was there. Woohooo!!! Patience does pay off.

I agree with the poster that said nurses can be snotty. Don't get me wrong, there are extremely nice nurses. To those snotty nurses... and you wonder why fully capable doctors are mean to you?! It's called Karma.

 

[cfdavid]

Please take this post of mine as less of a response to the OP's post (a great, and valuable lesson), but rather as a separate life lesson to keep in mind.............

Some people are kind of narrow minded. Perhaps she didn't realize that volunteers could be useful/helpful until you offered her a "service" that impacted her busy day in a positive way.

Congrats on not jumping the gun and allowing her bad attitude (which MAY not change for the better in every situation) to impact your frame of positive thinking.

****Perhaps a separate lesson that I've learned throughout life is that while it's important to treat everyone with a general respect and friendly manner, it need not be a priority to make everyone like you. Some people just may never really like you. Sure, some that don't like you, or are unfriendly to you (for whatever reason), may turn around. In your situation, it did, because you were mature enough, and professional enough, to stay the course.

I advocate staying the course, but (and not that the OP suggested this in any way) I would counsel not always going out of the way to somehow make people try to like you. Some may not. Oh well. If you can get to this level, you'll find yourself so much more confident, and you won't waste your valuable energy on someone elses problem (unless it's our job as physician/patient to help them solve their problem).

That being said, staying open minded enough to realize when, in fact, we may have made a transgression of some sort is important. That way, we allow ourselves to perpetually self-improve. But, having the confidence to say to your self "that's their problem" is very liberating and, I believe, important.

I've also learned that some people just look like they're pissed all the time. Others just aren't that expressive. But, it's important not to over analyze that. It simply may be the way that person looks from the outside. And any attempts at trying to get them to change may be an exercise in futility. So, I would generally recommend not bothering.

As long as we're consistent and comfortable with ourselves (while being open to changing for the better) and our approach to people, whether someone actually "like us" is truly not always within our control. We may be able to impact it, or we may not be able to.

 

[Law2Doc]

I advocate staying the course, but (and not that the OP suggested this in any way) I would counsel not always going out of the way to somehow make people try to like you. Some may not.

I basically agree with you but bear in mind that as a young physician, the nurses have the power to make your life easier or much harder. Whether they decide they like you can be the difference of whether you get to sleep a few hours while on call or get woken up for every silly little thing. So always go that extra mile.

 

[cfdavid]

I basically agree with you but bear in mind that as a young physician, the nurses have the power to make your life easier or much harder. Whether they decide they like you can be the difference of whether you get to sleep a few hours while on call or get woken up for every silly little thing. So always go that extra mile.

Oh, yeah. I agree. In sales, I'd always make nice with the receptionists. They were often the gatekeepers to my clients and could help in many different ways.

I think I was speaking in more general terms, really.

 

[johnny pollen]

I haven't been here very long, but this thread is probably one of the most important ones I've read here. I mean, I can pay $1k to boost my MCAT; but no amount of money's going to teach me to not be a schmuck.

It's not just social lubricant, it's human decency. Thanks for breaking it down to that. I, personally, could use the reminder from time to time -- esp. lately.

 

[RxnMan]

This is in no way earth-shattering knowledge, but it was a good lesson for me. I recently started volunteering at an ER, and so far it's been a very positive experience. The staff are really nice, and pretty much everyone (even docs) let me watch stuff, help out with things, etc. However, there is this one nurse (NOT the charge nurse, thank goodness) who is just...I don't know? Rude? Thinks volunteers are stupid wannabees? Who knows. She doesn't come right out and be hateful, but it's there all the same in her snide replies. She kind of reminds me of those girls in that clique in high school (remember from years and years ago?).

So last night I made two overtures in a last ditch effort - a brief "Hello" and a smile at the beginning of the night that was met with her usual "What are you doing here?" glare, and an offer to run an errand for her later on in the evening because she was too busy to get away. Success! She didn't take me up on it for a perfectly legitimate reason, but she actually smiled and seemed human!

So what did I learn?
1) I have enough sense in the other parts of my life to realize that people might be grumpy for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with me, so why do I have a hard time remembering that in the ER? People are still people there, too. Last night I made a vow to myself: I would try one last time to befriend this woman, and if it didn't work I was done. I've also noticed how much I seem to gloss over my desire to go to med school, or how I almost feel like I have to justify the decision. It's because I'm a nontrad, and I don't want my decision to hurt the people I care about. HOWEVER: I'm done. I want to go to med school. I've always wanted to go to med school. I'm going to med school someday, and it's time I stopped apologizing for it in mind, behavior, or attitude. I have something worthwhile to give, I deserve to be here as much as the next person, and I'm not going to let anyone else determine my self-worth for me. It was a liberating moment, I tell you!

2) Not to take away from #1, but I also learned that sometimes it is worth it to make one more try. That nurse, for whatever reason, seems to be having a hard time, and I was able to get through to her after many previous efforts. It made her smile, and it cost me nothing, so it was success. So I think I came away with the idea to continue trying to reach out, until I'm at the point where giving more would hurt me or damage my self-esteem.

Again, nothing earth-shattering. In fact, I already knew these things in other settings, but being so close to something that matters so much to me threw my reasoning a bit. I'm posting it here in case others have struggled with the same doubts.

I spent a lot of time bouncing around in an ER and there are just some folks who hate volunteers. One particular attending was so domineering that the entire atmosphere of the place (including staff) would change the moment he came on. He had no patience for volunteers and would ban you the moment you made a mistake (no matter how small) on his watch.

It's good that this nurse isn't like that, but those people do exist, and the volunteer's (and student's and resident's) challenge is to learn how to abide these people while getting a good learning experience.

For this reason it's not uncommon for savvy young doctors to periodically deposit snack food at the nurses' stations.

The man who inspired me to go into medicine always gave the nurses donuts, pizza, whatever, during his residency, and he never had a problem with the nurses. Every little bit helps, and when you have to work with folks day in and day out, it helps to grease the wheels with a little extra effort. Bribery also helps. I plan to have something for the staff at the beginning and end of everyone of my clinicals.

 

[ekydrd]

I totally relate to the OP. I too volunteered in a local ER and had to deal with people who wondered why I was there. One person in particular who tended to be nasty with pretty much everyone was a pediactric surgeon. She tended to yell if her trauma tray wasn't set up just right, and she would test the aerodynamics of what ever object was close at hand whenever she was totally ticked off. And she rarely smiled. I made it a point to speak to her on any occasion I could... in the elevator, in the hall way, etc. I would smile and say hello, and inquire how she was that day. After a while she actually started saying hello to me first... and people marvelled at how nice she was to me. The old saying that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar is true.