What is your favorite Goljan story?

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DrThom

DrThom

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For those of us who have been utilizing the audio (however acquired), we know he has some CRAZY stories he likes to share...so what is your favorite story?

Mine is between the story when he and his pathologist friend were running a marathon and his friend stops to take a dump in some random persons yard or the story about how he likes to shake babies in order to stress them out and get them to make surfactant (The little dudes like it more than the little dudettes, BIG TIME)...

*Sigh* I should be studying...
 
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I like the part when he is talking about scuba diving and mentions that he has a rule "to never do any sport in which my life depends on a piece of equipment."

I never realized it, but I have the same rule.👍
 
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I like the one about him thinking he was alone in a Lab(or something like that) So he lets loose a huge fart only to realize that an attractive lady was in the room with him.
 
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With the farting in the lab story, I like the part where he brags on the strength and control of his anal sphincter. Esp. when he goes on about how he was getting a prostate exam and he clamped down on the guy's finger, who started screaming!!! I was rolling when I heard that😀
 
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I like the one that he was in med school, and one of his friends was describing a murmur with out using the stethoscope and he got so frustrated that he went to practice psiquiatry.

Disclaimer

I heard that story wile taking the train
 
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There are so many good stories, I don't know how you can pick just one!!

But I'm gonna go with a tie b/t the anal spincter story and the taking a dump in someone's yard story. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
 
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The one where he started an underground cult of medical students, fixated on his every word, sharing his gospel through secret recordings. So obsessed were these followers that they listened to his tapes while cooking, driving, exercising, and sleeping.

And then he got them all to pay $34.95 for his holy book.
 
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lord_jeebus said:
The one where he started an underground cult of medical students, fixated on his every word, sharing his gospel through secret recordings. So obsessed were these followers that they listened to his tapes while cooking, driving, exercising, and sleeping.

And then he got them all to pay $34.95 for his holy book.
Click to expand...

And for their eternal devotion, he bestowed unto them a STEP 1 score of the most hallowed proportion.

And it was good.
 
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DrThom said:
And for their eternal devotion, he bestowed unto them a STEP 1 score of the most hallowed proportion.

And it was good.
Click to expand...

Equally likely is that he comes out with a $600 e-stethoscope to clear yourself of your inner heart sound demons.

Then you pay $20000 for his ultra-secret Step II book where you find out that it is impossible to cure disease because an evil space lord built you from organs extracted from ancient long-dead aliens.

Then recruits you into a billion years of servitude on his luxury yacht, where he promises that you can take Step III but the opportunity never seems to come up.
 
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Hey, beastmaster,

What's with the "A-holier" than thou attitude, huh?
 
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how come in the audio lectures, his students always know the answers to his questions? someone always ends up answering his questions correctly while i'm scratching my head...
 
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goodies said:
how come in the audio lectures, his students always know the answers to his questions? someone always ends up answering his questions correctly while i'm scratching my head...
Click to expand...

They probably have the notes sitting right in front of them, because there are times where he says, "don't write this down it's all in my notes right there...", etc. (At least this is what I tell myself so I don't feel as ignorant.)
 
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goodies said:
how come in the audio lectures, his students always know the answers to his questions? someone always ends up answering his questions correctly while i'm scratching my head...
Click to expand...

...because getting a perfect score on the USMLE without studying one minute is easy if you could only tap into the shared wisdom of the med student collective to do so.

My favorite story is the one about where he jokes about seeing the cross in Malta when he was a paratrooper in the war...and then goes into the "life threatening sports" story.

The more I listen to him, the more I realize how lucky those guys at OSUCOM are.
 
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what about the rant about the candle up the "whazy whazy" story in order to have light going to their bedroom while still allowing them to be "hands-free"... (or something along those lines)
 
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Goljan got diagnosed with ALS and beat it

That's unbelievable

Papi means business
goljan-arm-wrestling.jpg
 
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I thought his theory on why the Cold War started was pretty funny. Damn Giardia!
 
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As Goljan realizes that he just spit in a students face during one of his manic episodes of explaining a heme mechanism:

"Don't worry..its sterile....(pause)....everything is sterile....I got a vasectomy"

Not my favorite story....but had me laughing out loud while on the treadmill today....people next to me def thought I was nuts...
 
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i guess i am the only one who thinks he's not funny. i guess it's because he laughs at his own jokes. no really good comedian does that until the audience catches hold of how funny he is. so he has bipolar, his wife has anorexia, he had ms, and what else? man, he's a mess. i hear he's sort of an ass to the kaplan students. whatever. his stuff's good whether you like him or not. ok never mind, his finger in the doctor's ass was hilarious, i must confess. though i tried not to laugh.
 
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domer621 said:
There must be something wrong with you. I mean, look at your signature. 😉
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nope, it's just being silly. some people take life far too seriously. goljan is hilarious. i was just being sarcastic. man, had he not been so funny, there would've been no way i could have listened to him in the car for the past however many years. med school is 8 years, right?
 
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godschosenone said:
i guess i am the only one who thinks he's not funny. i guess it's because he laughs at his own jokes. no really good comedian does that until the audience catches hold of how funny he is. so he has bipolar, his wife has anorexia, he had ms, and what else? man, he's a mess. i hear he's sort of an ass to the kaplan students. whatever. his stuff's good whether you like him or not. ok never mind, his finger in the doctor's ass was hilarious, i must confess. though i tried not to laugh.
Click to expand...

Actually, he had ALS (Had...as in not anymore)

You missed that his mother in law died on multiple myeloma and his secretary has myasthenia gravis
 
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You guys ready????

Some kid at the Dallas Kaplan retreat thought it would be funny to wear a T shirt he made at home that had Dr. Goljan's face on it. Like he found a pic of Dr. Goljan on the internet and then stuck his t shirt in the printer and voila, he made a Goljan shirt. None of us knew he had it on because it was hidden under a full sleeve shirt he was wearing. Then during one of the breaks the kid gets up out of the front row and takes the full sleeve shirt off and reveals his home made crappy Goljan shirt, with the ink still running down it, he raises his fists to the air and shouts "Ya!!!! Dr. Goljan, you are the man!!!" No one really knew what the hell was going on and the kid thought we would all be laughing but no one laughed... especially Dr. Goljan. He got yelled at in front of everyone and Dr. Goljan was ticked off for the whole rest of the retreat time. Then at the end, Dr. Goljan whooped his ass in an arm wrestling competition. The kid was all red (rubor) and sweaty (calor) while Dr. Goljan didn't even flinch!!!!
 
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Wings4Marie said:
You guys ready????

Some kid at the Dallas Kaplan retreat thought it would be funny to wear a T shirt he made at home that had Dr. Goljan's face on it. Like he found a pic of Dr. Goljan on the internet and then stuck his t shirt in the printer and voila, he made a Goljan shirt. None of us knew he had it on because it was hidden under a full sleeve shirt he was wearing. Then during one of the breaks the kid gets up out of the front row and takes the full sleeve shirt off and reveals his home made crappy Goljan shirt, with the ink still running down it, he raises his fists to the air and shouts "Ya!!!! Dr. Goljan, you are the man!!!" No one really knew what the hell was going on and the kid thought we would all be laughing but no one laughed... especially Dr. Goljan. He got yelled at in front of everyone and Dr. Goljan was ticked off for the whole rest of the retreat time. Then at the end, Dr. Goljan whooped his ass in an arm wrestling competition. The kid was all red (rubor) and sweaty (calor) while Dr. Goljan didn't even flinch!!!!
Click to expand...

How long did it take you to write that?
 
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Wings4Marie said:
You guys ready????

Some kid at the Dallas Kaplan retreat thought it would be funny to wear a T shirt he made at home that had Dr. Goljan's face on it. Like he found a pic of Dr. Goljan on the internet and then stuck his t shirt in the printer and voila, he made a Goljan shirt. None of us knew he had it on because it was hidden under a full sleeve shirt he was wearing. Then during one of the breaks the kid gets up out of the front row and takes the full sleeve shirt off and reveals his home made crappy Goljan shirt, with the ink still running down it, he raises his fists to the air and shouts "Ya!!!! Dr. Goljan, you are the man!!!" No one really knew what the hell was going on and the kid thought we would all be laughing but no one laughed... especially Dr. Goljan. He got yelled at in front of everyone and Dr. Goljan was ticked off for the whole rest of the retreat time. Then at the end, Dr. Goljan whooped his ass in an arm wrestling competition. The kid was all red (rubor) and sweaty (calor) while Dr. Goljan didn't even flinch!!!!
Click to expand...


Kaplan Step 1 liveprep: $3399

Homemade Goljan t-shirt: $12

Making an ass out of yourself in front of Goljan and then trying to salvage your dignity by challenging the 50-some year old professor to an arm wrestling competition and losing: PRICELESS (for everyone else)
 
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DrThom said:
Actually, he had ALS (Had...as in not anymore)

You missed that his mother in law died on multiple myeloma and his secretary has myasthenia gravis
Click to expand...
geez, i can't believe i got those things wrong. To all the Gojlians out there, I am truly sorry. One day I wish to become a disciple like you. Until then, I will just keep on listening and waiting and hoping...
 
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